Chapter 6 - Soldiers

AN – Again, thank you all for your support (I truly can't say that enough esp. as I know this story is very emotional)! Mic, thank you for keeping this on track and correcting my many mistakes!

DISCLAIMER – Still no claim on CW's Arrow but feel free to stay and play with me anyway!

Diggle watched the silent exchange between his partners in relief. It appeared they both wanted to heal and move forward and he was ready to help. He knew he needed them just as much as they needed him.

It had started with the three of them and it would continue to be the three of them.

Felicity gave Oliver another smile before she turned away from both men. She knew there was still so much more to discuss, so much more to remember but she needed a break. It was really only then that she finally processed that they were on the Island. She glanced around the camp in surprise and confusion before snippets of her nightmare returned and she remembered the plane ride, jumping from a plane with Oliver-

"You pushed me out of a plane - a perfectly good airplane Oliver!" Annoyance replaced Felicity's confusion and she turned to glare at Oliver.

Diggle chuckled before he replied for Oliver. "It was his turn Felicity." He tried for a straight face but he was just too happy that Felicity was showing emotions other than fear and guilt and that she was acting like Felicity.

"Do you remember anything after...that night?" Oliver redirected their attention back to the subject at hand even if he stumbled a bit as he couldn't seem to say 'the night we lost you and Lance'.

Felicity continued to glare at Oliver even as she tried to remember what had happened. Images from her nightmare returned as she saw a funeral first and even though the images were hazy Felicity shied away from the obvious implications, she also remembered a hospital but wasn't sure how that was relevant, and she even had glimpses of fighting Oliver which struck her as hysterically funny. Felicity started laughing and she only got louder when she noticed Oliver's and John's worried expressions. She tried to gesture that she was okay as she couldn't stop laughing long enough to reassure them verbally.

Oliver raised a single brow and watched as the blond sat back down on her sleeping bag and continued to laugh. He was concerned at first as this was just as unexpected as her previous screaming and fighting. However, Oliver felt his own smile as he continued to watch Felicity. He turned and saw Diggle was also smiling even as he shook his head no to let Oliver know he had no clue what was going on.

"Okay, sorry, sorry. I've got it under control - the images are disjointed and fuzzy so I'm not sure what's real and what's not. I get that Detective Lance's funeral was real but I don't believe I actually punched you, Oliver. I don't understand why my brain isn't working right. I've always been able to count on my own mind, to understand my own thoughts-" Felicity came to an abrupt stop as she realized both men looked slightly guilty but also slightly amused.

"Okay, what have I missed now?" Felicity came close to using Oliver's Arrow growl which seemed to amuse both men as well. Both stopped smiling though when Felicity stood up and crossed her arms over her chest and glared at them.

Oliver and Diggle exchanged another look as neither wanted to tell Felicity that they had pushed her to the breaking point and that she had actually fought against Oliver. Diggle actually felt guilty for misleading Oliver and not letting him in on the plan as well so he spoke first.

"I think you've suffered from PTSD since that battle with Slade. It happens to a lot of soldiers, Felicity. Basically you were almost comatose and simply existing." Diggle stopped his explanation as Felicity had started pacing back and forth across camp.

"I'm not a soldier like you guys, John." Felicity muttered the words as that was the only point she could actually process. If Diggle was right and her mind had been sleeping before, well, it was certainly awake and in overdrive now. She had learned a lot of medical procedures since she had joined Team Arrow, she had finally learned to accept the sight of blood, and she also thought she understood some of the burdens they carried when fought the bad guys. However, she hadn't really considered the possibility of the psychological scars, the diagnosable conditions that they faced, that she apparently faced. Felicity remembered suffering from slight panic attacks and nightmares after the Count, but she hadn't made the connection then. She looked at John as she stubbornly repeated her statement, "I'm not a soldier."

"Actually you are, Felicity. You have been for a while and I've think we've all overlooked that fact." Diggle spoke quietly as he voiced the guilt he hadn't even shared with Oliver, even though they had discussed this earlier. He met the other man's eyes now. "That is something else that needs to change this time around."

Oliver nodded as he realized Diggle was referencing their earlier discussion about the second location and the changes needed to make their new lair better. He also realized that Diggle was right about him not wanting to see Felicity as a soldier. Soldiers bore too many burdens, too many scars and he didn't want that life for Felicity. Oliver turned to find Felicity staring at him and he saw the shadows in her eyes. The Felicity he knew was still there, her light still bright, but there were shadows there now too and he would just have to accept that. He turned back to again nod at Diggle - they would make every effort to protect her as a partner and as a fellow soldier going forward.

Felicity knew she was still missing something, but her brain continued to confuse her by adding new images and even new sounds to her already jumbled recollections. She could hear Oliver's quiet voice talking about the Island, not this Island trip but both of his other Island experiences. She still couldn't figure out what was real though and her head had started to ache fiercely. It still felt strange to her that her own brain betrayed her as her intellect was something she usually used to even the playing field against others. Felicity rubbed at her temples and closed her eyes as she tried to fight the pain and focus on finding the truth. She needed the information before she could truly understand and move on.

Oliver and Diggle noticed her pain and both acted to ease it. Diggle spoke softly. "It will take time to get back to...normal."

Felicity looked up when Diggle spoke, but she then glanced toward Oliver as he appeared to be walking away from them. With a slight frown, Felicity returned her attention to Diggle as she thought about his words.

Diggle saw to the moment when she processed his hesitation. He continued before she could even ask. "War changes people, even good people...especially good people Felicity. You just need to take things slowly and expect some difficult adjustments."

