When Ryan hears the gun shot his heart stops and something within him begins to quiver. A half second later he hears Mike's agonized screams of no, no, no.
Someone is dead, but it isn't Mike and Ryan is glad for that. It makes him feel sick.
"He kept crying. I couldn't hear myself think," Joe mutters and Ryan instantly realizes he is talking about Preston. Great job, Hardy, Ryan thinks to himself. You got the preacher and his son killed, and now Mike is in there…he's going to be next unless you stop fucking up.
"Kill him, Ryan. Just kill him!" Mike screams and Ryan's heart feels like little needles are pinpricking inside the thumping organ, tearing it apart with small sharped points.
"Yes, Ryan. Come and kill me," Joe mocks. "You could have Claire all to yourself. Yeah I know she's alive, I heard the poem. If you're here…is she up at the Inn? All alone. Have you spoken to her today, Ryan? Is she safe?" Joe's words are like jagged ice cutting into Ryan and leaving him cold with fear. Claire was smart and resourceful…if she wanted to get away from her security agents, she could have found a way.
Ryan slides further back along the wall out of Joe's earshot and calls Claire's cell.
"Hello, so glad to hear from you Ryan. It's Luke."
"Where's Claire?" Ryan says. How many fucking things can go wrong today? he wonders.
"Oh good news she's here. Apparently Joe sent Emma and some other guy to get her, but we intervened."
"If you hurt her…"
"Safe your breath. I can guess the next part," Luke says. "Here's what you need to do. I want you to bring Joe Carroll to me. Alive. You do that, and you get a living Claire in return."
"Time is up Ryan! What will it be?" Joe calls from the church. Ryan looks back in through the open part of the wall. Mike is still on his knees, face bloody and with Joe's gun pointing at his head.
"I can't do it Luke. Everything is blocked," Ryan replies.
"You're the big bad Ryan Hardy. You can do anything. Claire is counting on you…cause if you don't, I'm going to cut off her face and wear it for Halloween," Luke says.
"Let me talk to Claire."
"Bring me Joe Carroll."
"Does he have to be alive?"
"Yes, Ryan, alive. Do not kill him. You'll receive a text, it will tell you exactly what to do. You and Joe, no one else. Or Claire dies…horribly," Luke says and hangs up.
Ryan starts to think of a new plan just as Joe's frustrated yell of "Will someone please find Ryan bloody Hardy?" echoes through the church. Ryan traces his steps back to the room with the electricity controls and takes out the lackey pacing around the room easily enough.
He disarms the bombs in front of the door quickly and reaches for his phone.
"Ryan, where are you?" Max greets him, voice whispered and frantic. "Joe has Mike."
Yeah, Ryan is pretty aware of that fact.
"Can you pull up the city plans on that church?"
"Yeah, give me a second," Max says and asks what he is planning.
"I can get you access, but I need a few moments."
"City plans are on their way to you now," Max replies. "What's next?"
Ryan pauses for a moment, deciding to let Max know about his plan concerning Joe Carroll because he needs all the assistance he can get for this one. "I need your help."
Meanwhile Joe is kneeling down next to Mike's face, gun still pointed at him.
"What happened to you, Mikey? You look different. What happened to your boyish charm? I think it's like a new skin…you're looking like a mini-Ryan," Joe says and holds up two fingers with a small space between as if to punctuate the point that yes Mike, here you are, a mini-Ryan taking up this insignificant amount of space. Joe laughs and Mike looks away.
He wonders if Ryan will let him die here, at the hands of Joe Carroll. And the thing is Mike isn't even sure if he cares anymore about escaping death. It seems to greet him so closely now that part of him just wants to embrace that intimate black sleep of the dead and drift away with it. No more murders or dead fathers, no more heartache.
Ryan has the way ready for the S.W.A.T. forces to come in…and also the escape route for him and Joe is clear. He's making his way up the stairs when Luke sends a text of Claire looking bloody, tied to a chair, and an address appears along with the text.
Ryan hurries along the corridor just as he hears Joe say, "I am tired of this. Ryan, I am going to kill him, now!" and Joe starts to press the trigger.
"Joe!" Ryan appears from between the church's pillars, hands up already in surrender. Several members of Joe's group turn and point guns at him.
