a/n: Genny910 makes this structurally acceptable for human consumption. I make it inappropriate for everyone.
"Love, I take it, must look toward something not quite accessible, something not quite understood." -James Branch Cabell
I suspected it was the only peace he ever got, when we were lying together in bed. He outlined my collarbone with his finger while I read from a book I had borrowed from his study. He had been quiet for the longest time I had ever experienced.
I imagined I had worn him out as much as you could with an immortal creature. I had ridden him for nearly two hours, slowing down every time he got near his climax, until he had trembled and begged me for release. Afterwards he shuddered and clutched me to his chest, whispering in my hair in an unrecognizable language.
Finally, I closed my book and stretched languidly. "We should get dressed for today's audience." Aro's appearances were sometimes brief, but they happened daily. He said it assured the guard and members of the court that he was ever-present and omniscient. I could see where it could get boring, but so far I had been fascinated to see what went on in them. Vampires sometimes came to have the three kings settle disputes or to seek information or advice. Immortal creatures with any political sense came to pay homage to their rulers. Some of them came against their will; those rarely left.
"In a moment," Aro spoke, lifting his finger from my throat and looking at me with a more serious look. "We should discuss something, Isabella." He had clearly been thinking when I assumed he was just drifting.
"As soon as the threat in Washington is dealt with, the Cullens will come here. Of course, they'll be concerned for you and will want to take you back with them. You'll have a decision to make."
For a moment, I thought he was talking about letting me go with them, and I know the surprise showed on my face. It wasn't a good feeling.
"Oh!" Aro laughed and shook his head at my response. "Don't misunderstand me, you're not going anywhere." He got up and grabbed his shirt from the floor. He put it on and began buttoning it while he continued talking.
"It's just that you have to consider carefully how you would like to present yourself when the Cullens come to call." He pulled on his pants. He had a surprising amount of dignity for someone putting on the clothes they'd discarded during a tryst.
"You can choose what you want them to think about your position here." Aro gave me a smirk when he said that. I smoldered at him, and he paused momentarily, off balance. Then he sat back down on the bed and, leaning over, took my chin in his hand.
"You can choose to meet them on your knees, like my pet, my plaything," he murmured in his quiet, smooth voice. "Or you can meet them on your feet, by my side, as my treasure." He leaned in closer. "You know which one I would prefer." He got back up and fixed his cuffs. "Not that I wouldn't enjoy having you on your knees in private."
I nodded, slightly shaken by his seduction. It was disarming to realize that I didn't hold all the power in our intimate relationship.
When the Cullens did arrive, we were sitting in his study. He was telling me a story about having helped a Russian nobleman with a "demon" problem that turned out to be an abandoned set of newborns and how he'd received a beautiful icon in return. In the past, the brothers had sometimes represented themselves as "vampire hunters" in order to hide their identity. It allowed them to deal with renegade vampires without revealing their own nature.
Aro believed that what he and his brothers did was absolutely necessary to preserve the balance between humans and our kind. He believed in justice and clearly strove to be fair. I could see how the Cullens, with their emphasis on compassion and their desire to live like humans, could see the Volturi as evil, but I could also see where that wasn't necessarily the only truth. The existence of our kind had to remain a secret. The ramifications of humans knowing could be disastrous for all. I imagined young people flocking to vampires, begging to be changed. I could see governments using vampires as weapons, scientists using them as lab rats. If there were too many vampires, both humans and animals could become an endangered food source. I understood now very clearly why my new "family" had to do what they did.
Felix told us that the Cullens were downstairs waiting to be ushered into the throne room. Aro dismissed him and looked at me.
"Are you ready, my dear?" His voice was soft and polite, but there was no compassion in his gaze. I couldn't read what I saw there.
"You said before that you would show them that you owned me…" my voice trailed off. I was suddenly very nervous about what he intended to do in front of the Cullens.
"Yes. I intend to." He smiled at me patiently.
"You're not going to do anything…in front of them." I gestured to myself.
