Part Two
At the end, Wally was the one to find Jason first. The second Robin was a crumpled heap of blood and raw flesh and torn uniform. Wally was no paramedic, but he could tell instantly that the boy had little time left. He rushed to the boy's side, too scared to even hold the boy for fear of increasing his pain. "Jason?" he asked desperately. God, the boy was so close. He had to hang on. Artemis and Dick –
"Wally?" Robin croaked out. His voice was somewhere between a wheeze and a whisper. A lung had probably collapsed, Wally realized. "I knew you guys would – "
"Shh, don't talk, Jase," Artemis' nickname for her almost-younger brother slipped out before he could stop it. "The rest of the team will be here in no time, and we can get you medical attention, I swear – "
"Terrible… liar, West," Jason somehow managed one of his trademark smirks. Dying, Wally thought dimly, did not diminish Jason's attitude at all.
"You have to…" Wally began, but could not finish that sentence. "Dear God, Jason, just until Dick and Artemis get here," he begged.
"I'm… trying… dumbass," Jason got out. His voice was getting even weaker. Distantly, Wally heard footsteps pounding against the ground, and he looked up. He saw Dick and Artemis racing towards the two of them, Artemis furiously wiping at her eyes as she ran. M'gann flew beside them, levitating a first-aid kit Wally knew would be useless.
"They're here, they're almost here, Jason," Wally promised.
"Jase! Oh God, Jason, I'm so sorry," Artemis was crying, and it took Wally a while to realize Dick was too.
"You did good, Jason," Dick told his younger brother, "You did good." Jason smiled that toothy grin Wally had always hated. He'd thought it was so cocky and annoying before. Now all he noticed was how three of Jason's perfect teeth had been knocked out.
"Dick," Jason's eyes were flickering close, and Wally saw he was crying as well, "Sis," one of Jason's hands (how many places had that arm been broken?) reached out and circled around Artemis' shaking wrist.
When Batman arrived moments later, he was too late. He picked up his lost son's body and carried it to the bioship. Nightwing took the Batmobile. No one heard Wally's protestations when he said Dick was in no state to drive. It was only later, as Artemis buried her head into his shoulder and sobbed, that Wally realized he was crying as well.
"I'm really, really screwed," Jason says the moment she answers the call, before she even has time to say hello. "There was this stupid calc quiz and I haven't really been studying or, well, paying attention in class because it's math and I'm usually good at math and Dick told me high school math was a breeze but Artemis I GOT A B."
Artemis laughs, "If you were even remotely Asian I'd make this joke about you not being B-sian…"
"Not FUNNY, Artemis!"
"Relax, Jase, everyone has to fail at least one quiz before they graduate… In your case, well, I guess you got a B."
…
"So?" Jason is trying to be cavalier, and it is clear he is holding his feelings in. They wave at the blonde girl they just sent home and Artemis laughs at him as they drive away.
"She seems really sweet, Jase," Artemis says, and Jason grins so brightly she can't help but laugh again, "thanks for introducing her to me."
…
Wally insists on having the wedding outdoors, which really just means Artemis is forced to pray daily for good weather for months before the actual day. But when the day arrives the sun is bright and it's all really just perfect and she's glad she let Wally have his way.
Jason looks exuberant for someone who has been sulking at his sister not giving him enough attention while she was busy with wedding preparations, but that may have to do with the beautiful girl that does not leave his side throughout the entire wedding. He punches Wally on the shoulder. "You better treat her right, West, or you have it in for you." It is the least threatening Jason has ever sounded.
…
"Is he here?" she overhears Jason ask Dick tentatively, clutching his high school diploma in one hand. She sneaks a peak at Dick, who looks like he's trying to suppress a smile.
"Is who here?" Bruce Wayne asks from behind, and Jason whirls around, face lighting up immediately. The three of them are oblivious to the students and parents who have started staring.
Artemis discreetly snaps a photo with her camera-phone.
…
"He's a natural," Paula praises, earning a smile out of Wally, who is cradling his new baby in his arms. Artemis smiles, tired, but somehow ridiculously happy.
"I still can't believe you made Dick the godfather," Jason cuts in, scowling. Dick only gives his brother an obnoxious smile.
"Well, it seemed the natural choice," Artemis says, "Since you're her uncle."
"Really?" He looks like a small child being told Christmas came early.
"Of course," she tells him, almost rolling her eyes.
"Here," Wally says, smirking, passing his daughter over, "Uncle Jason."
Jason holds her baby girl like she's the most precious thing in the world.
…
But he never would. Not anymore.
Artemis threw a spear at Wally, which he caught and spun around inexpertly, nearly knocking himself in the face. "Careful there, genius," Artemis warned. She spun her own spear several times, looking as if she was barely thinking about it, before stopping in a combative pose.
"I really don't see the point of weapons training," Wally said, eyeing Artemis' spear with a healthy amount of caution. "I am a speedster. I get trained on how to use my superpower from the Flash, and Black Canary handles hand-to-hand combat. I'm really never going to have to use a spear, or any other weapon, in my life."
"Weapons training helps in hand-to-eye coordination, builds up agility, tactical ability, and it's a life skill to be able to handle a variety of weapons," Artemis replied. "Why do you think I can use about every weapon in this room, though my main weapon is a bow?"
"Artemis, I'm a speedster and a genius. I have agility and tactical ability," Wally pointed out, hoping he did not sound like too much of an arrogant douchebag.
"Well," Artemis said icily, "Jason was a Bat. He was trained by Batman, Nightwing, Black Canary and me. That didn't stop him from dying, Wally, he still got beaten by that lunatic into a bloody – " she didn't finish the sentence, only let out a growl of frustration and swung the spear at him, which he quickly parried with his own spear.
"That's what this is about? Jason? Artemis, I get you're mourning. We all are. But Artemis you have to talk about it, this isn't healthy-" Wally insisted, though it was getting harder and harder to get sensible words out when Artemis was coming at him with a spear in her hands and a hard look in her eyes. "Artemis!" he tried, but he knew by then it was no use. Artemis had to vent her frustration through combat, it was either she attempted to kill him under the guise of training, or she take out her grief on some unsuspecting bad guys in Gotham. At least he had accelerated healing.
Waking up at Mt. Justice's infirmary was like waking up after the train-for-failure experiment, except her teammates were not all simultaneously rousing around her, and Artemis found she was actually injured: she could feel a bandage wrapped around her head. She realized then that she had been knocked out within the first thirty minutes of the mission. Now that was embarrassing.