"You aren't alone and we believe in you. I believe in you Felicity." Oliver added his support to Diggle's by repeating Felicity's own words as he returned with a cup containing a brown liquid. "Drink. It will help with the headache." Oliver smiled as Felicity's nose wrinkled at the smell.

"I hope it tastes better than it smells." Felicity accepted the drink without question but nearly choked at the foul taste even as she finished drinking it.

"No, it really doesn't." Oliver confirmed with a wider smile. He took the cup back and motioned for Felicity to lay down. "It will also help you sleep."

"We all need an early night." Diggle spoke quickly when he saw the panic flit across Felicity's expressive face.

"You really aren't alone Felicity - we'll be right here." Oliver gave her a slightly teasing smile and was glad she returned it with a slight laugh.

Felicity moved to lie inside the sleeping bag and once she was settled she again looked around the camp. It made more sense now that they would bring her here to get her away from Starling City. This is where Oliver faced his own demons after Tommy's death and they were trying to help her face hers. She couldn't help but wish once again that Oliver could have gotten stranded on a nice sandy beach with coconuts and those fruity drinks with the little umbrellas. She gave a slight sigh as her own musings. When Felicity noticed both men looking at her in question she quickly blurted out as partial explanation. "Have I ever told you that I hate camping?"

All three laughed and settled in for a quiet evening. Each reviewed the recent past and continued to try and make peace with their own ghosts, even as they continued to worry about their partners doing the same. Felicity fell asleep first as Diggle and Oliver both remained alert and on watch. The men didn't discuss anything but continued to process on their own even as they both continued to glance frequently at Felicity's sleeping form.

Oliver was already staring at Felicity when he noticed the tiny frown appear. He continued to watch as she started flinching and jerking suddenly even as her breathing became irregular. At her low moan though Oliver moved to try and wake her up but Diggle's voice stopped him.

"See if you can soothe her but let her continue to sleep. She needs to rest." Diggle wasn't sure if it would work but he knew neither of them could continue to watch her suffer.

Oliver gently caressed Felicity's face as he whispered her name. When Felicity turned to nuzzle the hand against her face, he adjusted his hand to cup her cheek. Oliver again spoke her name even as Felicity reached up to hold on to his wrist. He watched as her breathing slowed and Felicity settled back into a peaceful sleep while still clutching his arm. Oliver continued to watch for several more minutes but it did appear that Felicity was asleep without any nightmares – he knew he should return to watch, but he found his body again wouldn't obey his commands and he stayed beside Felicity instead.

"Why don't you try to sleep too? I'll take first watch tonight." Diggle was careful to avoid Oliver's eyes as he was again amused by his friend's struggles. Oliver routinely fought thugs, criminals, and even trained assassins without thought and yet he seemed scared for and because of one slim, small blond. Diggle knew Oliver loved Felicity but he also knew his friend was terrified of admitting that to her.

Oliver glanced uncertainly back at Diggle but saw his friend was in fact alert and on watch. With only a moment's hesitation, he settled his body quickly next to Felicity as this time his legs accepted his command. He was half on Felicity's sleeping bag as he wanted to allow her to keep her grip on his wrist if she wanted, if it helped her sleep. For the first time in weeks, possibly months, Oliver fell asleep quickly without nightmares plaguing his own rest.

Diggle remained at watch, guarding his friends' rest even as he too was able to breathe easier and relax. The hours slipped by quietly enough as Diggle noticed that neither Felicity nor Oliver awoke again nor were they troubled by nightmares. He also noticed that they continued to gravitate toward one another, despite the fact that Felicity was inside the sleeping bag and Oliver was on top of it. Felicity was now turned completely toward Oliver and aligned fully against his side. Their joined hands rested on Oliver's chest and his other arm hugged the blond against him.

Oliver awoke suddenly as was his habit but he remained still as he processed his surroundings. It took him only a moment to identify Felicity as the person next to him, but Oliver was then distracted by her presence even though she clearly wasn't a threat. He took several additional moments to focus on the silky hair against his neck, the soft fingers linked with his, and the overwhelming feeling of comfort that stole over him as he tightened his grip on her. Oliver then forced himself to concentrate on their camp before he opened his eyes and met Diggle's carefully blank face. He frowned at his friend even as he pressed a kiss to Felicity's temple and slowly moved away.

"You should have woken me up." Oliver's voice was hoarse and he moved to drink some water before he stretched and walked around the camp a bit.

"You both needed sleep Oliver. You both slept peacefully too." Diggle paused as he wasn't sure it was the right time to bring up Oliver's feelings for Felicity; however, he knew they needed to discuss her feelings. "She still has to remember everything and face it, Oliver."

"She seems like Felicity though, doesn't she?" Oliver understood his friend's concern but he was still focused on Felicity smiling, making eye contact, and talking. She hadn't rambled yet but she had threatened and teased just like she always had.

"She does but I think we all need to accept that she is a soldier and treat her like that. We need to keep her talking and we need to train her. We can't simply consider this an aberration and let her go back." Diggle had given this a great deal of thought during the night and while it would easy to just say Felicity was back and celebrate, he just didn't think it would be that easy. He needed Felicity and Oliver to be aware that while she had made progress and they had all taken the small steps together, they needed to be in this for the long haul. They all needed to accept the dangers and the consequences before they returned to Starling City to start fighting again.

Oliver heard the worry in his friend's tone and nodded his acceptance. He would do whatever was best for Felicity even if that meant he had to accept that she would have scars of her own, ghosts of her own. He wanted nothing more than to lock her away and protect her but that simply wasn't Felicity, that wasn't the woman he loved. For them to have a future together, he needed to accept Felicity as a fellow soldier and he needed to help her accept that too…assuming that is what she wanted.

It started with the three of them and he needed it to continue to be the three of them.