Can't Remember Dick part four
By Galaxy 1001D
Classes had only begun a few weeks ago and already the class was dreading Doctor Solomon's physics course. "And so class as we see that X times Y versus the speed of light is the same as…" He stopped writing arcane equations on the chalk board and turned to address his class. "How many of you have been in a relationship?"
The class of students just looked at him blankly. Whenever they weren't furiously scribbling or typing up their notes they often stared at him blankly.
"Come on, have any of you been in a relationship?" he demanded. "A serious relationship?"
"Doctor Solomon that's very personal question," a blonde woman in her early thirties who didn't wear makeup announced in a disdainful manner.
"That's right, thank you," he nodded to the pale blonde before addressing the class again. "I meant a relationship with a person," he clarified. "A romantic relationship with another person. Have any of you been in that?"
The class looked at him blankly.
"Your grade depends on it," he muttered.
"Doctor Solomon of course we have," the washed out blonde said icily. "For crying out loud, I was your son Tommy's girlfriend in high school."
"I'm sorry, what is your name again?" Dick asked with disinterest.
"August Leffler," she rolled her eyes. "For crying out loud, I was at your birthday party when Tommy was dating Professor Strudwick's daughter."
"I know, but Tommy told me to pretend like I don't recognize you," he nodded.
"What?" August snapped. "He's still carrying a grudge from high school? What's wrong with that stupid…"
"Anyways, has anyone been in a relationship that counts?" Dick asked. "Has anyone ever been in love?"
Hands went up.
"Has anyone ever broke up?"
Less hands went up.
"Has anyone gotten back together with that special someone after leaving them for twelve years?"
No hands went up.
"Anyone?" he asked desperately. "Anyone at all?"
"Tell Tommy that it's not gonna happen," August muttered.
"Oh forget about Tommy!" Dick snapped. "Tommy's Timmy now! I'm talking about love, not some infatuation with someone you met at school!"
August rolled her eyes again and let out an exasperated breath. It was then the bell rang.
"Okay everyone," Dick announced over the noise of his students getting up. "Your assignment is to find an example of a person leaving their true love for at least ten years and then successfully resuming the relationship. You will be graded on this. Goodbye!"
As the class shuffled out Dick collapsed into his chair and leaned on his desk while resting his face on his hand. The look of woe on his face was painful to look at, unless you were Nina, Mary and Dick's secretary. Nina strolled in to his class and looked at Dick like a tourist at the zoo. "Problem?" the coffee colored secretary asked with a mocking smile.
"Oh, it's Mary, he sighed. "How can I get her to remember me?"
"You haven't changed," she smiled as she shook her head.
"Why should I? I'm perfect!" he declared arrogantly, his fighting spirit restored.
"When they made you they broke the mold," Nina sighed.
"No they didn't," Dick frowned. "That's why I haven't changed. The mold's still there."
"Yes, they did," Nina insisted. "It was the only way to make sure they wouldn't make the same mistake twice. By the way, Doctor Albright asked me to tell you that she has to go to an AA meeting and has to cancel. Sorry about that."
"She's ditching me to go the American Automobile Association?" he asked as she turned and walked out the door. "Is she driving somewhere?" He rose from his desk and ran to the door way and shouted after her. "If they broke the mold, explain to me why this body looks just like the last one! Huh? Answer me that, smarty pants!"
After school the Dick, Harry, Sally, and Tommy walked into a furnished and cluttered secondary suite apartment on the second floor of a large house in the suburbs.
"Wow who would have thought it?" Sally said while she looked around the apartment. "After all these years our old apartment is still available!"
"Yeah, I guess nobody else wanted to rent this dump," Tommy commented.
"I must say Mrs. Dubcek, it was nice of you to keep the place the way we left it," Dick smiled at the old lady in the seventies hot pants that hobbled up the stairs to join them.
"Well, I hope you don't mind it a bit dusty fellas," she purred as she gestured with her cigarette. "I'm afraid I don't get up stairs quite as easily as I used to. I must say, your little boy is cute. He looks just like Tommy did at his age. What's his name?"
"That is Tom-" Harry began before Sally clapped her hand over his mouth.
"Timmy!" Sally cried. "His name is Timmy! He's my son!"
"Yes the father is Tommy's uncle," Dick explained uneasily. "That's why Tommy and Timmy look so much alike! Their parents come from the same two gene pools so Timmy was bound to look like Tommy, isn't that right guys?"
"Yes!" Harry smiled. "That's totally believable!"
"No it isn't," Tommy groaned.
"Oh, got knocked up by Dick's brother- in-law at a Christmas party huh?" Mamie Dubcek clucked sympathetically while patting Sally's hand. "Don't blame yourself honey. The same thing happened to my cousin Ellie back in sixty-four. Or was it sixty-five? It was a New Year's Eve party so everybody gets confused. We don't talk about it much, except when we see the ball descend over Times Square. Ellie still gets aroused at New Year's."
The four space travelers stared at their landlord in disbelief.
"Well thanks for letting us stay here at such short notice," Dick said as he broke the silence.
