Quandary – Chapter 6

The ballroom was decorated to the nines. The candles were somehow brighter than usual it seemed, hanging from the ceiling in extravagant chandeliers that sparkled in the light, sending beautiful waves of golden light across the room. The people were even more dressed up than the décor; everyone had made it their priority to look their best for the ball. It was meant for the traders from the out city, but everyone from the higher classes of Asgard didn't care about that. They wanted the social part of the ball, the part that would give them something in return; a higher place in the crowd, where they could be seen, be noticed.

But Loki wanted the opposite. Of all things, he wanted to leave the crowded ballroom and stay in his room until everyone else was gone, and then go outside and watch the constellations, to further memorize the placements of the stars and planets, to actually relax for once. But that wasn't happening. It may not ever happen again, Loki realized, and was saddened.

He heard Sigyn's voice come from beside him. "Loki, are you well? You look concerned."

Why did everyone always say that? "Yes," he replied. "I may or may not be sick in a moment, but I'm quite well."

Sigyn knew he was jesting, and took on a sympathetic, knowing look. She knew she felt the same way he did. This was, after all, the night that they announced the pregnancy.

Sigyn took on a more relaxed look. "They're probably all wondering who I am. It's not like you've ever courted a peasant before, only higher class nobles," she mused, looking around at all the people talking, laughing, and drinking.

"Oh, I don't know," Loki said, trying to be comforting. It was high time the tables turned and he comforted her. "You pass as a higher class lady to me."

She smiled up at him in thanks, looping her arm in his as they further entered the ballroom. Loki immediately caught sight of Thor, schmoozing with the traders as per usual, his father standing and observing the room, and his mother listening to one of Fandral's many dramatized stories.

Loki stopped walking and turned to Sigyn. "Remember, we announce it after Odin's speech. He always gives one when traders are our guests. It's usually about keeping prosperity through trading and keeping both parties happy." Loki had listened to so many he would have sworn they were all the same, just with synonyms placed in a different order.

Sigyn nodded in response. Loki could see the worry in her face, the anxiety lingering in her eyes; he was sure her expression mirrored his own. All the same, he took the moment to examine her face, to give his eyes the pleasure of taking in the simple beauty of her; the way her lips turned into a curious smile at the way he was staring, her eyes glancing nervously away from him and back, the way her hair covered her neck and cascaded down her front and back, the light shining from above and casting a shadow on her pale skin...

Music started playing from the corner of the room. Everyone was starting to dance along with it, and his eyes lingered away from her and to the many people pairing up with each other. Loki took one step back and offered her his hand.

Loki imitated the tone of the many social climbers around him when he spoke. "May I have this dance, my lady?"

Sigyn's cheeks flushed as she took his hand. "You may."

Dancing was foolish, but Loki knew Sigyn loved it, and they needed to fit in with the crowd in order to not seem suspicious. That way, when they made the announcement, maybe people would take them a little more seriously. And, like Thor had said, people needed to know they loved each other.

The dancing didn't last long. Soon everyone had settled with their partners or had found someone else, and they were all awaiting Odin's speech. That didn't take long either, and Loki wondered if the haste of the ball was because his father knew about the announcement, and wanted it over with. The faster it was over, the faster the All-Father could leave and have not a need to feel ashamed by his youngest son.

"If I may have your attention, my guests," Odin said, voice booming throughout the large room. "My son, Loki, has something he would like to announce."

Everyone murmured and whispered while Loki couldn't help but think about how very childish that was. His father was acting like a schoolteacher, forcing an ornery student to announce his wrong-doings in front of the entire class.

"Loki," Odin's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Now."

The God of Mischief took a deep breath to calm himself – not from the nerves, but from the anger at how his father was treating them.

He and Sigyn started to walk through the questioning whispers and to the front of the crowd. His mother – ever the kind soul – held his free hand while he passed, squeezing it comfortingly. Loki had wished to tell her about the child himself, but after telling his father he hadn't had the strength to disappoint her, too. The All-Father told her, but if he did it harshly, his mother did not show it; she had been supportive in the few times he had been able to speak with her since she was informed. She had been more busy than usual, having had a multitude of guests, balls, and feasts to help take care of. Loki couldn't believe it, but she hadn't even properly met Sigyn yet.

When they made it so nearly everyone could see them, they turned to face the curious crowd. He still held tightly to Sigyn's hand, and she mirrored his actions.

"Thank you, father," Loki said, voice nearing a sarcastic tone. Only now did he realize he probably should have planned what he was going to say. "Firstly, I would like to introduce Sigyn Iwaldidottir to you all."

Sigyn smiled as people stared, but Loki could see the terror in her eyes. She wasn't used to crowds, and especially not crowds in their entirety staring at her. Loki felt his stomach churn, staring at everyone's expecting faces. His breath caught slightly in his throat as the sea of people glanced at each other and back at him, wondering why he was just standing there, completely speechless. Why was he even doing this? Yes, it was better than the pregnancy leaking out into Asgard through whispers and rumors, but wasn't it a little humiliating to do it in front of the very people who wouldn't approve? Why not tell his friends privately, and not worry about the people who aren't willing to support them?