The next thing she realized was that the only other person in her infirmary room was M'gann, and she was crying profusely. Contrary to her pretty cheerleader façade, M'gann wasn't one to cry easily, which meant something was wrong, and really wrong.
The third thing she realized hit her the hardest. While she and Wally had been badly injured on team missions before, Wally tended to recover way before her due to his accelerated healing, and always found a way to be by her side, annoying her, as she slowly got better like regular humans did.
"Where is he?" she demanded, half jumping out of bed. "M'gann, is something wrong? Where's Wally?"
Artemis didn't know how to mourn him. Seven years they had been together, and she did not know what to do but lie in their bed and feel his absence. Their apartment, which had been way too big before, now seemed like a chasm ready to engulf her at any moment. Though neither of them had actually vocalized it, they had agreed on this house because they thought one day their children would live there. Every time she thought about how that door was closed forever, really forever, it hit her in the face again. This wasn't a break up. This wasn't an argument about when they should have children. This was death, and now they would never have a family together. They would never even get married.
(She had gone crazy on day one and overturned their house looking for an issue of a research journal Wally subscribed to because she was trying to remember some experiment he had explained to her once. She found the ring haphazardly hidden in a sock behind a stack of old magazines.)
For three days after Wally's funeral, she read and re-read the letter he'd written her from when Jason died. Some hours she spent imagining he was simply away, visiting his parents for the weekend or staying late at the labs, and some hours she thought about just how gone he was. She forced herself to remember the little things, the feel of his hand in hers, the sound of his footsteps up the stairs, his laugh. She summoned his voice up in her head every few hours, just to make sure she hadn't forgotten yet.
Artemis found that she missed Jason more than ever after Wally was gone. She had only just lost her younger brother, and Wally had been there. Now neither of them were and it felt like losing her mother and her sister all over again. She tried imagining what Jason would do to cheer her up if he was still around. Move in with her for the time being, distract her with chatter and jokes, help her cook and burn the eggs, she supposed. She imagined Jason and Wally getting on each other's nerves in an afterlife she only nebulously believed in.
Imagining things hurt so much.
She thought about calling Dick, but for some reason, she just couldn't. There were just too many memories of Wally between them. She couldn't talk to the guy who'd told Wally to cut her some slack when he still hated her, teased them when they were still denying their attraction to each other and calmed her down when she was freaking out about telling Wally she loved him.
He hadn't called her either, for the same reasons, she supposed. The others had, though, with condolences and offers to meet up or come over. M'gann had showed up at her doorstep with more cookies than she could finish alone, and Zatanna texted every few hours to check on her. Conner had called her one night and they talked for an hour. She video-chatted with Ollie and Dinah and her mom. Jade even showed up at her window one night, and they stayed up late drinking Chinese tea while sitting cross-legged on her living room floor. She forced herself to look like she was keeping it together for these rare moments of human interaction, but it was getting hard to ignore the searching looks and the constant worrying. So, a week after Wally's funeral, she called up the only person she knew would really understand.
"Zatanna? That offer for brunch still on?"
Zatanna kept things real; that was Artemis' favourite thing about her. She was extremely honest with everyone, including herself, but was never unkind. Artemis had always been glad that Zatanna and Dick had managed to stay good friends after their numerous break-ups. She hated to think what would've happened if she had been forced to choose sides.
Zatanna was already there, indicating to the waiter she wanted a table for two, when Artemis arrived. "Zee!" Artemis exclaimed, suddenly feeling more alive than she had in days. When she smiled at her long-time friend, there was nothing strained about it. She felt, for the first time since Wally died, glad to see someone.
"Artemis," Zatanna greeted, embracing her. They followed the waiter to their usual table at the corner of the restaurant.
"So, how've you been?" Zatanna asked, after they'd both placed orders for their usual drinks and meals.
She had planned on pretending that she had been coping, but that all fell away the second she opened her mouth. This was Zatanna, after all. If ever there was someone she could be honest with, it was her. "Terrible," Artemis confessed. "It's just… every hour I find another way of realizing how he's never coming back."
"I know," Zatanna said, and her voice was soft, "I know. And we both know there's nothing someone can say to make it feel better. I'm so sorry, Artemis. It never should have happened. I miss him so much, too."
"I quit the team," Artemis said abruptly. "I just couldn't anymore, after Wally and Jason. I joined the team to undo all the bad things my parents did, and wanted me to do. And now I can't undo all the people I lost on the team, but…"
"I know. I heard. And Artemis, we all understand, and we all really care about you." Their food arrived, and Zatanna poured them both some tea. Artemis was suddenly very conscious of the morning sunlight pouring through the window. Her eyes, which had cried way more than she was built for in the past few days, ached. "Do you have any plans for, well, the future?"
"Well, Wally and I applied for a grad program in France. I thought, if I get in, maybe I'd go to Paris."
"Don't say it," Dick said, as Barbara sat beside him at the park where they'd agreed to meet. She'd asked him many times since the funeral if he wanted to talk, but this was the first time he'd agreed. Barbara knew Dick; he could be all suave and charming, but when his emotions set in they were strong, and he sometimes preferred to shut himself up so no one else would bear the brunt of it, even if they were willing to.
"Say what?"
"That you're sorry," he sighed deeply, putting his head in his hands. "It's been said too many times after Jason, and I can't – I can't handle it being said about Wally."
"I know you deserve more than all the clichés, Dick," Barbara said gently, "But I – I've got nothing. It shouldn't have happened. God, it was wrong that it happened. I really, really am sorry."
"They were my brothers," Dick said, looking at her. "Both of them."
It was so unfair, and so goddamned stupid she wanted to kick and scream and cry. Jason and Wally were heroes. She remembered them from years back, when Jason was full of anger and Wally full of insecurity. They'd come so far and now, they were gone. How could they be dead when villains that killed without blinking an eye found their way out of jail and took more lives? Not to mention Dick. No one deserved to lose anyone they loved the way Dick loved his family and friends, but Dick had lost not just his parents, and now, two of his closest friends in the world.
"They are," she said, offering another cliché. There was nothing else to say. "They are."
"Miss Crock," Alfred said when he answered the door. "We weren't expecting you today." His look of surprise almost instantly morphed into concern. "How have you been feeling?"
"Yeah, it was kind of an impromptu decision to visit," Artemis said sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck with her hand. "I've been…coping. I just thought I'd visit Jason's grave for a while, maybe talk to Dick…? If that's okay, of course."
"You know you're always welcome here, Miss Crock," Alfred told her, and she smiled politely. She had visited often in her senior year and now felt guilty for not visiting more since she left for college. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid that Master Grayson is out with Miss Gordon at the moment."
