Chapter Eleven

Warning: I will be responding to a triggery ask in the A/N at the end.

Clara succeeded in avoiding nearly all contact for about 4 hours. Unfortunately, it seemed other people were intent on finding her. She'd ducked into the restroom to avoid Atrides himself at least five times, and otherwise simply refused to move from her bed.

Luck was apparently not on her side because the moment she stepped from her room to dare venture towards to observation deck she ran into none other than Nihlus Kryik. Judging by his expression, he wanted a word, and none of them would be nice.

"Back in your quarters, now," he barked. She visibly deflated, turning and skulking her way back. Nihlus followed her, the door sliding shut behind them and leaving her life in his hands. She just prayed he upheld his end of their bargain.

Nihlus looked at her for a long moment, mandibles fluttering despite his very clear attempts at remaining immobile. She swallowed down the anxiety, the guilt coming back full force. He was looked at her like a parent looked at their child whenever they got in trouble, and the disappointment that practically radiated off of him was enough to make her throat dry.

"You're going to talk to Atrides and settle this," he demanded. Clara groaned, made to argue, but Nihlus would have nothing of that. "I don't know what happened last night, and I don't know how you managed to wind up in his bed, but he's convinced that you're interested. I don't know whether that's the case or not, and generally I would say it's none of my business. But you're on my crew, and I don't need any emotional backlash affecting the mission."

"I thought turian ships allowed fraternization," She countered, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "I don't think it's any of your business regardless."

"It's my business when it has the potential to affect the mission," he snapped. "Atrides has been acting like a fool all morning, singing you praises left and right, and we both know that you're not being honest with him. I don't care what you do with your life, and I don't care if you are interested in him. There is an entire frigate full of information you're withholding and I'll be damned if your libido gets in the way of the mission."

"I don't owe Atrides anything!" she snapped, even though she knew she did because he didn't even know she was taken, that she had a boyfriend, and granted that boyfriend was in a coma that didn't make what happened any less awful or any less dishonest. She was just upset that Nihlus called her out on it.

"Like hell you do!" Nihlus growled, pointing threateningly at her. "You got yourself into this mess and I'll be damned if you drag him down with you. He's a good kid. He should know that he's currently the other guy."

"He's not even that!" Clara hissed, keeping her voice low in an attempt to ward of anyone who wandered by and decided their conversation was of interest. "It was an accident – a drunken accident. That's it. I didn't even know it was him, I was so plastered."

Nihlus growled in irritation, "I don't even know why you got out of bed. I don't know what happened, I don't want to know. This is your mess, you clean it up."

He spun on the spot and abandoned her in the hall, more than slightly angry. This was the first time they had fought in months, the first time where they felt like less than friends.

The guilt came back full force. She groaned, leaning against her bunk and pressing her head against her hand. She rested there for a few moments, letting herself calm down, before she pulled up Lycia's contact.

'Hey, you busy?'

She waited a minute before she felt the telltale buzz of her omni-tool. Lycia was always a fast responder.

'About to talk with Nihlus. Do you need me?'

Any chance of her talking with Lycia was thrown out the window at the mention of the CO. She growled under her breath – he couldn't just talk to Nestor or something, he had to talk to her best friend on ship. She typed out a quick negative and resigned herself to her bed for the umpteenth time that day.

…

Clara woke up the next morning with every intention of approaching Nihlus and apologizing, offering an explanation, anything to mend things, but when she got to the CIC he was already gone. Nihlus was supposedly taking out a cult leader who was secretly smothering illegal mods into Citadel space, per request of the Council. His stupid, thick-headed turian ass had decided that this mission wasn't extreme enough to require a full drop team. He decided he was going to go on his own, to make it a solo mission. Clara knew Nihlus, even considered him a friend now, but that wasn't the point. The point was, he was making a stupid ass decision by going to ground on his own and she didn't want to be the one to scrape his stupid ass off the ground when he got his stupid ass beat, especially considering the extra heaping of guilt that would be placed directly on her chest.

"Is he going to call for backup?" Clara asked. Nestor bristled – he was finished with her questions before the first one even came out of her mouth, and by now he was ready to kick her out of the CIC all together.

"I doubt it," he responded tersely. "However, if he does, I will alert you. Will you go now? I have work to do."

