Instead of taking the bus home, I walk, that way I should arrive around the same time as Sam and avoid any questions from my mother and father. I don't want to lie to them but I don't want them to know that their daughter can't even pass a test that is designed for you not to fail. I absentmindedly kicked at the stones beneath my feet hoping they can provide an answer that the system failed to provide for me. If I thought I was lost before the test where was I now? Thrown out into the abyss on the precipice of jumping feet first into a fraction I don't belong. I reach my street slightly early as I approach our simplistic gray cement home. To have otherwise would only promote individual preference which would further promote vanity, greed and envy. So we live a plain life. We are equal and so can envy no one, apart from the other fractions maybe, but that's again probably just me. I shrink down onto the top step of our home and wait for Sam to arrive, to try and find comfort in his certainty that I lack. It's not long before I see the similar grey robes floating in the wind down our street as Sam rushes out "Santana, what happened !? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine" I smile squeezing his hand gently something is telling me to trust him to tell him of my difference. The fact I am neither fraction. I am divergent. But I don't quite know what that means myself yet, I know its trouble from what Kitty told me and the look in her eyes but until I have answers I best keep this information to myself like she heeded. "I got sick, so the test admin sent me home, I feel okay now though" I smile relaxing the worried look on his face. I pull open the door and we enter the kitchen as I slide into the familiar practice of preparing dinner, tonight is my night and all I feel like is going to my room and drowning my thoughts in the pillow that holds so many of my dreams, ones that do not involve me being in this home, ones that allow individuality, but that would be selfish, so I peel the potatoes and breathe deeply.
"Are you sure that's what happened, San?" Sam try's with a tentative hand on my shoulder as I glance at him.
"Sam I'm not supposed to discuss it and you're not supposed to ask" I state with a smile as he nods and he picks up a peeler to help. Yes he definitely belongs to abnegation. We work silently as we defrost the peas and cook the chicken it's not until I glance at the clock realising our parents will return that I break the silence.
"Don't tell our parents what happened today, okay?" As if he feels my distress he nods and I sigh a breath of relief.
By the time our parents get home, dinner is ready and the table set. My mother and father shuffle around the small kitchen with us as my father kisses my forehead and hugs Sam. "How did it go?" he asks as I direct him to the table and we all sit down.
"I heard there was an upset with one of the tests" My mother says as my eyes go wide for a second and Sam stares at his bowl intently.
"Really?" my father inquires looking shocked and she nods.
"Yes, apparently something went wrong and the results had to be reported verbally, the student had to go home early, sickness I believe"
"Oh I hope they're ok, did you two hear about it?" my father asks and I again wish he wouldn't, my voice appears to be stuck as my response gets repeated in my head but fails to break the silence.
"No" Sam states simply. The rest of the meal passes simply as we eat contently and I focus all my energy to keep the food down, worry plaguing my every move. A conversation picks up between my parents, simple talk about their days. A formality within our fraction is that we mustn't speak at the dinner table unless directly spoken to. Our ability to listen is a gift given to us apparently. I tune into the conversation as my father's expressions appear strained.
"Steven had a terrible day at work, and I can barely stand to see it" My father retorted to my mother's question. Steven is my father's co-worker in the city, both political leaders. The city is ruled by a council of fifty people that is composed of abnegation members as our fraction is regarded as incorruptible due to our commitment to selflessness.
"Is this about that report Sue Sylvester released?" my mother says. Sue is Erudite's sole representative. Sue is the subject of my father's complaints nearly every week, so the conversation spikes my interest.
"A report?" I inquire.
Sam gives me a sharp look as I so carelessly go against the formalities we were raised upon.
"Yes" my father states the tension in his jaw visible. "Those arrogant, self righteous-"he pauses and shakes his head as we watch him compose himself. "Sorry. But she released a report attacking Steve's character. Her attacking his character!" he all but cried as my mother places a hand on his.
"What did it say?" I ask with raised eyebrows.
"Santana" My mother reprimanded quietly.
"It said that Steve's violence and cruelty towards his daughter is the reason she chose Dauntless instead of Abnegation" I don't have that form of excuse, my betrayal is all me and makes the process even harder. Few people who are born into abnegation choose to leave so when they do, we all remember. Two years ago, Steven's daughter, left us for the Dauntless. I've never met her nor has Sam presumably due to their home discretions that may have been a reason why she never came to our house for dinner like her father did.
"Cruel? Steven?" My mother shakes her head "That poor man, as if he needs reminding of his loss."
"Of his daughter's betrayal, you mean?" my father retorts coldly making my insides lurch and hands whiten. That's how I would be seen to him. Nothing more than a traitor "I shouldn't be surprised at this point. The Erudite have been attacking us with these reports for months now, it's only going to get worse" he muttered.
