Quandary - Chapter 4
Sigyn's parents had asked to meet Loki the day after she told them about the pregnancy. She reluctantly agreed, knowing it would not be pleasant. She brought Loki to her home for lunch, thinking maybe it would be less painful if everyone was eating. Her parents had told her siblings when she had left to the palace the night before, but she wished they hadn't; now their impression of Loki would be altered. They were at school, or just out in Jamie's case, so they couldn't meet Loki yet, but Sigyn desperately hoped that whatever her parents had told them didn't make them see Loki in a different light.
"Prince Loki," her father started. Sigyn prepared herself for the worst.
Loki looked at her father from across the table. She took his hand from under the table and squeezed, hoping to reassure him.
"I understand that you plan to be a part of the child's life, yes?"
"Yes, of course," Loki stated obviously.
Her father nodded. He went back to his food, but Sigyn could see he was far from finished.
Her mother cleared her throat. "So, you two are... Together now?"
Sigyn cringed inwardly. Why would her mother say something like that? It was obvious. She had told her they were. Loki squeezed her hand this time, noticing her discomfort.
"Yes, mother," Sigyn replied.
"And how is that?" her mother asked, before taking a small, polite sip of her potato soup.
"Wonderful," Loki said. Sigyn could tell he was trying to prove something.
"It is," Sigyn agreed.
"That's good," her father said. "You're going to need each other more than ever, now."
Neither Loki nor Sigyn had a reply for that. Their near future was daunting, and Sigyn didn't like to ponder on it. As excited as she was, she had her moments...
How could she be a mother? How could she give birth or raise a child? What if Odin and Frigga hated her? What if her parents would no longer have her in their home? How could she or Loki cope with the hate from the citizens of Asgard, how could they protect their child from it? Sigyn began to panic. She took deep breaths to calm herself down. She couldn't very well have a panic attack while she was trying so hard to convince her family that she was strong.
Her father spoke again. "If you don't mind my asking... How exactly did this happen?"
Loki furrowed his eyebrows. "Isn't it obvious?"
"I don't mean that," her father said quickly. "We didn't know that you two were involved with such things together. We didn't even know you two were still friends."
"Well," Sigyn started. "We saw each other in the market. We hadn't seen each other for so long... It was nice to finally catch up." She saw Loki's mouth curl slightly, remembering it fondly.
Her parents seemed to be waiting for her to continue, but she had nothing else to say. She didn't need to tell them everything, and she certainly didn't want to. She could already feel her cheeks turning red, and if they ask her anything about that night, she swore she would burst.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" her mother asked, almost derogatively.
"No," Loki said flatly, his face changing from indifferent to irritable. "And we can't be expected to be. Sigyn is barely a month along, we can't be judged on our parenting skills as of yet."
They ate the rest of their meal in silence.
~One Month Later~
Loki pulled his thick cloak tighter around him as he pushed through the harsh wind. The snow had been falling for days, without pause, and he hadn't even been able to leave the palace. They kept guards at every entrance to ensure the safety of those inside, and they didn't allow anyone to leave. On the fourth day of snow, however, he couldn't stand it any longer. He had crept around the guards to make it outside, and then made his way through the empty streets. The wind was violent, but the cold could have been worse. He didn't see why everyone was so fearful of the temperature; it had been much worse during past winters.
The sky started bucketing snow again. It coated him entirely, soaking his cloak and even making its way through the thick fabric at some parts. Still, it could have been colder. He kept on his trek.
When he finally made it to the village, he fastened his pace, eager to get to Sigyn's house. He had seen her the previous week, but since then she had been to a physician about the pregnancy. It was a routine checkup, she had said, since she had begun her second month. He had wanted to go with her more than anything, but if he didn't attend the feast that was scheduled for that night, he would have probably been flogged. And when he said he didn't care and wanted to go with her anyway, she didn't agree. She didn't want him to get in trouble.
When he reached her house, he stopped and stared at the front door. He noticed that the living room window was lit with candlelight, telling that her parents were home. He had been able to visit her for weeks now, planning it so that he would not have to speak with her parents, and he had no reason to speak to them now. He strode to the side of the small home to Sigyn's window. He knew going to a girl's bedroom window to enter her home was a very immature thing to do, but he couldn't have cared less. Her parents didn't want to see him, and he didn't want to see her parents. Simple.
Loki knocked on the window lightly and hoped to the gods that she was the one to see him. Fortunately, it was Sigyn who pulled the curtains back and smiled warmly. She quickly opened the window and ushered him inside.
"My gods, you must be frozen!" she exclaimed, wiping snow off of him.
"I'm not, actually," Loki mused.
He took his cloak off while she shut the window. She turned to him, smiling once again. Before he even had the chance to smile back, her arms were around his neck in a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around her, enjoying the feeling of her small stature in his arms. Her feet dangled off of the ground. After a moment, Loki reluctantly loosened his grip.
"Sigyn," he said softly, pulling her away from him and placing her back on the ground.
