Do Over
(Chapter Three: Read Between The Lines)
Olivia stood in front of the large window staring out onto the runway as the plane touched down. She squealed in excitement as she made her way as close as she could to doorway as she waited for her husband and son to arrive. Just then she saw a tall dark haired man holding a toddler with big brown eyes.
"Hi baby," she cooed as she reached out her arms across the ropes as Jackson reached for her. "Mommy has missed you so much!"
Olivia took the child to a waiting area to get reacquainted as Dean made his way to the baggage claim to get their luggage.
"How did he do?" she asked as her husband reappeared from the crowd.
"Fine. He slept most of the flight and spent the last half hour flirting with the flight attendant over a handful of animal crackers and a juice box."
"He has his daddy's charms," she said with a smile leaning forward to kiss Dean.
She had intended on an 'I've missed you' sort of long lingering kiss, but settled for the quick peck on the lips that he gave her.
"Are you guys hungry?"
"Olivia, we just spent three hours on a plane, the last thing I want to eat is airport food," he snapped without realizing.
"I thought maybe we could go somewhere. Maybe that little Italian place you like so much?"
"I'm tired. And I have to be back on a plane first thing in the morning. All I want is a hot shower and a comfortable place to sleep."
"Okay," she agreed with a nod. "Check in is in about fifteen minutes. So by the time we get across town we should be good," she said looking at her watch.
"You aren't already checked in?"
"No," she replied staring blankly at him. "I spent the day with Elliot yesterday. You know, catching up on things. He made dinner last night and we talked for hours. It was raining and it was late, so I just slept there."
"Oh you did, did you?" he asked looking more than a little pissed off.
Olivia smiled a warm smile.
"Relax," she said raising her hand to his cheek and leaning forward to kiss him tenderly. "Nothing happened. It isn't like that with us. Elliot is my best friend, he's more like a brother. He was a perfect gentleman all night. He even slept on the couch so that I could have the bed."
"You don't find it odd you fly back to New York after being gone for over two years and spend the night in Elliot's bed?"
"Babe, it was completely innocent. I swear. I didn't realize it was going to bother you or I wouldn't have stayed. I promise you, the only man I think of like that is you my love."
"You can't so naive, Liv."
"This is Elliot we are talking about here. He would never do anything to hurt me," she said as she opened the door of the taxi and they climbed inside.
"I'm not talking about hurting you," he said staring at her with a disgruntled look.
Olivia laughed.
"You can't be serious!" she said as she kissed her son's forehead and combed her fingers through his dark hair.
She looked up to see his scolding glare.
"It isn't funny! I have seen the way he looks at you!"
"You are serious?" she asked just realizing how upset he really was over the issue. "Dean, there have never been any kind of romantic feelings between Elliot and I. We are friends and we were partners, we worked together for ever. But that was a long time ago. All we did was talk. Elliot is not interested in me in any way other than as a friend, I assure you."
"What did you talk about?"
Olivia smiled.
"You," she said softly as she slipped her hand into his. "And him," she replied kissing her baby boy once more. "And his kids. Old times at work and old cases and his marriage and people we both know. Just catching up on things that have gone on over the years."
"I've seen the way he looks at you. He never could hide it."
"Dean, there is nothing for him to hide."
"You may not see it, but a man knows. He has had a thing for you for years."
"I am married."
"Since before us, Liv. For as long as I have known the man. I could see it when he looked at you."
"He was married!"
"Married men have eyes, too. Being married doesn't keep a man from lusting over other women."
"It doesn't?" she asked quietly dropping her head to stare at their wedding bands.
"Look, just because you see things you like doesn't mean you go after them."
"So you do notice other women?"
"I travel all over the country, Olivia. You are not the only beautiful woman in the world, you know."
"Have you talked to these other women?" she asked trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.
"I talk to all kinds of people. Attractive, not so attractive, men and women."
Olivia pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes to look out the window.
"How far has it gone?" she whispered.
"I had dinner with a couple of people from the bureau."
"Women?"
"Yes. There have been a few women."
"Did you drink with them?"
"Usually a scotch or two with dinner."
"When was the last time?"
"Two nights ago."