Loki was thinking about backing out, but he caught the stare of Thor before he did. His brother didn't smile, or look at him with pity; he simply watched, his eyes full of hidden pride that his brother was doing something like this. Loki took a quiet breath. Thor was right, even if he hadn't even said anything; his older brother knew this was the only way their father would let it be done, and he had to go through with it.

Loki swallowed before continuing. "We come in front of you today to announce something that's not a tragedy, or a calamity... Unorthodox, perhaps, but not the end of everything we know. Sigyn and I, as of nearly three months ago, are expecting a child together."

Gasps filled the room. One gentleman even screamed out something about how ashamed they should be. Loki payed attention only to the people he knew personally – Sif had covered her mouth for a second, before returning to her composed state. Hogun's face never changed, Volstagg was talking to someone next to him about it, shock written all over his features, while Fandral seemed to be having stern words with the mouthy man who claimed Loki and Sigyn should be ashamed. His mother was smiling consolingly, and when Loki turned his head to look at his father, he was met only with an austere look. Lastly, he turned his attention to Sigyn. Her face did not give away anxiety, but instead showed an almost fearless look. The disrespectful man had undoubtedly distressed her, and in turn it seemed she was not going to show weakness. He felt a smile tug at his lips. He let go of her hand and placed an arm around her waist.

The silence of just a few moments before was gone. Everyone was either talking, whispering, or gasping. Odin obviously didn't like being out of control of the situation.

"Silence!" Odin shouted.

With the tone of his father's voice – and the knowledge of yet another speech - Loki led Sigyn out of the ballroom and into the courtyard outside through an entrance/exit that no guest used, to ensure their privacy.

"Oh my gods," Sigyn said breathlessly, trying to calm herself by breathing in the fresh air.

"Are you alright?" he asked, almost flat-toned. Is this what people normally did – ask about others before thinking about how they were feeling personally?

"Yes, I think so," she replied, holding her forehead for a moment, before letting her arm drop back to her side. "What about you?"

Loki shrugged. "I think it would've been easier to announce it a bit more... privately."

Sigyn nodded in agreement, but looked crestfallen. "I know. But you know your father wouldn't have had it any other way."

Loki cringed at the truth of the statement. He turned around in frustration, pacing a small distance. His voice came out louder than he meant it to when he replied. "Yes, but why? Why choose to humiliate us?"

Sigyn sat on the nearby bench in the courtyard. She didn't answer, just watched him and listened patiently.

"I mean, think about that for a moment. My own father, humiliating me in front of everyone I've ever known, and for what? To prove to me what I've done? To make sure I understand the gravity of the situation I'm in, what I'm putting us through?" Loki heard an exasperated growl leave his lips before he continued. His thoughts had wondered away from the pregnancy and into the common problems between him and his father. "Nothing I do will ever be enough. No matter how I try to make him happy, I will never be good enough for him. I'll never be—" Thor. He didn't say it. Saying it would mean he was admitting his father loved his older brother more – which was obvious, but Loki liked to keep it quiet in hopes that the longer he did so, the less it became true.

"Loki," Sigyn started soothingly, standing from the bench and moving in front of him, placing both of her hands on his arms. He took a deep breath immediately, knowing she was trying to calm him. "He's probably trying to make it difficult for you because you didn't do what he wanted you to. Your father... He's the king of Asgard, he's used to having things his way, and the exact way he wants them. You and me, well... We're probably not exactly what he had in mind."

Loki knew all of that. And considering his father always made things difficult for him, he supposed he had never done anything according to the All-Father's plan. It would be helpful if he knew what the plan was; maybe then he could actually make Odin happy for once.

He kept his thoughts to himself. "You're right," he told Sigyn, taking her hands off of his arms and holding them in his own instead.

"But look at it this way," Sigyn added. She was obviously trying to cheer him up, and Loki once again found himself being on the wrong side of the comfort. "When the baby comes, how could he not be happy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when he sees it's tiny little face, and arms, and little feet... He will no longer think of the child as a mistake, but as a miracle."

Loki laughed a little at that. His father, cooing over a baby? Not likely. But he played along for Sigyn's sake. "Yes, perhaps you're right."

After a moment, Sigyn broke the comfortable silence. "Shall we go now? I don't wish to return to the sea of people in the ballroom. I'm not feeling very well."

Loki nodded in agreement. As they walked in the direction of their quarters, Loki felt a twinge of worry settle in his gut at her feeling ill; it wasn't an issue, the healers had told her she would notice feeling nauseated or weak in the early part of her pregnancy. The logical side of his brain told him it was normal, that it wasn't anything to worry about. But the other side of his brain, the one that loved Sigyn and their child with a passion he hadn't even known he possessed... Well, that side was telling him something was terribly wrong.

