Thank you all for your phenomenal reviews. They mean the world to me. :)
Finally we have the funny scene(s?) that I promised, which ended up being funny in parts I didn't expect and sad in parts I didn't expect, but hopefully you enjoy. We've got one more chapter to go, and it should include things that are both very expected and (hopefully) very unexpected.
There was a question about Light's comment that the Bible is a historically important document, and it's actually pretty neat to find out that the Bible is a surprisingly accurate historical document. With the New Testament in particular, the books were written soon after the events they describe, and the writing has been really well preserved, so that's cool.
I don't own Death Note or First Corinthians.
It was the first time Light had used public transportation in over a year. Not much in the neighborhood had changed in the intervening time, but somehow that made it even more terrifying. At times he would have to check himself to make sure he wasn't having a seizure. He wasn't. He was perfectly fine. Except that he wasn't.
Watari had offered to drive him. But Light had turned him down, saying that he didn't want to be an inconvenience, and that he didn't know how long he would stay there anyways, and that he was perfectly capable of doing it on his own. L had chimed in at this last point, saying, "Watari, Light-kun is a full-grown adult. He has had more than enough life experience to safely take a bus by himself." When Watari had pointed out that Light wasn't technically an adult yet, L had said, "Of course he is."
"No, he isn't," Watari had corrected, quite rightly. L had frowned at that, and Watari had reminded, "Age difference."
"Just six years," Light had interjected, feeling a little embarrassed.
"Seven," Watari had corrected, not disapprovingly, just firmly.
"I turned twenty-five two months ago," L had said ruefully. "I forgot to tell you. Sorry."
"Oh." God, L was a lot older than him. How weird. "Well, I'll be nineteen in two months, so we'll be back at six years soon." An awkward silence had collapsed that conversation, because Light also might be on his deathbed in two months. Light hoped he wouldn't die on his birthday, because that would definitely suck.
Watari had finally broken the silence by clearing his throat and pulling a cell phone out of a nearby drawer. "Hopefully you won't need it, but our contact information is in there if you need a ride, or if you have a question, or if you want to stay for longer than just the day."
Light had taken a deep breath and had put the phone in his pocket, feeling nervous. "You're sure they'll be there?"
"We're certain."
"Not because we have cameras there," L had added. "Just because of today."
"Today? What's today?"
L's eyes had widened hugely. "You don't know?"
"He'll find out soon," Watari had said, chuckling a bit. "It should be a pleasant surprise."
Looking out the bus windows and listening to the conversations of the passengers, he had figured out the day within five minutes. Honestly, it shouldn't have taken him nearly that long. It was a disgrace that he had let himself lose track of the days like this.
The bus ride was over all too quickly. He was walking on his own two feet, the pavement speeding past him alarmingly no matter how slowly he tried to go. Everything looked exactly the same. They hadn't missed him at all. It stung, but just for a moment. This would make things easier, after he was gone for good.
"ONII-CHAN."
"Oof!"
Light had barely registered that it was Sayu who had opened the door before she was flying through the air towards him, knocking them both backwards onto the sidewalk.
"Sayu?" That was his mother's voice, sounding even more anxious and weary than usual. Had Sayu been acting out while he had been away? She looked about this same, though she had cut her bangs shorter and sharper across her brow.
"Light is home!" Sayu cried, laughing. She threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, very tightly, so that she could get a good hug in before he shoved her away.
But when was the next time he would get to hug his sister? Ignoring the pain in his back from the fall, he reached his arms up and hugged her back. Sayu froze for a moment, and then, seeming to sense the significance of the moment, burst into tears.
"Light? Light is home? Oh, my— Light! Dear, Light is home! Dear! Light is home!"
Light and Sayu were pulled off the ground and into the house, where hugs were distributed freely and tears were had by all and Sayu kept saying, "Light is home! For Christmas Eve! It's a Christmas miracle! Light! Light is home on Christmas Eve!"
This was how Watari and L had known that his whole family would be home.
His mother ushered them into the kitchen, where the table was set with a full meal, complete with Christmas cake and fried chicken. Even if Light lived as long as he possibly could, this would be his last Christmas Eve dinner.