"Why?" I whisper my eyebrows furrowed.
"Santana" my mother chastises again as I blush and stare down at my barely touched plate, settling for pushing the peas around the plate.
"Because we have something they want. Vaulting knowledge above all else results in a lust for power and that leads men into dark and empty places, we however, know better" I nod and I confirm my decision that I will not choose Erudite despite my test results. I would not betray my family in such a hurtful way.
After dinner my parents washed and cleared the table as me and Sam climbed the stairs towards our rooms, just as I turn to enter the solace of my room he stops me with a firm hand on my shoulder, his pale hands so greatly contrasted with my tanned skin. "Santana" I turn and look directly into his eyes my resolve almost breaking. "It's ok you know, too do something for yourself. I-I don't think it's a bad thing for something so important" It's a shock to hear anything come out of his mouth that resembles even anything remotely selfish so I return the words of comfort.
"I know Sam, nor do you. Our parents don't expect us to make the choice for them; they just want what's best for us."
"Do they though?" he squeezes my shoulder comfortingly and I lean into the embrace before he pulls away and enters his room that is immaculately made. I walk into my room and close the door firmly behind me. I wish I could talk to Sam, tell him I'm going through the same thing but I know I can't. I'm ashamed of my results of my thoughts and selfish wishes. It will require far more selflessness that I have to choose Abnegation tomorrow, and a great act of courage to choose Dauntless a quality I've never been able to express in my live of obligation. One thing is for sure, tomorrow, one of the two qualities will struggle within me and only one will win.
Me, Sam and our parents head towards the front steps of the building that holds the choosing ceremony, masses of grey alike do similar, everyone oblivious to the internal debate raging inside of me. The crowds are thick so we choose to take the stairs instead of the elevator and I again wish we didn't have to that and we didn't have to be selfless, that I could for once be selfish and not have the burning pain in my legs and tight chest as the stairs finally end. My mother holds the door open and we enter out of the stair well and into the room where I will decide my fate. The room is arranged much like a lecture room, there are five sections one for each of the fractions and we seat ourselves among our peers, with our families. This year is Abnegation's year to hold the ceremony, meaning Steven will give the opening speech. At the centre of the room directly in front of the 5 sections is five metal bowls placed upon a table each containing a substance that represents each fraction: gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, lit coals for Dauntless and glass for Candor. When Steven will read off a name they will walk to the centre of the room and cut their hand letting their blood drip onto the fraction they choose. Fraction before blood. The room comes to order as Steven stands at the podium and clears his throat into the microphone. "Welcome, to the choosing ceremony. To the day in which we honour the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, that we are free to choose our destiny in this world." He pauses letting the words sink in before continuing. "Our dependants are now sixteen, neither children nor adults they must decide what kind of people they will be, our ancestors realised it was human nature, our inclination towards evil that accounted for the warring world and so arranged fractions that would eradicate such qualities." I glance towards the bowls in front of Steven still unsure of whom and what I believe in. "Those who blamed aggression formed Amity. Those who blamed ignorance because the Erudite. Those who blamed duplicity made candor. Those who blamed selfishness made Abnegation. And those who blamed cowardice became Dauntless." I clench my mother's hand as the time grows ever nearer and glance towards Sam whose expression remains the same.
"These fractions have lived in peace for many years, each contributing a different quality in our society. In our fractions we find our meaning, our purpose and our ways of life and it is today out new initiates must decide which way of life is for them." I round of applause sounds as my senses turn off and I can only focus on trying to remain conscious. One by one each sixteen year old steps out of their section and walks to the middle of the room taking up the knife and sealing their fate. The first boy chooses Candor, the same fraction to which he was born and is received with smiles and pats on the back. The process falls into a familiar pattern until. "Noah Puckerman" Steven announces. Noah is of the Candor, those who uphold honesty. He approaches the bowls with conviction sliding the blade across his palm and squeezing his hand fiercely above the dauntless bowl neither wincing nor smiling as he does so. The first fraction transfer. He will be seen as a traitor from now on from the candor who looks bereaved as Noah strides confidently over to the dauntless as they welcome him instantly. "Sam Lopez" Says Steven with a smile as Sam squeezes my hand for a last time and walks towards the bowls. He similarly cuts his palm and stands between two bowls the blood pooling in his hand as he clenches his eyes closed and opens them again quickly as his blood drips over the Dauntless bowl the coals stained with his blood. There are outraged cries as the room spins from my vision, my brother a Dauntless?! Impossible, unthinkable, Sam is selfless yet his actions are the opposite here and now. The Dauntless wear smug smiles and the Abnegation all wear look of horror and rage as this action has only fuelled the fire of the inadequacy of our fraction. Sam glances at me once with an apologetic look but I cannot return his gaze as my name is called. I force myself to stand up; shaking with every step I take towards the bowls. He's betrayed our family, our fraction. How can I now do the same, desert our family completely, leave them childless, two plates around the table built for four. Though it's comforting to know he's there with the people I admire, and what to become a part of. I have the opportunity now to live a life without confinements with the support of someone I love, but at what cost? The loss of my parents, the loss of my mother and best friend, the resentment that will fill the void I leave is all too much to think about. I wince as the blade slides across my palm but the pain can barely touch that of the emotional torment I'm enduring. I turn towards the bowls the Dauntless coals to my left and Abnegation stones to my right. I bring my hand to my chest feeling the pulsating pounding of my heart against my chest and I thrust my hand out towards the gap between each of the bowls. With one last gasp I shift my hand to the left as the blood sizzles against the coals blending in with my brothers and with the fire it now claims as home. I am selfish and I am brave.
