A/N Dear readers, I am so terribly SORRY for the long wait. I just had so much to do with school and soccer and I just ran out of time really. Sorry! But here's the next chapter. It begins right where we left last time. I hope you'll enjoy it! Your thoughts are always welcome and appreciated.

Chapter 9

As soon as the door was closed, Mary thought about running after him. But she did not, even though a part of her wanted to. What else could she say to him? There was nothing else, except… No, there was simply nothing else. Instead, she sat on the bed for a long moment before going back to her own room where she laid awake for what seemed like an eternity.

She couldn't stop thinking. Her grandmother had helped Matthew. In all honesty this fact surprised her a lot. What was she thinking? What was her intention behind all of this? She now knew that he had some money, but he still wasn't from their world. And what did they expect? Did they really think that she would just say yes and run away with him? It all seemed so ludicrous. She couldn't simply leave everything behind… could she?

But he said that he loved her. She surely did not dream it. He said it, she felt it, or she thought she did. And they kissed. But how was she supposed to know what love felt like? How do you know if you are in love with someone? Nobody ever talked about such things. Her kind of people was not supposed to marry for love. She surely never thought she would. But then she met him, Matthew, and could it be love that she felt for him?

It couldn't be… It certainly shouldn't be.

Sleep finally came, preventing any further analysis of the situation. Ironically, her sleep was dreamless that night.

It was Anna who woke her up the next morning and it took Mary a few moments to fully remember what had happened only a few hours ago.

Matthew.

"I'm terribly sorry to wake you up milady, but the Dowager Countess would like to talk to you." Said Anna softly, placing a tea tray on the bedside table.

"Can you tell her I'll be down in about half an hour?" She definitely needed some time before talking to her granny.

"I'm afraid not milady. She's waiting on the other side of the door." Replied Anna trying to busy herself around the room.

Right on cue, the door opened and Violet peeked in. "Oh, you're awake, I need to talk to you." Her tone was firm. Mary noticed it instantly.

"Do you need something else milady?" Asked Anna before leaving the two women alone.

"No, thank you. We'll be perfectly fine." Replied Mary without looking at her grandmother.

Once the door was closed behind the maid, Violet came closer the Mary's bed and took the liberty to sat at its edge. She had an important job to do after all.

"Did you think it through before you gave your answer Mary?" Asked Violet without preamble.

Mary finally looked at her granny; there was no way out of this conversation now, and Matthew and her obviously talked this morning. There was no point in trying to change the subject really. "There was nothing to think about. Did you expect me to leave everything behind and run away with him?" She replied sharply.

"Don't be so dramatic dear. That was not the point, of course you wouldn't run away." Honestly, it had never been the plan.

"What was the point then?" Asked Mary losing her patience. She didn't have enough time to come back on the events of the previous night and now her granny was confronting her about them. There were still so many things that she wasn't ready to admit.

"Mary, I just wanted to show you that you had other options. And I think that Mr Hartley is a possible one, a good one even. But you would never have considered such a thing, and it is partly my fault, and your parents…"

Mary tried to say something but Violet held her hand to indicate that she wasn't finished. "I honestly wish that Downton could be yours, and trust me I tried to change things and I'm sorry to say that I failed. I would like to see Downton in good and safe hands, just like you do my dear. But it is not the only thing that matters. Do you think that James will let you manage, even partially some of the Estate when the time comes?" She paused for a short moment, letting everything sink in."Because if not, we both know he's not the most charitable man in London and I'm afraid his… reputation, is already preceding him." This was a hard subject to discuss, but it needed to be said.

Mary had thought about this for a long time when she first accepted James. Of course she had, but if there was only a small chance that she could help with the future of Downton, her home, she was willing to try it. Or so she thought. She couldn't let this man ruin all her family's work. But there was always the shadow of his reputation, of what he was doing, of the affect it would have, or did it already affected her own reputation? In any case, she needed to go through with it. It was her duty. If only she had been born a boy. "If I don't try, then we'll never know, will we?"

"Probably not. Things would certainly be very different." Conceded Violet. "I don't want to push you my dear. Like I said, I just wanted to show you that there are always other options that you could consider." Safer ones, she wanted to add.

