The car ride over to Claire's secret location wasn't too bad. The agent riding in the backseat with him talked to him most of the way and Mike was grateful because it meant he was distracted from his thoughts. Now, however, he's standing outside a hotel door and he knows she's on the other side. He cares about her because she was always a friend to him and she loved Ryan, probably still does, with all of her heart.

There's a blackness swimming through Mike's veins and it feels like ice, freezing his movements. He wants to give in, to drown in it and let it overtake him because it has got to be better than looking Claire in the eyes. When he opens the door and her beautiful face is looking at him with confusion and anger about Joe being alive, but with the hope he brings news of Ryan, Mike wants to throw himself out the window.

This is guilt, he realizes. The blackness he feels is a sticky kind of guilt clinging to his every movement and word because what is he going to say? Is he going to tell Claire that if he hadn't gotten the call she wanted to see him that he might still be rutting Ryan Hardy against the wall of his apartment?

Yeah fucking right, he thinks. He must have been quiet for too long because she is still staring at him expectantly he and finally says hi back to her.

"Joe's alive? What is going on?" Claire says, exasperation in her words.

"We need to move you and Joey again until we get Joe in custody," Mike says.

"No. I am not moving again, Mike. I refuse to be his victim again."

"Listen, Claire I—"

"I gave up everything! I gave up my whole entire life to protect my son and now he's still not even safe?" she says, eyes bright with the pain she's suffered. Mike sighs, thinking Claire doesn't deserve this after everything. She also doesn't deserve to have her heart broken by him and by Ryan. What a mess.

"If Joe finds out you're still alive, more innocent people are going to die, just like last year. I don't think you want to every woman named Claire Matthews to get killed again?"

"No, of course not. I'm just so tired of running,"

"We'll catch Joe," Mike assures her.

"I don't want to catch Joe. I want to kill him," she says. Mike is momentarily thrown by the cold edge to her voice, but he understands the feeling. The want of his own vengeance is still thrumming through his body.

"Believe me when I say I understand, but you have to let it go. Let it go and just concentrate on Joey," Mike says, not wanting Claire to become what he and Ryan already are…red-eyed creatures of the dark, padding madly in black thirst for revenge. Claire reminds him of Max, and they are both too bright for this world of shadows.

"I can't Mike, I can't let it go," Claire says and her voice breaks. She takes a moment to gather herself. "I want to go to New York and see Ryan."

And there it is, the push off the edge the makes Mike's stomach drop.

"You can't," he says, hoping she doesn't ask why. What's he going to say? You can't see Ryan, not like that, because I'm seeing him? Because we've kissed and I want him in every way and I'm afraid if he sees you he won't even look at me? I know your world is twisted Claire, but let me make it worse… No, he can't say those things. Not now. Not when he still isn't even sure if he means as much to Ryan as Ryan does to him. And it's not like they have a lot of time to figure that out even.

Luckily for him, Claire doesn't ask why, but before he leaves he sees the determination in her eyes and he knows she will find her way to New York. She's smart and resourceful. Joe Carroll didn't marry her just because she's pretty.

When Mike is on his way back to Ryan's apartment he has the sudden realization that his earlier felt guilt has deeper roots. His interest in Ryan was immediate from the day he met the older agent. From there interest became mutual admiration, then Mike felt his affection grow and now he knows what it's like to have Ryan's tongue in his mouth. He wants more in every sense of the word.

He doesn't just feel guilty because he wants Ryan, he feels guilty because he's in love with the man. When the cab drops Mike off he has to take five minutes to stand outside the building and calm himself down. He can't tell Ryan about Claire, but he wants to. He also wants to run the hell away from all of this, but he couldn't leave Ryan, not when they've just finally started to find each other. And of course there are the matters of Joe and Lily.

With a final sigh Mike goes up to the apartment and knocks on the door. His breath catches when Ryan opens the door and they look at each other too long because the next thing Mike hears is Max clearing her throat. He didn't even know she was there. Ryan keeps a straight face and lets Mike into the apartment. The lie comes easy, that he had to visit his mother. It was a family thing. He's had a lot of practice lying for the Witness Protection Program, but Max and Ryan are trained professionals with sharp wit and the look in both their brilliant blue eyes tell Mike that they know he isn't telling the truth. Ryan disappears into the next room and Mike's left alone with Max.

"You don't have to lie, you know," she says, sounding all too much like her uncle. "You don't have to say where you went, but you don't have to make up a lie." And then she mentions she was worried about him, that she called his mother and she's looking at him with eyes too bright. He just nods and excuses himself, walking quickly into the next room.