"Oh, that's okay – " Artemis started, when a lanky, dark-haired figure suddenly stopped by Alfred at the door.
"Artemis?" Tim asked, looking surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, hey, Tim," Artemis smiled at the current Robin. Given how she was practically a sister to the two Robins before him, her awkward acquaintanceship with Tim was something she always felt slightly guilty about, but it was difficult for her to be too friendly to him when she kept seeing him as Jason's replacement. "Um, I wanted to visit Jason's grave, and maybe see Dick, but I guess he's out at the moment."
"Oh," Tim said, scratching his head. He had really gotten so tall, Artemis thought, had Jason ever been that tall? Tim was a whole year younger than Jason had been when he… "I could take you to Jason's grave, if you want."
"Now that's an idea," Alfred said dryly, giving Artemis a look, which she ignored.
"Um, wow, thanks," Artemis smiled at the younger boy, "That'll be great."
She'd last visited Jason's grave over three months ago, with Dick and Wally, and it was impossible not to think about her dead boyfriend as she walked through the gardens of Wayne Manor. She decided to say something before Tim felt obliged to ask her the typical, "how have you been coping" type of questions she'd gotten so tired off since Wally died. "So, Tim," she said conversationally, "how's school been?" Tim, she remembered, went to Gotham Academy as well.
"It's gotten pretty busy since 8th grade started, I guess," Tim said, sounding surprised that she had initiated a conversation, "Oh, um, but nothing I can't handle. I have all of Dick's old notes, so that helps."
Of course. All Robins had to be excellent at their schoolwork. It was something Dick managed with little effort and Jason had felt obliged to keep up the legacy. That same pressure probably fell on Tim now. Artemis opened her mouth to say something about the crazy workload at Gotham Academy, or the strict teachers that actually knew what they were saying, or the ridiculous number of clubs that didn't make any sense, but they had already arrived at Jason's grave.
Artemis realized at that moment that she had forgotten to buy flowers.
"I really miss him," Tim confessed suddenly, snapping her out of her reverie. He was staring at the tombstone. Artemis found herself wondering how often Tim visited Jason's grave on his own.
In this family, it's every girl for herself. The words came to her out of nowhere, forcing her to remember a little girl in overalls, clutching a soft toy as her older sister walked straight out of her life. She remembered how big the house felt with just her in it, how much worse trainings with her father were without her sister, how strange it was to read Alice in Wonderland alone, learning to fix up her own hair without Jade around to do it.
"I'm sorry," she said, surprising even herself by speaking. "I know what it's like to lose a sibling."
"Oh yeah, Jason always said you were like his big sister," Tim said, looking at her, "This must be really hard for you too."
"It is. But that's not what I meant. My older sister, she's, well, Cheshire. Jade Nguyen. She's not dead, but well, when our mom got thrown in prison when I was 11, she left and it felt like I was never going to see her again."
It was no secret that she and Jason got along because they were so alike, whether it was because of personality or the way they just got each other's backstories. Now she and Tim were alike because they both lost an older sibling. They were going to be friends.
It was almost 8 in the morning when the phone call came, but Dick was too tired from last night's patrol to even look at the caller-ID. He answered the call, his voice sounding scratchy from sleep. "Hello?"
"We're being idiots," Artemis said bluntly. She sounded wide-awake, though it was probably even earlier where she was.
No, Artemis wasn't even in California any more. She had moved back to Gotham a while ago, after she graduated. Zatanna had mentioned it to him once after a debrief.
He hadn't been invited to the graduation ceremony.
"Good morning, Artemis," he said, sitting up.
"Right. Morning," she said, and he could pretty much visualize her rolling her eyes. "As I was saying, we're being idiots. We haven't seen each other in ages, and Dick, I need to see you. I miss you so much."
Dick laughed, though he suddenly felt like crying. He hadn't cried since – well, since after Wally, but it was like something raw and painful he had buried deep down in his chest was coming alive again. "I miss you too," he said. "We really should meet up sometime – "
"Exactly. How's today?"
Dick blinked. "Today?" He scrambled around for his alarm clock, and looked at the date. Oh. Today was the day Jason would have turned seventeen. "Sure. I'll clear my schedule."
"I can't believe you actually have your own apartment," Artemis declared, as she settled down on the sofa. "I mean… Wayne Manor. This place is nice, and all, but you could live in a freaking castle."
"I do still stay at the Manor sometimes," Dick said diplomatically, as he handed her a soda can from the fridge, "but it is nice to have my own place. Nineteenth birthday present from Bruce."
Artemis blanched as she opened the can. "Jeez. My dad didn't even show up on my nineteenth birthday."
Dick shrugged with mock modesty. Artemis took a drink from the can, then looked up at him. "Why didn't we talk after Wally died?"
They had spoken all day about how their lives had been in each other's absence, made jokes, gossiped, reminisced about the old days, but they had never even gotten near the elephant in the room. Dick swallowed and put his empty can down on the coffee table. "It was… difficult. Wally meant so much to both of us, and seeing each other was just a constant reminder of everything."
"But after Jason died… we stuck together. It helped," Artemis said quietly, looking at the can in her hands.
"Maybe it was just too much," Dick tried to keep his voice calm, but it was difficult not to cry, or walk away. It had been months, but still, he hadn't gotten over it. He probably never would. "I… I still can't believe-"
"That they're both gone?" she looked at him, and held his gaze. "I can't either. Everything was going so great for years. I thought we'd go on forever. We'd join the league, or leave the business, and the next generation would step up. We'd train them. I can't believe that a year ago, they were both…"
"I know," Dick said. It was almost a relief to be able to talk about it with Artemis, Artemis who loved both Jason and Wally as much as he did. "There are years where nothing happens, and weeks where decades happen."
"Who said that?" Artemis said, almost laughing. "It sounds so familiar."
"I don't know. But Mrs. Hundert used to quote it all the time."
"AP History! I had her too." Artemis recalled, as if she hadn't been talking about her dead boyfriend and little brother just a moment ago. The façade was up again. It had been years, and she had only gotten better at lying and hiding. "Great teacher. I wonder if she's still at Gotham Academy…"
"Maybe she would've taught Jason."
Artemis' face fell, then she smiled, almost involuntarily, "Can you imagine him mouthing off at her? She'd have the greatest comebacks for him, too."
He settled down next to her so their shoulders were touching, but they could not look at each other. "He's never gonna do all that stuff now."
"D'you ever feel… guilty?" Artemis asked, her voice so small he wouldn't have heard it if he wasn't sitting next to her.
