Chapter 5 – Acceptance

AN – I know it's still dark and angsty but it's taking longer than I thought to properly address Felicity's reaction to the tragedy. I am still working on the next chapters but it looks like it will now be 8 chapters so Ch 6 will be posted today and the final two tomorrow. Definitely finding the happy ending in time for the actual show's finale though!

AN2 – Again, many thanks for everyone's continued support! Mic, always a special thanks to you for your help!

DISCLAIMER – Still no ownership rights to CW's Arrow and I don't see that changing anytime soon so expect this message in the next chapter too…and the next, and the next…

Oliver watched as Diggle took Felicity's hand and she smiled at him as she held on to him. He met Diggle's eyes even as he found Felicity's other hand resting on his shoulder and held on to it. Felicity turned to meet his eyes and smiled at him as well. Oliver knew Diggle shared his relief even if Felicity didn't quite understand what was going on just yet. Felicity was back and that was all that mattered!

It had started with the three of them and now it really was the three of them again.

Felicity wasn't sure what was going on but she wasn't ready to find out either. It really was as if she had just awakened from a nightmare. As her feelings of fear and pain continued to linger though, Felicity realized that perhaps it wasn't just a nightmare but she couldn't face that reality just yet. Instead she smiled once more at Oliver then dropped her head to his shoulder and closed her eyes.

Oliver gladly returned Felicity's smile and cuddled her close when she placed her head on his shoulder. He simply enjoyed the close contact and wanted to continue to enjoy it instead of forcing Felicity to talk, to relive her pain, and to possibly turn from him. Oliver was surprised when he felt Felicity go limp mere minutes later and his whole body tensed in fear as he jerked his head to look at Diggle.

"Relax, I think she just fell asleep." Diggle had seen soldiers react as Felicity had and knew that type of emotional purge drained one's energy very quickly. He knew sleeping was good for her, but still he waited and watched in concern as well.

Oliver heard Diggle's words but he was having difficulty processing them as he adjusted Felicity on his lap. He needed to see her face as he felt her pulse - steady and strong. He watched her chest rise and fall several times before he again switched his gaze to her face. It did appear she was just sleeping. He tightened his grip and watched for several more moments before he nodded for Diggle's benefit. He then stood with Felicity still in his arms and headed back to camp.

Diggle stood with Oliver and moved to lead the way. They knew from Oliver's trip last year that the Island was truly deserted now but they still remained on alert. As Felicity had run without thought or plan her circular path hadn't actually taken them far from camp so it was a short trip back.

"Let's just stay here and let her sleep a bit. We need to wake her in a couple hours though so she can eat and drink. A little more hand-to-hand training would be good too - could help her sleep tonight." Diggle found it easier to focus on the logistics instead of worrying about just what Felicity remembered, how she felt, and how the tragedy would affect her. He was also worried about how Oliver would be impacted as well. Diggle felt he was closer to getting his two partners back but they weren't home free just yet.

Diggle turned to see Oliver trying to lay Felicity on her sleeping bag but he was having trouble letting go of her. He tried several times but each time his arms remained locked around the sleeping blond. Diggle chuckled outright when he noticed Oliver's frustrated frown directed at Felicity as if she was somehow to blame.

Oliver redirected his glare toward Diggle when he heard his low chuckle. He wasn't amused himself - it seemed like his arms wouldn't obey his mind's command to let go. He knew Felicity needed to sleep and he knew he and Diggle should train but he wasn't able to let go of her just yet.

"Having problems Oliver?" Diggle's laughter was louder now but he quieted when Felicity stirred slightly. Felicity had never been what they expected and even after all of this time and everything they had been through it seemed Oliver still didn't know what to do with her. Seeing Oliver Queen or the Arrow as unsure was always a source of amusement to Diggle; however, his laughter died when he heard Oliver's quiet words.

"She'll be okay now, right? She can be different - she can be anything she wants as long as she's okay." Oliver barely pushed the words out as the band around his heart constricted painfully once again. He had managed to let go but he remained kneeling next to the sleeping woman.

"Soldiers react differently, it's an individual thing. I know you don't want to see her as a soldier but that's what she is, especially now. We need to keep pushing her and she needs to talk this out, but I don't know how she will react. I do know she's strong though." Diggle knew he was speaking to himself as much as Oliver now. He was worried about Felicity and he was worried about Oliver.

Oliver had continued to stare at Felicity but he finally turned to face Diggle. "She's not alone and I believe in her." Oliver was also speaking as much for himself as he was Diggle. He needed to repeat Felicity's words, he needed to believe she would be okay.

Both men stood without further comment and moved to train nearby. Both were distracted and their sparring was sloppier than usual though as both continued to glance toward their other partner. Diggle was just about to call a halt to it when they both heard Felicity moan before she sat up and screamed. Oliver was at her side in mere seconds.

"Felicity?" Oliver spoke softly. He reached for her but remembering Felicity's reaction that morning his hand froze in midair and he allowed it drop to his thigh without actually touching her. "Felicity." Oliver spoke in a much louder voice and injected more authority in it as he commanded her to respond.

