Chapter 8: The victors
When I wake up again, I'm still feeling weak. But immediately I remember, my last memories in the arena and I open my eyes. I'm in some hospital room, few tubes going out of my arm. And next to my bed. There is a man sitting in a chair.
„Welcome back, boy." he says and to my surprise he's beaming at me. For a moment I consider if it is really true. Either they let us both go out or Katniss died.
„Where is Katniss?" I ask and look at him scared, that she might be dead.
„Calm down." he says calmly. „She's alive. They're healing her too. Not that she would be worse than you. By now she almost healed." he says and I relax „But you, you gave us a lot of worries." he says and there's something painful in his eyes.
„What's wrong?" I ask. I just now there's some but.
„Well you're alive, which is unbelievable, after what you've gone through in the arena." he says.
„But...?" I ask and he looks at me sadly.
„You lost your left calf." he says softly and examines my reaction. I'm shocked. I look under the blankets to see, that my leg really ends under my knee, where Katniss tied the tourniquet. There is only some bare stump under it. My first thought is. How will I walk? I look at Haymitch in fear, not able to process this so fast.
„They made you a special prosthetic leg." he says and pulls out some metal-plastic thing designed to look like leg.
„They made it specially for you and it should fit and work perfectly, but we'll see that when you try it." he adds and looks at me closely. After few quiet moments he leans closer to me.
„Will you be okay?" he asks. I finally smile at him.
„I'll be fine. As long as Katniss is alive, I'll be fine." and he smiles back at me.
„Okay. Now you will have three days to get used to it. You are physically healed and you have these three days to learn how to walk with this and to rest." he says. And right in the moment when I open my mouth to ask he adds „And no. You can't see Katniss, your reunion will be on live TV in three days. I'm sorry."
„Okay thanks." I say a little sad, but what are three days for me? Nothing. „Say her my love, when you see her." I say when he's going away.
„I will." he promises and the door close behind him.
Short time after this, a doctor comes and instructs me, how to put the prosthetic leg on and how to walk with it. This Capitol high tech leg is really a miracle. When I attach it to the stomp, it somehow connects with my nerves and I can control it with my thoughts just like a normal leg. Well almost. In the beginning, I don't trust it, I limp and I struggle with it, but in the end of the third day, I'm walking so well, that you would not find out that my leg is missing. They still want me to have a special crane to gain my balance if I'm not sure.
Finally they let me out of this terrible hospital room and just behind the door, Portia awaits for me. I'm happy to see her and she hugs me immediately.
„I'm so happy to see you again Peeta." she exclaims and I see tears in her eyes. I smile at her.
„I'm happy to see you too. I didn't believe I will ever see you again." I admit.
She just smiles at me and leads me to my old room. I wonder where is Katniss now. My prep team is eager to see me. They all hug me and they can't stop talking about everything we did in the Games. They transform me into absolutely new person and Portia brings me my clothes. It is simple black pants and black shoes and shirt made of some special yellow material which kind of glows.
„You'll be matching with Katniss tonight" she beams at me. I just give her a smile back.
„I can't believe she likes me." I admit.
„How could she not like you after everything you've done for her." she smiles and I'm ready to go to the stage.
They stand me on a metal plate similar to the one which was in the hunger games and I have to wait until the show starts. I see a makeshift wall about ten yards away and assume Katniss will be behind it. I hear the crowd of people waiting for us. I'm sure they are eager to see us coming back.
I can't wait to see Katniss. To see that she is all right and healed. To hug her and kiss her and be with her for the rest of our lives. The anthem starts playing and then Caesar welcomes the audience. He introduces the prep teams, Cinna, Portia, Effie and Haymitch and the audience rewards them with huge applause. After Haymitch, I feel that the plate lifts me up, just the way it did in the beginning of the games.
There are blinding lights and huge applause and cheering from the audience. Those are the only things which I realize before I see Katniss. She's standing just a few yards away from me, looking amazing in a yellow dress. Looking like an innocent vulnerable girl not like a lethal opponent in the arena. I give her wide smile and start walking towards her. I would run, but I don't dare to do that with my new leg. She obviously can't stand separation anymore, because she runs towards me and flings herself into my arms so hard that I almost fall. Thank God they gave me this cane. We hug and kiss and the audience is going crazy about us. Well to be honest I'm not doing that because of them, but who cares. Caesar is trying to stop us after some time, but he is unsuccessful. But then Haymitch comes, he almost brakes us apart himself and shoves us toward the couch which is prepared for us. We sit down, Katniss takes her sandals off, tucks her feet on the side and she leans her head against my shoulder. I put my arm around her, afraid that someone will take her away from me.