They all felt guilty. Batman. Alfred. Even Tim, though he had nothing to do with the mission. They'd all taken turns to tell each other it was no one's fault but the Joker's, but everyone knew without speaking that none of them believed each other. "Of course," Dick admitted, "He was my brother. He was on my team. I should've been watching out for him."
"He was my brother too."
"I know. And I know – as I'm sure you do – that it wasn't my fault. I mean… logically," Dick leaned forward, putting his face in his hands. "But I don't believe it. Maybe I never will."
"Wally dying was my fault," Artemis blurted out, and Dick looked at her, surprised.
"But – you were knocked out. Before he even-"
"No. Listen to me. After we got into Stanford, Wally wanted both of us to leave the life. He said we had too much to lose now. We both didn't say it, but I knew he wanted us to get married after we graduated. I told him not to be ridiculous. I tried to remind him why he became a hero in the first place. I just couldn't give it up. Even after Jason died, it felt like being a hero was the only thing that would make me feel better," Artemis shut her eyes tight. "But now I just… If I had just listened to him, we'd still be together."
"You can't think that way, 'Mis. The decision was his. And he chose to stick with you. With the team."
"I know. I know," she said, echoing his earlier words. She opened her eyes, bright with tears. "But I asked him to think about why he became a hero. I first became a hero to make up for what my family did. To show I could be better. And it was the best decision I ever made. I got a second family. But now I've lost it."
"You haven't," he said firmly, looking her in the eye. She didn't look away. "There's me. And Conner, and M'gann, and Kaldur, and Zee, and Raquel. Ollie and Dinah. Even Roy and Jade. The new kids. We're still your family."
"Yeah. But it'll never be the same, will it?" she challenged.
"No." He turned away, leaned back on the sofa.
They sat in silence for a long while, before she spoke up again. "I don't think I can go out for dinner tonight."
He smiled despite himself. "Tell you what," he said, "let's not. We'll get some pizzas, and I've got some wine I've been saving for a special occasion… We'll have a night in. It'll be just like old times."
Three hours and a movie later, they were surrounded by empty pizza boxes. They had finished the bottle of wine halfway into the movie through a drinking game, whereupon Dick broke out a few cans of beer. Artemis called him a hardened alcoholic, but accepted the beer anyway.
Dick had not been keeping track of how much Artemis drank while they watched the movie, but it became clear once the credits rolled that she was drunk. She looked way too cheerful, too uninhibited, to be normal, sober, stately Artemis. He realized, somewhat belatedly, that he had never seen her this drunk before. Artemis usually held her liquor well.
"To Jason!" she announced, raising a beer can, and upon realizing it was empty, scrambled around for another one. He moved to stop her, but lost balance immediately. She laughed at him.
Great. He was probably drunk too. Everything was shiny and bright and blurred around the edges. He raised his own beer can. "To Wally."
"To lost friends," she declared, and they both drank, though he faintly registered that it was probably a bad idea.
"It was really stupid for us not to talk," Artemis declared, as setting her drink down before leaning back on the couch. "Like seriously. What were we thinking? I needed you those few months. "
Dick shrugged. "I needed you too. T'was scary. That's why."
"Scary? Why would it be scary?" She laughed, and turns to face him, her eyes bright from inebriation and amusement.
"Because I like you." It tumbles out before he can stop it. "Like, way too much." Clearly, alcohol has brought them back to their high school days, and it is probably a testament to how much he's drunk that night that he's more amused at the juvenile nature of their exchange than mortified at what he's just revealed.
"You like me?" She is so close he could see how long her lashes are, and how they cast faint shadows on her face. He only noticed this for the shortest moment because the next thing he knew, they were kissing.
Yes, he thought, of course, for the longest time, yes. His hand was twisted in the long blonde hair he watched splayed over his best friend's shoulder for almost a decade. I've been in love with you for ages. She was so soft and warm he could almost believe he was lying in bed on a rainy night, in the quiet space between waking and dreaming, when he was too tired to stop himself from imagining something like this.
No.
Neither of them spoke it, but it was as if it resounded through the room like the shrill rip of a siren. She pulled away, jerking her head back, and all at once, everything came back into focus, sharp, real, happening all too fast.
"Oh my god," she said. Her eyes filling with tears that she did not even try to stop. She was panicking. It was so unlike Artemis, the frightened way she leapt up from the sofa, trying to put as much distance between them as possible, and snatched up her coat. He stood up shakily, watching dumbly as she scrambled about searching for her purse and keys.
He only dove into action when she declared, "I have to go," and made a dash for the door.
"Artemis!" he shouted. His ears were ringing. "'Mis, you can't, it's the middle of the night and you're drunk-"
"Let go off me," she snarled, shaking off his arm. He had not even realized he had grabbed her. "And don't call me that."
She strode out of his apartment, barely giving him enough time to lock up. Artemis did not even look at him until they were three blocks away, when she whirled around and glared at him, seething. "LEAVE ME ALONE, DICK."
"I can't. I'm sorry, that was stupid. But I can't leave you alone now-"
"I'm perfectly capable of-"
"Dick? Artemis?" He would recognize that voice anywhere. Zatanna stood a few feet away, wrapped in a thick black coat. Her eyelids sparkled from the stage makeup she was wearing. "I just finished a show," she said, looking from Dick to Artemis, trying to assess the situation. "Are you guys-"
"Zee!" Artemis said, and it was clear she was trying to fake cheerfulness. "Sorry for the late notice, but could I crash at your place tonight?"
"Oh. Um," Zatanna gave Dick a long, questioning look, to which he could only look away. "Sure. I could take you back to your apartment, if you want?"
"Oh, no. That's too far away, I don't want to be too much trouble," Artemis reassured her best friend, speaking fast and sharp. She did not look at him at all.
"Well, sure. Goodnight Dick." Zatanna shot him another look, but he ignored it.
"Goodnight, Zee. Artemis." He watched them leave, Zatanna with one arm firmly wrapped around Artemis' waist, until they were too far for him to see.
Barbara was already sitting at their usual table by the window at their usual window with a pot of earl gray and a cup of coffee when he got there. "Hey Barb," he said as he sat down opposite her.
"Hey yourself, Grayson," Barbara raised an eyebrow at him. "So, what's up?" She sighed when he didn't say anything for a while. "This is about Artemis, I suppose?"
"How…?" he looked at her, surprised.
"Well, I thought this would be about Wally, but I called Zee up to wish her luck before her big show tonight and she told me to expect a call from you," Barbara explained, examining Dick's reaction carefully. "She said she saw you and Artemis shouting at each other in public last night. Didn't go into details, but it sounded bad."