His mother was in the middle of a question about whether he had gone back to university when he said, sighing, "Oops." They all looked startled, because Light didn't say things like that, because Light didn't make mistakes like that. "I forgot my prochlorperazine," he explained. "I take it with meals, so I won't be nauseous." They all looked uncomfortable and afraid, unsure of whether to ask if the nausea was related to the cancer, unsure of whether Light's sickness would spoil dinner, unsure of whether mentioning the cancer would spoil Christmas Eve. "I should be alright though," Light said quickly, and he really would, for a few hours at least. He wouldn't be able to spend the night though, or he would almost certainly leave behind a small lake of vomit on the floor. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you. No, I'm not back at university. I'm working, as a sort of private detective."
His father looked up at that. L?
Light looked back. L.
"Light," his mother said slowly, treading into dangerous water, "if you're working to pay for your medical bills… We'll always be here to support you, you know. Your father has changed his mind about disowning you—"
Disowning him? When had that happened? Had his father figured out that he had been Kira? The horror almost showed on his face, but then it clicked, and he remembered: this was the excuse they had used to account for Light's absence during his imprisonment, that he had moved in with Misa and his father had disowned him. At this point, Light almost wished it had been that simple.
"—shouldn't need to worry at a time like this. You're always welcome in this house, Light."
It really was touching to hear, even if he hadn't been under the impression that he had ever truly been disowned. How had Sayu reacted to hearing that such a thing could be possible? Maybe she hadn't been acting out, even a little bit, after all. "Thank you, Mom. I really appreciate it. But the job is just to keep myself occupied, and to make sure I'm still contributing to the world. My…well, my employer, I suppose, who is a private detective too, is paying for all the medical bills."
His father, who knew who this wealthy private detective employer was, didn't so much as blink, but his mother gaped. "All the medical bills? That's very generous! Who did you say you were working for?"
How truthful could he be? He didn't want to lie to his family any more than he had to, but he couldn't just say that the great detective L was forking out as much money as Light could ever need. But, after all that he had put them through, he owed them the truth. What truth could he tell them instead?
"Better make sure a girl doesn't date you for your health insurance," Sayu teased.
"Sayu!" their mother reprimanded quietly, presumably not wanting to bring up the subject of girls and Misa and disowning again.
Oh. Now that was a truth he could tell them. Did he dare?
"By the way, I'm actually not dating Misa anymore," Light said, his heart thundering. It didn't usually do that. Maybe he was about to have a seizure. Or maybe this was his body's way of telling him that this was another truth he needed to stay far away from, like L's identity and his own past as Kira.
"Aww!" Sayu lamented. "But she was so cute!"
"She was very nice," his mother chimed in.
She had been the Second Kira.
"I don't want you to stop dating her just because of me," his father said, a bit gruffly, perhaps thinking that Light was still playing along to get back on good terms with the family. "Like your mother said, I've changed my mind. I'll always support you, no matter who you're dating."
There could never be a better opportunity. His father had walked right into it. Light took a deep breath and forced a smile. "Thank you, Dad. That's really great to hear. You see, I'm actually dating someone else now."
Sayu gasped. "Oooh! I'll miss Misa, but this is exciting too!"
"That's where I'm living now, actually. And that's who's paying for my cancer treatment."
His father frowned quietly at that, not in disapproval yet, because he was simply confused at the moment. He had thought Light's employer was L, but of course he couldn't imagine Light dating L of all people. But who else could be employing Light as a private detective and paying for his medical expenses?
"Wow, she sounds so cool!" Sayu said. "A rich private detective dating my brother! I want to meet her!"
Light laughed despite his nerves. "Thanks, Sayu. Maybe I'll bring him over sometime. We'll see."
His mother's eyes went very wide, but Sayu just said, "Huh? You said 'him', Light."
"Yeah, I did."
The puzzle pieces clicked in his father's head, and he choked on his fried chicken.
