Quandary – Chapter 8

Two boots took turns hitting the floor with surprisingly quiet grace. Over, and over, and over, they hit the ground, back and forth, back and forth, across the small hallway that housed the door to the south-wing healing room. It had been close on twenty minutes since Loki had been rushed in the room to accompany Sigyn.

But Thor was in the dark as far as information went. What scared the god the most was that Loki would have most definitely told Thor had everything been alright – and the fact that he had yet to emerge from the large wooden door told him that everything was not alright.

Everything was supposed to go smoothly, especially after Sigyn had come and stayed in the palace. It was supposed to be okay, Thor was supposed to make it okay, to make things happy for his brother and niece or nephew. Not that whatever had happened was under Thor's control – which is wasn't, he knew – but the thought that Loki could be crying at Sigyn's bedside because of some sort of horrible tragedy was enough for Thor to nearly lose his composure.

So it was no surprise when Thor nearly tackled Loki when he appeared from behind the door. He controlled himself somewhat and settled to grab the sides of Loki's shoulders and shake him slightly.

He wasted no time speaking. "What is it? Is everything alright?"

Loki looked drained – his face was sort of a gray color, his eyes were bloodshot; Thor hoped that wasn't a bad sign.

"They... they're not sure," Loki said, sounding as perplexed as Thor felt.

Thor scoffed angrily. "How can they not know?"

"I don't know, Thor, they just said that... Something about Sigyn's body not being able to handle the baby? Because the baby was causing problems, wasn't acting normal, or –" Loki's tone turned exasperated. "Gods, Thor, I don't know."

Thor swallowed his anger and fear. "But they are well?"

Loki nodded. "For now. The healers said she should rest, even more than she was."

"Is she bed-ridden, then?"

"No," Loki responded. "But she shouldn't do anything strenuous. Not that she was before..."

Thor nodded, almost content with the current information. "How did she end up here in the first place?"

Loki took a deep breath as Thor led him away from the door, to where they were standing near the wall a few doors away. "She said she was drawing a bath – I told her the handmaidens would do that for her, but sometimes she just won't let them help. Then she said she felt an odd feeling in her stomach, like the baby was... she said it felt wrong, like she knew something wasn't right. Then she called the handmaidens, who in turn fetched a guard, and he escorted her here."

Thor was still confused. "But what do they mean when they say the baby isn't acting normal?"

"They don't mean anything, Thor," Loki insisted, tone again turning exasperated and hushed. "They don't know."

Suddenly their mother's voice was calling out from their left, sending both of their heads turning. "Loki!" She was rushing towards them, gripping tight at her dress, holding it off the ground.

Loki excepted the tight hug that Frigga gave him. "I came as soon as I was told. What happened?"

Her voice was shaking with fear. Thor knew she cared a tenfold more than Odin did about it all; the baby, Sigyn, even Loki it seemed sometimes. He still knew Odin loved Loki, but the king of Asgard was unable to come to terms with the fact that one of his sons was to have an illegitimate child.

Loki shook his head, Frigga's hands resting on his upper arms. His younger brother took a deep breath before continuing. "The baby isn't acting like it should be... Sigyn's body isn't reacting normally to the baby's growth, they said."

Frigga looked confused, but her expression quickly changed into a comforting look. She moved her hands to hold each side of Loki's face, and Thor watched as tears glimmered in his little brother's eyes at the gesture. Their mother then hugged Loki, whose his face contorted with the struggle of keeping the tears in. Thor stood by, glancing at the healing room's door, wondering how Sigyn was.

The hug was a short one, and Frigga squeezed both of Loki's hands when she pulled away. "Everything will be alright, Loki. I'm sure of it."

"Thank you, mother," Loki acknowledged, voice still hushed. He swallowed before continuing. "You can visit her if you like, you and Thor. She won't sleep."

Their mother smiled knowingly. "Perhaps I can persuade her to rest."

"Let us hope so." Loki returned the short ways to the door and opened it for Frigga, and then motioned for Thor to enter.

After briefly grasping Loki's shoulder as he passed, Thor was plunged into almost complete silence. Patients filled almost all of the fifteen or so beds in the room; beds that were lined against the wall, some concealed by curtains, others in the open. Family and friends accompanied the patients, speaking only very quietly, holding hands and comforting others.

Loki led them to Sigyn's bed, where the small woman was tucked under the soft, white linens, the baby in her belly just visible through the layers of blankets. She was sitting up, but only slightly, and her head was leaning back on her pillow as she stared into space.

"Sigyn," Loki all but whispered as he neared her. He sat in the chair next to her bed and held her hand, the pregnant woman's attention now fully on him, a small smile on her face. Thor wondered how she was smiling, how she wasn't panicking like he was; how did she stay strong in a situation like her's?