"I totally messed up everything," Dick sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what I was thinking, god."
"Starting from the beginning might help," Barbara suggested. She saw Dick so rarely outside of training and missions and debriefs now that the time they spent together was either hardcore fun and joking around or dead serious conversations. There was no time for in-betweens these days.
"Well, you know, after Wally's funeral, Artemis and I couldn't really… talk to each other. I mean it had always been the three of us, and now without him it just felt so strange, I think neither of us could take it. And then yesterday she called me up and said we were being stupid. So we went for lunch, got caught up, just hung around. Then we got to talking about the serious stuff, and neither of us were in the mood to go out for dinner, so we decided to have a night in, y'know, like we used to at Mt. Justice," Dick trailed off, and Barbara had a funny feeling she knew how this story ended. It was the same feeling she had when she got off the phone with Zatanna, but multiplied by a thousand. "Yeah, well, we got drunk. And then we made out before she freaked out and ran out of the house and I followed her and we were just shouting at each other when Zee found us."
"Well. Wow," Barbara said, trying to figure out how to respond. There was a part of her brain that was judging Dick so hard right now, but well, she knew what alcohol could do and Dick needed her to be his best friend now, not a disapproving parent.
"And that was when I realized I wasn't really that drunk," Dick said softly. He looked at her. "I was just a total asshole."
She and Wally had applied for to do a year of graduate school abroad together, the same way they had applied for Stanford together. It made her nostalgic to review each other's admission essays again, send the transcripts off, beg for recommendation letters. They hadn't been sure if they would go, since it meant taking an extended break from the life, but it had been a possibility, and an exciting one.
Artemis had withdrawn Wally's application letter in the midst of the funeral preparations. Her own acceptance letter came via e-mail – it would have been so much easier if it had been by snail mail, she could have just tossed the letter aside, read it when she felt ready. But it was sitting in her inbox, and she opened it and read the first line before she could even think better of it.
She ignored it for weeks, but with a looming acceptance deadline, she reluctantly opened the envelope that arrived in the mail a few weeks after the email came. It was time to make a decision. She'd meant to talk to Dick about whether she should accept the place, but the topic never came up. In the end, he had helped her make the decision, in a way, because when she woke up on Zee's couch that next morning, she had already decided.
Zee had breakfast ready for her: toast, scrambled eggs, steaming coffee. It was more than she deserved, Artemis thought faintly. Her head felt like it was going to split open.
"So, what are you going to do about this whole… thing?" Zatanna asked, sipping at a cup of tea. She looked like she didn't want to pry, but was too concerned not to ask. Artemis loved her best friend so, so much in that moment.
"I'm going to Paris," Artemis said, without a moment's hesitation.
Artemis wondered if asking an Atlantean to meet her by the sea was considered as being considerate or being racist. Either way, she had a feeling her friend would be extremely polite about the matter. It was for a strictly selfish reason that she had chosen the sea, anyway. She had grown to love the beach during her stint at Mt. Justice, and there was now nothing she loved more than the gentle sound of the waves and the feel of water lapping over her feet. Calm was not something Artemis felt very often, and it was certainly a refreshing feeling.
"Artemis," Kaldur called from a short distance behind her, and she turned, smiling widely.
"Kaldur!" She had not seen Kaldur much since Wally's funeral; though they had communicated by text and emails, there really was nothing like seeing an old friend again.
"It is good to see you. How have you been?" They began to walk along the beach, much like how they used to when the team was new.
"It's been… difficult. I miss them both," Artemis admitted. It was easy speaking of these things to Kaldur, who was so gentle and well meaning, yet somehow seeming as if he could understand the deepest grief. "But I've been coping. That gets a little easier every day, even if I keep missing them."
"I miss them both too," Kaldur said, his quiet voice regretful, "I don't believe either of us will ever cease to miss them. Is this what you wished to speak with me about?"
"Not really," Artemis trailed off, unsure of how to start. Many of her friends lived away from their homes, but when she thought of someone who lived away from a world he truly loved, she thought of Kaldur. It was impossible to miss his affinity for the ocean, and the nostalgic fondness in his voice whenever he spoke of his childhood home. Of course, there was Dick, who never spoke of his years in the circus but kept a stuffed elephant on his bed and a poster of the Flying Graysons on his wall, but…
"Speak your mind," he urged, smiling at her encouragingly, bringing her back to reality.
"I got into a graduate program to study biophysics," she explained, and his eyes brightened, clearly happy for her. "But the first year of the program is in France. Paris, actually. I applied for it with Wally, but now…"
"You feel it would not be right to go without him? Or you are afraid that you will miss home?"
"Both. I've lived away from home before, but Wally was there with me. I could never be home-sick with him there. And I met with the team regularly…"
"Yet in France home would not be a simple zeta-trip away," Kaldur mused. "It is a tough decision, Artemis. How do you feel about it at present?"
"I'd all but decided two days ago," she bit her lip, reflexively remembering the circumstances that had made her decide and quickly pushed the memory away. "But it felt like… like running. It's an attractive choice because it's just so far away from everything that's happened. But I just feel like I can't let that be my only reason."
"But that can't be your only reason," Kaldur said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She looked at him, surprised. "Wally mentioned this to me, in passing, a long time ago. You both applied long before even Jason died. What was your reasoning then?"
"I guess… it was a great opportunity to further my studies, higher qualifications make it easier to get a good job. The program's prestigious, and I'd be working with professors I really admire. Wally and I always spoke about living overseas for a while, and well, Paris is Paris. Not to mention my grandmother was from there, and she would sometimes tell me stories…" Artemis trailed off. "But those reasons seem silly now."
"Those reasons hardly seem silly to me," Kaldur told her, looking her squarely in the eye. "You wanted to go for the sake of self-improvement, it seems, and because you were seeking what would be an enriching and enjoyable experience. It seems silly now because after people we love dearly die, we often feel that we should put our lives on hold when we mourn them. That to do anything for ourselves seems sacrilegious to their memory, or would imply that we were beginning to forget them. But, cliché as it seems, we must remember that they would want us to do these things for ourselves."
Would they? She tried to think of Wally and Jason as the full, complex people she knew, not the rose-tinted way many thought of the dead. Wally, sometimes insecure, sometimes fearing she'd leave him, often scared he'd lose her during a mission, but yet, despite these moments of weakness, always believing in her strength, respecting her decisions and loving and knowing her more than anyone in the world. And Jason, who had tried not to cry in front of her, yet gladly called her his sister for years and years, who had been unhappy at her moving to a state halfway across the country, but threw her the best going-away party in history and called her twice a week, even if they saw each other often for missions and training.