"Thank you," she sighed in relief, finally stepping away and returning to her routine. She forced herself to relax – Nihlus was a big boy, he could take care of himself. She was certain.

Well. Mostly certain.

She escaped the CIC, heading down to her quarters only to find herself face to face with the one person on crew that she didn't want to see. Atrides. She had tried to avoid him all day, ducking into rooms whenever he passed by. The ship was large, but not large enough. In an enclosed environment such as this, it was a miracle she managed as long as she did. She had hoped her luck would continue.

But Atrides was a tricky little bastard – he was waiting for her. Her stomach bottomed out at the grin on his face, and she looked around for some escape. There was, of course, none to be had.

He sidled up next to her, bracing his arm against the wall as he looked down at her. She shifted her weight awkwardly, pressing her hair behind her ears as she let out a resigned sigh. "Hey, Atrides."

"So," he said, drawing out the vowel. "You've been hiding out all day. Any particular reason why?

She shrugged, rubbing the back of her neck as she prepared to feed him some bullshit excuse, when Nihlus' lecture popped back into her mind. She sighed, letting her hand fall to her side, and nodded. "Yeah, yeah. There is. We need to talk."

His expression faltered, replaced with one of apprehension. "Right. You wanna just – step into the room?"

Clara nodded, rubbing her temples as she slid into her room. A horrible part of her considered locking him out and avoiding the subject completely. Unfortunately, the room wasn't empty – there sat her roommate, nose buried in another data pad. She barely acknowledged Clara, and it took a soft cough to get her to look up at all. Her mandibles fluttered in surprise. "Right. I'll leave you two alone."

"Thank you," Clara said as Meriones stood and sauntered out of the room. The door slid shut behind her, and suddenly she felt claustrophobic. She crossed the room, eager to put some space between them. Atrides leaned against the wall, mandibles fluttering anxiously. She could only imagine what his subharmonics were doing.

"So…" he said awkwardly, rubbing his neck. Clara sighed.

"I haven't been totally honest with you," she murmured. "I haven't been totally honest with everyone, actually, but you – considering what happened – I just need to tell you."

He seemed to relax slightly, and she wondered what he expected her to say. Did he think she was just going to spill some dark past that led her not to trust anyone, or some other sob story that would give him the opportunity to sweep in and save the day? It was kind of cocky to think that way, but who relaxed when someone admitted to lying?

She soldiered on. "The whole reason I joined the crew was because Cerberus attacked someone I loved. Love. Someone I love. They used some toxin, and I've been trying to find a cure. That's why I'm here."

His eyes gave himself away, even if his face was impassive. She looked away, rubbing her hands over her arms and praying that he would say something soon, that they could end this conversation and just move on.

He gave a short laugh that sounded anything but happy. "Right. That explains that. I thought – I don't know. You wanted me."

"Atrides…I was drunk," she said, and she wished she was capable of lying because that did nothing to make the situation better. "I mean, things are really foggy as it is, but I remember getting to your room. I don't remember what I was thinking, or why, but. What's done is done." She sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, Atrides, but…I wasn't thinking of you. I was drunk and lonely and you just look like him, and I. I made a bad decision. And I dragged you into this and I shouldn't have. And I'm sorry."

"Nothin' to be sorry about," he murmured, clearly just as uncomfortable with the conversation as she was. "I should have realized – I was more sober than you at that point, I should have realized you weren't as well. I just sort of – woke up and you were in my bed."

She groaned. God, she couldn't even blame him, it was completely and totally her fault. There was no other way of painting it. "God, I'm so sorry, Atrides. This is all my fault, and I feel horrible about it, and I just. God, I don't think I can apologize enough."

He shrugged again, "It's fine, it's just a misunderstanding. We can just…move on."

"Right," she agreed, nodding even though she knew that this talk alone wasn't going to fix anything at all. "Right. We'll move on."

Atrides gave another awkward nod before turning and heading towards the door. He paused as they opened, glancing back at her. "I, ah. Hope you find what you're looking for. Whoever he is, he's a lucky guy, to have a girl that'd do all this for him."

He left, and even though his words were supposed to leave her feeling better, all it served to do was feed the growing self-disgust that was festering in her stomach.