"You don't need to do that," Ryan says looking at Joe. "I'm right here." Ryan very carefully does not look at Mike. He's afraid eye contact with him now might shatter his already flaking resolve to somehow save everyone today.
"Finally," Joe breathes out. "It's okay, let him through." Ryan slowly walks his way up to Joe and Mike.
"No sudden moves, Ryan. One false move and your little buddy dies."
Ryan walks slowly, enough so the FBI watching can know to cut the lights soon, but his plan isn't all for their ears to hear. He approaches the blonde girl holding the camera and knocks it out of her hands quickly. "Show's over." This was Max's signal and he knows he can count on her to play her part.
Ryan punches the blonde girl to get her out of the way.
"Shouldn't have done that, Ryan," Joe says.
Ryan takes a step closer and says quietly, "Lily's twins have Claire and they are going to kill her if I don't take you to them."
"You're lying," Joe says, face stoic.
Ryan shows him the photo of Claire Luke sent him and the emotions flitting through Joe's eyes at seeing her are many.
"You have about ten seconds until FBI comes through that door. Now I can get you out of here, but you have to drop that gun. Now."
Joe looks at him, trying to gauge what Ryan's plan is. "What sort of trick are you playing here? I sent Emma to get Claire."
"Yeah well that didn't work and now the twins have her. Time's up Joe. Put down the gun and tell your people to back off. I know a way out of here, but you've got to cooperate."
As soon as Joe backs off and pull the gun away from Mike's head, Ryan gives the signal and the power is cut.
"This way," he calls behind him to Mike and Joe. "The city plans showed a route we can escape through here." Behind them is all darkness and flashes of gunfire. As they dart away from the chaos Ryan wonders if he will ever know the sounds of light and peace rather than the screaming shadows of violence.
"This how you plan on getting out?" Mike asks once they reach the room near the exit that has the lights still on. He's wiped the blood from his face with his sleeve and Ryan is seized the irrational want to grab Mike and kiss him hard, but of all things in the world Joe does not need to know Ryan's feelings for Mike run deeper than friendship. Joe doesn't get to ruin and leave his stain on this like he has with so much else.
"Shouldn't I have a disguise?" Joe whines and Ryan punches him square in the face.
"There's your disguise," he says and throws a cloth from the shelf at Joe. The three of them continue out through the room and Ryan slings Joe's arm across his shoulders. Every fiber of him wants to lean forward and strangle Joe until he's turning pale on the floor, but Ryan isn't about to let Claire die at the hands of those psycho twins.
They burst through the door and Mike holds up his hands, "It's okay, FBI."
"This man is injured," Ryan says and hauls Joe along with him. "Two of Joe Carroll's men are behind us." The agents and officers rush off and around them, a scattered swarm. Ryan handcuffs Joe into the back of the vehicle as they greet Max and prepare for the next turn of insanity.
Max rushes toward Ryan and hugs him. "Love you," she says, and Ryan is overwhelmed by the protectiveness he feels toward this brave member of his remaining family.
"Love you," he says, and the words are true, but it still takes him a moment to get them out. Love has become too foreign a word for his tongue and he hates that.
"We'll follow you when we can get out without being spotted," she says and glances at Mike. Ryan nods, looks at Mike and tries to convey the depth of his feelings in that one look. Mike gives him a slight nod and that will have to be good enough for now.
Ryan is almost thankful for the truck plowing into his vehicle because it is the only thing that stops Joe Carroll's babbling in the back seat.
Joe saying how alike he and Ryan are.
Joe trying to act like they are buddies.
Joe saying he hopes Ryan and Claire can be happy together after Joe is gone.
Yeah, the truck trying to crush Ryan into a bug is a welcome distraction. And then the world flips upside down and fades to black.
He's vaguely aware of Joe half carrying him over to the truck their attacker was driving, but then he gives into the darkness, as always.
When Ryan opens his eyes the world is bright again. The morning seems to have come all at once and Joe Carroll is driving them up to a large house, obviously one bought with the tastes of Lily Gray.
They find the invitations the twins left them and Ryan hates that Joe has a gun but he lets him keep it. If Joe wanted to shoot Ryan by now he probably would have anyway.
They find Claire soon enough and her reaction when she sees Joe makes Ryan hate himself a little more. Before he can even assure her that things are okay, the room is being filled with gas and yep, this was a trap too.
