Thank you all for the insightful comments and of course the continued support with the kudos/favs/alerts! You're all beyond awesome! A day late, and it was a rushed job in places, so feel free to let me know if there are any mistakes in there or thoughts that don't add up!
Rileybear14 (AO3) hoped to see baby!Charles some more, but since the story is phasing out of his baby bum flaps, I've decided to add little snapshots of baby!Charles at the end. This will provide some lightheartedness now that we've moved into more angsty stuff. Some of the snapshots won't actually fit into the story though, since the time setting will be off, but when Charles want's to be cute, there is no stopping him ;)
Erik didn't leave Charles' side for the rest of the night. He gently stroked the sleeping boy's head, trying to add what little comfort he could offer. Charles' tears had not stop flowing, but his body was too exhausted to do anything else. The man could not fathom what it was like for such a young child to be alone with these thoughts and memories, to see these images every time he faced the man who would become his step father. And of course, a mother who refused to listen.
Raven had joined him in Charles' room a few hours later, after Emma had asked Azazel to return everyone to the mansion, including those who were on assignment. Wanting to understand her brother's past Raven asked Emma to show her what she had seen in Azazel's mind. She then spent the next hour or so throwing up in the bathroom, her blue scales flared into spikes, even though Emma had spared her most of the physical trauma by allowing only a glimpse of the fiery death. Now, she laid beside her brother on his bed, silently weeping, again reduced to stupor by just how much she didn't know of Charles' broken childhood, and how little strength she had been to him, compared to what he had to find by himself.
"You cannot blame yourself, Raven. Protecting you from his past was probably important to him."
"...I know.. I just.. I've been so naive and ungrateful.."
Few people were at the breakfast table in the morning, and those that were showed different levels of recovery and coping with what had occurred just hours before.
Angel and Janos, knowing better than to dig for details, took charge of breakfast for Sean, who had himself quickly tried to revert back to his normally easy going and relaxed persona, but his croaky voice and the deep purple bruise around his neck revealed that he was far from spared any of the ordeal. Ororo eating her breakfast with thickly bandaged arms and shaking hands, showed immense strength and carried on as if nothing had happened. Normally a big breakfast eater, and an even bigger coffee drinker, Azazel caused some concern for his fellows when he stuck to some soothing herbal tea from Charles' vast stash. Looking a fraction less put together than usual, Emma also forwent the food, and sipped on some strong black coffee. Not one to waste time, she was going to do some heavy research into the Black Womb Project as soon as Azazel is able to pull himself together.
No one dared tread into the topic of those vivid memories, so conversation at the table concerned mostly about the mission they had been on before being called back. Normally, if Alex was around, Ororo would not inquire openly about what happens during these missions, since she didn't want to upset the man, but she had always been curious. Turns out, this was a 'regular' data gathering mission, and the teen was intrigued at how organized they were, how each person's mutation was utilized and complimentary to each other. It was hard to understand why Alex still held such, currently hidden, contempt for Erik and the others. Everyone seemed to respect and value each so much, they can't be evil. But even Sean and Hank are sometimes wary, so there must be a good reason.
As for those who were not present at the table, Scott had grabbed a few slices of toast for Alex and himself then returned to help his brother fix the damage caused by the plasma blasts forced out of Alex by the intensity of the nightmare. Hank had stayed with the still traumatized Jean all night, who hadn't let go of her rescuer, and he did his best to project comforting thoughts, careful to steer clear of thinking about his scientific work, for fear of projecting images of a laboratory. Sean brought in a good amount of food and water for him, and a plentiful plate of fruit for Jean for when she would wake up and feel like eating. Jean's nose had finally stopped bleeding after Emma had entered her mind and cracked open the mental prison the girl's telepathy had created. She was too scared to be left alone and thus clung onto Hank, her petite body periodically twitching in uncontrollable spasms. The exhausted girl finally fell asleep when the sun rose.
Charles woke up shocked to see Erik sleeping in a chair beside his bed, wearing a red metallic helmet with spiky antlers, and Raven fitfully asleep beside him on the bed. He spent a good while studying the striking helmet, which gave the boy an uncomfortably eerie feeling, and caused goose bumps to form all over his skin. It was unnerving to see the man in front of him, and not feelhim. He hoped Erik didn't plan on leaving the helmet on forever.
