Hey, I found an old fanfic from a kink meme! It is not very kinky. More silly. Ridiculous, even. Enjoy.

Celty sat idly at her computer, glaring at the inactive screen. Both Kanra and Tanaka were offline, she didn't have any jobs to do, and Shinra wouldn't be back until he was done with... whatever it was he was doing (she found it better not to ask). She couldn't even shower or take a nap in peace because...

Shingen suddenly let out a deep laugh, making Celty flinch. He stopped abruptly, leaned forwards, and continued staring intently at the TV. He then flipped the channel, laughed at whatever was playing there, and repeated the whole cycle. Over and over and over again. It was driving her crazy.

She turned to him in exasperation, watching as he settled for the moment on one of the English-speaking channels (again, Celty wasn't sure how Shinra got so many channels. She was certain he didn't pay for it, but Celty never asked. She just enjoyed getting to watch her sci-fi shows).

"Hahahaha!" Shingen laughed, and Celty thought to herself that the gas mask was only serving to amplify the sound, not muffle it as it should. "Celty, look! They all look like me!"

She glanced briefly at the screen. Doctor Who. And a rerun. She was never sure what to think of the show - sometimes the aliens were too outrageous, but other times she thought they could really exist. She preferred the late-night documentaries: at least those had eye witnesses.

"Are you my mummy?" the gas-masked creature on the screen asked.

Celty looked back at Shingen.

[Why do you wear that stupid thing, anyway?] she typed.

Shingen muted the TV and turned back to look at her. "I told you! The air here is filthy! I wouldn't trust my lungs to it!"

[You didn't used to wear it,] she countered. [And you're a doctor! You know that a little bit of exposure isn't going to kill you. So why wear it?]

"I'm starting a fad! Mark my words, next fall, all the cool kids will be wearing them!"

[Seriously, did you have an accident or something? Are you horribly disfigured?]

Celty waited for the inevitable joke that someone had run off with his real head while he was sleeping and the mask was just a replacement, but it never came. Shingen just stared at her from behind the mask, breathing loudly.

Celty waited, staring into the empty black eyes of the gas mask. Behind him, on the screen, The Doctor and his friends were running from hoards of the gas mask wearing aliens. She felt her hands clam up a little.

[Never mind,] she wrote. [Forget I said anything.]

"Do you really want to know?" Shingen asked, making her jump again.

[What?]

"If you really want to know, I'll show you. I suppose I owe you that much. But you have to promise never to tell anybody, especially Shinra."

Celty stared at him, suddenly apprehensive. He was joking, right? Of course he was. He was just trying to scare her. He'd make a huge deal of taking off his gas mask, and then he'd just look the same as he always had. Maybe he was getting wrinkles and being overdramatic about it as usual. It was nothing to worry about. Right?

[I promise.]

It went exactly as she thought. Shingen made a huge deal of reaching up, undoing each fastener one at a time instead of simply lifting the mask off. The apartment was deathly still, except for the humming of Celty's computer, the sound of the straps falling from the mask, and Shingen's heavy breathing.

Shingen put the mask to the side, and looked up.

Despite its lack of anything to attach to, Celty felt her throat tighten up with the memory of a scream. She scrambled backwards out of her chair, backing for the door as fast as she could.

"Celty-"

[Stay back!] She somehow managed to type. [Stay away from me you monster!]

"Celty, it's still me! My camouflage unit stopped working a few years ago, that's all!"

[You ajsdklgj] Celty fumbled with her keypad.

"Celty, it's okay."

Nothing is okay! she thought.

"Yes it is, I promise."

Celty stared at him. What?

"You can talk normally. My people have some basic telepathy."

What...How? She slowly sank to the floor. You're actually an alien.

"Well, yes, I suppose I am." Shingen coughed a little. "But it's really not as big a deal as you're making it. It's still me. Good ol' dad!"

Celty was in shock. Why... why are you here?

"I've been living here! Surely I'm allowed to stay with my darling son and-"

That's not what I meant!

Shingen coughed again. "Well, if you must know, it's exactly what I've always told you. I'm a scientist. I'm here to study."

To... study humans?

"Among other things, yes." He coughed again. "Do you mind if I put the mask back on? Without my adapter, the air is starting to get to me."

Celty waved her consent at him, watching in a daze as Shingen reattached the gas mask that had started the whole thing.

You're actually an alien, she repeated.

"I think we established that, yes."

And... you can hear my thoughts.

"Only the ones you direct at me, don't worry." He chuckled a little, settling back into the couch as if nothing had changed. "How do you think Shinra's been able to understand you so well? You must have noticed he never waits for you to finish typing-"

Shinra! Celty exclaimed in dismay. You - he - Then Shinra's an alien, too?! She clutched the phone he'd given her to her chest like a security blanket, desperately trying not to believe it.

"No, no! Don't be silly. Of course not." Shingen paused to scratch his head. "...He's only half."

Half!

"Well yes, of course! Part of my assignment was to see if our species were compatible, and, well, when I found someone I liked, one thing led to another, and-"

That's enough! Celty pleaded. I don't want to know any more! Ever!

"Oh, but Celty, I hope this won't change anything between us. Or the two of you. I'm still the same person I always was, and so is Shinra."

Celty shivered, thinking of her dear doctor, of his sweet smile and the way he was always trying to cheer her up and telling her how much he loved her...

"And you can't tell him about it. It's never affected his life before this, and I don't plan to let it start now." He patted the seat next to him on the couch. "Come on, let's put on a movie or something. I hear the new Yuuhei film is fantastic!"

Celty sat in stunned silence as Shingen fiddled with the Pay-Per-View (since when did they have Pay-Per-View?), her thoughts racing, unable to remain on one topic.

Finally, she said, Is Izaya an alien too?

Shingen laughed that annoying, loud laugh he always did, distorted by the gas mask and making Celty flinch like always. He stopped suddenly, and looked at her, as usual. "I have no idea!"

"Celty, are you alright?" Shinra asked, peering down at her worriedly.

Celty hesitated, unsure how to answer. She looked up into his worried brown eyes, not obscured by his usual glasses, and glanced over his half-off suit, the bow tie loose around his neck, her own veil spilling onto the bed beneath them. She reached up around his neck and pulled him down into her shoulder.

It's nothing, she said as he kissed her collarbone.

They rolled over in the bed, and she did her best to ignore the fluffy tail that had sprouted from his lower back.