A:N
Hey guys, well, there's a bit of innuendo in this chapter, but when is there not? Also, there is quite a lot of swearing, but, yet again, when is there not?
And, before anyone asks... No. Talon does not enjoy wearing the tunic Isabela gave her. At all.
Disclaimer: Bioware owns basically everything. Except Talendrien and Narcisa. *Gathers up protectively* They are mine.

Sissy lifted her head and turned in the direction Isabela was yelling from. She had just been outfitted with a simple pair of trousers and a tunic from Merrill, she would find some actual armour later but right now she was more concerned with figuring out what the hell was going on. She thanked Merrill for the clothes and headed in the direction of the yelling coming from up the stairs, the voice bellowing vaguely recognisable as Fenris', and knowing Isabela, this was going to be amazing.

She tended to be like that.

Narcisa had just rounded the corner when she witnessed something strange; Fenris was standing in the open door of Isabela's room and was shouting profanities. He had never done that… At least, not in the game.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ISABELA!? HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE A TOTAL BITCH YOU KNOW THAT?! I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR MIND, BUT THIS…"

The elf's markings, made of a special magical substance named lyrium, were starting to glow. That was an indication he was angry…

Curious to see what was going on, she sidestepped around to see what, exactly, Isabela had done to cause Fenris to swear like a sailor and turn beetroot red.

And then she started laughing, hysterically at that.

"Oh my god," Sissy wheezed "What the fuck are you doing Talon?"

Said girl had her arms pinned up by the tunic she was struggling to pull on, and was wearing nothing else but her underwear and boots, and the strange wiggly thing she was doing helped the hilarity further.

"Shut the fuck up Potter and help me you bitch."

Talon was pissed off. That asshole Isabela, brilliant as she may be, had called Fenris up to help her dress, and her best friend was standing in the hallway laughing at her, and the male elf was still standing in the doorway, gaping.

"Fenris," she started, the very image of calm.

"Yes?"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU PERVY BASTARD OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL CASTRATE YOU!"

Fenris backed out and practically ran down the hall muttering something about her being "Less stable than the Abomination". Narcisa assumed he was talking about Anders, as it was commonly known the two were at each other's throats.

Sissy was still laughing, all the while Talon was glowering at her.

"Dayum Talon, you fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine gurl!" Sissy chortled, waggling her eyebrows at the other girl.

"Damn straight bitch. Now shut the fuck up and help me out of this thing!"

"Ooooooooh, if you wanted me to undress you, you should have asked earlier," the blue-eyed elf stated, her voice overflowing with suggestiveness.

Talon glared at her, eyes blazing orange, and Sissy finally shut her trap and helped her out of the offending piece of clothing.

"Seriously?" Sissy asked, raising an eyebrow, "This is what you're wearing? You look like a hooker. Now all we need is a $2 sign and we're good to go!"

Talon punched her… hard.

Sissy rubbed her stomach, wincing, "Owww," she whinged, "What was that for ya bitch? I was just telling the truth!"

"Level up," Talon said, her expression completely blank. Sissy stared at her for a minute before they both burst into crazed laughter, gasping for air and looking like complete lunatics.

"Level up? Seriously, man?" Sissy wheezed as they lay on the ground, still laughing like crazy people… Which was not too far from the truth.

"Gotta love ASDF," her friend replied as they continued to laugh, although it was mildly hysterical now.

"Ahem," came a cough from the corner, and when they picked themselves up off of the floor, Talon and Sissy saw Isabela leaning against the wall with her eyebrow raised in question.

"Would you hurry up? I'd like to get reeeeally drunk sometime in the near future," the pirate said, her mouth twitching into a grin, "and I reckon it's past time that you meet the rest of the crew."

Narcisa grinned, linking her arm with Talon's, who was irritably pulling up her tunic, as it was far too low for her tastes.

"Bloody whore of a bitch," she muttered, wrenching the top up, "It's not even the tits that make it fall down it's just… It's just so goddamn low. I feel like my charlies are going to flop out and say "hi" any minute, now."

Sissy snickered at her friend's distaste for the garment, though she had to admit, it was that step above skimpy… And horrible.

"Way to make a good impression, Taltal," the taller elf grinned, "Flash 'em all your tits. That'll certainly get the guys to take a fancy to you."

Talon drove her elbow into the other girl's stomach, glaring daggers at her.

"Talon used shut-the-fuck-up-otherwise-I-will-murder-you," she smirked, holding back laughter, "IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!"

Sissy chuckled, promptly slapping Talon across the face, "Ah… Shut up, ya crazy bitch."

The girl in question let out an insane sounding giggle-snort, bashing the other with her hip.