Ten minutes later, his father had recovered his ability to breathe and speak, but for another ten minutes after that, he employed very little of either ability, inhaling his dinner rather than oxygen, while Sayu prattled nervously about the goings on of her life in the past seven months. His mother just kept looking between Light and his father with a calculating sort of fear, obviously terrified that Light was going to get disowned again. Sayu was just beginning to run out of things to say when, to everyone's relief, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Sayu crowed, leaping out of her chair. There was a moment of horrifying silence through the whole house, but for the sound of Sayu's footsteps, and then the door opened, and Sayu cried, "Misa-chan!"
Light's stomach dropped to the floor, and for a moment he was absolutely certain he was moments away from throwing up, or at least minutes away from a seizure. Neither was true. These were emotions, fear and regret and guilt and shame and panic, and they couldn't be cured with the simplicity of popping a pill.
Light heard his chair legs scraping across the ground before he realized he had stood up. "Come in!" Sayu was saying. "We're just finishing dinner, but you're welcome to join us."
Misa had no family, so she had no reason to be home on Christmas Eve. And evidently she didn't have a boyfriend to spend the evening with either. Shit. She probably thought she and Light were still dating. Did she still have her memories of being the Second Kira? Both Death Notes had been destroyed, so she shouldn't have been able to remember. But what if she had kept a piece of paper with her, just like Light had kept a piece of paper in his watch? If the rest of the Death Note had been destroyed, did the scrap of paper still have any power? Could a person have possession of a scrap of a Death Note in the same way that they could have possession of a whole Death Note? If Misa did have her memory, did she have it temporarily or permanently? Could she give Light his memories back by touching him with a scrap of the Death Note, by accident or on purpose?
Light's mind was racing, strategizing, shifting into a mode that made him feel sick—no, rotten. He felt like Kira, and he hated it.
Misa stood in the doorframe leading to the kitchen. "Good evening," she said, giving a little bow. "I'm sorry for interrupting your dinner. I heard from one of Light's friends that he was back home, and I had to see him."
Who could have told Misa that he was here? L and Watari certainly wouldn't have done so, even if they had hoped it would give Light some resolution. It was too dangerous. They would never put Light at risk of becoming Kira again, even as a test. Could one of his classmates have seen him on the bus? But who of his classmates would be in contact with Misa?
Sayu and his mother were looking at him questioningly, wondering whether Light would want to see Misa in the first place. Sayu's eyes were bright yet concerned, and she was probably wondering whether it had been a messy breakup. His mother was holding her breath, and she was probably wondering whether Misa could turn Light straight, and whether that would be enough to stay the disowning. Light would have to see Misa for at least a few minutes, to show his family that he wasn't an asshole who would be rude to his ex-girlfriend, and to find out whether Misa was still a threat.
"Good evening," Light greeted, nodding back. When he lifted his gaze again, he saw the grinning shinigami, peeking out into the kitchen.
"Hyuk hyuk. Good evening, Light."
Light's blood ran cold, and he straightened completely. Goddammit. The demon had found Misa. This wasn't over. "Mom, Dad, is it alright if Misa and I talk in private? We shouldn't be too long."
"Of course," his mother said breathlessly. "Take as long as you need."
The former Kira, the former Second Kira, and a demon all climbed the stairs up to Light's room. "Hey, Light," Ryuk hissed on their way up. "Do you have any apples? Misa doesn't have the same ones as you. They're not as juicy, but I don't know which ones I should tell her to buy instead."
Light had fed this demon apples, like a pet? What the hell had he been thinking?
He ushered them into his room and locked the door behind him, the motion feeling too familiar in his wrist for comfort. Misa took a seat at his desk chair, smoothly, with it turned towards the bed, but he didn't sit down, instead standing with his arms crossed over his chest. There was no point wasting time. "So, you have your memories back."