Aro laughed suddenly. "Oh, I see what has you so frightened." He smiled as one would to a very young child, which I supposed I was to him in that moment. I felt as if I had lost all the momentum I had built, all the power I had over him. It felt like that first day in that room, him seducing me in the ugliest way possible and me trembling with fear, trapped by my lack of choices and my uncontrollable human response to his monstrous charm.
"Isabella, I have more dignity than that." His tone was patronizing. "I will simply show young Edward one of the many glorious memories you've given me. I think that should be sufficient, don't you?"
I tried not to show my relief and how stupid and small I felt. "I think so." I stepped closer to him. "But, I want to give you another memory to chose from."
I dropped to my knees abruptly in front of him and reached for the zipper of his exquisite, expensive pants. I felt something like trembling from him as he realized what I had planned, and I suddenly felt stronger.
He gasped my name as I took him in my mouth, sliding my tongue along his member luxuriantly. I could feel his hand hovering above my hair as I teased him, moving more slowly than he wanted. I could tell he was tempted to press on my head to make me move faster, but he didn't dare. Just watching him fight that impulse brought back my confidence and feeling of power over him. I sped up my attentions and was met with a pleasured groan.
I had done this for him before but never in so subservient position. It was a curious irony that being on my knees before him gave me so much power over this most terrifying, complex creature. I literally controlled him with my mouth and hands in this moment. It was intensely arousing for me, and part of me wished that we didn't have to go downstairs so soon.
He came with a whimper and a groan, chanting my name. I released him, and he reached back to the chair he had been sitting in to steady himself. His eyes burned at me.
I stood and zipped him back up, maintaining eye contact, then I offered him my hand.
"Shall we?" I asked. He nodded, a mixture of lust, adoration, and fear on his perfect, arrogant face.
I felt nervous about seeing the Cullens. My human memories were supposed to be hazy but I could remember vividly the conversation he and I had when we returned from Italy in March. I remembered him saying that I would be thirty before the Volturi even thought of me again.
"No," he had said, when I asked him if he thought the Volturi would forget about me. "They won't forget. But…"
"But?" I had asked.
"I have a few plans." He grinned at me while I stared, furious with him.
"And these plans." I could have stared holes in him. "These plans all center around me staying human."
When my arrogant immortal boyfriend glared at me and said, "Naturally," I snapped.
"Get out," I said. He looked at me in shock so I repeated myself. "Get out of my house now before I scream and wake up my dad."
"Bella, you wouldn't-"
"I would," I cut him off. "I'll tell him you broke in here. Get out of here now."
"Bella, love, I-" Edward wanted to keep arguing with me but he must have seen what was on my face. I was utterly serious. I was appalled that after all we went through, after leaving me for months, almost dying in Volterra, the threat from Victoria, that he would still be insisting upon leaving me human, that he couldn't bend or change or acquiesce.
I refused to speak to him again. He tried for weeks. Rosalie and Emmett tried, telling me I was foolish, telling me that they understood my anger. Esme came by to talk to me one day. I apologized for upsetting her and insisted that she leave.
It hurt. A lot. A hundred times I wanted to call him, run to him, beg him to come back. But I had seen that even our experiences in Volterra hadn't changed his fundamental hatred of what he was or his willingness to be with me forever. I knew that nothing would change. And eventually it hurt less. It had just stopped aching and had settled down to a sad twinge every so often when I was surprised by three members of the guard showing up in my bedroom one night. I hadn't even fought them or even asked them why they came. My only thought was that Edward was wrong, again. They hadn't forgotten about me. It had been less than six months.
I had still seen the Cullens almost daily at school and around Forks in the time between that night I told Edward to stay away from me and when the members of the guard had taken me from my home. I remembered seeing them lingering in the corners, clearly watching me to see if I would change my mind. I had gotten used to the looks and the presence of them in the periphery. Edward hadn't even dazzled me anymore, now that I knew the misery of his very conditional love.