He didn't dwell on it long. They made it back to their quarters, passing only a few guards who luckily hadn't caught news of the announcement. Despite Loki's suggestion that they visit the healer before she went to sleep, or perhaps get her something to eat, Sigyn went right to bed, claiming she didn't have the stomach to neither visit the healer nor eat.

She crawled into the bed that dwarfed her small frame. She had changed into her night clothes, recently having been given to her to replace her older ones. Her hair had been brushed until it shone, and all jewelery – also new for her – was discarded for the night. She was beautiful as ever, even when she was the opposite of dressed up. He sat next to her legs, smoothing out the blankets over her stomach before brushing the hair from her face.

"Are you sure you—"

Sigyn smiled and interrupted him. "Yes, Loki, I'm quite well. I promise. I wish only to sleep. But if it will ease your mind, I will visit the healer if I don't feel better when I wake."

Loki returned the smile. "Fair enough." He leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. "I shall return later tonight."

"Okay," Sigyn nodded tiredly. Loki left her to sleep then, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Sigyn had been bathing when she saw it. The small bump, protruding form her lower stomach, was enough to make her jump from the bath and dress after barely bothering to dry herself. She had pulled on a blue-green dress with flowing sleeves and a short train, practically shoved her hair into a bun done with flower-pins, all while leaving the room in a flurry. She had made her way to the largest library in the castle—named Odin's Library, for he oftentimes used to visit there in his youth—and went straight to the section entitled Ancient History. She found him easily.

Loki was sitting at one of the small tables by the window, face buried in a large, dusty book. His helmet sat beside the book, shining in the sunlight and becoming the only modern-looking object in the room.

She stayed quiet and sat in the chair across from him, so silently she wasn't sure if he had heard her. But when he smiled slightly, she was proved wrong. He seemed to finish a clearly interesting part of the passage and then shut the book, a small plume of dust making its way from the pages.

"And to what does Odin's Library owe the pleasure?" Loki said teasingly, keeping the small smile present while leaning back in his chair.

"It doesn't," she replied. "It's where I knew you went this morning."

"Then to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I've discovered something, and I think you would very much like to come and see," she said excitedly.

Loki looked more confused than anything. "What is it?"

"Come, and I'll show you," she offered, standing and offering her hand.

As he stood and took her hand in his, she became nervous. Was this what people normally did when mothers began to show? Or was it something the father wasn't interested in, and she was being terribly odd? No one had told her anything about it; they hadn't even mentioned when she would begin to show in the first place. She was a little over three months now, the events of the ball fortunately behind them, and she had expected it to happen soon. But she hadn't thought about what she was going to do. The queen had kindly had her seamstress make her maternity dresses, and she supposed she would have to get them from the wardrobe soon.

When she led him into their quarters, she immediately dismissed the servants, thanking them as they left.

Loki shook his head in disbelief. "I swear you're a saint, Sigyn. You're the only person I've ever seen to actually thank a servant."

Sigyn waved a hand dismissively. "I'm no saint. Just a peasant who's certainly not used to having things done for me. Anyway, I've brought you here for a reason."

She watched Loki's smile fade slightly as it was replaced with a curious expression. His hands moved behind his back as he waited.

She placed her own hand behind his back then, retrieving on of his hands and placing it over the protruding bump below her belly button.

Sigyn held his hand there as she spoke, her tone slightly breathless. "Do you feel it? It's showing. Just barely. I noticed it in the bath, I thought you would want to know."

Loki seemed as if he didn't hear her. He stepped much closer to her, hand still over the bump, and placed his other hand on her waist as he continued to stare down at his hand. "This is our child," he said quietly, sounding as overwhelmed as she was.

Sigyn nodded even though he didn't see her do so. After a moment, Loki lifted both of his hands and placed them on either side of her face and smiled. She could have sworn she saw glimmer in his eye that indicated tears, but before she had the chance to be sure, he leaned down and kissed her rather amorously. She kissed him with the same intensity, wrapping her arms around him, caught up in the moment of bliss. Loki abruptly pulled away not long after – probably knowing they were both in no state to make the decision to stop or not – and engulfed her in a hug instead.

Sigyn felt completely content, wrapped in Loki arms while their child blossomed and grew inside of her every second. This is what she had always wanted – just maybe not in the same situation. But that somehow didn't matter to her, apart from her parents' dislike of her new life. She was happy, Loki was happy, they had Thor and the Queen to help them, and all seemed like it was going as planned.

A/N: I really enjoyed this chapter, mostly because I like writing Loki's inner thoughts, and I had the freedom of making this chapter a little happier (near the end, anyway). HOWEVER... I know for a FACT that like 40 of you just got an email alert for this story and just read this chapter (thank you), but I only got one review last time (thank you, BeLovedFiendfyre! Hope you enjoyed Frigga's small appearance). But one review makes me feel like this story isn't even any good. And no, I'm not trying to beg for anything. But I LOVE writing this story, and reviews just make it so much easier! Thanks for reading, though! I love you all :D