Quandary - Chapter 5

Loki continued his pacing in front of the extravagantly large double doors. He could hear nothing of the conversation happening within the Throne Room, but he hoped it was nothing like what his imagination was conjuring. Exasperated, he stopped pacing and leaned his shoulder against the wall next to the doors.

They had planned for him to speak with Odin the morning after Thor had agreed to do so. It was barely light outside yet; they had to catch the Allfather before his daily routine started, so they rose early and hurried to the Throne Room. Loki knew how important his father's opinion was on the matter. If he did not like the idea—which Loki feared he would not—then he would make sure that living in the palace would be difficult for Sigyn.

Thor had been in there for just under half an hour. Loki wasn't sure if it was a good sign or a bad one that it had been that long, for he had never before been in a situation such as this one. He was sure that Odin wouldn't be pleased by the news of Sigyn living in the palace; especially considering no one had asked his permission first. But Loki reckoned that if everyone wanted him to be responsible, he should make decisions for himself and not run to his father for council.

Loki practically flew to the doors when Thor emerged. The double doors shut behind his older brother as he stepped into the corridor.

"Well?" Loki asked impatiently.

Thor looked weary, but replied with a small smile all the same. "He said he did not approve, of course, but he said that there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening."

Loki thought about that for a moment. "But what does that mean? Does he plan on making things difficult, or—"

"He did not say," Thor interrupted, placing a hand on Loki's shoulder as if to calm him. "But you mustn't worry, brother. He will not make things more difficult for you."

"And how do you know that, exactly?"

Thor's smile all but disappeared. "Because he knows that whatever he can do to make the situation more problematic is already going to be done by someone else."

Loki knew he was right. When everyone found out about the child—be it through a gossiping servant or an announcement by Odin that was sure to embarrass them—everyone had their own part to play in making their lives complicated.

~ Two Weeks Later ~

A fresh, clean smell filled the room as Sigyn unfolded the large blanket and tossed one side of it over the feather bed. It was very different to have her blankets cleaned for her, rather than lugging it all to the small creek near her home and cleaning them with the washing board. She had been told that the maids made up the beds, but she insisted on doing it. It didn't feel right to her just yet for the servants to do it.

She tucked the sides of the blanket under the four poster bed before sitting on it. It was much more comfortable than her own bed, which she supposed wasn't her bed anymore...

The day before, she had most of her things moved from her home in the village to the palace. Her parents had not helped, thinking of it as their own small protest. They hadn't been pleased, to say the least, about her moving away.

"Did he make you do this, dear?" her mother had exclaimed.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Sigyn," he father had added.

But Sigyn was not moved by their attempts to change her mind. She couldn't possibly be expected to stay there, regardless of her parents, after the baby was born. There was no room, no way Loki could stay there, and she didn't have the patience to deal with their complaints and doubts. So she moved to the palace, where she would at least have Loki and Thor for support, and the baby would lead a good life.

But she had forgotten to thank Thor, she realized. She thanked Loki enough, thanking him every time she was reminded that she was now living in the palace, but the fact that Thor was the one who had actually somehow gotten the Allfather to allow it—or, should she say, not reject it—in the first place had somehow slipped her mind. She made a mental note to talk to him.

A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts. She made her way across the large room and opened the door.

"Loki," she greeted, smiling warmly.

Loki didn't say anything. He simply smiled back and entered the the room, examining it for only a second before turning back to her.

Sigyn looked around the room when he did. "Do you like it? I helped with the colors a little. Things like the draperies and the curtains for the bed."

"Yes, it's lovely," Loki replied. She could hear the flatness in his voice. She knew he didn't really care about the colors of the fabrics in the room.

"I have a question," Sigyn stated, deciding to change the subject rather than bore him with her designing comments.

"Oh?" he wondered, folding his hands behind his back.

"I was just wondering... Is it my room?" she asked. She didn't know if the question even made sense or not; for all she knew, her causes for asking it in the first place could be completely foolish. But she had to know.

"I don't understand," Loki said flatly, after a moment of contemplation.

Sigyn swallowed. "I mean... Is it mine, or is it ours?"

Loki seemed puzzled for a moment. "I didn't think about it, really. I thought you would want your own chambers, especially considering where you have previously lived. I thought privacy would be a main priority."

Sigyn paused, thinking on what to say. She didn't want to seem needy or demanding, but she didn't want to be alone, either. This was all so very new to her. She had been swallowed into a new world, one with servants and handmaids, and she didn't know what to make of it all.

Sigyn shrugged a little before replying. "We'll be sharing quarters when the baby arrives anyway, right? So I just thought... I don't know." She lowered her head slightly, thinking herself ridiculous for being so nervous about asking for such a thing as sharing a room with the father of her child. It's not as though sharing a room was completely foreign to them.