Felicity opened her eyes and saw Oliver next to her instead of Detective Lance dead in her lap. She gave a hoarse cry and tumbled onto Oliver who immediately gathered her close. She immediately placed a hand over his heart to reassure herself that he was there and alive. Felicity realized her nightmare was real and knew she had to accept it.

"Detective Lance died to protect me. Slade killed him instead of me." Felicity continued to cling to Oliver as she whispered the words against his neck.

"Detective Lance died doing what he thought was right and yes, Slade was to blame." Oliver chose his words carefully and hoped Felicity heard the distinction as he needed her not to claim the blame.

When Felicity didn't acknowledge Oliver's words Diggle stepped closer and asked quietly. "What do you remember Felicity?"

Felicity struggled against Oliver's hold even as he tightened his grip. "I'm fine - I can do this." For the first time since they battled Slade Felicity's tone was authoritative, sharp even.

Both Oliver and Diggle grinned at hearing the familiar tone but Felicity didn't notice as she immediately stood upright and hugged her arms against her chest. She replayed the events of that night in her mind - she easily saw their Team planning as well as all those who joined to assist them. She remembered struggling to follow their movements through the city as traffic cams were down and power failures put half the city in the dark. Felicity had also been trying to assist the police as well and she had stayed in touch with Detective Lance via radio. She had juggled various tasks to keep their efforts coordinated and moving forward but Felicity had known her part was easy. She remembered the stress of worrying about her Team as they risked their lives while she remained safe at the clock tower.

Felicity felt tears sting her eyes as she recalled hearing the battle at headquarters when Laurel had been taken. Lance had been briefly knocked out but as soon as he was awake he asked Felicity to send Laurel's location to his phone. They had anticipated that she may become a target so they had installed a tracker in her clothes. Felicity had just sent the intel and moved to switch to the comms to update Oliver when she saw Isabel.

"It was Isabel who came for me. I didn't have time to tell you about Laurel. Oliver, I'm sorry about that—" Felicity had turned to look at Oliver when she apologized and he was the one who interrupted her.

"You activated the tracker and updated Lance's phone though right?" Oliver had meant to offer reassurance as he knew Felicity took her job on their Team seriously, but he realized his mistake when she gasped and the color drained from her face.

"I sent him to his own death!" Felicity stumbled over the words as she realized what she had done.

"No!" Oliver nearly yelled his denial as he jumped up to grab Felicity's shoulders. "Lance needed to try and save Laurel. He was going to make a move anyway Felicity."

"But he wouldn't have known where to go. I sent him there...to Slade, I sent him to die...for me!" Felicity's voice rose and trembled with the force of her pain and guilt.

"No, you gave the police valuable intel and you allowed a man to be there to protect his daughter." Diggle spoke the words quietly and emphasized his points with a nod when Felicity turned to him.

"But I-" Felicity wanted to believe Diggle but she just couldn't.

"But nothing Felicity. What if Slade had tried to kill Laurel, would you blame her if Lance had saved her?" Oliver spoke urgently as he knew guilt could destroy one's soul and he couldn't allow that to happen to Felicity.

Felicity heard the plea under the urgency and she brought her gaze to him. She could see the truth in Oliver's face and she took a deep breath as she tried to accept it. "Not every death in this city is your fault." Felicity repeated Lance's message for Oliver. If she wasn't responsible for Lance's death, then neither was Oliver and she needed him to know that. She watched as Oliver looked away briefly before meeting her eyes again. Felicity continued to watch as Oliver struggled to accept the truth as she did.

Oliver wasn't surprised Felicity had made the connection and linked her innocence to his even if he knew he wasn't innocent. After briefly looking away, he continued to stare into her eyes and he saw the Felicity he knew and loved - someone with such a sweet heart and gentle nature that despite the tragedy of Lance's death and her own agony, she still worried about him. Felicity may still be different once she healed fully and moved forward but it was obvious to Oliver that her essence would still be pure. He couldn't help but smile at her.

Felicity smiled gently in return as she waited on Oliver's nod of acceptance. She knew he continued to struggle with feelings of failing the city as he continued to shoulder too much burden and responsibility. Felicity also knew that if they were truly going to move past this latest tragedy then both of them had to let go of some of those burdens. He needed to let some of the ghosts such as Shado and Detective Lance rest in peace. As Felicity watched him struggle she promised herself that she would continue to try and get Oliver to release his past guilt and that she would fight to keep him from adding new burdens.

Oliver thought about all that he has shared with Felicity while she slept, while she remained lost in purgatory. He remembered telling her he wanted to return to Starling City and that he still believed in their cause. He knew in that moment that his words hadn't been empty platitudes. Oliver felt the band around his heart ease as he took a deep breath, took a chance, and nodded his acceptance to Felicity. If she could let go of her pain and guilt then he would try to do the same.

Diggle watched the silent exchange between his partners in relief. It appeared they both wanted to heal and move forward and he was ready to help. He knew he needed them just as much as they needed him.

It had started with the three of them and they needed it to continue to be the three of them.