Kaldur seemed to tell that she was thinking through what he said, and continued.
"As for my own experience, I will not deny there is much I lost from living on the surface-world," Kaldur reflected, "But I feel now that I have gained so much more. It is not something I regret. I came into my own when I was away from home. You learn much about yourself when you are truly independent, I feel."
"I want that for myself too," she said, surprising herself by voicing her thoughts.
"I have learnt from my years on land that nothing quite helps decision making like swimming," Kaldur said, his smile suddenly tinted with mischief, "though I suppose I may have a slight bias, may I interest you in a swim?"
She laughed. "I thought you'd never ask."
Barbara was standing outside her door as she approached it, humming, the smell of the sea still in her hair. The meeting with Kaldur had left her more light-hearted than she had felt in weeks, but seeing Barbara at her doorstep sent her crashing back to reality. Dick must have sent her.
"Artemis!" Barbara said, smiling warmly. "I come with cupcakes."
Artemis grinned, only a little warily. "Well, I couldn't say no to that. Come on in!"
"Sorry to just spring in on you like that," Barbara said, as she set the cupcakes down on the coffee table.
"Oh it's fine, really, I was just out meeting Kaldur. D'you want anything to drink?" Artemis offered, gesturing towards the kitchen.
"Coffee's great!" Barbara said, as she settled down on the sofa.
"Thanks again for the cupcakes Barb, I've really been missing your ba-" Artemis emerged from the kitchen with two cups of coffee, just as Barbara looked up from the letter on the table she had been reading. They both froze for a moment.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean – it was on the table," Barbara apologized quickly.
Artemis sighed, and set the coffee cups down on the table, before sitting next to her friend. "It's alright. I would've told you sooner or later, anyway. So, what do you think?"
"It's great news, Artemis. But are you really going?"
"I think I am." Artemis picked up the letter from the table and scanned through it without really reading. "I found out over email a while back, and then the letter came, but I kept trying to ignore it. But now… I think I've decided."
"Is this cos of Dick?" Barbara asked, gently taking the letter from Artemis and placing it on the table. "He told me what happened… 'Mis, I know you feel guilty but that doesn't mean you have to run to Paris."
"It's not Dick, Barb. I just have to go. It's a great opportunity, and I don't think I can stay around anymore," Artemis twisted her hands together. "I just can't. Barb, I got so drunk I made out with my dead boyfriend's best friend. This wallowing in self-pity, this constant remembering… it's not me. I need to move on, and maybe it looks like running away, but I have to go."
Barbara looked like she was relenting, but she protested anyway, "But Paris, Artemis. That's so far away!"
"It's only a year," Artemis pointed out, "And I've thought this through, Barb. Wally and I were planning on going together. If I don't go without him, it would feel like he was the only reason I wanted to go."
Barbara was silent for a while, examining Artemis' face closely. "Do you really want this?"
"Yes," Artemis promised, "That's why I was meeting Kaldur today. He of all people knows what it's like to be away from home, all alone, for so long. He said he never regretted it. And I just don't want to regret stuff anymore."
"That's great, 'Mis. You should go," Barbara reached out to hug her, and Artemis held her friend tightly.
"Thanks, Barbara. I needed to hear that," Artemis said, then bit her lip. "So, how's Dick?"
"He… feels terrible. But I guess, in some weird way, it's good to have it out in the open," Barbara said, then groaned when Artemis blinked in confusion. "Oh, Artemis. Are you serious?"
"Have what out in the open?" But it was clear Artemis realized what she had missed for years the moment she said those words. "Oh my god."
"Artemis! Dick said he told you," Barbara felt a mix of horror and dark amusement.
"Yeah, but he was drunk! We were both drunk! How was I supposed to know," Artemis looked like she wanted to slam her head repeatedly against the coffee table. "When did he-"
"Well. He first told me in your senior year," Barbara said, remembering the moment a panicked Dick Grayson declared he had a big problem.
"Senior-?! Oh my god," Artemis hugged her knees to her chest, still trying to take it in. "How did I never notice?"
Barbara patted her on the shoulder. "There, there. If it makes you feel better… he is a Bat." She paused, "Does this mean you'll rethink-"
"No. This changes nothing," Artemis looked up at her, a determined look in her eyes. "I'm still going. I cheated-" She cut herself off at Barbara's open-mouthed expression and looked away.
"Artemis. Wally wouldn't want you to… he would want you to move on," Barbara tried, but no words seemed appropriate.
"Wally wanted us to be married," Artemis said, her eyes cold, as she drew out a chain that had been hidden under a collar. There was a ring on it, a small, modest diamond ring that glinted, almost insidiously, as Barbara watched it fall just below her friend's collarbone. "It was just too soon, Barb. It was wrong."
"I'm sorry, Artemis. I know this is confusing for you. But you have to talk to Dick. He's your best friend, you owe it to him. And yourself."
"I know. And I will, Barbara, you just have to let me do it in my own time," that icy look was gone from her eyes, and she simply looked sad. "But Barb, promise me something."
"Anything, Artemis."
"Promise me you won't tell him I'm going."
She should have burned the damn uniform after Wally's funeral. But there it was, in her closet, clean and neatly pressed. She had not worn it in weeks. And now, with barely over a week before she left for Paris, she suddenly wanted to wear it again. Just for one last night.
She was in the uniform and on patrol before she knew it. She had forgotten how easy it was to take to the streets as Artemis, crime-fighting heroine. It was like slipping into a new skin, one that had no greater problems than which arrow to use or taking down criminals who could barely fight.
It was evident he was following her ten minutes into her patrol. How he had even found her was a mystery. He could have been tracking her activity this whole time, which was just too creepy a thought, yet not one she would put past Dick Grayson. She ignored him, not wanting to be bothered on her last night, but it was impossible not to think about it. Her ever-present guilt at what they had done was bad enough, factoring in the whole issue about Dick having been in love with her for literally years and there was just a huge jumbled mess of feelings and complications and confusion. Artemis did not appreciate any of that.
What would Wally do if he were in this situation? If Artemis had dated Dick this whole while, and suddenly found out that Wally had feelings for her? Try to pass it off as a joke, she thought, and when he can't anymore, be light hearted about it. Get touchy and irritable when probed or asked to talk about it. Be emotional and earnest when he finally feels ready.
But Dick? Dick would hide, she realized, at his own expense, and the thought alone was enough to make her turn around.
"Nightwing?" she called, resisting the urge to fold her arms expectantly. "I know you're there."