Caesar Flickerman makes a few more jokes, and then it's time for the show. This will last exactly three hours and is required viewing for all of Panem. As the lights dim and the seal appears on the screen, I realize I don't want to see this. I do not want to watch my twenty-two fellow tributes die. But I guess we don't have any other option. When the screen lights up, Katniss takes my hand into both of hers and grips it tightly. I can feel how she trembles a little and I tighten my hug. Don't worry, I'm right here with you.
Condensing several weeks into three hours is quite a hard task. Whoever puts together the highlights has to choose what sort of story to tell. This year, they tell a love story. The first half hour or so focuses on the pre-arena events, the reaping, the chariot ride through the Capitol, our training scores, and our interviews.
Once we're in the arena, there's detailed coverage of the bloodbath and then the filmmakers basically alternate between shots of tributes dying and shots of us. I see how Katniss struggled to find water and almost died, while I was hunting tributes with the careers. I'm shocked when I find out, she saw me in the career pack before we met her... That night, when I first killed a human, that poor girl, she was in that clump of willows. I especially remember how I thought that she would consider it a good hiding place. If only I knew she was looking at me through those branches and leaves. How close she was to being discovered when she heard me speak up. Lucky she was belted to the branch.
Late we I how she got burned during the forest fire. I see her trapped on a tree, how she meets Rue and how she makes her plans about tracker-jackers. I can see how she teamed up with Rue and how they blew up the Career's food and finally how Rue died. They play her death in full. The spearing, Katniss's failed rescue attempt, her arrow through Marvel's throat, Rue drawing her last breath in her arms. And her singing the song for Rue. It is beautiful and heartbreaking in the same moment. Her voice is beautiful as always, but it is breaking and creaking when she sobs and tears are going down her face. When they take out Rue's body, we could all see how Katniss decorated her with wild flowers. That is amazing idea. I have never seen anyone doing something like that in the arena.
I feel how she trembles in my arms now and I run my hand over her shoulder to comfort her. She showed them, she's different. Not just a piece in their games. When they announce the rule change, she's sitting on a tree and she calls out my name immediately. It's kind of sweet and I smile over it. Then there are moments from cave and then the feast. I hold my breath as I see Katniss drugging me to sleep. Then she gives me a goodbye kiss in the morning and goes to the feast. My heart is racing, when I see her fighting with Clove. Fighting for her life with bare hands. She already had her knife on Katniss's face, when Thresh came to save her. I'm so grateful he did this. Then Katniss struggles through the forest, trying to hold her blood in and trying to be in our cave as soon as possible. When she finally arrives, she shots the medicine into my arm and right after that she looses her consciousness. Then there are moments of Cato and Thresh fighting. He fought really well I must admit. There are also some shots of us healing during their fight. Than we're going hunting, Foxface dies and the other day, we head towards the lake. We're confronted with Cato and mutts and the torturing memories come back to me. Running from the mutts, Katniss catching my hand and holding me when that mutt bite my calf, Cato getting me, than Katniss shooting the arrow through his hand and then he falls down in the middle of the mutts. It seems really horrible, Cato's death is long and painful and I really feel sorry for him. Even such a bloodthirsty career didn't deserve that.
And then comes the moment with the berries. I can hear the audience hushing one another, not wanting to miss anything. We are like tragic couple from old stories, who committed a suicide, because their families banned their marriage. We stand there hand in hand, berries in our mouths when they stop us. It's really amazing that we both survived it. Then I'm surprised that they doesn't stop when they call us winners. There is shot of Katniss holding me up, while a hovercraft lifts us from the arena. Then I faint, they take me to the surgery and than there is one last shot of Katniss, madly pounding on a glass which is between us. I'm laying on the surgery table and she's going mad, calling my name. She must really be in love with me then.
The anthem's playing yet again and we rise as President Snow himself takes the stage followed by a little girl carrying a cushion that holds the crown. There's just one crown, though, and you can hear the crowd's confusion — whose head will he place it on? — until President Snow gives it a twist and it separates into two halves. He places the first around my brow with a smile. He's still smiling when he settles the second on Katniss's head. But for some reason she seems scared.
We are whisked to the president's mansion for the Victory Banquet, where we have very little time to eat as Capitol officials and particularly generous sponsors elbow one another out of the way as they try to get their picture with us. Face after beaming face flashes by, becoming increasingly intoxicated as the evening wears on. We keep laughing and smiling, but I'm so tired. And Katniss still seems strangely scared. I have to talk to her about it when we're back home. The sun is just peeking over the horizon when we straggle back to the twelfth floor of the Training Center. I want to talk to Katniss but Haymitch sends me off with Portia and doesn't give me a chance to talk to her.