...

Five days. Five days, and Nihlus hadn't reported in. It wasn't the longest he had ever gone without some sort of contact, but that didn't keep the crew from letting their anxiety show. Peleus seemed to be on constant alert, his med bay gleaming and ready just in case their CO returned in need of medical attention. Based on how Nihlus generally made friends, the odds were in Peleus' favor.

Clara just wanted the bastard back so she could apologize for being stupid, god dammit. She couldn't do that while he was tracking down some cultist on some god-forsaken planet.

The moment the thought crossed her mind her omni-tool buzzed, summoning her to the armory with an order to get dressed and ready to drop in 5 minutes. She was out the door in seconds, sprinting towards the cargo hold and changing in record time.

"Kryik has asked for back up," Creion explained as the last of the team wandered in. "He gave us explicit orders to cause a distraction to give him ample time to escape."

"Escape?" Meriones asked, frowning. "Escape from what?"

"Apparently a Justicar was in town when he caught up with the target," Creion explained. Clara's heart immediately sank in her chest. "They saw him taking out what appeared to be an unarmed citizen and their code compelled them to eliminate him. They've been playing cat and mouse ever since."

"Fuck," Clara murmured. She knew this story. She knew who the Justicar was. Fuck.

"Exactly," he agreed. "Our job is to help him execute a distraction. This needs to go seamlessly if we want to avoid any casualties, civilian or otherwise."

"What does he want us to do?" Boreas asked, as calm as ever.

"We're a distraction," he said. "We draw the Justicar's fire for a few minutes, enough for him to set up his plan, and then we bug out. If things go according to plan the Justicar will be compelled to let him escape in order to fulfill her code. He didn't give us any specifics, just to be careful with our fire and to make sure none of our shots go astray. We've got one chance at this, and if we mess up we'll have an angry Justicar on our hands."

His words set everyone ill at ease, none moreso than Clara. She knew Samara. She knew what a total and complete badass the Justicar was. If she had been nervous about facing off against Miranda, she was completely distraught about the idea of fighting Samara.

The mission had obviously gone downhill very quickly, and Clara was completely convinced that it was entirely Nihlus' fault. Because it was always Nihlus' fault. This was supposed to be a simple mission. And it was simple, until it wasn't. It was simple until Samara stumbled in on the wrong time, spotting Nihlus twisting the neck of an apparently unarmed civilian.

When playing the game, Clara had always respected Samara's dedication to her code. Now, she kind of loathed it.

…

"Find cover, now!" Creion barked as he dodged a warp. The biotic attack hit the wall behind him instead, twisting the metal angrily. Clara didn't need telling twice: she dove for cover, as requested. Her heart hammered in her chest as she closed her eyes and prayed to whatever god that was out there that this ended well.

"Come on Nihlus," she murmured under her breath, anxiety pooling in her stomach. "What've you got planned?"

Clara was more than aware of Nihlus' strategic expertise – it was something that had surprised her, considering that his plan got him killed in 3 years. Generally the fulldrop team paired with the single infiltrator worked well, if the Infiltrator was good enough. And damn, was Nihlus good enough. He was like a snake, lurking in the dark until it was time to strike. His plans were golden, and she knew it. That's why she had no problem firing at canister after canister while Samara danced between the explosions, avoiding damage and sending neutralizing waves of biotics their way. She trusted his judgment.

It just turned out this plan was a fucking stupid one.

"Cover me," Nihlus' voice echoed into the comm. Clara frowned. What did he mean-?

She didn't have time to think. Thought was replaced with angry curses as Nihlus bolted right through the middle of the field, a blatant attempt to catch the Justicar's attention. It worked. She heard Meriones cursing up a storm behind her.

"Nihlus what the hell are you doing!?" she demanded angrily. "We can't cover you!"

Nihlus didn't respond, much more interested in the Justicar chasing him down and hurling biotic attacks after him. Samara lost all interest in the distraction they provided, zeroing in on her original target.

"I don't know why the hell we bother trying to help his stupid ass when he's just going to throw every single plan out the window!" Clara snapped. She sighed, closing her eyes and resting her head against her cover. "He's lost his mind."

"Come on, we stick to the plan!" Creion ordered, standing and vaulting over his cover. "We gotta draw her attention again!"