Still, it made me somewhat anxious. Edward hadn't wanted me changed and yet here I was, red-eyed and immortal. I had no idea how the rest of his family felt but they had acquiesced to his demand to leave me alone after my birthday party so I had to assume that, although they may have disagreed with him, they would still agree to his desires for my future. What would Carlisle think of my red eyes? Would Alice see my future and see that I had made a mistake choosing this life?
Perhaps thankfully, I didn't have a lot of time to question what would happen. Aro bid me to wait outside.
"I will call for you when I'm ready," he said, already formal and distant. I gave him a questioning look.
"This is theatre, Isabella. You have to choose your actions carefully, as do I. They'll have to ask for the privilege of seeing you."
I nodded and released his hand. I composed myself carefully, stroking the fabric of my dress and tidying my hair.
"You should let me do that," I heard Renata's voice. I had been so distracted by my anxiety I hadn't heard her approaching.
"Why doesn't Aro have you guarding him?" I was thankful for her presence, but I didn't understand. Surely he had some concern for his own well-being. He had invited a large, albeit generally peaceful, coven into his presence, one that had a reason to be angry.
"I'm close enough," Renata reassured me.
I took Renata's hand and smiled tightly at her. "I'm glad you're here."
We stood that way in the antechamber for a few minutes before the door opened again and Demetri stuck his head out and beckoned to us.
I didn't want to let go of Renata, but she pulled her hand away and spoke gently to me. "You will not present a position of strength unless you go in alone. Don't let them think that you need my comfort to tolerate being here."
She was right, and I nodded at her in thanks. I took a deep, grounding breath and walked into the room.
The Cullens stood there already, forming a tight cluster in front of the thrones. I felt a jolt of shame and self-consciousness. But, then I reminded myself of the way they had left me on the lightest of pretexts—to "protect me"—leaving me to the mercy of the wolves and Victoria's return. But the hardest truth, the one that helped me to face them, was the one that had helped me to sever myself from them months before. When Edward and Alice and I had returned from Italy, they stood by and let him leave me in the forest that night, heartbroken and alone.
I looked at Aro for direction. He bore that unctuous, polite smile, which I knew hid his contempt for what the Cullens had done.
"Isabella, your friends have expressed a desire to see you." He gestured to where the golden-eyed family watched me with varying expressions. Rosalie sneered, Esme and Carlisle looked at me solicitously, Alice and Jasper seemed to be examining me with more curiosity than horror, Emmett smiled in greeting, and Edward…Edward's face bore the horror that Alice and Jasper's had not. He looked as if he was watching an enormous multiple-car crash with many casualties.
"They have also voiced their concern for your well-being." Aro's pronunciation of the word let slip his disdain. "They're quite upset by the notion that you're being held here against your will." He smiled at me.
I faced my old family and lifted my jaw. Approaching them slowly, I looked Carlisle in the eye.
"Carlisle," I addressed him, feeling the stare of my former boyfriend. "Thank you so much for coming. I hope that you and your family are well after facing Victoria?"
Carlisle hesitated just a beat before addressing me with equal formality. "Thank you for your concern, Bella. We are all well."
He looked around to the faces of his family before continuing. "We are concerned about your well-being, however. You were brought here quite suddenly and, I assume, against your will?" Carlisle's gaze shot to Aro. I looked at Aro myself.
"Isabella was indeed brought here against her will," Aro said smoothly. "However, we were able to come to an agreement, were we not, my dear?" He nodded to me to continue.
"I was given a choice," I said. "You may remember that I always wanted to be one of you. It was Edward who disagreed." With this I glanced at Edward. His face twisted in anger.
"You said you wanted to be with me forever," Edward spat, taking a step forward.
Suddenly, things happened very quickly as Aro said Jane's name, and Edward collapsed on the floor in pain, clutching his head. Emmett and Rosalie looked as if they wanted to protest, but Carlisle held a hand up to them. Jasper and Alice continued to watch quietly. Esme went to Edward to comfort him.