The rumbling of his stomach broke Charles out of his thoughts, and he decided not to disturb his two guardians since they both looked very tired. He pulled up the sheet to better cover Raven and placed a spare blanket over Erik. An odd feeling began to nudge at him, and it wasn't the helmet. When he quietly made his way to the dining room, he knew for certain something was terribly off.
...don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it don't think don't think...
"Hey there, big guy. You feelin' hungry?"
Angel sat alone at the dining table, drinking a large mug of coffee and flipping through a pile of magazines. She gave Charles a gentle smile, though her eyes remained anxious since she was not quite sure how she should interact with the boy this morning.
The prospect of food brought a shy smile upon the boy's face, and he nodded eagerly as he subconsciously rubbed at his stomach. Angel wasted no time in clearing up the table and headed to the kitchen to whip up something light for Charles. The boy followed after her like a puppy to see if he could help with the preparations. He looked around, and the unease spread further through him when he noticed no one else was around.
"W-where is everyone this morning? Are they not going to have breakfast?"
"...i-it's actually past lunchtime already. Emma, Janos and Azazel won't be back for a few days, and everyone else is around the house somewhere, probably resting."
"I slept till the afternoon! ? No wonder I'm so hungry..."
...don't let him find out think of something else clear my mind clear clear clear...
Charles glanced dubiously at Angel while she made him a chicken sandwich. She was deliberately clearing her mind of something. Something he wasn't to know. It was the same as the thoughts he picked up while making his way to the dining room.
Had he done something bad? Are they going to leave?
"Why don't you get settled on the table, and I'll bring this over when it's done toasting. You want some juice? I think there's still some fresh apple juice in the fridge."
Of course they are... They all do.
"...yes please."
He quickly turned away and ran to the table so that Angel would not see the tears building in his eyes.
Charles had had enough.
As the day progressed, the tension in Charles' gut got progressively worse, and he was certain every everyone was either avoiding him or trying to hid something big from him. This was almost worse than those who had just left without a word.
The thought of being alone now, so soon after what happened to his father, made his vision go blurry, and cause sharp bolts of pain to pierce throughout his body.
If they were going to abandon him, why not just do it already? Why torment him?
He slammed his bedroom door shut, startling both Erik and Raven awake. The level of rage on the boy's face was something neither had seen before.
"Charles? What's-"
The young telepath turned his furious blue eyes upon Raven, and trespassed directly into her mind with a thunderous force that no doubt caused the women quite a bit of pain. He was going to find out exactly what they were hiding from him. He was going to find out when they would all leave him. He was going to find-
Charles' heart skipped a couple of beats at what he found.
"No... No! ! I... Jean.. Ororo! I-I've hurt them.."
"Charles! It is not your fault! Do not blame yourself!"
Erik wrapped his arms around the trembling and hyperventilating boy, and held him close.
"But... I've hurt everyone! I-I'll never use it again! It's bad! Just like mama said, I'm a monster! !"
"No, Charles! Listen to me, please! It was not your fault. You're telepathy is a gift. You are special and better than all those humans because of it. Never think that you are a monster. Those who intentionally reject and hurt us are the monsters."
"What if it happens again? I don't want to hurt anyone."
The desperation in Charles' face nearly ripped Erik's heart out. Always, Charles put other before him.
"We grow stronger. We learn to control our powers. To master it. To live freely with it."
For the rest of the day, Charles ran around the mansion, apologizing to everyone and offering as much help as he can.
After making his apologies to Raven, he paid Jean long visit, who was thankfully awake, and taking in the food Hank handed to her. She assured Charles that she would be alright, and that she just needed a bit more rest. Charles was not fully convinced, but decided to give her the space she wanted. He will think of a way to make it up to her.