When they wake up tied to chairs and the twins come in with a stumbling Claire, tie her to the chair too, and start making jokes, Ryan starts to get really pissed off.
"Where's Emma?" Joe asks, and Ryan is almost impressed Joe might actually care about someone other than himself.
"Someone has some explaining to do," Luke mocks and looks at Claire.
"Claire?" Joe's voice is all astonishment, no way could innocent Claire actually kill someone. The look she gives Joe in reply leaves him gaping and Ryan feels sick again because Claire shouldn't have had that experience. She was supposed to be safe from the taste of death but it found her anyway. And yet Ryan knew, he knew if there was anyone besides Joe that Claire wanted dead, it was the girl who pretended to care for and love her son.
"Do you want a drink, Ryan?" Luke asks with a glimmer in his eye that Ryan wants to rip out, but then there's a gun next to Claire's head so what else can he do but say yes?
The sting of vodka slipping into his eyes and burning down his throat succeeds in further pissing Ryan off. Even Joe looks away in disgust and Ryan hopes to God that Max and Mike are close by because this is not going well.
The twins turn their attention on Joe, but Joe plays his part well. He doesn't let Claire get killed. Then Luke asks Ryan if it is true or false that he killed their mother in cold blood. The fact that the twins think he did it rather than Mike is new information to him.
"Yeah, I did it," Ryan says and he sends a silent thank you to any higher being that might exist that these two crazies do not know Mike executed Lily. Ryan may not be able to protect Claire sitting across the table from him, but let him protect Mike, let the twins take their anger out on him rather than the young agent that Ryan hopes he at least sees again before the twins kill him because oh, they want to. They want the punishment of Ryan's supposed crime to fit, to be equal.
And then Joe gets clever, taunts the twins until they push him a bit and he's able to grab the knife they so carelessly laid in front of him. Ryan sees him do it, but Joe is still telling the story of Ryan's first kill, the way he played vigilante with the druggie who killed his father and has been "seeking redemption ever since" according to Joe. He's not wrong.
"Tell me more," Mark says, eyes wide in interest. Ryan doesn't know what to say and just looks back. Mark points the gun at Claire again. "Why do you need redemption?"
"I…I need to be forgiven. But you can't, can't be forgiven for a thing like that. There's no point, no one left. Who will forgive me?"
"God, God forgives," Mark says.
"There is no God," Ryan retorts and his voice is shaking.
"Forgive yourself," Joe says quietly, and Ryan breaks.
"I am not the good guy!"
"But you try to be," Mark says.
"And I fail," Ryan screams just as Claire softly says his name. He stops and looks at her, wishing she never knew this side of him. There's silence filling the air until Mark walks over and kneels by Ryan.
"You're a remarkable man," he says. "We're going to let you live."
"But you still need to be punished," Luke chimes in. "So we are going to kill Max and Mike. And you will live knowing that you are responsible for their deaths…and I am going to start by killing Claire." He raises the gun and Ryan screams at him. "I'm going to blow her brains out right in front—"
Luke's words are stopped by gunfire. Mike sprints in from the shattered window, Max behind him. Mark has disappeared and Joe has too with Claire. Mike goes after the twins, Ryan guesses, and Max unties him.
"We hit Luke, they can't be far," she says and hands Ryan a gun.
Mike finds Mark easily enough and he has him on the floor, gun pointed toward his head.
"You must really want me dead," Mark says.
"You killed my father." Mike's voice is shaking and he wants to cry, scream, and kill this bastard all at once. "I didn't even think twice about shooting your mother."
"No, no Ryan killed my mother," Mark looks up at Mike, hatred in his eyes.
"That's not true," Mike whispers. "I did. Without blinking."
And then Mike feels a sharp pain before his vision turns red.
When he opens his eyes Max is kneeling beside him looking wide-eyed and hauling him up. When they find the others Claire is shaking against the wall, Joe is on the floor, and Ryan is standing over him pointing his gun while Joe yells, "Do it!"
Ryan looks up at Mike and Mike gives him a slight nod. A nod that says kill him, Ryan. Show me it's okay I killed Lily, it's okay I killed her if you kill Joe right now in cold blood.
And Ryan wants to, oh does he want to see Joe dead once and for all, but he will not embark any further on this transformation into Joe Carroll. He will not be an example of an executor to Mike any longer. This ends.