"Ryan," he breathes, when he's in the room alone with the older agent. Ryan is looking at him as if he can't decide which emotion to choose. There's a twitch in the corner of his lips that lets Mike know Ryan is glad to see him, but Ryan's gaze is hard and Mike knows he's curious as to where Mike had to go. Mike wants to get Ryan's mind off any suspicion so he walks over, takes Ryan's face between his hands and kisses him hard on the lips. Ryan doesn't hesitate in kissing him back and he affectionately nips Mike's lower lip before pulling away.

"There's some stuff I have to fill you in on," Ryan says. He tells Mike about his visit to Strauss's cell, how the doctor deeply unsettled him by saying Ryan essentially copied Joe's life. "He wasn't wrong, Mike. What he said…that I stole Joe's wife, wrote a book about him, became a teacher…all of it is true and I am obsessed."

"But you moved on," Mike says. "You moved past it. You didn't know he was going to come back and do this."

"I tried to move on," Ryan clarifies. "I tried and they killed Claire anyway. Joe made sure of that. And then I don't think drinking until blacking out and telling a journalist everything counts as moving on." Ryan snorts, looking away with his fists clenched. Mike takes a step forward and tilts Ryan's head up with his hand so he looks him in the eyes.

"You stopped drinking though. You got focused again. You have that clarity now, and you—"

"I what?"

"And you have me."

Ryan smiles that crooked Hardy smile and says, "Yeah, I do." He starts to lean toward Mike, but Max voice sounds from the other room.

"Ryan, it's time!"

"Time?" Mike asks.

"I had an idea…come on," Ryan says and they walk back toward the living room where Carrie Cooke is on the television. Mike is filled with annoyance upon seeing her, wondering what exactly Ryan did. He doesn't have to wait very long because Carrie starts reporting the story about Strauss's capture and his "full cooperation" with the FBI. The phone they took from Jana is ringing a few minutes later and Max brings up the trace locator. When Ryan answers Jana's phone it becomes clear that Joe's voice on the other end is getting increasingly angrier. Ryan manages to enrage Joe to the point where the man brags about his new holy army and the merry terror they will rain down.

The trace locator fails them, but they have some information now. And that information takes Mike and Ryan to the restaurant where Lance's girlfriend used to work. It doesn't take long for the action to start to happen and Ryan almost has the girl, almost has her telling everything she knows until the man she was with slits her throat. Ryan shoots him and Mike can see the anger in Ryan's eyes and feel it in every thunderous bang of the gun.

Isn't this the story of their lives? Getting so close to something only to have it taken away. Is this what his fate with Ryan is going to be, almost having him but never completely? When they get back to the apartment Max is still there and then Carrie calls Ryan again. Ryan disappears into his bedroom to talk on the phone and Mike sits defeated on the couch with a bottle of water, eyes watching Ryan until he disappears.

"Hey, I'm going to take off," Max says, gathering some files from the kitchen. She walks over to the couch and sits down next to Mike. "Try to get some sleep."

"Yeah, thanks Max. You too," Mike says, trying to smile at her.

"Does he know?" she asks.

"Does who know what?"

"Ryan, does he know how you feel about him?" she says just as Mike takes a gulp of water. He coughs and splutters.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh please," Max says, standing up and walking toward the door. "The way you look at him is enough for anyone to notice…You should tell him. He's not quite as scary as he pretends to be," she says with a soft smile and then she's out the door. Mike coughs and curls up on the couch, deciding sleep is the way to go.

He hears Ryan walk back into the living room and hang the phone up.

"Going to sleep?" Ryan asks.

"Mmhmm," Mike says.

"Here? I mean you can uhm…" Ryan trails off and points to his bedroom.

"Really? With you?" Mike asks.

"Yes, with me…idiot," Ryan says affectionately with a small smile. When they settle down exhausted in the bed Mike curls up against Ryan, finding this routine familiar and comforting. Ryan runs his hand through Mike's hair and tells him he's always welcome to sleep with him.

"Oh I'd very much like to sleep with you, Ryan," Mike says sleepily, but in a tone that makes Ryan get a little hot under the collar and he kind of freezes. It's not that he doesn't want Mike, because wow, he really does…it's just he's never slept with another guy before and he isn't sure about all the mechanics of the whole thing.

"Not right now, Ryan. Stop thinking and go to sleep," Mike mumbles into Ryan's neck and Ryan can't help but chuckle and pull Mike closer as he closes his eyes. Mike's amused by the great Ryan Hardy's hesitations, and he chooses to focus on that rather than the guilt still lurking inside him. He knows the truth about Claire will come out to Ryan, and he knows the truth about how deep his affections go will too, but for right now he's okay and he can drift off to sleep in Ryan's arms.