She smiled, but not with as much enthusiasm as his memories would lead him to expect from her. "Yes, thanks to you." She reached into the bodice of her dress and pulled out a tightly folded piece of notebook paper. "I saved this when you sent me Ryuk's notebook, so I could send the message as a prophet for Kira. I hid the piece of paper, and I told Ryuk to come back to me when you had ownership of the Death Note again. I wanted to have my memories of you, but I didn't want to take ownership by accident, so I had to wait until you already had it. I gave up my memories, and then when Ryuk came back, I took the paper back out, so that whenever I was holding it, I would remember you. But the memories came back for good. Ryuk told me that it was because L had destroyed the Death Note, and this piece of paper was all that was left of it. The paper isn't enough to be Kira for long, because the page will run out, because it isn't attached to the book. And I'm sorry about that, but it is enough to have ownership, and to have memories." She held out the paper, like a gift. Light flinched, and she angled her head curiously. "Ryuk told me you didn't have your memories anymore, but I didn't realize it would make you this different. You're not afraid of us, are you?"
Light swallowed down his thundering heart, and said, "Terrified."
Misa frowned. Her mouth pinched, cutting off a question.
"What else did Ryuk tell you about what happened?"
"He told me that you were…dating L." Her fair brows pulled together. "He told me that you were in love with L, but I told him that I knew that wasn't true. You dated other people when we were together, but that didn't mean that you loved them. And you could never really love someone like L. I knew it must have just been a trick."
Offense was rising in Light's throat like bile. "Why would you say something like that?"
"You're always doing things like that as a trick. Being Kira means the world to you, and you would do whatever you had to, even that with L."
Would he really? Would he have made L fall in love with him, and pretended to fall in love with him too, all the while not actually loving him back? Misa was confident that he would, and she was right. This kind of sickness was the worst kind of sickness of all, because it was guilt, and it made him feel as small as the tightly folded piece of paper in Misa's hands.
"That wasn't what I meant," Light said softly. "I meant, why would you think I could never love L?"
"Well." Misa's mouth quirked, and her nose turned. "Look at him. And look at us."
This was what L had been afraid of. Misa really did think that someone as beautiful as L was ugly. And in the past, Light could imagine himself thinking the same thing.
"You're wrong, and Ryuk is right."
"Hyuk hyuk hyuk."
Misa frowned, and her nails bit into the soft lace of her dress. "I don't understand."
Light pointed. "Put the paper down on the ground."
Her eyes sharp, considering and questioning and rejecting rebellion, Misa did.
Light pulled his sleeve down over his hand, picked up the paper, and shoved it in his pocket. He would take it back to L, and L would burn it, and this nightmare would be over. Misa didn't have any other pieces of the Death Note hidden, just like the first time they had met. "I love L, and L loves me. There's no trick. I'm not Kira anymore, and I never will be Kira again."
Light was utterly serious, and Misa saw. Her eyes flamed, and she stood. "Coward," she accused, hands fisted. "You're just saying this because you're dying."
Light flinched.
"I gave up half of my life for Kira, because I knew it was the right thing to do. But now that your life is on the line, you won't give up a single thing. Kira is justice, but you're just a coward."
"Why do you keep talking about Kira like it exists?"
Misa stared at him steadily. "What do you mean?"
"Kira isn't a person. Kira isn't a job. Kira isn't a power. Kira is a nickname I took for myself to justify murdering people who I thought were baser than me. I won't allow myself to do such things ever again, and as long as I live, I'll do my very best to stop anyone who tries to follow the abysmal example I have set."
"You're wrong," Misa said, quite confidently. "Kira protects the people. Kira saves the oppressed. Kira fights evil. Kira stands for everything that I believe in. And if you won't be Kira, then I will."
After seeing it so many times in L's eyes, Light knew what that look meant. It meant that she was ready to fight, but, unlike L, she was going to fight to win.
He thought about running away, into the living room where she would never dare attack him, but she was already lunging. She had lifted one of her legs to kick him in the groin, and he knocked her other foot out from under her, leaving her to crash backwards to the floor. L was trained in capoeira, and he almost matched Light in height and weight, but Misa was no athlete, and because of her job she was chronically underweight. She was pitifully small next to Light's modest frame, and kicking her had felt like kicking a child or a cat. Fuck.