Charles then found almost everyone else in Alex's room, adding the finishing touches to their restoration of the damaged wall. It was too late to help out, so he rushed to retrieve a tray of snacks and cools drinks for them. The boy burst into tears again when he noticed bandages around Ororo's arms and Sean's neck. Everyone surrounded the upset boy, and gave him a warm tight group hug, soothing away his sorrow and his anxiety that they would all want to leave him now.
Erik looked on quietly from outside Alex's room. What he saw was a family. A family he would have liked to be part of, but he knew, that as things stand in the world outside, he could not be.
"You're not going to like it, but you'll want to know."
Erik lifted an eye brow and and his insides tightened at Emma's words. This really can't be good.
"Dr. Nathan Milbury, Project Leader of Black Womb... is merely an alias. One of many aliases actually. You've met him already, at Hellfire. We know him as Nathaniel Essex... Currently one of your strongest and richest allies..."
The man sunk back into the leather seat, his mind racing, formulating and strategizing the best way to approach this matter. Knowing Emma, she would want to milk Essex for all he has, then await for the most opportune moment to destroy him. But how far was he willing to go against his own morals.
"...there is a further matter. The other person in charge of Black Womb, an Amanda Mueller, she was the widow of Daniel Summers, the great great grandparents of-"
"Alex and Scott..."
"I believe Essex had a hand in the brothers' separation in foster care. I'm not one to probe into children's minds unnecessarily, but I know I will find him in Scott's memories. I'm also certain Mueller is mutant, and I wonder if Essex has taken particular interest in her bloodline."
This was quite a lot to digest. The Summers' brothers genetic mutations go back generations, and a powerful and influential mutant has possibly sinister interests in them. If they do not confront Essex now, Erik has no doubt the man will go after the brothers again.
"Have you told the brothers of this?"
"Is it necessary that I do?"
"...no, I will deal with it."
Emma then wordlessly placed a pile of sturdy but obviously old brown manila folders on the desk in front of Erik.
"Here's all the files we managed to take today. The top two files will be of particular interest to you."
She spoke with her usual cryptic and cool manner, studying her perfectly polished nails and generally acting as if everything she did was a finger's snap away. Which might be true most of the time. Without delay, Erik flipped open the first folder and gasped.
Subject Name: Marko, Cain.
Status: X-gene detected, dormant
Abilities: N/A
Last Known Location:Korea
Charles' step brother. The boy who was abused by his human father. A human who lauded another's mutant child while despising his own because he thought his offspring was nothing special. Erik flipped open the second file to find the details of one of the other children that was experimented on.
Subject Name: Toynbee, Mortimer
Status: Mutant
Abilities: Advanced stamina, agility, flexibility, reflexes and strength. Amphibious qualities including: ability to leap great distances, prehensile tongue with acidic saliva. Signs of accelerated healing.
Last Known Location:New Mexico, U.S.
"These files are old. They could be dead."
"They could be, but I thought you would want to see it. In any case, unless I am within range, I won't be able to detect them."
"There is a way to broaden the search..."
Alex and Scott, with some help from Logan when he was around, had finished excavating and expanding the underground bunker some days before. Erik was to help with the construction of Hank's redesigned Cerebro as soon as the materials arrived.
"If you think I'm placing any type of a helmet device on my hair, you're sorely mistaken, sugar."
Emma flipped her silky blonde hair and stalked out of the room, leaving Erik bemused and speechless at her exit. He then chuckled softly to himself. That was probably the closest he will get to friendly banter from the White Queen.
It was sometime after 2 a.m. when Erik finally had enough of reading through the files Emma given him concerning the Black Womb Project. Along with Essex and Mueller, there was now another name on Erik's blacklist. This one was human and obviously increasingly active in his stance against mutants. Erik will need to keep a close eye on this Colonel William Stryker.
The man leaned back onto the leather chair, and massaged his eyes. Having gone without the helmet for a few months, it was giving him a killer migraine, and yet, he was nervous to remove it. For Erik, it wasn't the gruesome images of Charles' father being burnt alive that made him want to rip is brain out from his nostrils, but the images of the abused children. All those beatings the boy, Cain, received resonated strongly with him and it reminded him of how Shaw had been with him. In his conscious mind, Erik was unable to separate the images of Cain and himself during those beatings. He can feel his scars burning even right now.