I looked at Aro, and he waved a hand to Jane to stop.
"Do keep a civil tongue in your head, Edward." Aro spoke softly. Edward got up slowly.
"Once I knew, it was inevitable, wasn't it?" I said to Edward, mimicking Aro's soft tone.
He just stared at me while Carlisle spoke again.
"Is this what you want, Bella? You'd rather be a member of the guard than live your new life as you choose?" Carlisle looked confused. I knew that he had found the life here untenable. But he wasn't me.
"Isabella," Aro's voice behind me thrummed. Even now I found it so interesting and layered. There were always a million shades of meaning in the way he spoke.
I turned to him, and he beckoned me with a hand from his throne. He was giving me the chance to show them who I was. I stepped up the dais and approached Aro's throne. As I reached him his face went still, waiting to see what I would do. I took a seat on the arm of his throne, facing the Cullens, my arm on his shoulder. It was an odd combination of sitting in close proximity to power and perching on the seat like a pet. I gave Edward a grin. He gasped, but his eyes jumped from me to Aro. I looked at Aro. He, too, was smiling viciously at Edward. It was obvious that Aro was showing Edward something with his thoughts.
"You can't be…" Edward lurched forward again. Emmett and Jasper stepped in to restrain him.
"Master?" Jane looked to Aro to see if she should punish Edward. Aro shook his head.
"You don't understand!" he growled to his brothers. "He's making her…"
"We understand," Emmett interrupted him, his voice low. "It's pretty obvious." He gestured to where I sat. "I don't get it, but it's obviously her choice." I was amazed that Emmett, who was always perceived to be juvenile and thick, could read my body language and expression so well.
Edward looked at Jasper. Jasper nodded at him and then looked at me with something like…respect? "It's her choice." He repeated what Emmett had said.
Edward looked at Alice and, after a moment, relaxed in his brother's arms. His posture slumped, resigned, and he looked at the floor, exactly as he had been when I came in the room, minus the horrified expression.
I looked at Carlisle again. "I appreciate your concern, Carlisle." I had a hard time saying it, as angry as I had been by Carlisle's lack of concern for me in September, but I said it as evenly as I could. "I'm staying here."
As the Cullens began to take their leave, with Edward still slumped and staring at the ground, I looked for Alice's face. I found myself wondering what Alice could see, but I didn't dare ask her. I wondered if I really wanted to know the truth. If it wasn't good, if I was going to come to hate it here or if Aro tired of me, would I want to know that? Her eyes met mine as they made their goodbyes, but I couldn't read anything there.
Once they were gone, I made my excuses to the brothers and went to go feed. I could feel all of their eyes boring into me. I was struck suddenly by how odd this must have felt to them, having someone in their court that Aro couldn't simply read with a touch.
I had waved Renata off, wanting to be alone for a few moments, but she came back.
"Renata, I…"
She shushed me and handed me a sealed envelope. I stared down at it and then thanked her. She smiled and left me alone outside the room where I fed.
Seeing Edward Cullen, the first person I had ever loved, had brought up old feelings for me. I felt a tinge of sadness when I considered that by coming here, by accepting Aro's deal, I had lost my chance at what I was sure every teenage girl wanted, to fall in love and get married and all the rest. I know I had wanted that. Instead, I had taken this path, which tied me to a married man who was dangerous, unknowable, and possibly insane. I would be mistress to a man who had a mate. I had lost my chance at that kind of love.
I looked at the note Renata had handed me. Opening it up and reading it, I questioned what I had just assumed to be true. I wasn't in love with Aro, not the way I had loved Edward. But, could I love him?
I had thought that love meant knowing someone, completely, down to their soul. But what if love could be found in the mystery of someone? He was a 3,000-year-old vampire who had met millions of beings and had absorbed every second of every life he touched. He was infinite, unknowable. He would certainly be a constant fascination to me. I could spend forever trying to solve his mystery and never see the end of it. What if love could be found in the act of waiting, patiently, for the next words out of his mouth, for the next story, for the next surprise? To me, he was a jewel with a million facets. Perhaps I could stay drawn to him, as those facets would be able to catch the light for a very long time.
