Title: Italy

Genre: Adventure, Angst

Summary: Ian dreams of taking Amy out to Italy...

Words: 887

Note: To the reviewer who requested this: not exactly what you expected…

Historically, world leaders haven't been subtle about giving expensive, exotic presents to each other. In 1514, the King of Portugal sucked up to the Pope by giving him a white elephant. In 1664, the King of England gave New York as a birthday present to his brother, the Duke of York. In 2011, the Australian Chief Minister gave the United States President a crocodile insurance policy.

So really, it's not that unusual for the leader of the Lucians to give the leader of the Madrigals the gift of an all-expenses-paid, week-long trip to Italy.

It's only to secure their alliance, he tells himself as he carefully maps out their schedule.

A whole day will be devoted to the Colosseum, since he knows she goes ga-ga over old historical sites and she didn't exactly have time to explore it the last time she was there (racing against the Vespers to find an officially non-existent book). He can already imagine her firing hard questions at the tour guide (booked in advance) and taking photo after photo until he has given up teasing her ("You do realize that you can find pictures of better quality on the internet?") and she has run out of film. Ian has visited the Colosseum half a dozen times before, but he imagines that watching the redhead's eyes lighten and spark will make him try for the first time to see the Colosseum as more than just ruined slabs of stone.

Another day will be spent touring the rest of Rome. They'll go to the very best art museums and he'll proudly display his knowledge of art, giving mini lectures on Caravaggio and Michelangelo and Bellini. She'll roll her eyes at his obvious arrogance, but listen raptly and sometimes correct his information. They'll argue about who is right, she asking bewildered passerby to back her up and he eventually calling up his acquaintance at the University of Cambridge (added to speed dial).

They will then travel to Pisa, where he'll show her the Leaning Tower and she'll drag him to dusty churches. He'll protest ("But neither of us are religious!") and she'll assert her leadership skills ("Stop whining and shut up"). His masculinity and innate pride will prevent him from yielding ("You do realize that 'stop whining' and 'shut up' are synonymous?") and she'll snap back ("And yet you seem to struggle with understanding both"). Eventually, her patience will shatter and she'll do something drastic like steal a bowl of holy water and dump it onto his head. They'll flee to the too familiar sound of sirens ("This is completely your fault." "My fault? You're the one who stole holy water!") and the incident will become yet another funny dinner story titled "And that's how Ian Kabra and Amy Cahill got banned from Santa Caterina Church in Pisa."

They'll run all the way up to Milan, to be safe. There, he'll stock up on his silk suits and buy her a four-figure gown for her that she grudgingly thanks him for ("It's too gaudy and I'll never wear it, but the thought is nice, I guess"). As they stroll around the city of beauty, he will intentionally unintentionally brush her hand, over and over again until she finally has enough and grabs his hand ("See, now that wasn't so hard, was it?"). They will dine at a restaurant where they'll be mistaken for a couple and given the dimmest, coziest table in the room. Fiercely blushing and quickly regaining her long-lost stutter, Amy will accuse Ian of planning an elaborate scheme to win her romantic affections. In response, Ian will kiss her, gently at first before becoming more assertive when she kisses him back.

Miraculously, they'll have one last day together, As A Couple. He'll take her to Venice, where her eyes will widen at the high water and bright colors. He'll hire a gondola and a cast of gondoliers, but Amy will vigorously take the oars to "make the most of the experience" and he'll be forced to row with her. Due to his unfortunate coordination, he will somehow overturn the boat and end up shivering in a pool of his chagrin, while Amy laughingly rescues him. Later, after he has changed out of his dripping clothes, they will sit on top of a bridge, she casually dangling her feet and he feeling like he will fall any moment and have to change into his third suit of the day. Her head will drop to his shoulder and she will tell him the trip was lovely while he tells her that her wet hair (from when she rescued him) is the best smell he has ever encountered.

"Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Ian, you shouldn't have!" Amy exclaimed, her eyes wide over the pair of plane tickets. "I've been wanting to go to Italy for such a long time, and I know Jake will be absolutely thrilled that he's going home again. It was so thoughtful of you to include a ticket for him. I know you two didn't get along very well at first, but I'm so glad you've outgrown that childish feud and decided to be friends."

And he is just a foolish dreamer.