She looked up at him with those big, sparkling blue eyes and had to restrain himself from getting off topic. He cleared his throat.
"I came to see how things went with the physician," Loki said eagerly.
"Oh," Sigyn said, equally excited. "It went really well. He said everything is completely normal. The baby is healthy."
Loki smiled, relieved. He didn't know why he had been so worried.
"Did he say when we would know the gender?" Loki asked.
Sigyn nodded. "About 20 weeks."
Loki nodded. The thought of the gender of the child, the reminder that it was real, made him think about the situation more thoroughly than he had before. It was a real, living thing, inside of Sigyn right in front of him. It would have a heart, lungs, a brain, it would cry, it would learn to walk and talk, to love and hate...
He wasn't sure if he could do it. No, he definitely couldn't do it. It was too much responsibility, too many people relying on him. He would be a terrible father like his own before him.
"Loki," Sigyn said worriedly. "Are you well?"
Loki dragged his eyes away from the floor and rested his gaze on her frightened face. "Yes, I am."
Sigyn's eyebrows knitted together. He could see that she saw right through him. She was the only one who was ever able to do that, because he let his guard down around her.
"No you're not," she empathized.
Loki closed his eyes and sat on her bed. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. It was supposed to go smoothly, he was supposed to be strong, he wasn't supposed to doubt himself... But yet, isn't that what everyone said was going to happen? That he would give up? That everything would fall apart?
He felt Sigyn sit beside him and wrap her arm around him, resting her head on his shoulder.
"It will be alright," she said comfortingly.
It felt opposite to Loki. Wasn't she the one who was supposed to be freaking out? She had a child growing inside of her, one that was conceived out of wedlock, one that was unloved by almost everyone except them. Wasn't he supposed to be comforting her?
After a moment, Sigyn tried to change the subject. "Has your father said anything else?"
Loki wished she would have kept Odin out of the conversation. She wouldn't like what he told her. He took a deep breath. "Yes. He said he didn't want to meet you and that he wanted me to have nothing to do with you."
Sigyn nearly gasped and lifted her head in surprise. "What?"
"You must have known he isn't the kindest father in Asgard." His voice was dripping with bitterness towards his father. He stood from the bed and began to pace.
"Why would he want that?" Sigyn said, sounding shocked and slightly offended.
"Because it makes him look bad," Loki explained. "His son is with a peasant and now she's pregnant. He isn't pleased."
Sigyn stared at the floor and rubbed her neck. He could tell she was thinking the same thing as he was: why couldn't everyone just leave them alone? But Loki knew why. He was prince, and this was "below" him.
The minutes passed by slowly as Sigyn thought about what Odin had said and Loki thought of ways to convince his father to agree to their relationship. They would be together anyway, but marriage was out of the question if the Allfather did not approve. And somewhere in him, Loki hoped that they could take that step and get married, even if they were taking all the steps in the wrong order.
Maybe Thor could help, Loki thought. After all, his brother had been constantly adamant about helping them, ignoring even their father's orders to stop condoning the relationship. But no, however thankful he was of his brother's efforts, Loki wanted to do this himself. He wanted to prove to Sigyn—even though she probably didn't need him to prove anything—that he could make things right.
Finally, Loki thought of something that might change his father's mind about Sigyn and the baby. It was extreme, but it could work. With hard work and undoubtedly a lot of help from Odin's favorite son, it could be the answer. Without thinking it through like he normally would, he turned to Sigyn.
"Come live with me," he offered. He felt that unfamiliar feeling of hope resting in him, as it had so few times before.
Sigyn's eyes grew wide as she stared at him. "I—"
"I know, it's probably not what you were thinking," Loki said, taking her hands and pulling her into a standing position. He kept holding her hands, intertwining their fingers. "But if my father sees how happy we are, and if Thor can help convince him, he will stop thinking of you and the baby as a mistake. And if he would approve, things would be easier."
Loki felt guilt settle in his gut. He knew he hadn't asked solely for her benefit—although he would have loved her to come and live in the palace—he had asked, in the most part, for himself. If Odin approved of their relationship, it would bring him ease.
Sigyn opened her mouth, but didn't say anything. She stared at their intertwined hands.
"It's alright to say no," Loki assured her.
Sigyn finally looked up at him. "My parents would be so upset..."
"I know. But Sigyn, all they're going to do is make things hard for you. And you don't need any more stress. Not with the baby," he argued, feeling worry replace the guilt in his gut.
Loki realized then that he wasn't doing it for him; he was genuinely worried about Sigyn being alone. Alone with no one to support her, and no one to understand what she was going through. Maybe that's how it was now, maybe he was actually putting someone else before him.
Sigyn swallowed thickly. "I thought your father didn't want to meet me, and didn't want you to see me anymore."
Loki felt pained at the way she sounded so sad. He knew she wanted everything to go perfectly, like a fairytale. But he knew it was no fairytale. "He can get over it. Even if he doesn't like it, it doesn't matter. I just want you to be happy."