"Call Clarke, have him arrested," Ryan says. He doesn't look up, doesn't see the confusion on Mike and even Max, doesn't see the exasperation on Claire's face. He just looks down at Joe and reminds himself to refuse to become any more like this cowardly man on the floor.
Mike and Ryan are debriefing the situation to an agent and Mike asks if there are any signs of Mark.
"We're keeping tabs. Luke's dead body isn't anywhere," the agent says and walks away. Mike looks murderous, all bloodlust and revenge in those blue eyes.
"Hey," Ryan says. "Luke is dead. Lily is dead and so is the rest of their family. We'll find Mark."
Mike nods a bit, but then looks past Ryan. Ryan turns and sees Joe being escorted down the stairs by the FBI agents. Ryan walks away.
"Ryan," Mike follows him out the door. "Why didn't you kill him?"
Ryan looks at him for a moment. He wonders if by being close to Mike if he has irreversibly messed the kid up. "Because this needs to end, Mike."
Mike looks back in silence and Ryan walks away. He walks over toward Claire and Mike feels shattered inside. Like he's made of glass and someone dropped him, shook all his pieces up.
"Hey, you okay?" Ryan asks Claire and she says yeah. She tells Ryan he did the right thing, even if she doesn't want Joe alive.
"You're going to be all right, Ryan. Go build a future, one with you and Mike," she says and is so sincere it almost breaks Ryan's heart.
"I don't…"
"Don't what?"
"I don't know if I can, Claire. I want to, but look what happened with me and you. I'm no good for people and Mike is already sliding down a slope that I don't know if he can be pulled from," Ryan says and he thinks it should feel wrong to tell an old love about a new one, but if anyone understands how to get him to move past this, it's Claire.
"Ryan," she says with a sad smile. "Maybe Mike needs you to get past his demons. If anyone understands what he is going through it is you. Help him. And let him help you."
He nods in response and then she has to go. He wishes her the happiest life she can have with her son and when she hugs him he feels like maybe the two of them can do this, go live their lives and actually enjoy life rather than passing through it like shadows of ghosts.
After she leaves Ryan tries to find Mike, but he isn't around the scene anymore. He leaves him a voicemail and asks him to come over tonight.
The bell rings and when Ryan glances through the doorhole his heart skips at the sight of Mike. He chastises himself for a moment at acting like this, but he promised Mike a life and he just hopes so much he can make good on that.
He opens the door and smiles at Mike, glad to see him without blood on his face or clothes. He gestures to come in and Mike follows, but still hasn't said anything.
"I…I'm not quite sure where to begin with this," Ryan says and offers a small chuckle.
"It's okay, Ryan. I figured that given everything you would want to…you know, leave."
"What?"
"With Claire, I mean. I know you said you don't still feel that way, but given everything that just happened it's pretty understandable if you—"
"Shut up," Ryan says and takes a step closer. "Just stop. I meant what I said. Everything. That you and I should have a life after this is over, that Claire is my past…You think I would just give you up?"
Mike looks at him in silence before replying. "I know I'm not what you want me to be. I know you think me turning into you is a bad thing, but Ryan I don't regret that, I don't regret killing Lily. And I don't know if that makes me a fucked up person or not." He looks down, but Ryan sees his blue eyes get watery.
Ryan walks up to Mike and places a hand under his chin to tilt his face up toward him.
"Look at me. You are a good person, one of the best I've ever met. We'll get through this together…maybe with the help of some other people. We might have to go and talk to some people, like I did with my drinking, but it helps, Mike. I swear. We may be fucked up and broken, but together I think we can mend that."
Mike nods and leans into Ryan's touch earnestly, wanting to believe it all.
"Mike…"
"Yeah Ryan?"
"I…I love you too, you know," Ryan finally stammers out quietly. Mike's eyes grow wide and he gives Ryan such a genuine smile that it makes Ryan smile too.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Ryan says and grins. He definitely has no regrets as Mike hauls him close and kisses him hard.
"I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier."
"It's okay, Ryan. I understand why you didn't. The important thing is you said it now and we're here together…and I want you to know you can trust me as much I trust you," Mike says. When he looks at Ryan his pupils are blown wide and he's leading Ryan backward toward the bedroom.