There was a pause, but she knew him well enough to keep waiting. Sure enough, he emerged from behind a warehouse. "Artemis. I thought you left the life."
"I did," she said, examining her bow so she wouldn't have to make eye contact, "I decided I had time for a short reprise."
"Hmm," he did not sound convinced, "Nothing to do with missing the thrill of the fight?"
No, she wanted to snap, and scowl, as if she was a petulant, angry teenager again. Instead she rolled her eyes. "Well, that too, of course. Question is, why have you been following me for the past hour or so?"
"You've been off patrol for weeks," he answered smoothly, "I was worried you were rusty. Clearly my worries were unfounded."
"Ha," she replied, unable to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, then sighed. "Nightwing, we both know we have… a huge talk impending. But tonight, could we just pretend nothing happened?" It's kind of an important night, she wanted to say, but couldn't, my last night as Artemis in Gotham.
He nodded, and there was nary a swallow or a stiffening of neck muscles to suggest he was unhappy with what she said. "Of course."
"Great. So… patrol together?"
"Yeah. For old times' sake."
"Miss Crock," Alfred sounded genuinely surprised this time. He hadn't expected to see her again so soon, she realized, and instantly felt bad. "I'm afraid Master Grayson isn't here-"
"Hey Alfred, um, actually, I'm here to see Tim," Artemis cut in.
Alfred raised an eyebrow. "Certainly."
Artemis found Tim in the training room, hanging upside down from some bars while reading a book. He was embarrassed when he saw her and quickly scrambled to his feet. "Artemis! I wasn't expecting you."
"Sorry to show up without warning… again," she said. "I just kind of need a favour."
"Oh," Tim raised his eyebrows. He grabbed a bottle of water off the ground and drank from it. "Well, sure, I guess. What've you got in mind?"
"I'm going to Paris to study for a year," Artemis said, "But it's kind of… under wraps. I don't really want to tell your brother about it, we kind of had a disagreement lately. But I didn't want to go without telling him anything, so I um, wrote him a letter. Could you give it to him, but only after I leave next Monday? My flight's at three."
"A letter?" Tim looked sceptical, but he took the proffered envelope anyway.
"Yeah, it's terrible, I know," Artemis sighed, "I feel terrible about it. But I can't really talk to him about something like this after… everything that's happened lately."
Dick would have used his sleuthing skills to get to the bottom of what happened. Jason would have wheedled until he got the story out of her. But Tim only said, "Well, I guess I understand that." And for some reason, she really believed he was just going to leave it at that.
She smiled at him, probably the widest she had smiled in months. "Thanks, Tim. I really appreciate it." She'd heard Dick call Tim the smartest Robin before. Perhaps this was why.
Her send-off party was small by design. She had scheduled an appointment with all the friends she had told about this to have a meal and say goodbye, telling everyone she did not want to make a big fuss about this. Given what she had gone through in the past year, they respected her wishes.
She even insisted her mother not accompany her to the airport, and visited her for lunch every day for two weeks to make up for it. She bought her mother a new laptop and taught her how to use Skype, and begged Jade to visit more often. It was strange, wrapping up all her loose ends.
So, as she stood at the gate, waiting to check in, she was accompanied by only Zatanna and Barbara.
"We have a present for you, actually," Zatanna said sheepishly, handing her a medium sized box.
"Wow, you really didn't have to. Thanks so much." Artemis opened the box and slid out a picture frame.
"It's a digital picture frame," Barbara explained; taking the frame and switching it on, before handing it back to her. A slideshow of photos of the team began to play. "For if you ever miss us."
"It's amazing," Artemis said, staring at the frame. A picture of Conner and Wolf playing catch faded to one of M'gann attempting to teach Kaldur how to bake. (Kaldur had given them all fish-shaped butter cookies for some Atlantean holiday that year.)
"The next one's my favourite," Zatanna enthused, "Look!"
It was a photo of her, Wally, Jason and Dick fast asleep in the cave after their karaoke marathon. She would have choked up if the photo hadn't quickly faded to that terrible picture of her and Dick on her first day at Gotham Academy.
She remembered him showing that photo on his phone the day after she had found out his real identity. She had punched him hard, but they had laughed about it. Just like he said they would.
"Oh, you added that photo too!" Zatanna said to Barbara. "How did you even get it?"
"I know his phone password. God, I remember that day. I thought he was being such an embarrassment, just running up to random girls and taking a photo with them," Barbara rolled her eyes.
"Yeah. Speaking of which, where is he? I thought he'd at least see you off," Zatanna glanced around, completely missing the looks on Artemis' and Barbara's faces. "Wait a minute, I'll call him."
"No!" Artemis burst out.
That single syllable was all Zatanna needed to figure out what was going on. "Artemis," she said testily. "You told me the two of you had made up."
"I lied. I'm sorry, I just couldn't…"
"Does he even know you're leaving?!" Zatanna asked incredulously, then groaned when Artemis shook her head. She glanced at Barbara, who was keeping suspiciously silent throughout this whole exchange. "And you knew about this?"
Barbara sighed. "Zee, it was Artemis' choice."
"Look Zee, I know you disapprove-"
"Damn right I do," Zatanna muttered.
"-But I really couldn't tell him about this. He'd think it was his fault. But it's not. I'm doing this for myself," Artemis said, clutching the photo frame in her hands. It showed a picture of Dick and Jason fighting over a bowl of cereal. "And I left him a letter. It's with Tim. Explaining why I did this. He'll understand."
Her best friend sighed, and looked from Artemis to Barbara. "You're lucky I love you," she said, and hugged Artemis.
Barbara stepped up to hug Artemis too. "You should go soon. I'll miss you, 'Mis."
"I'll miss you both. I'll call once I reach, promise."
"I've got to call him," Zatanna said once Artemis was out of earshot, snatching her phone out of her pocket. Barbara caught her wrist. "Barb, you can't seriously think Dick will be okay with this-"
"No. Just wait a little," Barbara coaxed, "Don't give him enough time to convince her not to go."
"You really think he could do that?" Zatanna raised an eyebrow at her.
"I'm not sure if he would," Barbara looked thoughtful, "But if anyone could, it would be him."
Her phone rang as she waited to board the plane. It was probably Conner, she thought, calling up to say goodbye right before she left. She had met Superboy and M'gann for a farewell dinner two nights ago, but she supposed it wouldn't hurt to chat a little now. She flinched when she saw the name on her caller-id. Dick Grayson. She sighed, narrowing her eyes, and answered the call before she could decide to do otherwise.
"Dick?" she asked tentatively, bracing herself. She heard a sigh of relief.
