Ryan doesn't take his eyes off of Mike during the funeral. The guilt from not even speaking to him for nearly three days now is making his heart crack into painful bits. He notes the distance Mike keeps from the rest of his family, the way his three brothers stand closer together than to him, and the track of tears sliding down Mike's face.
Later Director Franklin is whisking Ryan away outside before he even gets the chance to talk to the young FBI agent. But then Mike is there when the Director leaves, demanding to know if there's information about Lily Gray. Ryan sees Max watching them from the window and his thoughts start to pull from that dark corner in his mind he's always trying to tell to shut the hell up. Thoughts that tell him Max and Mike would look good together. They're both young, beautiful people and he knows Max would be better for Mike than he ever could be…knows she's just a better person in general.
He's too obsessed with Joe Carroll and look how many people he's already got killed in the process of finding Joe the first time. The fact that he needs both of them is something he desperately tries to deny to himself. He wonders if he heeds them out of the sense of a human being needing to be close to another, to not be lost in the loneliness of the world…or if it's because they're good connections to have. When he really thinks about it he knows it's a combination of the too, but is relieved to find that his heart tells him that he really does care about these two. Max is family and he values that more than anything nowadays. There's so few of the Hardy clan left.
And Mike…well, Mike he didn't count on happening at all. He was just this kind of annoying kid that proved his worth over and over and in the process he gained Ryan's trust and became one of his only friends. He won't deny he cares for Mike, and he can't forget the way they kissed. Heat still rises to his cheeks when he thinks of the younger man on top of him, how much Mike wanted him even through the tears and heartache of losing his father. Ryan can't decide if he hopes Mike would still want him and they could actually try again, or if they were the actions of a man stricken by grief. And now Mike's falling into an obsession of his own…to get Lily Gray.
Ryan knows all too well how this has potential to destroy the agent. So they argue, and Ryan asks Mike what he's going to do if he even finds Lily.
"What are you going to do when you find Joe?" Mike retorts, eyes piercing through any clouded veil Ryan tries to hide behind. "Let me help."
The broken plea of Mike's voice makes Ryan want to wither and die, so he covers it up with a callousness he doesn't quite mean.
"You need to be with your family now, sorry man," he says, and walks away. He just leaves, without telling Mike to call him if he needs something, without at least hugging him once. Ryan's trying so hard to retain boundaries between them he barely notices how his nails are digging into his palm from the tightness of his closed fist.
When Ryan is rescued by Mike and Max he really sees how broken the young agent is. Mike snapped. He would have pummeled the doctor into an unrecognizable, bloody mess if Ryan hadn't stopped him. Later in the kitchen of the doctor's house they talk again and Ryan is expressing his concerns about Mike being involved in this.
"You don't want me to become you," Mike says. Ryan is struck by the truth of it. He knew he felt fear Mike was changing, he just hadn't quite placed that Mike was turning into him. Ryan doesn't want to be that person anymore, the one who hides behind anger, isolation, and booze. And he sure as hell never wants Mike to become that.
"My path is my path," Mike insists, stepping closer to Ryan.
"Revenge doesn't fix anything. I know," Ryan says and places his hand on Mike's shoulder. And though he tells his friend revenge isn't the answer, his heart tells him it's what they both are going to look for anyway. There is so much more to say but there never seems to be enough time. They have work to do. Starting with finding whom the compromised FBI female is the doctor spoke of.
And then the three of them are back at Ryan's and he's telling Mike to take the couch. He doesn't know if this formality comes from the fact that Max is there and he doesn't want her to know that there's something between him and Mike, or if he's just afraid himself to be alone with the other man. But then Max leaves to return to her own place and Ryan watches the way she and Mike look at each other as she tells them both her goodbyes. Max hugs them both and she's out the door. Mike walks over to the couch and collapses on it, clutching a blanket to his chest.
"Mike…" Ryan starts to say and walks over to the couch.
"I don't want to talk, Ryan. I just…want to sleep, and turn off my brain," Mike says. Ryan nods and walks over to turn off the lamp, tells the brokenhearted man in front of him to just yell if he needs anything and walks into his own bedroom. Ryan sits on his bed for about five minutes until he drives himself crazy because his brain is just chanting Mike's name over. He's too overcome with emotions to even think about gathering his courage. When he walks into the living room Mike is curled up on the catch. The streetlamps from outside shine enough light into the room for him to see Mike's eyes are still open, and the unmistakable glisten of tears stand silently on his face. He looks so sad and beautiful that Ryan just stops and forgets how to breathe, which isn't terribly wise for someone with a pacemaker.
"Mike," he whispers so softly he barely hears his own voice. Mike turns wordlessly toward him, not knowing what to expect. "Do you, I mean if you want. You can…" Ryan coughs and scratches the back of his head. "…With me."
"What?"
"You don't have to sleep alone, I mean."
"Oh. Alright." Mike follows Ryan silently into the bedroom, but stops by the door as if the realization of where he is suddenly made itself known to him. "You don't…Ryan you don't have to do this," he says.
Ryan just raises an eyebrow and carelessly shoves his jeans away before crawling onto the bed. "I'm not doing anything. I'm going to sleep." The answer is such a Ryan Hardy thing to say that Mike can't help but smile and follow him under the covers. The inches between their bodies feel like miles to Mike, and he wonders how close he can get before Ryan changes his mind about this.
Ryan is turned away from him when he asks, "So, you and Max getting along?" Mike is thrown by the question, unsure of the tone in Ryan's voice. He answers with a simple yes and Ryan goes quiet again. Mike thinks Max is great, a rare kind of human being that he is grateful to know, but she isn't Ryan. Does Ryan think…?
Oh, Mike's mind makes a realization and it hits him all at once that he isn't the only broken person in this bed. He turns on his side until he's facing Ryan's back and he slides closer, tentatively. He shakes his head, thinks what the hell, and throws his arm over Ryan's waist, dragging the older agent's body closer to his and pressing his forehead to Ryan's neck. Ryan's breath hitches and Mike wants to laugh at the absurdity of everything they are. These days are filled with work that obsesses them both, and he doesn't know when they'll have time to figure it out…figure out what they are and if they're going somewhere. For now though, Mike thinks he can be alright in this moment with his arm slung across Ryan's waist and Ryan's hand placed over his. The apologies they owe each other melt away, already forgiven in the way they quietly hold on to one another.
Their obsessions will drive them to madness, but maybe they'll get wrapped up in each other along the way. Mike listens to Ryan's even breathing and lets sleep overcome him.
As the two men sleep another man in a different place is plotting an obsession of his own. Joe Carroll lays awake during the late hour and thinks about the words he said to Emma, about how it is time to make the world aware he is very much alive. He wonders how it will drive Ryan Hardy crazy to see the power he still has over so many. After all, Ryan's story isn't quite over yet, is it?