"Then show me," Ryan says. Mike pins him against the bedroom door and crushes their mouths together. He traps Ryan's lower lip between his own and bites it gently. Ryan's mouth opens a bit more and Mike slides his tongue against Ryan's teeth while pressing him harder against the wall.
This is different than the first time they had sex. Mike is leading and in control and Ryan will only admit to himself how hot he finds that.
"I want you," Mike pants out between kisses and rubs his body along Ryan's.
"Well, I'm right here," Ryan remarks and smirks. Mike grabs the bottom of Ryan's shirt and tugs it off before doing the same to his own, then pushes Ryan down onto the bed. He is kissing the older man furiously as he lines their groins up and starts sliding their bodies together.
Ryan curses when their hard-ons rub against each other and his nails dig into the soft skin of Mike's back. When Mike slips his tongue back into Ryan's mouth he trails his fingers down to the younger man's belt, making quick work of getting it out of the way.
"Ryan I, I want…" Mike starts to say between his furious kisses to Ryan's neck.
"What? Anything Mike, anything."
"I want to be inside of you. Show me you trust me," Mike says and presses his body back down to Ryan's. Ryan tenses a bit, but is not opposed to the idea. Mike had seemed to rather enjoy it last time. The thought makes Ryan shiver and he breathes out a yes.
And then Mike takes the belt Ryan is still holding and loops Ryan's hands together above his head. The other agent doesn't protest, just watches with a look between curiosity and feral want. And then Mike is leaving a hot trail of nips, licks, and kisses down to Ryan's hipbone. When he slides Ryan's pants off Ryan sucks in a deep breath as his erection hits the cool air. He wants to touch Mike, but when he tries to slide out of the belt tying his hands together Mike grabs his hands and gives Ryan's neck a sharp bite.
But then Mike is shimmying out of his own pants and Ryan enjoys the view too much to complain. He's about to make a smartass comment about Mike looking like a pretty stripper boy, but before he can get there Mike has those pink, pouty lips wrapped around Ryan's cock and all he can do is sink down into the bed and moan.
"Keep doing that and I won't last much longer," Ryan manages to say between choked moans. Mike chuckles and the vibrations of it make Ryan's hip jump upward and further into Mike's mouth, who takes it in for a moment before pulling off with an obscene wet pop that just turns Ryan on more.
"Where do you—?"
"Top left drawer," Ryan responds, not missing a beat.
Neither does Mike because it doesn't take him long to have Ryan writhing against the bed, thrusting his hips downward to meet Mike's fingers that are torturing him at this point.
"Mike, now. Please, now," Ryan mutters almost incoherently, but Mike smiles again and that makes Ryan's heart feel like it will burst into neon streamers.
And then Mike is entering Ryan slowly and Ryan remembers he did the same for Mike. So it's slow, and good, and drawn out and they've echoed each other in this dance, this contract of trust between two bodies and two hearts.
Eventually Ryan gets impatient and mutters more curse words so Mike picks up the pace and hits the spot that makes Ryan feel like he may actually die from feeling that good. Mike hovers over him, one hand propped up on the bed and the other stroking Ryan's neglected cock. They continue together in a twist of low moans, heavy pants, and sweat-slicked bodies greeting each other. Mike picks up his pace and Ryan can't help but think of how good it feels to be physically connected and filled and oh his body is tensing up in all the right ways that are going to make his pleasure explode.
When Mike feels the way Ryan is contracting around his thrusting cock he lets out a strangled sound and slides into Ryan a few more times before he feels Ryan's coming around his hand and taking Mike right to the edge with him.
They breathe together, stealing the same air and Mike wants to crawl inside the space between Ryan's breaths, to stay there forever in this warm, secure air. Ryan tries to touch him, but the belt seems to have tightened so Mike gently slides out of Ryan and undoes the belt. As soon as he does, Ryan gathers him close and kisses him softly.
"I've trusted you for so long, Mike. You know that."
"I do know that, especially now. And Ryan?"
"Yeah?" Ryan says, resting his head atop of Mike's.
"I think we're going to be all right. I think we're going to survive this," Mike replies.
"Optimism," Ryan says with a smile across his face. He drifts off to sleep with Mike in his arms and his dreams are bright that night, full of light and soft smiles, of big blue eyes and a laugh that fills his heart with peace.
-End-