Loki continued once both Thor and Frigga were sitting in two extra chairs that had been brought to them, on the other side of the bed. Their mother sat closest to Sigyn, taking her other hand gently. "Thor's been here, of course, and my mother's only just arrived."

Sigyn turned her attention to Frigga, and Thor saw her squeeze his mother's hand. "Thank you, my queen. The support is greatly appreciated."

"Of course, dear," their mother replied. "I wish only the best for you and the child. That being said, I do believe you should rest, yes?"

Sigyn nodded. "They said I should, but I just can't bring myself to sleep in a time like this." She turned her head to Loki. "What if they discover what the cause of the abnormal behavior is, and I'm asleep?"

Before Loki could answer, Frigga did. "Then we shall wake you."

Thor was surprised at the small laugh that escaped him. "You shall be the first to know, we swear. Who else would we tell before you? That's preposterous."

A faint smile appeared on the young expecting mother's face then. "Alright," she gave in. "But only for a little while."

Frigga smiled. "Any rest is good rest, I say."

Thor nodded his agreement with his mother as Loki helped Sigyn get comfortable lying down.

"You'll stay, won't you?" Sigyn asked Loki, having somehow never let go of his hand.

"Of course," he stroked the hair on her head, "I'm just going to walk my mother and brother out, and I'll be right back."

With that, both Thor and Frigga left the room with Loki, just as a healer pulled the curtains around Sigyn's bed shut. Standing in the hallway, Frigga hugged Loki again.

"She seems rather calm," Thor commented, once their embrace ended.

"I don't know how," Loki admitted. "Honestly, I was a complete wreck when they tried to explain it to me."

Frigga squeezed his arm. "As any father would be."

Thor saw Loki's eyes flicker to the ground at her words, but why they did, he did not know.

After their mother said goodbye to both of them, Thor turned to Loki. "How long will they watch her?"

Loki took a deep breath. "Overnight, but after that I'm not sure. I suppose they'll see how she is in the morning, and go from there."

Thor nodded. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he all but begged, wishing to be of any help at all.

A slight smile appeared on his little's brothers face, and that alone made Thor feel better in the masses.

"Yes, actually," Loki said, after a moment of contemplation. "Sigyn has been rather cold since the ordeal, and there's a quilt in our chambers that she's rather fond of. I thought perhaps it would make her more comfortable if it was her blanket, not the thin ones they gave her."

Thor nodded once. "I shall retrieve it at once."

Loki looked somewhat relieved, as if Sigyn's comfort depended on that quilt. "Thank you, Thor."

The god pulled the other into a hug, having desired to do so ever since they had heard the news. "You're more than welcome, brother."

The sun shined through Sigyn's closed eyelids and woke her mind from its peaceful slumber and into a much more worrisome world. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the light from the window above her bed, but when they did, she was able to open them fully and take in her surroundings.

Where her dreams were filled with hopeful memories to come, reality was full of memories she would much rather forget. One hand absentmindedly slid under – her quilt? – and stretched over her pregnant belly, relishing in the feeling of life beneath her fingers, while her other hand remained still, careful not to wake Loki. He was sleeping in the visitor's chair, head on his arm that was bent on the bed, while the other arm rested next to his head and held her hand.

Sigyn's gaze moved to the ceiling then, watching the shadows from the trees outside dance across the white surface. From the looks of the dull light shining through the window, it was barely sunrise. The events of the previous day were not ones she would have liked to recall, but they came to her anyway.

It happened when she had started to draw a bath. The horrible feeling in her belly, the coldness... The healers said the temperature change was probably a fever, and treated her for it – the medicine helped, fortunately, which ruled out any ideas that the drop in temperature was strictly baby-related. Next was the panic, the tears, the fear that something had gone wrong, that she would lose the baby, that it would somehow be her fault if she did. It was the worst day of her life, she decided. And she hoped to never experience anything like it ever again.

How very far she had come since she conceived the child that was now moving slightly inside of her, however slightly. She was once practically a child, just over four months ago – oh, how she had changed since then. In comparison, she thought, she had matured more than she thought was possible. Where she had once thought of only herself, she now first thought of the baby, or Loki in many cases. She had changed in nearly every sense of the word, but it was a good change, a change she hadn't even known she wanted, but did.

She looked to the other side of her bed and admired the flowers that her mother and father had left her the previous night, when they visited after the queen had left. She wished she could have talked with them longer, but she needed rest and they only allowed one guest past a certain hour. Her mother, despite her disagreements with Sigyn, was very worried. Her father had looked uneasy about the entire situation, and she could tell he was worried, too.

Despite it all, Sigyn felt better. Physically, that is. Her mind was exhausted, but her body felt refreshed from the sleep, and she was no longer cold – thanks to her quilt, she suspected.

A quiet grunt from Loki had her turning her head back in his direction as she squeezed his hand. When he noticed she was awake, he sat up, and another grunt escaped him – this time out of pain.