"Oh good, you haven't boarded yet," Dick sounded slightly out of breath.
"Yeah," she bit her lip, "few more minutes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because you'd try to stop me," she lied. There was a short pause. "I'm sorry," they both blurted out at the same time, then laughed awkwardly.
"I'll miss you, Artemis," Dick said finally, "Go kick butt at your grad program."
"I will," she promised. "I'll miss you too. I'll – I'll email you. Send you photos. You better reply."
"You know I will," she can imagine him grinning on the other end of the line. "We can Skype too, if you want. You can show me your new apartment."
"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that," she was tearing up, and ever so grateful that he couldn't see her right now.
"Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight AF023 to Paris..." She glanced at her watch, standing up.
"Listen, Dick, I've to board soon but I, I really love you. You're my best friend," she was amazed she managed to force out the words without sobbing. "And I'm really sorry I – "
"Don't apologise, 'Mis," Dick's voice was kind, almost soothing, but the catch in his voice when he said her name made it clear he was trying not to cry as well. "I love you too. Stay traught."
She never felt more like staying than at that moment. "Of course."
It was a fairly empty flight. She took her seat by the window and didn't stop staring out of it until after take-off, watching Gotham City get smaller and smaller. Goodbye, Gotham, she thought. Goodbye, America. She thought, rather morbidly, of all the graves she was leaving behind. The remains of the people she loved still in coffins buried inside the soil. Her grandmother's. Jason's. Wally's.
She cried quietly for the first hour or two of the ride, and was glad the air stewardesses had to grace to ignore it. Perhaps they were used to it. She took out her laptop after the seatbelt sign was turned off and attempted to compose an email to Dick.
Three hours into the flight, it simply read:
Dick,
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
The doorbell rang, and Dick opened the door to find Tim standing sheepishly on his doormat, an envelope in his hand. He passed it to his older brother, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
Dick would recognize that handwriting anywhere. "How?" he asked, stepping aside so Tim could come in, staring at the envelope as if it would explode at the slightest agitation.
"She came by the mansion. She said I could only pass it to you after she left," Tim tilted his head. "Did something happen between you two?"
"Just a disagreement," Dick said.
"I heard she knows now," M'gann said, as she sat beside him on a bench in the training room. "Barbara and Zee in the changing room," she added, by way of explanation. That was not the question on his mind.
"How did you know I-?" he asked, stunned. He'd thought all this while that the only people who knew of his feelings for Artemis were Barbara and Jason.
"It's not obvious, really," M'gann assured him quickly, "As a telepath, you soon learn to know what thoughts come with certain facial expressions. You are not as inexpressive as you hope you are sometimes."
"Batman remains unparalleled at that art," Dick said humourlessly.
M'gann looked sad, almost pitying. He did not appreciate pity, but it was difficult to scorn it when it came from M'gann, who was so kind she simply couldn't help but sympathize. "I'm sorry she doesn't feel the same way, Dick," M'gann bit her lip, "but everyone can tell she loves you a lot. Just not in the way you want her to."
"She didn't even tell me she was leaving." He wished there was a way that statement sounded slightly less pathetic, but there really wasn't.
"And yet," M'gann observed pointedly, "You seem to have already forgiven her."
Dick sighed, "No. I never blamed her in the first place."
Paris was a dream. She'd lived in and visited beautiful cities, but there really was nothing like a lit-up Parisian street at night. She had begun taking pictures of random streets and buildings and trees because even they were beautiful, and looked like picture-perfect desktop backgrounds even if she had just pointed her iPhone camera in a random direction. An album on Facebook began to swell with photographs, and friends from Stanford and Gotham Academy began commenting, expressing their jealousy and their congratulations.
She made plans to go out and discover Paris on her own, looking up the Paris Metro system and figuring out how to get to all the places her grandmother had told her about – the Palace of Versailles, Notre Dame, the Arc de Triumph – and all the places she and Wally had hoped to go to – the Musee d'Orsay, the Cité des Sciences et de l'Industrie, the Champs Elysees. She bought French versions of books she'd already read in English, visited different patisseries, took long walks in sprawling gardens. Beautiful as everything was, it was difficult to look around and not imagine Wally's reaction, or instinctively look for souvenirs Jason would enjoy. She soon grew used to her newfound solitary lifestyle, though it was impossible not to feel lonely when staring out of dark subway windows, walking down a street alone amongst couples, or in the sudden lack of quiet right after a Skype phone-call.
Though she tried to walk wherever she went, or at least take the train, she somehow managed to find herself caught in the rain one evening, the last Friday before she was to start school, the wind too strong to even attempt to use an umbrella. She reluctantly flagged down a taxi and gave directions to her apartment, resisting the urge to wring out her soaking hair in the taxi. The cab driver looked at her from the corner of his eye and asked, with a watered-down accent, where she was from. She recognized the accent immediately. He was Vietnamese.
"The United States," she told him, smiling despite herself, "But I'm part Vietnamese. Are you from Vietnam, sir?"
"Yes, many years ago," he glanced at her, his expression kindly, "I'm sorry, but do you speak Vietnamese?" She told him she did, and that seemed to open him up immediately. He asked her why she had moved to Paris, what she was studying, how her mother wound up in the United States, and she answered gladly, realizing she was having her least superficial conversation in a long time.
"How did you come to France?" she asked finally, and he answered without missing a beat. He and his family were refugees from the Vietnam War, but their boat had capsized, leaving him the only surviving member of his family. He was eventually rescued at sea, and an uncle paid for his ticket to France but nothing more. He quickly got a job washing dishes in a restaurant, and after a few years, tried to put himself through college. He eventually graduated and tried to find a job fixing computers, but after the dot-com bubble, found himself a taxi-driver instead.
It was a long story, and she listened carefully to his fluent Vietnamese, remembering the times her mother had told her stories about her own childhood in Vietnam. She rarely interrupted him, but tried to show she was listening and interested. When he finally finished his story, they had arrived at her apartment, and she paid the fares with a generous tip. "That was a… great story, sir. Thank you for telling me."
He smiled at her, his lined face full of kindness and something like understanding. "In the end, all pain fades to nothing but a story." They said their goodbyes, and she got off the cab thinking about how she had to tell her mother about their meeting over the phone soon.
She suddenly wondered why he had told her all of that. Maybe it was because she looked so pathetic, bedraggled and soaking and new in an impossibly huge and gorgeous city, and he had wanted to cheer her up, make her feel less alone. Or maybe he had felt lonely, even after thirty years in a foreign country, without the family he was meant to have built a new life with. Who knows who most needs companionship, she thought.