There is nothing left to do but wait for the other initiates to choose their destiny as I have mine; my eyes remain fixed to the floor beneath me, too ashamed to chance a look at my parents. Does Sam feel the same way? Or has he always known he was a Dauntless. As the last initiate has chose it's time to leave. To start our new ways of life. The Dauntless exit first but cannot do so without walking past the mass of gray I only 10 minutes ago belonged too. Just as I am about to exit the room I look back towards my parents, I have to see them one last time. My father's eyes look angry, hurt and pained all at once bearing into my own as I'm forced to look away, my mother is smiling. I look over at Sam who is smiling and laughing barely affected by the weight of his decision, betrayal was always in his mind. He was obviously better at hiding it than me. I turn back around and focus on the crowd of black that heads towards the stairwell I entered through abnegation and would leave Dauntless. A mix of nervous, exited chills spread through me as they begin to run, shouting and laughing down the stairs as fast as the crowd would permit and I do the same, it's wild and it's crazy. We burst through the exit and onto the street, my muscles aching from the flat out sprint. It's a good thing I spent so many mornings observing the Dauntless, as the train horn sounds I'm familiar with their practice.
"Are we supposed to jump on that thing?" The cautious, out of breath Erudite boy next to me asks bewildered.
"Yes" I pant out.
The train glides past only slowing down slightly, as the Dauntless born initiates jump on first with practiced ease leaving only the transfers left to try their luck, I step forward and start jogging keeping up with the pace of the train till I see an open door and throw myself sideways, not quite strong enough to pull myself in I clench the handle near the opening as a Candor girl grabs my arm and shoulder and pulls me in.
"Thank you" I manage in between gasps as I notice the Erudite boy who questioned me fall behind the train and sink to his knees now fractionless.
"You okay?" the candor girl who helped me asks. She's taller than me by about 3 inches, pale skin and blonde hair that skims her shoulders, with soft green eyes, much like my brothers I feel at ease with her, she's undeniably pretty. I blush at the internal thoughts and my wondering eyes as I nod and sink to the ground. "Quinn" she says as she falls down next to me offering me a hand to which I tentatively shake.
"Santana"
"Why are we on the floor?" she asks with an amused smile. It's not brave but it's smart.
"Fast train means fast winds and that means falling, I don't feel like falling out a train today when I went through so much to get on it in the first place" I smile as she grins. The wind rushes though the car and the other fraction transfers stumble and fall on top of each other as Quinn's laugh fills my ears and I join in with her.
I'm not sure how long we'd been sat against the cold metal of the car walls, but Quinn's distress brought me to my sense quickly. "They're jumping off!" true to her word I watch as a Dauntless initiate leaps from the moving train. Clambering to my feet I glance out the door, we're easily 4 meters above the rooftops they're leaping onto. Wondering how Sam is coping, I glance out the open door, watching as a blur of grey and blonde fly through the air landing on the roof top below with a shout of joy. I smile at the sight and here his encouragement.
"COME ON SANTANA!"
"So much for not falling out a train today" I mutter as Quinn grins next to me and I match her.
"We have to jump off too" I hear Noah state to the girl next to him as she nods and does so immediately with Noah following her.
"Quinn offers me her hand. "Here" she says "I can't just, I can't do it unless someone drags me!" She rushes out and I take her hand which feels more like me taking her friendship. Standing at the edge of the car I count
"One ... Two... Three!" On three we launch off the train car. Feeling weightless as the cold air presses against my skin and then, my feet slam into the solid ground and pain streams up my shins and knees sending me sprawling across the rooftop as I release Quinn's hand that seemed to have a similar landing.
