Chapter 2 – Purgatory

AN – Thank you all for the kind reviews esp as no one wanted Lance to die! I am very sorry for that but I couldn't stand the thought of a Lance sister as another ghost haunting Oliver nor could I stomach Laurel becoming the Canary if Sara was the one killed! Again, my apologies but I appreciate you guys taking a chance on me! I do want to find a happier ending now for all of our sakes and hopefully before Wed! :)

AN2 – A special shout out to Kenyancougar for encouraging me to continue the madness here! Also, thank you to Mic Riddy for her continued support and beta efforts!

AN3 – Moving to third person now and taking more than a few creative liberties here! My focus is on the character development (ie suffering) more than the action/ reality so this remains very dark, angsty, and emotional. Pls feel free to stop reading now if this doesn't work for you my friends!

DISCLAIMER – Still not mine even though we've definitely strayed from canon now!

Oliver's POV

I was relieved when her eyes met mine even if there was no other response. She remained locked away from me though, frozen in purgatory. Returning us all to Lian Yu just put Diggle and me in purgatory with her. It is just the three of us now so either we all make it out or none of us do.

It started with the three of us and I guess it will end with the three of us.

They landed easily on the beach with Felicity and Oliver sliding in close to a still standing Diggle. Oliver and Diggle exchanged looks as Felicity still remained silent. Oliver worked to release them from the parachute as Diggle moved toward the extra supplies they had also dropped from the plane. They didn't plan for a long trip but they had wanted to be prepared. Both men still hoped the Island would help shock Felicity back to reality and force her to deal with the tragedy so she could heal.

Things didn't exactly go according to that plan though as Felicity showed no real reaction to the Island. She moved when they prodded, ate what they put in her hands, stayed whenever they put her, and still only responded occasionally with as few words as possible. Her face remained blank, her stare unfocused.

Oliver and Diggle created and maintained their campsite, gathered new herbal supplies, hunted for their food, and trained each day. They also tended Felicity's wound and continued to each spend time alone with her. Unknowingly they repeated many of the same words to her as they reminded her that it wasn't her fault and begged her to come back to them.

Diggle also reminded her of Slade's words, reminded her that Oliver loved her, and that she loved him. He and Oliver hadn't spoken about that part of the night but Diggle knew Oliver couldn't and wouldn't dispute Slade's conclusion. Even Sara seemed unfazed by Slade's revelations and had simply told Oliver to take care of Felicity.

At this point, Diggle wasn't sure who to focus on more as Oliver was also in bad shape. He trained continually, pushed himself harder than Diggle thought was humanly possible, and yet Oliver rarely slept or rested. The only time he stopped moving was when he sat by Felicity and spoke quietly to her. It seemed like Oliver was trying to absorb Felicity's pain and was suffering as much if not more than she was. Diggle knew something had to give soon or he was going to lose both of his partners.

It was their fourth night on the Island and Diggle watched as Oliver knelt down beside Felicity for his nightly chat. Diggle was still focused on how to broach the subject of a new plan when Oliver suddenly jumped up and turned to punch a nearby tree with sufficient force to splinter the bark.

"This isn't working – I can't reach her!" Oliver's words were harsh and his breathing uneven as he turned to meet his friend's eyes. He saw sympathy and understanding there, but it didn't ease the band he felt constricting his heart each time he looked into Felicity's blank eyes.

"Oliver—" Diggle was sorry for his friend's pain but he was glad they could now discuss a new plan and he had an idea.

"No, Digg! I brought her to purgatory." Oliver gestured to Felicity instead of the Island around them as he knew Felicity had landed in purgatory the moment Lance died. "I'm the reason we lost her. I couldn't protect her and…I couldn't stay away from her." Oliver stopped suddenly as he could no longer breathe. He closed his eyes and focused on the Island instead of on the woman he loved but had lost.

Diggle just waited and watched his friend struggle. He knew Oliver was still grieving himself and hadn't accepted what had happened to Lance, to Felicity, not really anyway. Oliver understood pain, grief, and guilt but he didn't understand how to do what needed to be done, how to live without Felicity by his side.

