Quick AN: Hi guys! Ahhghhh this chapter is a bit filler-y to me, but I feel like I have to upload /something/ and get it out there because I've kept everyone waiting long enough (✿ /.\)...

Please hang in there a little bit longer! I'm sorry I'm a bad person (✖╭╮✖)

Chapter 13: Loyalty

Usami Akihiko came to a complete stop for what seemed like the millionth time in the past hour, causing the wheels of his car to let out an irritating screech and his grip on the steering wheel to tighten.

Great. Just great. he thought sarcastically to himself.

A traffic jam right when I really want to get home. How convenient.

The roads that stretched from Akihiko's apartment to the publishing building had been under construction for some time in the past few months, and Akihiko had already expected the usual sluggish traffic that was almost guaranteed to follow it. However, a few early morning accidents had caused a large pileup near Tokyo, resulting in a fairly large traffic jam. Because of this, the author had spent the past hour stuck in traffic - stopping and starting as he slowly but surely made his way towards the direction of his home.

Akihiko sighed in frustration as he loosened his grip on the steering wheel slightly, the line of cars in his lane had began to inch forward slowly once again, only to stop shortly after. Fidgeting and feeling uncomfortably restless, Akihiko leaned back into his drivers seat as he removed a lighter and a cigarette from the pack that he always carried in his breast pocket.

He placed it between his lips, removing his right hand momentarily from the wheel so that he could light the end before placing the lighter back in his pocket and his hand back on the steering wheel.

Slowly, he took a large drag before expelling the smoke and watching it swirl in front of him before disappearing. He closed his eyes slightly as he attempted to focus on the nicotine rather than the stressful situation he was in.

I just really want to see your picture. the author thought, staring lazily ahead at the glaring red tail lights in front of him.

If I could just get out of this damn traffic and get home, I could finally see it.

Akihiko felt his stomach hitch with anxiety and impatience, silently cursing the universe to himself as he stared at the glowing embers of the tip of his cigarette. He watched as the small wisps of smoke rise to the roof of the car above him before they softly collided with it and disappeared into nothing. He didn't feel like opening the window, lest the acrid fumes of exhaust or the loud noises of the traffic irritate the impatient man that much more.

Moving forward again, he suddenly felt a vibration coming from his pants pocket. Akihiko took the phone out of his pocket and checked the ID, and was unsurprised to see that it was in fact his temperamental best friend, Kamijou Hiroki, whom was probably calling to figure out where the hell he was and what was taking so long.

Sighing yet again, Akihiko shifted his cigarette to the side of his mouth before answering.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell are you!?"

Akihiko would have cringed at the sharp tone if he had not been used to hearing it since his childhood. That was undoubtedly Hiroki's voice on the other line and, as he had expected, he sounded pissed. He held his cell phone slightly farther away from his ear before answering.

"I got stuck in traffic." he replied calmly.

"For an hour?! I've been sitting here waiting for you! I have precious time that I'm wasting here you know, I could've graded at least two class sets of essays by now!" Kamijou shouted back in anger, mistaking Akihiko's calm tone for one of apathy.

"I'm sorry, Kamijou. If I had known the traffic would've been this bad I would've told you to come on another day." he replied, trying to sound more sincere.

"You could've called me and let me know! Try to be more considerate of other people!" he snapped back.

"I'm sorry, I had my mind on other things - you know how I tend to get sidetracked, I'm sorry Hiroki. I promise I'll be more considerate in the future." Akihiko said, attempting to put more emotion into his voice so that he would not be yelled by his friend again.

Akihiko took another drag of his cigarette as he waited for the man on the other line to calm down, the seconds ticked by as soothing silence hung between them until he heard Hiroki take a deep breath before expelling an aggravated sigh.

"Fine. Whatever. I guess you have had quite a bit on your plate recently…" Hiroki said, trying t keep his temper under control. "How much longer do you think it'll take for you to get here?"

"Well, I do know a shortcut, but this traffic has been practically immobile...I'd say maybe twenty minutes to a half an hour, if you're willing to wait that much longer." the author said, easing the pressure on the gas pedal as traffic slowly inched forward again.

"Fine. Whatever. I've already been waiting for over an hour. What's another twenty minutes?" Hiroki said, his voice hiding a slight bit of sarcasm before he and Akihiko said their goodbyes and hung up.

Akihiko slide his cell phone back into his pocket before leaning over slightly to snuff out the butt of his cigarette in the ashtray. Sighing, he harshly ran his hand through his hair - his overgrown silver bangs falling back into his eyes once he had replaced his hand on the wheel.