The group dispersed, Creion in the lead while Boreas took up the rear. Meriones and Clara stayed sandwiched between them, pistols prepped and ready.

They caught up to the fight easily, Nihlus and Samara dancing around each other in some perverse dance of biotic blasts and incinerations. Creion motioned for them to stay quiet as the took cover around the fight – crates that couldn't have been placed there by accident ringed the battlefield. Clara wondered what Nihlus was fighting at.

Creion gave a motion of his hand, and an instant later Boreas was tossing a massive biotic blast towards the Justicar. It didn't catch her completely off guard, but it was sudden enough to upset her footing. That seemed to be the only opening Nihlus needed – he sprinted past her, out of the battlefield and heading straight towards a large facility that marked the center of the town.

Samara made to follow, but Boreas halted her with a quick move. He projected a barrier over the battle zone, meant to keep them in place. Samara paused and turned on her heel, facing the purple-plated turian with a calculating gaze.

"Interesting," she said calmly, taking a step towards him. "It is not often you see a turian biotic outside of the cabals."

"I'm a little too good for the cabals," Boreas retorted, his voice flat. "When a spectre asks you to join his team, you don't say no."

"A spectre who killed an innocent man," Samara countered, letting her eyes dance over the crew as the slowly moved to surround her, keeping to their cover. Clara swallowed when her blue eyes landed on her and seemed to linger a moment longer than the others. "You are protecting him. The code dictates that I should kill you, if you refuse to surrender."

Fuck, that was going to throw a wrench into Mass Effect 2 when 2185 came along. Clara really hoped that Samara didn't hold grudges.

"There's no negotiating with a Justicar," Meriones said calmly, her pistol aimed at Samara's forehead. "We will not abandon our commander."

"Then I am sorry it came to this."

Samara threw out her hands, and from her fingertips came a biotic blast that made Clara's hair stand on end. It threw them back, slammed Boreas' barrier, and the blues merged for an instant before wavering dangerously. Boreas grunted at the exertion, but the instant his barrier weakened he pushed forward. It held firm.

They opened fire. Samara deflected their bullets with small bursts of biotics, the ethereal glow wrapping around her body. She weaved between the shots, and despite everything Clara couldn't help but marvel at the pure grace that exuded from the Justicar.

Clara had always liked Samara. Now, she just wanted to fall to her feet and pepper her with praises. She didn't think crushing on the woman who was currently trying to kill them was considered a healthy life choice.

"I just need five minutes," Nihlus' voice echoed into their comms. "When you hear the alarms, let her go."

"Alarms?" Clara asked, frowning. He offered no response, and with a stern frown she forced herself to focus on the biotic blasts that seemed intent on breaking through Boreas' barrier. A quick glance told her that the turian was holding strong, but she knew that he couldn't last much longer. Not with the constant attacks.

Had she been anyone else, she would have been offended with Samara's complete and utter disinterest in their attack. She barely exerted any energy to flick away their bullets as if they were flies, sending a continuous barrage of blasts towards the barrier.

Clara cursed as her pistol over heated and took cover, pressing her back against the soothing metal of the crate. She barely heard the cry of warning before a glowing blue hand slipped around her throat and pulled her into the air.

"Cease fire!" Creion snapped, an instant too late. A bullet clipped her shields, while another followed and slammed into her side. The armor took most of the hit, protecting her from any severe damage, but she was very certain it was going to leave a bruise.

Hey, maybe it could match the one that Samara was leaving on her neck.

"You are so dedicated to protecting your commander," Samara observed, glancing towards them. "Would you protect your comrade?"

Fuck, Samara had a really tight grip. Clara scrabbled for purchase, nails digging into the Justicar's hands and attempting to pull herself free. Samara didn't even flinch.

Creion looked at Clara for a long moment – their eyes met, and his hardened.

Oh god, he was going to let her die.

Suddenly, before Creion could open his mouth, alarms began blaring. They were faint – Clara almost couldn't hear them over the rushing in her ears – but they were enough to give her pause. Suddenlt Clara found herself tossed aside, her body slamming into Meriones' and sending them both to the ground.