"While you had him?" she asked looking at their son in her lap.
"Mother kept him. It was important. For work."
She stared into his eyes dying to ask him the one question that was burning in her head.
"How far did it go?" she asked with tears welling in her eyes.
"You mean did I fuck her?"
Olivia stared at him barely able to breathe as she felt tears begin to stream down her face. She blinked, but couldn't say a word.
"No, I didn't."
She closed her eyes and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand.
"But you will never trust me will you? Always so sure I am doing something."
"That is how it happened the last time.," she whispered. "You said you weren't going to let it happen again."
"And I didn't! It was dinner and drinks. For work."
"That's it?" she asked looking at him with pleading eyes.
"Jesus Christ, Olivia! I told you, I didn't fuck her! I may have wanted to, but I didn't do it! And you have some nerve to look at me like that when every time Elliot sees you he is eye fucking you!"
"Back to Elliot? What are you even talking about?" she sobbed.
"I'm talking about the fact that that man is a walking hard on every time he gets around you. I am talking about the only reason he hasn't made a move, assuming he hasn't, is the fact that he knows that I could kill his ass if I ever found out something was going on!"
"Nothing is going on," she said before breaking down once more. "I don't know why you wont believe me. I have never given you any reason not to trust me. Don't you get it? I am not in any way interested in anything other than friendship with Elliot! I am not interested in him, because I am in love with you," she sobbed.
Olivia drew a staggered breath and held her little boy close to her. She turned away from her husband and rested her forehead against the window of the car as the driver studied her in his rear view mirror. The older Italian man shook his head in disapproval, but said nothing.
Things were quiet for a few blocks and when they finally arrived at the hotel Dean climbed from the car and made his way inside. Olivia shifted Jackson to her hip as she dug through her purse and reached in through the passengers side window to hand the driver some cash.
"Forgive me for saying so ma'am, I know it is really none of my business, but you deserve so much better. Any man who would cheat on a woman is no man at all. Especially a pretty girl who loves him. Sometimes a man doesn't know the value of what he has until it's gone," he said in an almost fatherly tone.
Olivia forced a weary smile as he stared into her eyes. She watched as he reached into his shirt pocket and handed her a business card.
"If you ever need someone to come pick you up…. It doesn't matter what the time…. for any reason at all, you call Tony, huh? I'll take you anywhere you want to go free of charge," he said with a wink and Olivia understood exactly what the man was trying to say to her.
"Thank you," she said softly placing the cash in his hand as Dean pulled his bags from the trunk of the car. "But I am fine, really."
"Eh," he said shrugging his shoulders, "you keep the card. Just in case."
"I will," she agreed as the cab pulled away back into the line of traffic.
Olivia drew a deep breath of city air and exhaled calmly. She smiled at her son and kissed his cheek as they headed inside.
Elliot drug his tired ass up the steps to his apartment door. He slipped the key into the lock and pushed his way inside.
"Damn it!" he snarled turning on the light as he sloshed across the sopping wet carpet.
He made his way across the room and picked up the phone to call the building superintendent.
"Yea, this is Stabler in apartment 4B. Yea no shit there is water pouring in downstairs! There is water pouring down my wall and the carpet is under two inches of water!"
He listened for a moment as the man on the other end of the line groaned and complained.
"You can't get anyone here to work on it until tomorrow? Where the hell am I supposed to sleep tonight? My whole damn place is flooded! No, don't bother coming down! I can shut the water off myself! And the hotel room I'm gonna be living in until they get this mess cleaned up is coming out of the rent!"
He slammed down the phone and growled loudly in anger as he made his way down the hall to gather some of his things.
Across town, Olivia had just given Jackson his evening bath and had him settled into his portable playpen for the night. In the next room her husband sat in an armchair watching the last quarter of a football game. She made her way over to his chair and sat in the floor beside him. She watched quietly for a moment as tears began to rise in her eyes once more.
"Are we gonna be okay?" she whispered as she laid her head on the arm of the chair to look at him.
"I need a drink," Dean said pushing the button on the remote to shut off the television.
Olivia watched as he walked across the room and picked up the card key from the table by the door, then stood there for a moment. She pressed her lips together nervously and waited for him to speak.