Akihiko felt a twinge of guilt for not calling his friend, but honestly in the past month he had found himself becoming disinterested with more and more with people, and unable to enjoy things like he had used to. In short, he had begun to stop caring about everything in general. His frustration had increased whenever he found himself unable to recall a memory or feeling, or even worse when he felt as if the passing thoughts were skittering amongst the very outskirts of his mind, just out of reach. Combined with his increasing recurrent nightmares, he found himself exhausted and agitated on most days.

He had also begun to neglect his health, and was not entirely sure when the last time he had a decent meal was. His hair had began to grow out recently, and yesterday he had had a light peppering of stubble across his cheeks and jaw - the only motivation to shave had come from Hiroki's visit, being that he didn't want his friend to see him in such a pitiful state that was only beginning to grow worse. Aikawa had called him early that morning asking him if he had cleaned himself up, and was delighted to hear that he had (though he didn't have the heart to tell her he could care less about his appearance for the meeting.)

The loss of sleep had also not helped his mental state as he spent each passing day feeling as if something was missing...who knew how much he had forgotten? Was Misaki the only thing he couldn't remember? What other important people were there in his life that he was missing? It was maddening, and in sleep, he was pursued by memories of his childhood - of the loneliness, of the fighting, of the crying and manipulation - of everything he had run away from when he became an author, swearing to never look back or allow himself to be weak again.

And now he was reliving it. Reliving the shame and sadness that jolted him awake at night and left him covered in a thin film of sweat - feelings that felt like a kick to the gut as they stole his breath from his lungs and left him trembling in fear alone in the darkness.

It was humiliating to his pride, even though no one but himself knew.

I really am pathetic he thought to himself, resisting the urge to bang his head against the steering wheel.

Just as he had begun to zone out, he jumped at the sound of a car horn behind him. The cars in front of Akihiko had already began moving, and he had been holding up the line. He quickly stepped on the gas, taking a quick glance at his rearview mirror to check out the car who had honked at him when he caught a look at his reflection.

His dark circles were getting worse, and his complexion had seen better days. His eyes were tired looking, due to the fact the longest amount of uninterrupted sleep had only been about three hours.

I'm starting to look like shit. he thought angrily.

How doesn't anyone else see how gross I look lately? he wondered, trying to recall if anyone had given him looks that were out of the ordinary. Despite his arrogant front, he was a very self conscious man, and tried to always look his best in front of others.

He had received the usual glances from women he had passed, slight blushes appearing on their faces whenever he made eye contact. During the meeting, he had been given nothing but respectful looks from the men he had spoken to. No one seemed to calculate him in their mind, or linger on his dark circles or slightly overgrown hair for too long-

Wait he thought, a smile beginning to tug at his lips as he recalled Ijuuin's special guest.

Takahashi Misaki-kun.

There was no doubt in Akihiko's mind that Takahashi was the same boy that he had seen at the hospital. He had recognized him instantly - his green eyes and chocolate brown hair were the same, and so was the manner in which he seemed to be unable to make prolonged eye contact with Akihiko at all.

Akihiko felt himself smile wider at the image in his head of Takahashi during the meeting. When he had arrived, he had been covered in sweat, blushing from either the exercise or the embarrassment of his appearance, Akihiko hadn't have been sure.

But somehow, whereas Akihiko would've picked apart someone in his head who dare had the balls to look so ridiculous in front of him, he found himself thinking the younger boy was oddly...cute. Adorable even, if he'd let himself even think that.

There was something appealing about the way he had bashfully stolen glances at Akihiko through the whole meeting, and how his face had turned a whole new shade of red when he had gotten called out for not paying attention. His honest reactions and innocent demeanor were a nice change from the usual masks and shows Akihiko was used to people putting up for him, and when he had given him an honest, thoughtful opinion on his work - though it may not have been worded the best - it had made his chest fill with pride.

Writing, no, good writing, for that matter, to Akihiko was something that took a part of your soul to create. It took your emotions and your honest thoughts. You are putting yourself into the characters shoes and speaking for them as you write their lines - acting for them as you write the decisions they make.

A good book is not a book, per say, but yourself written or typed into paper, reprinted over and over - your private thoughts and feelings being projected through characters that are published for other peoples' leisure. Those who found themselves picking up your book would either immerse themselves in it or be bored and place it back onto the bookstore shelf - a fear that Akihiko still had, despite his successful career as an award winning author.

When people read Akihiko's writing, to him they were reading a part of himself on the inside that he had guarded more fiercely than words could describe - because of this, he had almost never shown anything he had written to anyone as a child. Willingly giving up such emotions as an adult now was as painful for him as it was freeing.