So I get some sleep until I'm woken up by Effie knocking on my door and calling her usual „It's a big, big, big day." I don't remember a day which would not be a big, big, big one. Portia brings me a white suit and a soft red shirt. When everything is done and they assume I look good enough, we go to the sitting room, where the interview will be shot. Katniss is already there, looking nervous, her hands shaking slightly. I sit next to her and put my arm around her.
"I hardly get to see you. Haymitch seems bent on keeping us apart." I say. I'm a little angry about this. I wanted to tell her about my leg, because I didn't want to reveal it to her on live TV. I guess this is where it is leading.
"Yes, he's gotten very responsible lately." she says tiredly.
"Well, there's just this and we go home. Then he can't watch us all the time," I smile at her. But for some reason her smiling back seems just weak and not truthful. What is wrong with her?
"Oh, go ahead and curl up next to him if you want. It looked very sweet." Caesar says to Katniss and so she does.
We start the interview without a problem. I like talking with Caesar, we have a similar sense of humor, so it's like speaking to a friend. On the other hand Katniss speaks as little as possible.
"Well, Peeta, we know, from our days in the cave, that it was love at first sight for you from what, age five?" Caesar says.
"From the moment I laid eyes on her," says Peeta.
"But, Katniss, what a ride for you. I think the real excitement for the audience was watching you fall for him. When did you realize you were in love with him?" asks Caesar.
"Oh, that's a hard one . . ." she laughs a little.
"Well, I know when it hit me. The night when you shouted out his name from that tree," says Caesar.
"Yes, I guess that was it. I mean, until that point, I just tried not to think about what my feelings might be, honestly, because it was so confusing and it only made things worse if I actually cared about him. But then, in the tree, everything changed," she says.
"Why do you think that was?" urges Caesar.
"Maybe . . . because for the first time . . . there was a chance I could keep him," she smiles slightly. That's so nice. Hearing that she really likes me.
I smile and lean my forehead against her temple. "So now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" I ask.
She turns in to me. "Put you somewhere you can't get hurt." And then I kiss her and people in the room sigh.
Then Caesar asks about different injuries we got. Our burns, stings from tracker-jackers or cuts. We talk about it and I'm feeling that my leg will be talked about soon. I'm afraid about Katniss's reaction.
„So Peeta" he says after long talk about mutts „How is your new leg working out?" just when I take a deep breath to talk I feel how Katniss shivers.
„New leg?" she says and pulls up a the bottom of my pants to see my prosthetic leg. I can see the look of pain and horror in her eyes.
"No one told you?" asks Caesar gently. She shakes her head.
"I haven't had the chance," I say with a slight shrug. I'm really sorry for that.
"It's my fault," she says pleadingly "Because I used that tourniquet." she seems like she will start crying soon.
"Yes, it's your fault I'm alive," I say calmly and stroke her hair.
"He's right," says Caesar. "He'd have bled to death for sure without it."
Well she doesn't care what we say, she still seems upset and then she just buries her face in my chest and refuses to go out. It takes some time to persuade her but finally she does. Luckily Caesar leaves her alone until the very end.
"Katniss, I know you've had a shock, but I've got to ask. The moment when you pulled out those berries. What was going on in your mind . . . hm?" he says. Oh I would also like to know the answer. I hope for love.
"I don't know, I just . . . couldn't bear the thought of . . . being without him." she says and my heart warms up.
"Peeta? Anything to add?" asks Caesar.
"No. I think that goes for both of us," I say and smile. And that is the end. Finally we go home!
We go back to our rooms, we take our few belongings and finally go out of the training center. We are escorted to the train station by cars, there we briefly say goodbye to Cinna and Portia and we finally board the train. I still can't believe we did this and that we're going home. And it's even harder to believe that Katniss loves me.
In the train we eat dinner and watch the interview in TV. Katniss goes to change and I do the same. I don't feel well in this clothes.
When the train stops for fuel, we're allowed to go out for a while and we gladly do. We go down by the train, hand in hand and I'm so happy. If you would show me this moment on the reaping day and tell me this is my future, I would tell you, that you're crazy. I stop to pick up some little flowers. I present them to Katniss and smile widely at her. She's smiling back, but very sadly. She's like this all the time since the end of games. What has happened?
„What's wrong?" I ask softly.
„Nothing" she says and we continue in our walk. Then Haymitch makes us jump.
"Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay." he turns around and Katniss is looking in his direction. What is he talking about? What should we keep up? I look at her, but I can see that she's scared to look at me. Why? Now I'm afraid. There must be some BUT somewhere. Something they're not telling me.