"I don't know," he finally answered as he reached for the door.
"Maybe should try counseling," she suggested in a desperate attempt to get him to stay and talk things over with her.
"Yea, maybe," he answered without turning around.
Then he headed out the door.
Olivia buried her face in the arm of the overstuffed chair and cried.
Three hours later….
A more than slightly sloshed Dean Porter made his way around the corner just as the elevator doors began to close.
"Hold the elevator," he groaned as a hand reached up to stop the door from closing.
As it reopened he stood face to face with Elliot Stabler.
"Of course," he said staring at the man. "What are you doing here?"
"Getting ice," Elliot replied holding up the bucket. "What floor?"
"Three," Dean said watching as Elliot pushed only one button. "So why are you here?"
"Water pipe burst in my living room wall. The landlord is picking up the tab and this is the nicest place in the city," Elliot replied with a smile.
"Liv tell you we were staying here?"
"No, I figured you'd be staying at her old apartment."
"That had been the plan. But it was rented out a few days ago."
The two men stood silently side by side for a few awkward moments before they doors opened on their floor. They stepped out both heading down the hall to their rooms.
"Suite 310," Dean said pulling the little plastic card from his pocket.
"Huh," Elliot said with a chuckle, "I'm in 312."
"Wonderful," Dean said sarcastically.
"Well, have a good night."
"I will, thanks," Dean replied as he unlocked the door and entered his room.
Inside the room was dark except for the glow of the television that Olivia kept on so she could see to check on the baby. Half asleep she rolled to look at him in the dark.
"What time is it?" she whispered.
"It's almost two."
She stood from the sofa and made her way across the room to check on Jackson. As she leaned over the edge of the playpen Dean made his way up behind her snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her back into him.
"What are you doing?" she asked stumbling and almost falling over the playpen.
"What, I can't even touch my wife now?"
"You're drunk."
"Very observant, Liv."
She tried to brush past him, but Dean grabbed her and shoved her up against the wall pinning her there. Olivia struggled with him for a few moments before he raised her hands above her head and pushed one hand up under her gown.
She gasped for breath as she struggled.
"Dean, stop. You're drunk," she grunted trying to fight off his advances.
"I have not even see you in weeks. I turned down other women, hot women, because of you. Now we are standing here in the same room and I can't even get it from my own wife."
Olivia tried to break away from him, but Dean overpowered her. He slammed her against the wall once more knocking the breath out of her, this time glaring at her and kissing the side of her neck as she struggled with him.
"Stop," she muttered before he pressed his mouth against hers while forcing her knees apart.
He held her hands with one hand and pressed his body to hers to hold her against the wall as he reached to unzip his pants. Olivia gasped for breath as she stared terrified at him. He had never been like this with her before.
"Please don't do this," she pleaded with him as she began to cry.
"What you don't want it baby?"
"No, please stop! You're scaring me," she begged.
But it didn't stop him. He forced himself on her and was kissing her forcefully as he tore away the cotton underwear she wore.
Just then they heard a little cough and Olivia's eyes shot to the playpen as Jack began to fuss.
"Wait," she gasped, pleading at the thought of being raped by her husband in front of their infant son. "I'll do whatever you want….in there," she said rolling her head around to look at the bedroom of the suite. "Please just let me check on Jackson first."
Dean stared into her eyes and she knew he felt some sort of power from the fear he had put there.
Olivia slid halfway down the wall as he released her and she scampered across the room to the playpen to check on the baby. The little boy raised up his head to look at his mother as he rubbed his tired eyes with his fist and began to cry.
"No, baby. It's okay. Mommy's right here," Olivia said calmly in her most soothing motherly voice. "And I am never going to leave you again. I promise."
She knelt beside the playpen and picked up her son in her arms. She held him close to her and spoke softly to him as she rocked him in her arms. She picked up the pacifier from the playpen and opened her palm offering it to him.
Jack raised his little head and placed his little hand against hers as he took the pacifier and slipped it back into his mouth.
"There now," she whispered as the little boy nestled his head against her neck and closed his eyes.
Moments later he was asleep once more and she kissed the top of his head and laid him back in his bed.