But Misa was still as strong as she could possibly be, and she was quickly on the offense once again, crawling across the floor on her belly, this time going for his legs, trying to pull him down. All Light could think to do was to pin her arms and torso to the ground, to stop her while hurting her as little as possible. He shifted his weight towards her rather than away from her, a seemingly perplexing move, which gave him the split second he needed to tear his legs out of her grasp, pivot around, and land on top of her. There was nothing admirable or courageous in the hold that he managed on her wrists, or in his weight crushing her slim torso to the ground, and he was crying silently by the time he had her securely in place.
"DAD!" he screamed, and Misa stilled, slightly, at his voice. She hadn't imagined that he would ever call for help. "DAD, PLEASE! DAD!"
His father was at the door in a matter of torturous seconds, with his mother and Sayu following close behind, but when he tried the door, it was locked. Shit. Why had Light so automatically done that? "The door is locked!" his father shouted. "Light, what's going on?"
"Misa attacked me," he said, feeling terrible and ashamed. "I—I have her pinned, but I don't want to hurt her. Please. What should I do?"
"Misa attacked you?"
Light closed his eyes. "I know how it sounds. I'm sorry, but you have to believe me."
"Get off, coward," Misa said into the ground, her voice cold and small. "You didn't have to involve your family in this."
But he did have to. Other people were the only thing that protected the world from Kira. Light knew Misa's determination and mental strength, and the only other way she would have given up on getting the last existing piece of a Death Note would be if she had been completely incapacitated. Light was never going to do that to another person again.
Misa sighed, and stopped struggling. She was smart, and she knew when she had been beaten. She couldn't attack Light again with his family on the other side of the door. Light let her go, feeling just how much strength he was letting flow out of his grip, and the tears continued to fall. God, he hoped he hadn't left any bruises, but it was hard to imagine how he couldn't have. Misa stood slowly, smoothing her dress back down over her legs. One of her stockings was unclipped and sagging, and one of her ponytails was loose. The left side of her face was red from dragging across the carpet. Light unlocked the door, opened it a slit, and said quietly, looking down, "Everything is alright now. Could you all please go back to the living room? I'm going to walk Misa out."
They had imagined their Christmas Eve being a disaster because of Light's cancer, but they had never imagined this. They nodded, dumbfounded and horrified, and slowly filed back down the stairs.
Light turned back to Misa. She was stony, with her hair and her stocking fixed. Ryuk had backed himself into the corner, and he was not laughing. "I'm sorry," Light said. "I'm sorry I hurt you, today, and every day that I called myself Kira. I'm sorry I dragged you into this. You didn't deserve any of this, and I can never apologize enough, and I can never make it up to you. I can only hope that one day you will find it in yourself to forgive me, and that you will have a long and successful life."
Misa stared back for a long while, and then she said, "You've changed."
"I gave up my memories," Light said, although something so obvious could not be what she was looking for.
Misa glared. "It's not that. You weren't like this even the first time you gave up the memories. And it's not L who's changed you, because he's never been like this. Who did this to you?"
Light sighed. "God, I don't know. I don't know, and I'm sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen."
"You're—" She frowned.
"What?"
"You're still crying."
Light wiped his face, feeling himself go red. "I'm sorry."
"I believe you," she said. "That's what's so strange."
As Light was seeing Misa off at the door, she stood on her tiptoes, reaching onto a little ledge near the entrance, and picked something up. She showed it to Light in the palm of her hand. It was a little wireless camera. "This is how I knew you were back. I'm taking this back because I won't depend on you anymore. If I get to be Kira again someday, I'm going to do it my way."
"I'm glad," Light said, sincerely. "I don't deserve to be a part of your life anymore."
She grinned at him, proudly. "You don't."
Light stood at the door until she and Ryuk disappeared into the night.
They couldn't just ignore what had happened, but no one knew for a long time exactly how to bring it up. Finally Sayu said, "So, I guess she was mad at you for having a new boyfriend."
Light shook his head. "She's not like that. It was something much more important, but that's her secret, and I think it would be unkind to tell her secret like that."