"What's he mean?" I ask.
"It's the Capitol. They didn't like our stunt with the berries," she blurts out still avoiding my eyes.
"What? What are you talking about?" I'm surprised. Why didn't they told me such a thing?
"It seemed too rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn't make it worse," she says and a terrible feeling is coming to me. What was Haymitch coaching? Her words and love?!
"Coaching you? But not me," I say, dreading her answer.
"He knew you were smart enough to get it right," she says and finally looks at me with a terrified look.
"I didn't know there was anything to get right," I say starting to be angry. "So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess... back in the arena... that was just some strategy you two worked out?" I'm terrified of her answer. Is it possible that she was acting all her love because of the games? Is she able to do something like that?
"N-no. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, c-could I?" She stammers.
"But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" I say. I see how she bites her lip which means that I revealed the truth. No, this can't be truth. My lovely Katniss is not mine any more. She never was. "Katniss?" I drop her hand and she takes a step, as if to catch her balance, her hands shaking.
"It was all for the Games," I say finally. Accusing her. I hate this! "How you acted."
"Not all of it," she says, holding tightly to the flowers I gave her. I can see the dread in her eyes and I almost think they are getting wet too.
"Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home?" I ask angrily.
"I don't know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get," she says. I wait for a moment if she will say something more, but there's only a painful silence.
"Well, let me know when you work it out," I say and I can't hide the pain in my voice.
I can really feel pain in my heart. Is it possible to feel your heart break? I don't know but I feel it. And it's the worst pain I have ever felt. And that means something if you consider, what I've been through in the arena and that I lost my leg. It takes my biggest effort to compose myself until I'm in my bedroom. There I let my tears stream down my cheeks. How can she be so cruel? How is it possible that she's loving me in the arena and when we come out, she doesn't love me any more? I know the answer. It's him. It's Gale.
I don't go out of my room until we're arriving to District 12. I know that for one more time we will have to be a happy couple. I compose myself and try to hide my sadness into expressionless mask. When I go towards the train door, she's already waiting there. I can see the uneasiness on her face. The pain and fear. But today I don't care about it. It's all her fault. I was not the one who faked our love.
We just stand there silently, watching our grimy little station rise up around us. Through the window, I can see the platform's full of cameras. Everyone will be eagerly watching our homecoming. And that's the reason why I compose myself up and try to smile. Because I don't want to get into trouble if everyone get to know Katniss's secret. Maybe they would kill us. I extend my hand towards her and she looks at me unsure.
"One more time? For the audience?" I ask coldly.
And for the last time she takes it. To my surprise she holds it tightly, like if she's afraid to let it go. I feel how her hand trembles in mine as the train stops and the door open. By the train we briefly greet with our family members. My dad and Ray came, while mother and Ban are in the bakery. They both hug me and congratulate me happily. Of course Katniss's mum and Prim came too. As soon as we're out of the train, Prim flings herself into Katniss's arms and for the first time I see Katniss smile with a real smile. To my surprise, when Prim let's go of Katniss, she hugs me tightly too.
"Thanks for getting her home." she says into my ear and I can't help than smile too.
I get a hug from Katniss's mum too, while Katniss gets hugs from my dad and Ray. From the station we're transported to Victor's Village, where we get our new houses. Katniss's house is next to Haymitch's and mine is next to his from the other side. We try to look as happy as we can.
When the cameras are away and Haymitch goes to his own house, we're alone and silent again. She still holds my hand tightly. I look at our hands entwined for the last time in my life. And then at Katniss. She looks terrible. Like she's going to crush down soon. She's trembling and she's pale. I let go of her hand softly and look her in the eyes. Something in there is telling me, that she's not absolutely indifferent. I know that deep in my heart I want to keep my hand in hers. But I'm still too angry to forgive her. The pain in my heart is too real and too fresh.
„Nice acting." I say more coldly then I wanted to. She looks at me with pain in her eyes. Her hands start to shake again.
„Most of the people will believe that we'll live happily ever after." I say and her lower lip starts to quiver.
I can't bare to look at her any more, because right now I can see tears welling in there and I don't want to see her cry now because of me. I leave her in her new big house. Heading to mine quietly and locking up in my bedroom. I will need time to get used to this. I will need a lot of time to forget her sweet lips and her warm hugs. I guess I won't be able to forget that. I fall into my bed and let my own tears fall down and my own sobs go out of my lips. This is how the star-crossed lovers end up. Locked in their houses and crying. I should have died in the end of the games. With her love still truthful. I should have died, not knowing that her love was fake.