Talendrien reached the staircase first, smirking as she began to descend. Though that smirk morphed into a face of shock when her foot slipped and she went tumbling… Taking Narcisa with her.

They tumbled ungracefully, looking more akin to a fleshy heap rather than two elven girls.

Talon grimaced as she saw a person step out in front of the stairs, another elf by the looks of it, with tanned skin and blonde hair tied into a ponytail… Wait, was that…

Zevran. The king of all perverts, and not even supposed to be in this game… Well, not in the "group".

He turned his head, one moment too late, and was greeted with the sight of a scantily dressed elf and a fellow, not-so-scantily-dressed elven girl carrying a huge-ass axe.

The blonde man's jaw fell, and he held his hands out, as if to catch them…

Which did nothing, when over a hundred kilograms of elf fell on him.

Varric smirked upon seeing the Talon and Sissy plow into Zevran, the elf assassin that Garett Hawke had picked up on the Wounded Coast, just outside of Kirkwall.

What they had yet to find out, was that there was no greater pervert than Zevran.

The elf in question smirked, picking himself and the two girls up and snaking an arm around each of their waists, resting his hands on their behinds and planting a chaste kiss on Sissy's cheek.

"Well, well. I've had women fall all over me, but not two at once. And elven women, beautiful you are."

His words were slurred, and Varric could tell the assassin was drunk. Already.

Sissy drove her elbow into his stomach and unsheathed her battleaxe, whilst Talon tackled him to the floor, grinning.

The blue-eyed elf looked at her friend in question, raising the axe. The other, brown eyes almost black, nodded, wrapping her legs tighter around the man's waist.

With a small, insane laugh, Sissy threw her axe down, landing a mere centimetre from his crotch, making him instantly break a sweat.

"Lay a hand on either Narcisa or I," Talon started, detaching herself from him, "And you will become an eunuch. If you don't know what that means, well… That axe will land an inch closer, let's leave it at that."

Varric placed his hand over his mouth, stifling laughter as Zevran's eyes grew wide. The rest of the party was staring, gaping at the two girls who had just downed an assassin in under ten seconds.

Zevran stared to, for a moment… Then burst into laughter, patting Sissy on the back.

"You two… You two I like. Far better than the boring old non-psychotic people I usually have to hang around with!"

Talon raised an eyebrow, while Sissy laughed and clapped him on the shoulder, "Bitch please. I'm not psychotic, I'm fabulous."

The shorter elf's face seemed to darken, and Varric stepped in before someone really did get their dangly-dong chopped off.

"So, Talon and Sissy, care to introduce yourselves to the rest of the group?" the dwarf gestured to the cluster of men and women , some of which were human and some of which were elven.

Talon stepped forwards cautiously, seeming to weigh what she would say, "Well.. Um… My name's Tian- Fuck, it's Taledrien, but you can call me Talon. I'm, uh, an… Ex-pirate. I've just come back from Tevinter, where I was supposed to pick up a shipment of slaves," she saw Fenris tense at the talk of slaves, "I ended up killing the magister and freeing the slaves, both because slavery is just maker-damed wrong and that there was much talk of him taking me as one to, because of my Dalish heritage. I then fled to Kirkwall in search of safety."

Merrill had perked up when she said she was of a Dalish clan, and Fenris' face visibly softened when she spoke of freeing the slaves. It was if she somehow knew what to say to make them like her, and her reference to the maker made Sebastian, a brother of the Chantry whom Varric liked calling Choir Boy, smile slightly.

Sissy stepped forwards next, placing the battleaxe on her back, "Well, I'm… Narcisa. Sissy, for short. I'm a mercenary, and I like smashing shit. I'm basically a less green version of the Incredible Hulk. I came to Kirkwall with Talon, because I met her in… Um… Orlais. I had just finished slaughtering a bunch of noble fucktards when this lunatic arrived, and we became fast friends. And now I'm here. Cool story, hey?"

Isabela snickered, then dragged the two to the counted, smirking evilly.

"Are we going to get drunk, or not?" she asked, leaning against the wood, "Because I could really use a stiff drink."

Talon laughed, leaning on the counter next to her, "As long as they have vodka, I'm happy."

Sissy nodded, grinning, "Vodka and whiskey. A girl needs her whiskey."

The Riviani Pirate laughed, albeit loudly, drawing the eyes of patrons to the three, "Well, I could get you what I always get."

Talon kept a completely straight face whilst saying, "What, herpes? I'll pass, thanks."

The three women laughed, ordering their respective alcohols, all the while Varric leant over to Zevran and whispered, "Now, won't this be... interesting?"