Thank goodness, their faces sighed. If it was a secret, it couldn't be talked about. They would never have to bring any of it up again. They made tea, and they turned on the TV to a Christmas Eve program, but no one had anything to say. After two hours of this, Light said that he had better get back home. Back home. Because this wasn't his home anymore.
"Will you be back?" his mother wanted to know. Before you die was the unspoken part. Will we hear from you before your funeral?
There was a part of Light that wanted to incorporate them all back into his life. He wanted to have weekly family dinners, and he wanted them to meet L, and he wanted Watari and his father to get to know each other better, and he wanted his mother to make all her best desserts, and he wanted Sayu to get homework help from the world's three best detectives. But there was another part of him that knew that they weren't as strong as he wanted to give them credit for. It would make Sayu cry to meet L and like him and know that he and Light could not legally get married, even if they wanted to. It would make his mother afraid to have to worry every time Light interacted with his father that he was going to get disowned again. It would make his father ashamed to know that he wasn't able to support his son or save his life. And if it ever slipped out that Light had been Kira? He couldn't imagine. It would break them all beyond belief. They could barely stand having him here without his prochlorperazine. None of them would ever admit it, but they would rather ignore the cancer than recognize the impact it had on his everyday life. They were a wonderful family, and he would never hold it against them, but he knew their limitations, and he loved them enough to forgive them, and to not push them farther than they could go.
"I don't think so," Light said. They didn't protest, and that was all the confirmation he needed.
He spent a long time hugging each of them, saying that he loved them, and that he was glad he had gotten to spend Christmas Eve with them. His father was last, and when they pulled apart, his father kept one hand on his shoulder, and said that he wanted to walk his son to the door by himself.
This really meant that his father wanted a private conversation with him. They stepped out of the house and his father closed the door behind them.
"Well," his father said gruffly, taking a deep breath and puffing up his chest. "Well." He looked at him skeptically. "L? You're really…dating him?"
Light nodded. "Yeah, I am."
"And it's…voluntary?"
Why was this so hard for everyone to grasp? "Yeah, Dad. I love him."
His father winced. "Damn," he grumbled. "Matsuda was right."
Oh dear God.
Light's horror must have shown comically on his face, because his father grinned, chuckling. "Don't worry. I won't pretend I understand, but I'm not upset. And I could never disown you, not really. You don't know how much it killed me to lie to Sayu and your mother about that."
Light was well aware what an honest man his father was. "I know. I'm sorry you had to lie because of me."
"Don't apologize. I've never blamed you for any of this. It's that damn Kira's fault. And if it weren't for you, we would never have caught him."
It was technically correct. If it weren't for Light, they would never have caught Kira, because Kira would never have existed in the first place. But, in all the important ways, it would be a lie to agree. Light just looked at the ground. "I told you about L because I wanted to be honest with you," he said, "before I died."
He was tired of lying. He was tired of uncertainty. He wanted his father to know that he had been Kira, and to still love him, the way L knew and loved. He wanted his father to ask whether there was anything else Light needed to say.
But there was only silence. When Light finally looked up, he saw that his father's mouth was pressed in a thin line, and his eyes were filled with tears. Light's heart sank.
He knew. And he would never allow himself to believe it, for fear of what it would mean.
For the first time, Light found great reassurance in the fact that Watari knew that Light had been Kira and still wanted to be his father.
"Good night, Light."
"Good night, Dad."
When Light got back, the first thing he did was step past L and give Watari as big of a hug as he could manage without breaking the old man's back.
"What is this?" Watari asked, kindly, hugging Light back. "Are you alright?"
"I love you like a father," Light said, feeling childish, but meaning it all the same. "Thank you."
"Well," Watari said, sounding stunned. "Thank you. I… I love you as well."
Light pulled away, giving a watery smile, and L sidled into his arms, wanting a hug as well. "Hey," Light said. He kissed L's cheek, smiled at the way L smiled, and then kissed his cheek three more times.
"How was your visit?" Watari asked.