A slight shuffling noise snapped him to attention, and the man turned to find Charles, wrapped in his favorite comforter, peaking nervously from behind the door frame. When the boy noticed Erik's gray green eyes on him, he quickly ducked away and prepared to make a run back to his room.
"Charles? It's alright. What are you doing still up at this hour?"
Even under the minimal light, Erik could still make out the brightness within Charles large eyes.
"I-I couldn't sleep..."
Erik held out his hand and beckoned the boy over. Charles gladly slipped his small hand into Erik's, returning to the study, and sat on the leather couch close together. The boy kept sneaking little peeks at Erik's head, and chewing at his lips. At least Erik figured it out faster this time. He promptly removed the helmet.
"Sorry, it must be giving you a headache."
"Not really.. It feels odd. I can see you but not sense you. It makes me nervous."
For good measure, Erik projected equal amounts of apologetic and comforting vibes towards the boy.
"I wish to ask you about your nightmare. If you don't want to talk about it though, you don't have to."
Charles looked up, but instead of fear, Erik saw understanding.
"It's fine, you can ask."
"Did you go into Kurt Marko's mind to see all that? Or...did he show you?"
"Every time he comes around to visit mama, I would see things. His thoughts were very loud. I didn't really need to do anything. I could just see them."
"He's still never laid a hand on you right?"
"No... Mr. Marko didn't even want them to do the tests on me. He.. actually cared for me, and I couldn't understand why he didn't care for Cain like that too. He tried to protect me there more than papa did, more than he did for his own son... why do you think he did that? To get on mama's good side? I know he wanted to be with mama... I think that's why he caused the fire."
Those last words slipped out of his mouth in a hissed whisper. Having seen this side of Charles earlier in the day, Erik was still caught off guard when the rage returned to the boy. Picking up on his shock, Charles went on.
"It's true. I am angry. And I think I hate him."
Erik couldn't help but wonder how this boy before him found the strength to move past this hate and this anger. Was it because the man had died? But Raven had entered the household before Marko died, so it seemed Charles must have moved passed this beforehand. At least, this time round, Erik could be a pillar of support.
"...a great man, a man I respect more than anyone else, once taught me that we are at our strongest when we can move beyond our anger. We are at our strongest when we find serenity within ourselves. How I wished I met this man earlier in my life.."
Those azure eyes finally softened as he considered what Erik had shared with him.
"Where is he now?"
Right before me.
"On a trip, far away."
"...a trip like father is on?"
"No!... He is safe. I know he is."
I will make sure he is.
And after what seemed like a lifetime to Erik, a warm, genuine smile finally graced Charles' soft porcelain face.
"Thank you, Erik... I really like everyone, but I like you best."
Erik knew the right answer was 'You shouldn't', but he wasn't strong enough to tear away that hope within the child. So instead he replied with the truth.
"I like you best too, maus."
Snapshot: The Boy and His Blankie.
Charles, aged 2 years and 7 weeks.
Charles loves his blankie. He loves his blankie even more so than Loki, the sock bunny that seems to bring out the toddler's mischievous tendencies.
Blankie means bed and bed means blankie. He won't fall asleep without a hand gripped tightly on the fuzzy pale green comforter that smells of his favorite guardian's odor. The few times the blankie had to be washed, the toddler's blue eyes filled with water, face contorted in disgust because the blankie smelled of fresh flowery cotton instead of sweaty manly musk. Erik was immediately called to do a few laps around the mansion in the dark so the blankie can soak up his pungent scent.
Blankie also means the thumb. Nobody had noticed it at first, and really just assumed Charles, typical of many toddlers, liked to suck on his thumb while sleeping. However, things were never so easily explained when it came to Charles Xavier.
After another exhausting battle in the bathroom with Charles, Erik finally had the warm drowsy boy in his cotton pajamas, and placed in the center of the kingsized bed, while he rubbed Charles' comforter all over himself to make sure the blankie gave Charles maximum comfort.
