"Jack?"
Kensi doesn't know how much time has elapsed since he had been dragged away from her; it could be minutes or hours, but she's pretty sure not days. The last few embers of her fire are burned out, and the smoke has dissipated throughout the cave. The only thing she can hear is the sound of silence.
"Jack?"
She has called him name out in the dark more times than she can count, and not just in this dark cave in Afghanistan. Jack is her one regret, her one true failure in life. The overwhelming desire to erase that failure clouded her judgment to the point where she needlessly risked her own life to try to save him. Again. She doesn't know who to be madder at; him or herself.
"I tried to help you, Jack!" The only response she receives is the echo of her own voice. "I did everything I could!" It's hurting her throat, but helping her heart to continue yelling. "But how did you thank me? You left me! Like a coward! And I hate myself because even though I've tried, I still can't hate you!" Her voice catches in her throat and she covers her mouth, sobbing again. The dirt from her hands get sucked into her mouth and down her throat, and her sobbing turns into choking.
Crawling on her hands and knees, Kensi roots around the cave in the dark, searching for her water. Her knee crashes into a rock and she curses, still fumbling around until she finds her water bucket and cup. Gasping, she drinks cup after cup of her water until her bucket is almost empty. Her face is muddy, a mixture of dirt, water, and tears. "Oh my God," she whispers. "What have I done?"
Picking up the rock next to her knee, Kensi hurls it angrily against the wall of the cave. The loud echo that resonates throughout the tunnel feels like it's going to bust her eardrums. Wincing, she picks up another rock and throws it. She's never been good at dealing with her anger. Shooting her gun or beating the hell out of a punching bag usually makes her feel better, and this is as close as she's going to get to that release. Some part of her awakens from her emotional haze and she gets an idea. Crawling around, she starts gathering any and all rocks she can feel on the ground and shoves them in her jacket. After crawling and gathering as many rocks as she can reach, she drags herself back to her wall.
"Get it together, Blye," she says through gritted teeth. "You're better than this. You might die in this cave, but you're going to go down fighting."
Kensi empties her rocks and hides them close to the wall. She huddles her knees up to her chest and lays her face on them, trying to focus her thoughts on the mission at hand: surviving. "Okay, I can either use the rocks as weapons, or I can alert the team to where I am so they can find me," she mutters to herself. "If they're even looking for me." She knows they shouldn't even have to be looking for her, but it's too late now to do what she should have done in the first place: follow orders and tell the truth.
"You got yourself into this. How selfish are you?" Kensi continues to chide herself. The quiet of the cave is too loud, and the sound of her own voice is the only solace she can find. "Nobody knows where you are, or if you're alive. They don't even know you're missing. Idiot." She sighs, remembering the few bread crumbs she'd left for Granger. As gruff as he is, she knows he'll be worried about her soon. "What is Ganger going to do? Find Sabatino? Look for me himself? Will he call Hetty?"
Another thought then dawns on her. "Hetty. Oh God. Deeks." How could she have forgotten him in all of this, the reminder of her life before the desert and her motivation to finish this mission quickly so she could go back home. "I'm so sorry, Deeks. I'm sorry I couldn't make that promise, and I'm sorry for how much pain this is going to cause you," she speaks to her wall. "Please, please don't be the one to find me."