"Sigyn," Loki said slowly, taking a small step closer to her. "I only thought you wanted your own chambers because of what happened the last time you didn't."

She lifted her gaze to examine his face. He wasn't making eye contact, but she couldn't read his expression.

"I assume the night you are referring to is the one that brought me here." Sigyn paused, smiling just slightly as Loki looked at her with wide eyes, confirming that she was right. "If you are suggesting that I have regrets, you would find yourself very much in the wrong."

"No," Loki reassured quickly. "I wasn't saying that."

"Do you?" Sigyn asked quickly. "Have regrets, I mean."

Loki took on an offended look. "Of course not."

She didn't know why she had been worried about it in the first place—she knew good and well that he loved her and the baby.

"I'm sorry I even asked, it's just... People talk, in the village and in the market, even at mealtime, and what they say is not pleasant. It worries me, Loki. We're bringing a child into a world where it won't be respected because of the way it was brought into the world, and it's because of me. What if—"

Loki silenced her by taking her face in his hands and giving her a sudden, quick kiss on the lips.

"You are not to think like that, Sigyn," he pleaded. "It won't help anything."

Sigyn couldn't help but chuckle. "You sound like your brother."

"Ever optimistic Thor," Loki said, a smile appearing on his face.

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation then, and Sigyn walked to it and swing it open, putting on a smile. As if on queue, there stood Thor.

"Thor," she greeted, allowing him to enter by opening the door wider. "What a surprise."

Thor made his way into the room, noticing Loki right away.

"We were just speaking of you, Thor," Loki said, a hint of playfulness hidden beneath the casualness.

"That does not sound good," Thor said lightheartedly, looking to Sigyn.

"Oh, no," Sigyn assured. "We were just speaking of how positive you've been during the past few months."

"Well, it's not as if doing anything else would help, now is it? Anyway. I've come for a reason, and that is to remind you that the feast is still arranged for tonight. I might remind you that you are expected to be there."

Loki looked confused. "Feast?"

Sigyn stepped in before Thor could. "Yes, the one for the outer city visitors," she reminded him. "To make agreements for trading."

Loki seemed bewildered. "How is it that you've been living here for less than a day, yet you still know more about the happenings of the palace than I?"

"Because she pays attention, brother," Thor said, voice full of jest as he pat his younger brother on the shoulder.

"I pay attention," Loki defended, shrugging Thor's hand off his shoulder. "Just not to the same things as you might."

"The point is that you both need to attend," Thor said, veering the conversation back to where it had started.

Sigyn realized then why Thor had come to tell them personally. No one but the Allfather, the Queen, Sigyn's family and the two people next to her knew about the baby. Thor was suggesting that they go to feast together in order to announce it.

"You want us to tell them, yes?" Sigyn said, struggling to keep her voice from revealing the panic she felt inside.

"It would be far better than our father doing it, I'm afraid. Besides, if you do it, it would show that the two of you are committed to each other and the child. People are going to need to see that in order to give their respect."

Sigyn looked to Loki, having not heard from him on the matter. She hadn't even noticed, but he had sat on the bed. "Loki?"

Loki glanced at her, and then to Thor. "I suppose we don't have a choice."

Thor smiled apologetically. "I will see you tonight, then?"

Loki nodded. "Yes, brother."

Thor's smile faded as he turned and took his leave, shutting the door behind him. Sigyn turned to Loki, who was still seated on the bed. Her panic was rising. She was just about to admit her feelings when she saw Loki's face.

It was far from the apparent mask he had worn for Thor; strained, worrying eyes and a furrowed brow, with his mouth slightly open in apprehension replaced the calm look he had bared a moment before.

Sigyn quickly tucked her feelings deep inside her as the sat next to him, pulling him into her arms. His arms wrapped around her as he lowered his head into the angle of her neck, breath shaky.

He was in no state to hear of her feelings. She felt selfish for almost confessing her worries to him, knowing full and well that he had the same ones. They had to find an in between to just telling each other about what they were feeling.

But she knew that without each other, they would most definitely come to nothing. They were both essential in the other's balance of sanity and irrationality. She could see that more than ever now, as Loki nearly cried into her shoulder. Stress, anxiety, guilt... She didn't know how they had stayed strong for this long. But they would have to keep the strength and possibly even gain some, for their journey was long from over.

She still needed to determine how to handle the feast and how to plan the announcement, go to the physician for another meeting, get the rest of her things from her parent's home, find chambers for the nursery...

She pushed the thoughts out of her head and set them aside for later. For now, her attention was on Loki. His happiness came first, and then she could worry about everything else.

A/N: It's been a while! This chapter was inconveniently timed during exams, so I know it's probably - most likely - not as good as the previous chapters, not to mention a bit on the shorter side. But, all in all, I think it could have been much worse. Thank you so much to everyone who favorited, followed, or reviewed! Please review, and I hope to update soon!