"But you think I should marry Mr Hartley don't you?" Asked Mary somehow more hesitant now. But she wanted to know the bottom of her grandmother's thoughts. Her granny had always been the person she looked up to. They were similar in many ways, and her opinion counted more then she cared to admit.

"I am not much of a romantic. But I want what's best for you." Started Violet while taking her granddaughter's hand in hers. "Mr Hartley is in love with you. He could give you a good and respectable life. A safe life with a good reputation. But of course, the choice is yours, for once."

The choice.

She never had a choice. She almost wanted to laugh just thinking about it. Was there really a choice to make? If only she could understand her own feelings! Things would be so much simpler. Did feelings even matter in the end? They certainly never used to. But then again, even her granny told her that he was in love with her.

"I see." Mary finally whispered. "But I won't change my mind." Even though she wasn't so convinced anymore that she made the right choice.

Nodding, Violet got up from the bed and walked to the door. She knew that pushing her too hard wouldn't be for the best. Before she could open it, Mary who still sat pensively on the bed interrupted her.

"Is he still here?" She was somewhat worried that he might have already left the house without another word. Though she would understand if he were to never talk to her again after last night.

"Yes, I believe he is downstairs with your father. We were unable to leave earlier with that snow still on the ground, but it's raining now, so it shouldn't be long before the cars are ready to take us." Replied Violet simply before closing the door behind her.

As soon as her grandmother left the room, Mary rang the bell for Anna. She needed to get ready, which she did rapidly.

Minutes later she was walking down the stairs, a part of her hoping that Matthew was still in the house, and another part fearing that he actually was. It didn't take long before she heard some voices coming from her father's library.

"Are you sure about this my boy?" She could distinctly hear her father asking as she got closer.

"Quite sure Lord Grantham, though I appreciate your concern, I already made my decision." It was Matthew's voice now coming through the door.

"And where are you thinking of going, if you don't mind me asking."

"No, not at all. I'll visit Manchester for a few days and then I'll leave for France, after that I don't know, Italy perhaps."

"Well then, in that case, I wish you the best Matthew. If you ever feel like coming back to Yorkshire you know where to find me."

Mary did not hear that last part, her mind was still focused on Matthews' words. He was leaving. For France. And then God knows where.

He was going away.

Before she had the time to realise what was happening, the door opened and she found herself face to face with Matthew. He looked at her for a moment, undoubtedly surprised to see her there after what happened the night before.

"Mary" He finally breathed out.

"You're going." She stated. It was the only thing her mind seemed able to formulate in that moment. He was going away. She moved a little further down the hall so her father wouldn't hear their conversation.

"I am." Matthew replied simply, following after her.

"Would you have stayed, if I had accepted you?" Her voice almost broke.

"Of course I would have Mary. But I can't stay now. I just can't."

She nodded, she understood. Perhaps it would be better that way. "So this is goodbye?" She finally said flatly trying to keep her emotions at bay.

"It is." He paused for a brief moment, taking her in. "But Mary, please know that I'll always wish the best for you."

She nodded slowly. She knew he meant it. "Please be safe, wherever you go."

He nodded, this was it. "Of course. Goodbye Mary."

Matthew took a last look towards Downton as the car was slowly making it's way down the long gravel path, driving him further away from her, always further.

He wished things had gone differently. But he could also understand to situation she was in. He asked her to leave everything, the life she knows and loves. She will be a terribly good Countess when the time comes, Matthew thought . He had no doubt about it. If only she didn't have to marry such a man to get what was rightfully hers. Things might have been so different then… If only he had the certainty that he would keep her safe.

Maybe they'll meet again one day, who knows. He wasn't mad at her for saying no. Disappointed surely, but he meant it when he told her that he wished the best for her. If in the end she was happy, then everything would be all right.

He was gone before she knew it. A light kiss on the cheek and he was gone. Her fingers brushed instinctively where his lips had made contact with her skin only moments, or was it hours ago now? She couldn't tell.

She was only sure about one thing. Matthew was gone. She ruined everything. This realization hit her like a train. She ruined everything and now he was gone. For some reason the thought that he would leave England again never really crossed her mind. But he was leaving and there was nothing else to do. He had to, after all, his presence would only have made everything more difficult for the both of them.