And what of my future? I had some comfort in the thought that I could bring him the peace that he had never had, the chance to touch someone without their every thought bombarding him. I wondered if that would be enough.
I made my way upstairs and, feeling somewhat ill at ease from my doubts, headed to my room. When I got there I was surprised to see that my things were being moved.
"What's going on?" I asked one of the vampires carrying part of my now extensive wardrobe.
"Miss Isabella, Aro has asked us to move you to a new room." The young man walked to the door. "Follow me and I'll show you."
I felt even more afraid until I realized that we were going up several flights of stairs to where Aro's room was. The general rule in the castle was the higher up you were, the more important. The boy led me into a room right next to Aro's.
He stood there, in the middle of the room, ordering vampires around. When he saw me he smiled broadly.
"Ah, Isabella," He reached out his hands to me. "Here you are at last."
I stepped closer to him, looking around at the room. It was quite nice, the same size as his, a beautiful old wooden bed with a white canopy and art that looked suspiciously like it should be in a museum.
"I hope you approve," he said. "I was tired of you being so far away." I looked at him carefully, and I could see some nervousness behind his smile. He couldn't tell whether I liked it or not. It was then that I realized the other piece of the puzzle to explain Alice's note to me.
Aro wouldn't tire of me, because I could continue to surprise and intrigue him. I was as unknowable to him as he was to me. He would never know what I felt or what I thought. He could spend eternity waiting to see what would come out of my mouth next or what I would do. He could unpeel layers, like an onion, but I could always stay a step ahead with my natural love of learning combined with my new vampire speed and memory. Just as he could continue to evolve with each person he touched and absorbed, I could expand the contents of my mind while showing him only silence.
"It is important to me that you be happy here, my Isabella." Aro's voice became intimate and soft. He waved his helpers out and took another step toward me as I regarded the room. "I am conscious of the fact that I am coercing you to stay here, but I would like you to be here by choice." I saw his dilemma. He wanted desperately for me to choose to be here but was too afraid to give me the freedom to make the choice.
"You'll have to let me know what you need to make you happy," he continued, clearly frustrated that I hadn't spoken yet.
I smiled at him lightly and touched the note in my pocket. I moved over to the huge fireplace. Aro had one in his room, too. They were never lit, they just sat there with logs in them, as if vampires could ever get cold.
"I don't understand why you have these," I said, reaching up to the mantle and grabbing a finely engraved box that held matches. "I mean, it seems dangerous to have something so close to you that can hurt you." I gave Aro a sultry smile as I pulled out the note and lit it on fire. I dropped it into the fireplace to watch it burn.
"For the ambiance, I suppose," he answered me, his eyes on the note. "I think it's rather romantic, don't you?" Then he looked at me. "Who was the note from?" He kept his voice light, but there was a definite edge to it.
"Alice," I answered.
"Your little psychic friend," he mused. "What did she have to say?" He phrased it like a piece of idle conversation, but it was clearly not a request.
I thought about the note from Alice. Scrawled in her loopy, pretty handwriting it said: "You will be happy here." It was admirable of her to do that for me, I supposed.
"She just wanted to wish me luck," I said as I walked into his waiting arms.
a/n: Well, folks, that's it. I'm going to mark it complete (I do have an Aro POV in the works for some of this travesty but it's unnecessary for your understanding and really just gratuitous perversion.)
I had to do some editing in the first chapter because apparently I have no idea how a calendar works or how many years an American teenager goes to high school (this despite being a teacher) and I had Bella showing up in Volterra way later than would have been realistic. Oops. This should have all taken place no later than six months after the ending of New Moon. You guys were really polite about the whole thing.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and not running away in terror!
Xoxo JuJu