Roy was used to being just a little narcissistic. He had an overinflated ego and didn't see that as a problem, and was usually perfectly comfortable saying that he loved himself.

So this new found doubt, this guilt that ate away at him and berated him, was something new. The last time Roy had felt this way was in Ishbal.

Of course, what he had done to Edward wasn't as bad as the genocide in the east…but the feelings were the same.

Roy couldn't get the boy's face out of his mind—faces, actually. First, Ed would pop into his head, eyes half-lidded, mouth open and panting, hair sweaty and strewn across his face…and then he would morph, eyes growing angry, betrayal written in the downward curve of his mouth. It was driving Roy insane, this guilt for what he had done, and the added fact that he had genuinely enjoyed his time with Edward didn't help. It seemed the attachment only made everything worse.

At this point, Roy was desperate. He wanted, needed to apologize, as much for his own peace as for Ed's. He really didn't want the blonde to hate him. But Edward hadn't come into work for the past three days; Roy couldn't simply call the younger alchemist into his office and talk to him.

Which was why he found himself poised to knock at the Elric brothers' door in the military dorms.

However, actually doing so was proving more difficult that he had imagined. Roy truly hadn't meant to hurt Ed, but how was he supposed to convince the blonde of that? He had to admit it, in hindsight, he had acted like a dick.

Well, five minutes of waiting hadn't given him an answer. He would just have to wing it. Roy knocked.

"Who is it?" Edward's muffled voice called from within. He sounded almost cautious, as though he knew Roy would come looking for him.

"It's me," he answered, leaning in towards the door. Ed would recognize his voice, especially if he was expecting him as Roy thought.

There was a pause. Then a short, "Fuck off!" Then the noise of mismatched feet walking not towards the door, but away from it.

Roy groaned. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't just barge into the dorm—well, actually, he could, but it probably wouldn't gain him any points with the boy he was attempting to reconcile with.

He was about to kick in the door anyway, when it swung open to reveal Alphonse, his armor creaking. "Colonel? What…was that about?"

Roy blurted out the words that came to mind unthinkingly. "He hasn't told you?"

Now Al was cautious. "No…told me what?"

Roy ran a hand through his hair, sighing. He really didn't want to face Alphonse's wrath when he told him what he had done to Edward, but on the other hand, Al might be able to help him make up with the boy. "I, um…I messed up."

Alphonse snorted. "I got that when Brother told you to 'fuck off.' What did you do?"

Oh, Roy so did not want to do this. "I…I kinda made a bet with Havoc and Breda. A bet that I would have sex with another guy…"

Immediately, Al seemed to get where he was going with this. "Colonel! Please tell me you didn't!"

Roy turned away, unable to look Alphonse in the "eye." "I did. And Edward found out…"

Al was silent for a long time. "Well, you definitely deserve being told off. Did he hit you?" Roy nodded. "Good. You know, this explains why Brother's been sulking and why he's refused to go into work…" the suit of armor sighed. "You two should talk." He stepped aside, letting Roy walk into the dorm.

"Thank you," Roy said earnestly, making his way to one of the chairs in the small room. It had been so long since he lived in the dorms that he had almost forgotten how they looked. Ed and Al had furnished theirs with only a single bed, as Alphonse didn't need to sleep, and the rest of the space was taken up by a large-ish table with two chairs, along with a small fridge.

"I'll get Brother," Alphonse said shortly. "He's hiding in the bathroom."

That's right, Roy had been wondering where the boy had gotten to—there was a miniscule bathroom in a door off to the side of the main room, right next to the closet.

Al hadn't even opened the door before Edward spoke. "No, I'm not coming out, I don't want to see that bastard."

"Brother…"

"No!" Edward insisted. "He's a dick!"

"Edward, please," Roy urged. "I'm sorry."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth that Edward burst out of the bathroom, clapping his hands and transmuting a spear out of the wall. "Hell no!" he hissed, pointing the weapon threateningly at Roy. "You really think 'I'm sorry' is going to make me forgive you? You fucked me for a bet!" Ed's chest was heaving, his face twitching. Infuriated as the blonde was acting, Roy thought he looked as though he wanted desperately to cry.

"Edward, let me finish. It's been a long time since I've regretted something this much. I honestly wasn't thinking—when I made the bet, I didn't know it was going to be you, that just kind of…happened."

"Yeah," the boy scoffed, clenching his trembling fingers tighter around the spear. "Oh look, it's Edward Elric, how about I see how hard it is to get him in my bed tonight? I get it, alright, I'm just your fucking plaything. You only did it to see if you could, jackass, I know!"

"But I feel…awful," Roy admitted. "I never was aiming to hurt you—I never wanted you to find out, actually—"

"Fucking perfect!" Edward threw his weapon, impaling the chair an inch from Roy's ear. "That makes it all better. What makes you think that leaving me, alone in your house after that hurts any less that it being for a bet? What makes you think that hearing the words, 'Oh, it was just a one night thing, I'm done with you' and being thrown on the ground like garbage would have ben any better?"

Alphonse tried to tuck himself further into the corner he was occupying, not knowing what to say or how to react to what was happening.

Roy debated for a moment. He really didn't want to say this in front of Al, but he wanted Ed to know… "Listen, I don't mean that either. I…I actually really enjoyed the experience, and I'd be more than happy to do it again—"

The blonde actually snarled, tackling Roy to the ground. "I—am not—your fucking—sex toy!" He punctuated every other word with a punch, to Roy's face, his chest, his stomach…

Roy managed to push the boy off thanks to his size, wincing as the blows were dealt. Okay, yes, even he felt like he deserved them, but damn that automail fist hurt!

As Roy picked himself (and his toppled chair) up off the floor, Alphonse moved forward, restraining his brother. Ed glared at Roy and continued to yell. "You can't just fuck with me whenever you want! I'm not some slave for you to use, I'm a fucking person!"

"Edward—"

"Get out!" The words started as a shout, but morphed into a wail. The blonde was shaking in the armor arms that held him, face contorted. It was painful to see.

Roy felt his heart clench as he turned around, bent slightly from the ache in his stomach. He could feel his cheek swelling—he was going to be bruised tomorrow.

He opened the door, half turning back, meeting Edward's eyes, narrowed and wet with tears of anger and pain.

"I'm sorry," Roy whispered as he left.

How had he managed to fuck things up so royally, leave Edward more upset than before, when all he had wanted to do was apologize?