Sigyn felt terrible for him. "How long have been sleeping like that?"

Loki shrugged, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. "As long as you've been sleeping. I fell asleep once you did."

"It must hurt. Your back, I mean."

"Not really," he assured her, but she knew he was lying – at least somewhat.

Sigyn heaved herself from her position in order to sit up, and Loki stood to help her by fixing her pillows.

"Comfortable?" he asked, once she settled.

"Yes, quite. Thank you." She paused, but looked to him a moment later as he sat back down. "You know, I believe they can try to determine the gender now."

Loki's eyes widened as his gaze shot from the floor to her face. "Really?"

She nodded. "Of course, all babies are different, and grow differently, but they said ours is a little ahead of schedule. I mean, not all tests are accurate, but it could be worth a try."

Loki hesitated. "Did you... do you want to find out?"

Sigyn had heard of people who had waited for the birth to know the gender, having not even let the healers try and determine the sex of the child, but she didn't think she could bear the mystery. There was the nursery to design, the clothes to buy, the supplies, the name, for the Gods' sake. No, she definitely needed to know beforehand, if possible.

She took a deep breath before answering him. "Yes. But what about you?"

"I don't think I can wait," he agreed, and took her hand in his once more. "If you feel up to it, that is."

Sigyn smoothed the quilt over her swollen stomach. "I don't think it takes much. There isn't much they can do."

Loki nodded, a smile spreading across his features. "Although, I apparently seem to know already. I did speak of it as a male, after all."

"Indeed," Sigyn laughed. Perhaps he was right.

They summoned the healer who had helped her the previous night, but he said he could be of no help to them any longer – they would need midwife, he said. And so he recommended one to them, and sent for her immediately.

It did not take long for the woman to arrive. Sigyn was surprised by her young age, but was relieved by the warm look in her eyes.

"Hello," the midwife greeted softly, taking Sigyn hand in both of hers and nodding kindly at Loki. "I'm Freyja. I'll be your midwife."

"An apt title for a midwife," Loki commented.

Freyja sighed and nodded, her smile still visible. "My parents had high hopes for me by naming me Freyja. But anyway! This visit isn't about me. It's about you two and your lovely child."

Sigyn let out a collected breath. She had been worried that their midwife would be much less kind to them, considering their unusual circumstances. Some of the healers had already treated them rather coldly in the past, and she had hoped her midwife wouldn't be the same.

"So," the midwife started, standing next to Sigyn's bed, on the opposite side than Loki. "Looking to find the gender, are we?"

Loki looked to her hopefully. "Yes. How high is the chance of the determination being accurate?"

"It differs from mother to mother. Ofttimes, however, the accuracy is rather on the point. The techniques have been passed down for centuries and centuries; we've had time to perfect them," Freyja replied.

Sigyn cleared her throat quietly before speaking up. "Is it possible for us to try today?"

The midwife smiled at her knowingly. "Of course, if that's what you wish."

Glancing at Loki and receiving a small smile and nod, Sigyn turned back to Freyja. "Yes, it is what we wish."

Freyja's hands moved comfortably to her hips. "Then let's get started."

Waking from a rather odd dream, Thor lifted his head from an old book he was meant to be reading. It's pages certainly didn't do very well as a pillow, and that was ironic considering it's pages were what made him fall asleep in the first place.

His father wanted him and his brother to go to the library and study past kings and cultures of Asgard – something they had already learned about growing up – to better prepare them for one of them possibly becoming king. But now Loki was busy with Sigyn, and he didn't have anyone to comment and/or complain to. And so he fell asleep, naturally.

Thor slowly ran his hands down his face, rubbing his eyes before opening them. He very nearly fell backwards and out of his chair when he saw Loki sitting across from him.

"You weren't there a second ago," Thor exclaimed.

"Yes I was," Loki argued. "You just didn't see me."

Thor sighed shortly and irritably. "Because I was sleeping."

"Well, yes," Loki said, as if it was obvious. "That's precisely why I didn't wake you."

The god's eyebrows knitted together. "That's... strangely kind of you." Loki seemed to be growing impatient with the conversation, so Thor cut it short. "Have you any news about Sigyn and the child?"

Loki shrugged slightly. "Everything seems as normal as can be expected for them, I suppose. But I've come to tell you that after an examination, the midwife has come to an almost-positive conclusion that Sigyn is carrying a boy."

That woke Thor up.

"You were right!" Thor beamed, standing and pulling Loki into a tight hug. "This is marvelous news!"

His brother hugged back, but only briefly. "Yes, I suppose it is."

"Oh," Thor said, smile fading only slightly. "Had you hoped for a girl?"

Loki shook his head, seemingly refusing to look into Thor's eyes. "No, I mean... I don't care, as long as he's healthy... but—"

"But you're afraid he's not," Thor finished for him, voice dying down from the excitement.