"Don't worry about it, honey," Mrs. Dubcek said as she hobbled back down the stairs. "My last tenant died of a drug overdose and I haven't been able to rent the place since. Make yourselves at home."
Dick looked at the stairs after she left and shook his head in disbelief. "Think we should tell her that she's the reason we were allowed to come back and save this rock?"
"Not unless you think we should tell Doctor Albright that the equipment we used to save her life with was authorized by the Big Giant Head to save our landlord."
"Who would have thought that the love I lost would save the Earth?" Harry asked wistfully. "If I hadn't met Vicki, she wouldn't have met the Big Giant Head, and the Big Giant Head wouldn't have knocked her up and stolen her away from me, and they wouldn't have got married on the home planet, and Vicki wouldn't have talked the Big Giant Head into letting us save the planet and bring back some of our medical technology to save Vicki's mother, who just happens to be Mrs. Dubcek. The universe is a strange place indeed. And to think I made this all possible. My work here is done."
"No it isn't," Sally said as she handed him a dust mop. "This place is a wreck! Dubcek must not have dusted this place in over a year!"
"Do you think the dead guy's stuff his still here?" Tommy asked timidly.
"I hope so!" Dick nodded. "That means we get to keep it!"
While Sally and Harry got to work dusting the apartment, Dick pulled Tommy aside. "So how is Mrs. Dubcek?"
Tommy pulled out what appeared to be an Iphone out of his pocket. "According to my readings, the old gal is on her way out. Not only is her liver as bad as Doctor Albright's was, but she's got a spot on her lung the size of a silver dollar. The only reason why she isn't in crippling pain is because she's so pickled. I'm surprised she's not dead already."
"We better treat her tonight then," Dick nodded decisively. "Fortunately the old bat drinks so much that it'll take an earthquake to wake her up. With luck, nobody will ever know what happened."
The next morning, Mrs. Dubcek was upstairs to greet the aliens sitting around the breakfast table. "Well I gotta go out and get my nails done," she said breezily as sauntered into the kitchen. "I'm expecting a package so I'd appreciate it if one of you would pick it up while I'm gone, thanks ever so much."
Sally and Harry stared open-mouthed at their revitalized landlady. Dick and Tommy looked away and covered their faces in embarrassment. Mamie Dubcek was so young she even look like herself. She looked like the gal who replaced Jean Smart's character in the sixth season of Designing Women! She still wore her hair in a bun on top of her head and she still wore her low cut paisley sweater and seventies hot paints. Her voice had lost the gravelly quality that a lifetime of smoking had bestowed and chirped with a youthful trill appropriate for a college girl.
"Mrs. Dubcek?" Harry asked in amazement.
"What is it hon?" the now youthful landlady asked nonchalantly.
"Did you do something with your hair?" Harry asked with a puzzled squint. "'Cause you look different today."
"Well," she looked away and gestured with her cigarette casually. "I did buy a new hair dye this week. It's supposed to be the same color as the other one but you can never tell until you try it can you?"
"How do you feel?" Dick asked bravely.
"Like a million dollars," she smiled mischievously. "I feel so good I bet I could earn a million dollars at the world's oldest profession," she winked saucily.
"Digging a quarry pit with dinosaurs?" Sally asked in disbelief. "You're really that old? You gotta be pulling our legs!"
"You got me, hun," Mamie Dubcek smiled sheepishly. "When you get to be my age you don't feel this good every day so when you do you gotta act on it, you know what I mean? I'll be visiting some friends at the senior center if you need me. Toodles."
The aliens held their breath until she vanished down the stairs.
"My god she looks like her daughter!" Sally exclaimed.
"Did she?" Harry frowned before smiling stupidly. "I was wondering why I was 'feelin' that way' if you know what I mean."
"If she's going to the senior center for the reason I think she is she's going to make some old people very happy," Tommy smiled. The boy frowned when he thought about it and then shuddered. "Ew! The guys Mrs. Dubcek dates are so old that in her young body she'll probably kill them!"
"But at least they'll die happy," Harry smiled in satisfaction.
"What were you guys thinking?" Sally demanded. "You revitalized her body so much that she looks like Vicki Dubcek!"
"I forgot about the whole 'age' thing," Dick blushed. "It seems that when a human gets older their bodies don't produce as much bioenergy and eventually brakes down like a used car."
"I can't believe she doesn't notice!" Sally shook her head.
"Well she's always been flirtatious," Dick shrugged. "As her eyes went she must have kept that mental image of herself all this time. Now that we've saved her life her delusions have become reality."
"She doesn't even look like herself!" Sally protested.
"My hand slipped on the button, okay?" Tommy growled. "We only meant to take her back to Dick's age, now she's almost young enough to be you!"
"Mmm, a woman with as much experience as Mrs. Dubcek with the youth and energy of Vicki Dubcek," Harry put his arms behind his head, leaned backwards and smiled. "I think I'm going to like being back here on Earth. Oh yeah," His smug image was spoiled when he leaned too far back and fell over.