And he did. He wanted her to be happy, to be content and stress free, because she deserved it. Neither he nor her had done anything wrong morally. They loved each other. They deserved nothing but for people to let them be happy.
Sigyn looked back at their hands, but Loki saw the sparkle in her eyes that told him she wanted to say yes.
"Yes, I will," Sigyn said, smiling now.
Loki returned the smile. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and she placed her arms around his waist.
He rested his mouth on the top of her head. This is what things are supposed to be like, Loki thought. This is where I am happy.
~The Next Day~
The wooden dummy buckled when the sword struck its side, threatening to fall over again. This didn't stop him, however; it merely made him hit it harder, harder, harder, until it actually did fall over. It took him a moment to realize there was nothing else to hit. He panted and twirled his sword by his side, contemplating practicing more. He concluded that he didn't have the want or strength to do so.
"Finished, Prince Thor?" a guard asked. When Thor nodded, the guard took his sword, bowed, and exited the room.
After he changed out of the sweaty training robes, he left the training arena and entered the busy street outside. Lit by lampposts lined up on the curbs of the walkway, the street buzzed with life; people walked and laughed the way to their destinations, children ran about and squealed with joy, and everyone seemed to be stopping and having snowball fights. The previous night had shown the final snowflake fall, and now even though the ground was covered in the soft white substance, no new snow fell.
It didn't take him long to get back to the palace. He had left after lunch to train, and he hadn't returned for supper. Loki had been at neither breakfast nor lunch, and Thor began to truly worry, now that he didn't find his brother in his room, even after supper was long over.
Thor looked all over the main parts of the palace before finally coming across an old library that was lit with dim candlelight. When he entered the room, he felt the collected breath leave him when he saw his younger sibling sitting on one of the sitting chairs by the only lit candle, reading a book.
Before Thor even made a sound, Loki spoke. "Thor," he greeted.
Thor walked into the room fully then. "Brother," Thor said, ignoring his brother's ability to know when someone entered the room without looking. "Where have you been?"
Loki looked at Thor, confused. "I've been here for at least an hour."
Thor nodded, not satisfied. "What about breakfast and lunch?"
Loki did not answer. Thor sighed and sat on the couch across from his little brother. "Loki, honestly. I've been worried."
Loki seemed unconvinced, but shut his book and set it aside, defeated. "I was with Sigyn."
"Now, was that so hard?" Thor teased, leaning back and folding his arms. "All day, though?"
"Yes, Thor. All day, and all night. Is that what you wanted, you oaf?" Loki said wearily.
Thor opted to ignore the insult. "All night? Isn't that what started this whole thing in the first place?" Thor joked, smiling and trying to lighten the mood. Loki didn't seem amused.
"She was lonely. I slept on blankets on the floor," Loki replied flatly.
Thor nodded, smile gone, dejected at his failed attempt at making Loki laugh. "That's fair."
Loki fidgeted for a moment before leaning forward, closer to Thor, as if he didn't want anyone else to hear them. But when he spoke, he did not do so quietly, like Thor had expected.
"I invited her to live here, in the palace."
It took a moment for Thor to register what he had been told. Sigyn, living here? Thor didn't see it coming. It all seemed rather romantic, but Thor wasn't sure it would work out...
"Loki... I don't believe father will be pleased with this, let alone allow it. It is a very pleasant thought, I agree, but I'm not sure he will take to it. Peasant aren't usually even allowed on the grounds."
"Will you tell him, then?" Loki pleaded. "Don't ask him, because than he'll think he still has control. But if you tell him she's going to live here, which she is, he might think about not making it difficult for us. But it has to be you, Thor."
Thor unfolded his arms and leaned forward, mirroring Loki's movements. "Are you sure about this? The idea of an unwed couple living together will create quite the buzz, and on top of the pregnancy—"
"Yes, yes," Loki said impatiently. "People will say horrible things, I know. We all know. But that doesn't matter at this point. We're going to end up living together one way or another when the baby comes, so why not just start now? This way, she doesn't have to suffer through each day listening to her parents tell her what a mistake she's made and how much she'll regret it. She can be happy like she deserves."
Thor felt a small, sympathetic smile form on his lips. Loki ran both of his hands through his hair and kept them there, leaning his elbows on his knees. It must be hell, Thor thought, to go through so much in just two months.
He made his decision without a second thought. "Of course I'll tell him."
Loki lifted his head from his hands and gave Thor a tired smile. "Thank you, brother."
"Anytime."
But how many times he would have to tell his father such a thing, Thor did not know. But he hoped that for everyone's sake it was just this once, because Thor could tell that despite them believing it was for their benefit, this would be a horrible bump on the road to their happiness.
A/N: Thank you for reading! And thank you for all the reviews, I really appreciate them all. I loved this chapter, but I'm not sure why... I guess I just like the drama.
And by all means, keep the reviews flowing!