"I came here after Tommy's death – it helped me heal. It helped to just let go but Felicity hasn't let go. I thought if we brought her here that she could heal. I thought if she had us with her that she would be okay. She isn't healing, she isn't okay." Oliver's words were quiet now as he sat by her and took her hand into his once again.

Diggle couldn't stop his relieved grin. "That's just it Oliver – Felicity hasn't done anything." He knew Oliver didn't understand his comment but he also knew his friend's words had confirmed his own conclusion.

Oliver brought his focus from Felicity's hand in his to Diggle's face and was shocked to see the other man's grin. "Digg?" Oliver heard the hope in his own voice as he had to believe there was a reason for the grin.

"You came and pushed your body to the point of exhaustion – you used the activity as a release. You used it to break through the barriers and it helped clear your mind and your heart. Felicity needs to do the same. We need to force her to find that release, to break through the barriers." Diggle was sure of his plan now but he watched silently as Oliver processed his words with a worried look and a furrowed brow.

"We force her to train? You want to strike at Felicity and hope she's still aware enough to react without getting hurt?" Oliver was caught between hope and fear.

"We have to try and reach her. You know as well as I do the power of survivor's guilt. Felicity is trapped in limbo now – she's suffocating under the burden of her guilt and fear. Maybe if we get her to physically fight then we can empower her enough to reach her mind and heart. Maybe she could actually work through her grief then." Diggle knew the plan was risky but he couldn't sit by and lose them both.

"Maybe she could come back to us?" Oliver wanted Felicity to heal, to be healthy and happy again. He couldn't imagine a future without her but if only one of them was going to survive then he knew it needed to be her. It would hurt him to take this chance but any of his pain would be worth it if it helped Felicity. She's so much better than me.

"She won't be the same Oliver." Diggle spoke bluntly as he watched the hope and determination enter Oliver's eyes. "Even when she comes back, she may not be the Felicity we know. The Felicity you love."

Oliver had started to interrupt Diggle but he heard his own jaw snap shut as he processed his friend's last words. They had never talked about Slade's revelations but Oliver knew he couldn't deny them. He also knew his love would only hurt Felicity though so he had no intention of adding that burden to her.

"My feelings don't matter. We need to do whatever is necessary for Felicity." Oliver abruptly dropped Felicity's hand and without another word he strode from camp.

Diggle watched him go even though he thought Oliver was wrong about his feelings not being important and he wanted to argue the point. Felicity is Oliver's hope for the future but he is hers too. Diggle was convinced that Oliver would be the only way to reach Felicity so he started to work on another plan, one that he wouldn't share with either friend. Both of them needed the other to heal and to move forward and Diggle would do whatever it took to help them.

Oliver moved silently through the Island forest until he was several minutes from camp. He paused as he felt the band around his heart constrict even more tightly – Oliver literally felt pain in his heart for Felicity. Without further thought he broke into a run and focused all his energy on that physical activity. Instead of seeing Felicity's vacant eyes he focused on moonlight illuminating a small path through the woods. Instead of smelling Lance's blood on Felicity's hands as he washed them for her he drew in a sharp breath and tried to identify the aromas of the flowers he passed by. Instead of hearing Felicity's shaky voice tell Sara and Laurel their father loved them he searched for the sound of water he knew was nearby.

He continued to run even as memories of Felicity from the past fought for his attention too. He could see the bright pink lipstick, he could smell the floral scent of her favorite lotion, he could feel the softness of her skin as he touched her elbow, and he could remember how his heart raced whenever she wrapped her arms around him to welcome him back after a difficult mission.

Needing more of a distraction Oliver started climbing over some forest debris in his path even as he slid under some fallen trees along the way as well. He then intentionally veered from the moonlit path as he sought the additional challenge of rocky hills to climb in the darkness. His ongoing distraction with Felicity forced him to land hard as he saw the fallen tree too late to jump high enough. His foot caught on a high limb and he fell into a forward roll that carried him into the cold water of the stream he was searching for earlier.

The cold water served as a wake-up call for Oliver though and brought him back to the present. He realized he was far from camp now as he had again left his friends alone as he tried to outrun his own demons. He understood Felicity's pain, grief, and guilt as those same emotions were suffocating him as well. Oliver buried those feelings though as he again started to run again. This time he ran back to camp, back to Felicity.