"Sleep tight my little angel," she whispered as she tucked his favorite blanket around him.
Olivia walked slowly into the bedroom of the suite closing her eyes and praying that the drunk monster her husband had become had passed out by now. But he hadn't.
"What took you so long?" he said as she pulled the bedroom door shut behind her so they wouldn't wake the baby again.
"I had to get Jack back to sleep," she said staring at him. "We woke him up."
"Come over here," he said reaching out for her.
Olivia stared at him for a moment, then put her hand in his allowing him to lead her to the bed.
"I wish you wouldn't fight me. You know if a man could get good sex at home from his wife he wouldn't feel the need to look for it elsewhere."
Olivia closed her eyes as she sat down on the bed beside him, but she didn't reply. He was looking to start a fight and she was just ready for this night to end.
"Let me look at you," he said motioning for her to stand in front of him and Olivia went along with it. "Beautiful," he said as he smoothed his hands over her body above her nightgown.
Dean slid one hand up under each side of her gown pushing it up over her head and tossing it aside. She trembled as he touched her and tried to remember a time when his touch used to be tender. His kisses used to be sweeter and he was so loving with her. But it wasn't like that now.
Dean pulled his clothes off and left them in a pile in the floor. He grabbed his wife and threw her against the bed as he climbed onto the bed over her. Olivia shifted in the way she thought would provide the least resistance and she closed her eyes waiting for it to be over.
He leaned forward and kissed her, nipping playfully at her lip. Then he raised her leg and pushed into her in one hard and swift movement. Olivia gasped. He wasn't really hurting her, but he wasn't normally this rough with her.
"Look at me," he demanded and she opened her eyes to look into his. "Just look at me."
Olivia nodded as he began to move inside of her. He started out slower, then began to pick up speed putting all of his weight against her with each thrust. Olivia couldn't help but gasp in reaction to him.
"I want to hear you," he grunted as he began to thrust harder into her.
She closed her eyes and began to moan. Anything to give him what he wanted at this point.
"Louder," me demanded as he got faster and rougher with her.
"Tell me you want it."
Olivia stared at him for a moment.
"Say it!"
"I want it," she gasped.
Dean raised up placing one palm against the headboard of the bed and causing it to tap loudly against the wall each time he pushed into her.
"I want to hear you loud," he grunted.
"Baby," she gasped softly, "people are sleeping."
"I don't care about them," he said. "I want to hear you."
Olivia began to moan loudly, knowing the people down the hall could probably hear them. She closed her eyes and pretended to be in ecstasy, but really she was in pain. By this point, he had sped up so hard that he was practically slamming into her and all she could do was lay there and wait for him to finish.
Lucky for her, the scotch always got the best of him and his stamina wasn't quite what it was without the drink in his system.
She closed her eyes and listened to his sounds, knowing he was nearing his finish. When he was done, Dean rolled over not even looking at her. Olivia laid quietly until she heard his snores and knew for sure that he was asleep.
She crept from the bed and slipped her gown back on, then made her way back into the living room closing the bedroom door behind her. Jackson still slept soundly and she kissed him gently.
Across the room next to the key card laid a pack of cigarettes, the strong ones Dean often bought when he was drinking. She slipped one from the pack and flicked the lighter in her fingers. In her bare feet and night gown, she walked out onto the balcony and sat down to stare out at the city lights.
Feeling both humiliated and ashamed that her body had reacted to him, she lit the cigarette and took a drag. She leaned back in the chair as the curtain on the balcony door began to dance in the summer breeze.
She knew she had to find a way out, but she knew it wasn't going to be as simple as it seemed. If she left Dean, he would fight her for custody. He had money and other connections that she didn't have and if he won she could lose her son forever.
One room over, a Elliot sat in the shadows on his own balcony completely unnoticed. He knew exactly what that little performance was all about and hated Dean for treating Olivia the way that he did.
He exhaled and took another sip from his beer bottle as he watched her hair blowing gently in the wind. By the pale blue of the moonlight, he could see the soft glisten of her tears. On the outside she tried so hard to make it seem like things were perfect, but now for the first time, he could see how troubled their relationship really was. Olivia was struggling to hold her marriage together as it fell apart in her hands.