The man knew Charles was one step away from a good night's sleep, and that step was the blankie. Charles tilted his little round head and looked at Erik in reverence. His large blue eyes always seemed to shine the brightest when he looked at Erik. A quarter way through wiping his face, Erik released a loud monstrous yawn that snapped Charles out of his dozy, hypnotized stated.
"Erie, bed!"
"Yes, maus. Bedtime for you."
"Uh uh! Erie come bed! Here!"
Charles knelt up by his miniature baby blue pillow dotted with little smiling white clouds and patted at it with a tiny hand for Erik to lay down. He looked up with earnest and expectant eyes at the disheveled man standing beside his oversized bed.
Erik wonders at times whether Charles knows exactly how his bright piercing eyes can have him on all fours and eating out if a dog bowl. The powerless man indulges the true master of the house, and flopped down obediently onto the bed, his head almost the same size as the baby-sized pillow.
As soon as Erik was laid on the bed, Charles got busy crawling all over him, in what seemed to be an ambitious attempt to tuck him in, and the result ended up being any part of his clothing that was remotely loose would be pulled and tucked under his weight.
"Comfy, Erie?"
Charles' expression was at his softest Erik has ever seen. Caring for others seemed to be the steady constant in Charles' personality. It was at the same time endearing and heartbreaking. For Erik, It would be during such moments when he would miss his old friend, yet at the same time not ready to let go of the toddler before him.
"Yes, very. Thank you, maus."
However, Charles was not yet satisfied. The boy looked up and down the rigidly bound man's body, and his little faint brows and little moist mouth twisted in dissatisfaction. Something was lacking... but what?
Those shining blue orbs suddenly landed on something that made the boy gasp, then give a little victorious squeak. He tumbled over Erik's body towards the foot of the bed where Erik had left the blankie, only missing kneeing the wrapped man in the crotch by a hair. The boy then imitated Erik with a thorough blankie wiping ritual, after which the boy took a long deep inhale of the blankie, savoring the musk he so adores, and with just a little hint of reluctance, he graciously lent his blankie to Erik and placed it over the man.
"There! All tuck'in!"
After another minute, Charles' little red lips twisted again in concern. He studied Erik's face and wondered what else could be missing. One of his little stubbly hand mindlessly caressed his blankie, and the texture triggered his other hand to fist together with his little nubby thumb to protrude upwards, ready to enter the boy's mouth. Charles looked back and forth between thumb and Erik's slightly worried mouth, and snortled.
"Erie, aaaahh..."
"Maus, I'm quite alrig-"
Charles flew his tiny thumb towards Erik's mouth, making excited swooshing noises for encouragement.
"Charles, it's-"
"Ssshhhhh..."
Charles shut the man up by sticking his thumb right into his mouth, and patting his cheek with his free hand.
"Sshh.. bedtime Erie, I tell you sorie... Once 'pon time, far far far way..."
Erik couldn't quite make sense which fairy tale Charles was telling him, but the down on her luck princess sounded sure like Jean with her not-so-little crush on the oblivious Scott.
A few minutes into his story, Charles' speech began to slur, and his head began to droop. Instinctively, the thumb that was not in Erik's mouth went into its' rightful owner, and Charles slowly maneuvered himself so that he snuggled right up under Erik's sturdy shoulder. His other thumb slowly slipped out of Erik's mouth as the boy's arm gave way. His sleep-heavy eyelids fluttered slower and slower, until finally the boy went into slumber.
Erik felt at peace. A peace he doesn't think he deserved, but he couldn't leave the room. Not yet... Just a few more minutes... He turned to look at the angel sound asleep next to him and his heart melted just that little bit. Without looking away from his angel, he floated a random piece of metal to close the door and shut off the lights. Erik didn't want to be anywhere else tonight.
BTW: I have a question for those who post on FF. Have you ever had a story deleted by FF? Just discovered one of my fav authors in a different fandom had a few stories deleted, and so I got researching realized (since I don't actually read the rules and guidelines, I just click accept and tell the site to hurry the bloody hell up) explicit content is NOT allowed. Some of my other stories will count as explicit or MA under FF guidelines. There are plenty of quite explicit stories on this site, so I'm kinda confused here.