"It was…eventful, but good," Light said, still holding onto L and being held by him. They weren't usually apart for this long, and Light wondered whether L might have missed him. L didn't usually hold him like this in front of Watari. "I told them that I was dating someone of the male persuasion, my father figured out that this person of the male persuasion was L—he didn't say L's name of course, he just choked on his chicken—Misa and Ryuk stopped by, and Misa attacked me." Watari's eyes were quite wide at this point. Wow, it had been more eventful than Light had realized. "But everything is alright now. The family things are good, and the Kira things are good, as soon as we burn this last piece of Death Note in my pocket. But I've said my goodbyes, I think. My family isn't ready to have me around, not like this. I realized how grateful I am to have you two as my family now. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend my last months with."
L held him tight and buried his face in his neck.
That evening, when Light joined L in bed, L was still on his laptop, presumably working. "Is that a case?" Light asked, getting under the covers and tugging at them to urge L to get underneath as well.
"No," L murmured, voice a little off, perhaps just because he was nibbling at his thumbnail. "I'm reading."
Light peeked over at the screen, which was filled with Greek. "What is that? The Iliad?" But he looked closer at the parts of the screen that were in English, and he saw that he was wrong. "You're reading the Bible."
"Mhm."
"Why are you doing that?"
"Listen to this. Ἡ ἀγάπη μακροθυμεῖ, χρηστεύεται ἡ ἀγάπη, οὐ ζηλοῖ, οὐ περπερεύεται, οὐ φυσιοῦται, οὐκ ἀσχημονεῖ, οὐ ζητεῖ τὰ ἑαυτῆς, οὐ παροξύνεται, οὐ λογίζεται τὸ κακόν."
Inconceivably, there were tears running down L's cheeks.
"οὐ χαίρει ἐπὶ τῇ ἀδικίᾳ, συγχαίρει δὲ τῇ ἀληθείᾳ· πάντα στέγει, πάντα πιστεύει, πάντα ἐλπίζει, πάντα ὑπομένει. Ἡ ἀγάπη οὐδέποτε πίπτει·"
Light let the last echo of the Greek wash over him, and then he whispered, "What does it mean?"
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it does not seek its own things, it is not provoked, it does not keep account of wrongs. It does not rejoice in injustice, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always stays behind. Love never falls." L stared at the screen, slowly shaking his head. "The typical translation is that love never fails, but what it literally says here is that love never falls. Ἡ ἀγάπη οὐδέποτε πίπτει. Can you believe that?"
Gently, Light took the laptop, closed it, and set it on the bedside table. L sat with his eyes closed and his knees drawn up to his chest, and Light curled his body around him. "Yes," Light murmured, "I can believe that."
"Do you think any of us can really do it?" L asked quietly. "Do you think we can love like that?"
"I don't know."
They sat quietly together, in the dim bedroom Light, with L's tears drying slowly on both of their pajamas.
"I want to tell you something," L said, looking up.
"Hm?"
"I want to tell you my name."
Light's eyebrows shot up. "Do you want me to start calling you that? Because if your real name is, like, Luke, I don't know if I'm going to be able to take you seriously anymore."
L smirked. "It's not Luke, and I'm just telling you because I want you to know."
"Okay. Go ahead."
L whispered it in his ear.
Light frowned. "Say it again."
L did.
"That's your last name and your first name?"
"First name, and then last name."
"Your first name…is L?"
"I'm an orphan. We don't get very good names."
"Are you serious? And, wait, say your last name again."
L did.
"That… That's almost the same as my name."
"I know."
"How do you spell it?"
"L-a-w-l-i-e-t."
"Hm. That's strange. Are you sure that's how you pronounce it?"
L shrugged. "That's how Watari pronounced it, but he just read it off of my birth certificate."
"Oh my God. If I married you, my name would be Lawliet Light."
"Or I could just be Yagami L."
"Pfft."
L smiled for as long as he could, but soon his mouth started to crumple.
"What's wrong?"
"I love you," L whispered, "and I'm not ready for you to die, because I haven't shown you how much I love you yet."
"I know."
"You do?"
"Mhm. You love me as much as I love you."
L pondered that for a long moment. "Impossible."
"It's true."
"Somehow… Somehow, I believe you."