Loki looked irritated about being interrupted, but nodded all the same. "I worry about them constantly. Especially after yesterday. What if it – whatever it was, happens again?"

Thor placed both of his hands on his brother's shoulders, the motion forcing Loki's eyes to move to him.

"Then they shall push through it again, with you by their side."

Loki didn't seem consoled – he didn't even pretend to feel consoled. Thor realized, then, that things were very, very different now, and his words weren't always going to be enough to sooth his brother's fears. Loki was no child, and his older brother could no longer distract him from real life's problems with tales of ancient battles and wooden-sword fighting. There was nothing Thor could do but try and be there for him during all that was happening, and hope his presence meant something.

"I must return to Sigyn," Loki said, breaking the silence. "She's in our quarters, should you want to visit."

Thor nodded and let go of his shoulders. "Yes, of course. I shall come by later this evening."

Loki gave one more glance to him before turning and leaving the library without a sound.

He was not ready. He was the farthest one could be from being prepared. Nothing anyone said, did, or even thought would change his mind on the matter. Because it was true.

Loki was not ready for fatherhood.

His footsteps made no sound at all as he paced the corridor outside of their quarters, where Sigyn slept peacefully and happily, the knowledge of their baby boy inside her elating her still, even hours after the news.

It wasn't that Loki wasn't happy about a boy – he was, truly – but it was the news in general that scared him. It was realness that hit him like a ton of stones, the reality that struck him like a sword to the gut –

He was a father of a son, and that son's father was him.

How would he deal with the next five months of Sigyn's pregnancy if he was like this? Scared, anxious, self-doubting... They did not seem like good traits for a father to pass onto his son. But what did he have to pass onto his son? A life of hatred from the people who judged them, the constant bullying he would surely receive, as his father did before him? Loki had always thought that if he had children, he would make damn well sure they didn't grow up like he did; neglected, bullied, a joke. But it seemed as if he had failed at that already, and his child wasn't even born yet. Oh, yes. He was going to be a wonderful father.

Even with Sigyn, the woman who was born to be a great mother raising the boy with him, he did not stand a chance at becoming a good father. Especially if Loki's own father passed any fathering traits to him.

It wasn't as if Loki could very well go to Odin for advice on parenting. And Frigga was a mother, not a father. Thor certainly couldn't help, and Sif wasn't even close; Fandral nor any of the Warriors Three could help him, and that's where his line of trust stopped. He was alone as far as failing as a father went, he concluded.

"Loki?"

He spun around to see Sigyn standing in the doorway to their quarters, holding her silk robe tightly around her. He had stopped pacing, he realized; he was just standing in the hallway.

"What are you doing?" she asked, more curious than suspicious.

Loki gave her a smile, building on the lie he was about to start telling. "I was just coming in, darling. Are you well?"

Her cheeks darkened at the nickname, but she nodded through it. "I'm feeling much better, thank you for asking. Do you think we could have our next meal sent here?"

Loki led her back into the room, his hand on the small of her back. "I don't see why not."

Sigyn's blush seemed only to strengthen, but her expression turned even more curious as she turned to him. "Why were you standing in the hallway?"

Loki shut the door behind him and shrugged. "I merely thought I heard something, is all."

After nodding at his response, she smiled as Loki took a step closer to her and placed his hands on her arms, pulling her against him.

"You weren't planning on eating now, were you?" Loki asked, voice quiet and tone smooth.

Sigyn shook her head, looking up as she wrapped her arms around his torso, her growing belly barely an issue.

As Loki leaned down to kiss her, he felt only slightly guilty; after all, he had to pretend to be jolly-alright, all while inside him, his anxiety threatened to take over. But that wasn't to say he didn't enjoy Sigyn's company as he tried to make himself feel better. In truth, she was probably the only one who could make him feel better. This situation wasn't a lie, it was merely an attempt to get his mind off of the conclusion he had made only moments before.

And he couldn't complain if this was how his negative thoughts were to be remedied.

A/N: Hello, friends! Hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! That Loki bit gave me a bunch of sad feelings, but somehow not as much as Thor's realization that Loki isn't a kid anymore and he can't make him feel better and OW. But nonetheless, it wasn't too depressing, and I hope it was enough to make up for that horrible cliffhanger of horribleness.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! Seriously, I honestly don't think you guys realize how happy they make me. I mean. It's like... insane. SO keep reviewing! (I know there's a lot of you who read and don't review *squinty eyes*)

Oh, and one more thing... hAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THE NEW THOR: THE DARK WORLD TRAILER? I'M PEEING MYSELF. WHAT DID YOU PEOPLE THINK OF IT?

Anywho. I love you all, every single one of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my story. I hope the next chapter doesn't give me issues (I doubt it will)! :D