"That was fun" She smiled and I stare at her with disbelief as we stand and dust ourselves off.
"Oh , yeah, so much fun I can barely contain my excitement, sign me up for the next train launching exercise" I grin as I lift my sleeve up to examine my elbow noticing the torn skin.
"Oh shit, look stiff's flashing some skin for once" Noah sinkers and I let my sleeve fall as I shoot him a glare, steadily walking towards the edge of the rooftop where a man stands.
"I wouldn't if I was you" Sam's voice makes me turn around as I watch him approach Noah.
"And what exactly are you going to do about it stiff."
"Speak to my sister like that again and I'll make sure you never speak again"
"Sam don't, he's not worth it"
"Yeah Sam" Noah laughs and walks away as Sam approaches me, anger evident in his strained expression and slightly red face.
"We definitely need to talk later" I mutter to Sam as he nods and we walk towards the edge of the building.
"My name is Will, one of the leaders of your new fraction" he shouts as he wonders back and forth on the ledge without a falter. "Below us is the members' entrance to our compound. If you can't muster the courage to jump off, you don't belong here. Initiates up first!" he shouts glancing at our small crowd of 9.
"What's down there?!" An Erudite girl asks stating the question on all of our minds.
"That's for you to find out!" Will states "Come on, one of you useless bunch has got to go first" Everyone remains fiercely stuck to the ground beneath them not wanting to lose that comfort. I glance at Quinn who stares back at me; the grin no longer on her face is replaced with a look of horror. I gulp back my nerves and step tentatively towards the ledge till my toes meet it. I pull myself up as I hear whispers behind me and a couple of laughs. The ledge I am standing on forms one of the 4 that make up the square. In the centre of the square is a huge hole in the concrete too far down to see what's at the bottom. I know there will be something to catch my fall at the bottom which is the only thing that helps me pull the gray robes from my body and throw them back onto the rooftop behind me, leaving me in a simple gray t-shirt. I don't think, I just bend my knees and jump.
I surge towards the ground the wind whistling in my ears and my hair flying around me as I try and keep my arms tight to my sides instead of flailing around me, every muscle in my body tenses as my heart feels as though it has dropped into my stomach, I hit something hard yet it decreases with my weight before springing me back up again about 8 metres in the air until my momentum has stopped and I remain motionless at the centre of the cradling net. I'm hysterical, as I shift towards the edge of the high net, as hands stretch out towards me and I grab one allowing them to pull me off the net, I fall again and I'm sure I would have fallen face first onto the wood if she had not caught me.
I glance up at the taller girl holding me steady, who once again has blonde hair, this time much longer but is pulled back into a high ponytail, her piercing blue eyes catching me off guard and grounding me from the fall. The steady hands that grip my arms are removed almost instantly after I stand upright.
"Thank you" I manage with a smile, but before I can hear the voice that belongs to the face a voice states below us in the cavern.
"I don't believe it" this time it belongs to a dark haired girl, thank god not all people I've encountered are blonde; I was starting to get intimidated but the numbers. She smirks at me "A stiff, the first to jump? Now that's crazy" she laughs
"Unlike you then Cass" The girl next to me states, her voice is soft yet commanding. Dressed in tight fitting black clothing I can see the evidence of a tattoo that creeps around the top of her neck so greatly contrasted to the paleness of her skin. It sends a shiver through me.
"What's your name?"
I hesitate a moment too long, how can I forget my name. "What, you don't know your name?" She laughs and I may have been embarrassed if I wasn't so fixated on her appearance. "Come on before I give you a new one, how's 'Princess' " she states nonchalantly a faint smile threatening my lips I state back. I can be remade here.
"San" I state firmly.
"San" Cass repeats grinning.
The blonde in front of me turns away and shouts "First jumper- San!"
I notice a crowd that materialises beneath me all jumping and cheering as screaming follows the body that sinks into the net after me, Quinn. Everyone is laughing again and I join in as a hand ghosts my back and I look up at the blonde next to me who grins before helping me down from the platform leaving someone else to help Quinn down. "Welcome to Dauntless, B by the way but most people just call me God, occasionally flawless" She shrugs and I laugh "You can stick to B though" She grins as she stands next to me as we watch the other initiates fall.
"That initiation was pretty tough"
I notice the blonde frown which instantly worry's me, have I already said something I shouldn't have?
"Princess that was just the start, it's only going to get tougher from here on out"
Ok so i'll continue the story, i'm aware it's very similar to the book at the moment which is purely because i want to establish the world and setting of the story before the major differences occur but it will be different i promise! Any contributions are welcome for the progression of the story and i'll update as soon as you want me too.