This method of writing, Akihiko suspected, was most likely the key to his success. People who were passionate about reading, Akihiko thought, could tell the difference between cramming in lines and events into a story just to get it out there, and those that came from the heart. Unmanufactured emotions in writing were something not that easy to come by - Akihiko had a firm belief that it was a mistake to try to make the reader to feel anything by forcing a line upon them. A real story - the stories that he wrote - were written to take the reader along with the characters, to feel what they went through, to make it seem somewhat real.

Akihiko would rather be a week or two late on the manuscript than give his readers shit to read.

And when Takahashi, someone so seemingly innocent and honest, had thought about the ideas building his newest story, even if only for a moment, and believed in them, Akihiko had felt himself nearly burst with happiness. He had been used to people taking the precious things he had written and breaking them down into sales numbers and potential profit, but to see someone look at how his writing may affect people emotionally...it was incredible.

The incident would seem small and insignificant to most maybe, but it meant the world to Akihiko.

Feeling suddenly lighter than he had in the past few weeks, the author quickly turned onto a smaller road that would take him to his house quicker - finally getting out of the bad traffic.

As he passed houses and people walking down the sidewalk, he felt his thoughts wandering. Takahashi's face kept lingering in his mind - his misplaced sweaty hair that managed to still look adorable, his rosy cheeks that had only grown redder as he had mumbled down at his lap, his eyes that had seemed to dart everywhere and admire Akihiko -

Wait. Akihiko thought, abruptly interrupting his own delusional train of thought.

What THE HELL do I think I'm going on about?! he thought, embarrassed and ashamed at himself for thinking about someone else so excitedly - especially when Misaki was still missing.

Am I thinking about Takahashi-kun because his first name is also Misaki? he thought, finding the coincidence odd and remembered feeling a bit shocked when Takahashi and he had been officially introduced and he had learned his first name.

Just because someone has the same name...I'd find myself thinking about them this easily?

Sudden shame fell heavily onto his chest as he realized what he had done. Even though he was only thinking about someone else, he still felt horrible. Misaki was probably out there somewhere just waiting for him, and here he was spending his free time day dreaming about someone else.

I'm the worst he thought, his heart sinking as his appartment came into sight. He quickly turned into the parking lot and parked his car, hesitating before texting Hiroki to let him know he was finally there. Instead, he slipped his phone back into his pocket and decided to have a cigarette before texting him, as he felt the need to somehow temporarily let go of this newfound stress that was plaguing him before facing his friend.

I just need to find you, Misaki… he thought. Actually, he had been thinking it a lot recently - that somehow, maybe finding his lost love would somehow fix his problems.

He would finally have back the person to share his lonely nights with, someone to tell him everything was okay, that everything would be alright -

But what if I never find him? he thought, pausing for a few moments as his heartbeat pounded in his ears.

What if I can't find him...and in the end I end up falling for someone else…?

Terror and guilt ripped through him again before he took another long drag of his cigarette, hoping the nicotine would slow down his thundering heart, his hand trembling slightly as he lowered it and rested it on his leg.

I have to find him. No matter what. he thought, crushing out his half smoked cigarette before sending a quick text to Hiroki.

I won't let myself fall for anyone else. He decided as he got out of his car and closed the door firmly behind him, walking quickly towards the entrance of the building.

No one. Not even Takahashi-kun. he thought, the heavy weight of the glass door closing behind him.

I'll be loyal - no matter what.

AHHHH HELLO! (Is anyone even still out there?!)

Hello, I'm so so SO sorry I've had a long silence and it took me so long to update! Ahhgh I'm afraid people will give up on updates if I keep doing this….^^"

A bunch of things have happened in my life recently and I got sidetracked a bit...and I got really unmotivated because of them and couldn't write for a while...this chapter is actually shorter than I hoped it would be…

Anyways, I'm going to keep working on this, and maybe an Attack On Titan fic as well (I have a few ideas…some warm and fuzzy, others dark eheehee). I'll also probably start posting my fics onto Archive of Our Own as well (at my friend's request), so I'll repost this fic there too for those who prefer that site. Just a heads up! (I made an account and my pen name there is TooKawaiiForSenpai but I haven't started reuploading yet)

As always, thank you SO MUCH for the nice reviews and follows and comments that leave me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside 0^ ^0! I'll try my best not to put this off (though I just started reading Homestuck, so I may get side tracked a bit…)

-OopsIThoughtICouldFlyy (I really need a shorter username to type)