"Your commander is resourceful," Samara lauded as Boreas dropped his barrier. It was the last thing she offered before she sprinted off towards the facility, following after Nihlus. Meriones helped Clara to her feet, and Nihlus' voice crackled through over their comm.

"Rendezvous back at the shuttle," he said. "The Justicar will be too occupied saving the colony to give chase."

Clara managed a laugh, though it made her throat ache something terrible. So that was what the bastard had planned.

The return was quick, two minutes top, and Nihlus was waiting for them when they got there. He looked at them all, mandibles lax and posture at ease. He barely looked as if he'd spent an hour fighting off a Justicar, let alone a week.

"What did you do?" Creion asked as they stepped into the shuttle. Nihlus shrugged, as if it were obvious.

"That's a nuclear facility," Nihlus explained. The shuttle door slid closed and Ajax quickly guided them from the atmosphere. "Five reactors in underground bunkers, protected by several lead barriers, a shield generator, and a dozen layers of political red tape. A fire could potentially unleash hell on the entire planet."

"You set it on fire?" Meriones demanded, shock coloring her voice. Nihlus grinned.

"No, I just sabotaged the sensors. Now they go off whenever they detect oxygen."

There was a long moment of silence. Then, slowly, they all began to laugh. Clara meant to, at least, but breathing hurt enough as it was – laughing just wasn't something in the cards for her.

"This is why we can't have nice things," she said through the pain, grinning wryly. Nihlus shrugged, and even though they had separated on bad terms, he didn't look at her like she were scum. He looked at her like she was just another member of the crew. Another member of the family.

She swallowed and looked away. Family. It was a word that tasted strange in her mouth, bitter and acidic. She didn't remember her family – not really. Her grandmother had moved to America from Spain with her English husband when they were newly wed, had settled down and let their children and grandchildren surround them. From what she remembered it had been a happy life, filled with family and love. The typical blessings one expected from this life.

Clara didn't know that life. She had one memento of her grandmother: a beautiful hand crafted rosary that she wore even now, under thick layers of armor nestled next to the black gem Aetius had gifted her. It wasn't supposed to be hers, but her aunts and uncles all died before they had children of their own, until all was left was her own sickly, newly-widowed mother and herself. She was officially alone by the time she was 10 years old, shifted from foster home to foster home. She didn't know family. She didn't know what it felt like to have a home.

Here…here felt like home.

She smiled slightly at Nihlus, an apology for their earlier harsh words. He met her gaze and was silent for a long moment, his body rocking with the shifting of the shuttle. For a moment she wondered if he wasn't going to forgive her, if she was going to be demoted back down the chain.

Then he nodded – short and to the point – and she knew that things were okay.

…

A/N: So, I'm not sure I really got this across, and it feels a little sudden to me, but the crew on the Actium is really like a big family. A family with guns. So, Clara and Nihlus kind of have a brother-sister relationship where they butt heads and piss each other off, but they would both protect them to the best of their abilities.

I don't know, I can't think of many other people I'd like as a guard dog. Nihlus, Garrus, and Shepard all hit my top five.

(And in case you couldn't tell, I really, really like Samara. So. Clara has a total lady crush on her. THAT is going to be a fun reunion to write in ME2.)

(Trigger ahead) Now, to the unfun: Regarding the Atrides and Clara debacle. In hindsight, editing out some information as I did, it painted the picture as if Atrides had taken advantage of Clara's drunken state. I'm fairly certain that I covered it in the chapter, but I want to be certain: Clara was not raped. Both parties were inebriated, and while I understand that does not mean any consent given is adequate, neither parties see the event as rape. They both remember the event, and they both remember consenting. Clara feels guilty for cheating on Tito and for approaching Atrides while they were both under the influence. Atrides, in hindsight, wishes he had been more sober to avoid the situation entirely. This is not something that is going to mentioned again - not in the context of it being rape or dubcon, seeing as how both those are themes that I would prefer to avoid in my writing. I did not plan for the subject to come up at all. If anyone would like to discuss the situation further, I would ask that you send me a PM titled with a warning instead of a review, so I can have some warning. I apologize for not choosing my wording more carefully - this was never meant to become a discussion on rape/dubcon, as it is one I prefer to avoid. Completely.

Lots of Love;

B.E. Nomads