Do Over
(Chapter Eight: Still Standing)
"Are you sure about this?" Olivia asked shifting Jackson on her hip as she looked around the room.
"That judge gave you three weeks to find a place and be settled," Elliot replied.
"El, there are a hundred places in the newspaper."
"And we have looked at ninety nine of them. Bad neighborhoods, creepy neighbors, unsafe for him….I still swear I smelled a body in the one on Eighth."
Olivia smiled resisting the urge to laugh.
"It was a nice apartment."
"I counted four roaches before we even got through the front door."
"You're right, it was a dump."
"This is a great neighborhood. The apartment is safe and clean. And I hear the neighbors are pretty awesome, too. Especially that extremely attractive cop who lives upstairs."
Olivia smiled.
"It will be nice to have you close by."
"I can be here in seconds if you ever need anything. No matter what time of day or night."
"Explain it to me one more time. How is this supposed to work?"
"The couple who own the building are retired. Their permanent residence is somewhere in Florida. They just did a complete renovation of their apartment and they usually rent it out short term to business people and tourists. It puts cash in their pockets and it is cheaper and more private for renters than staying in a hotel."
"Short term rentals? So what happens when they come home? Do Jack and I just get kicked out on the street?"
"I would never let that happen."
"I know. I was only half joking."
"They own several other properties around the city. They like the fact that a cop lives here, it makes the other tenants feel safer. And I keep an eye on the building for them. Kind of like an unofficial manager, while they are gone."
"Elliot, I still don't have a job. I can't afford this place."
"Would you relax? I talked to them. I explained that I was trying to help a friend of mine get back on her feet. They said you guys can work something out in a few once you have a source of income."
"God, you didn't give them the pity the battered woman speech did you?"
"No. But the fact that you are a single mother may have come up during the course of the conversation. Look, they are good people, Liv. I'm not trying to put your business out there, but I am trying to find a way to help out as much as I can."
"You are such an amazing friend. I don't know what we'd do without you. We'd probably be living in a shelter."
"You're not. Not now, not ever. Besides, that's what best friends are for. And I happen to remember you saving my ass a few times. Pardon my language, Jackson. You are my family, Olivia. You and Jack, and families look out for each other. There is nothing that I….or any of the guys at work wouldn't do for the two of you."
She smiled.
"You know, for an only child I sure do seem to have a lot of protective older brothers. But I'm not complaining, it's nice to feel like you have a place where you belong. People you belong with."
"We're your people."
"You are," she agreed exhaling as she looked around the room once more. "Jack," she said as the little boy stared up at her with big brown eyes, "what do you think of our new home?"
Jackson babbled a little baby talk as he raised his hands in the air. Olivia smiled and she and Elliot both laughed.
"I think he said he likes it," Elliot said. "And I think you will both like it a little more once we get some of your personal things moved in. You'll get your toys back, buddy."
Jackson giggled as Elliot tickled his belly.
"I know it isn't near as nice as your place back in D.C."
"It's perfect."
"Ah, the pace does have its perks."
"Yes. I do believe you mentioned the hunky guy upstairs."
"And you have your car now, so you won't be stuck at home all of the time. I can't believe Dean let you have it."
"It was a gift, last Christmas. My name is the only one on the title. Trust me, he wouldn't have let me keep it if that judge didn't order him to."
"That sounds like the Dean Porter I knew. Still, getting a little bit of your freedom back."
"Freedom to find a job," she joked. "If I don't have one in a week when I go back to court, I could still lose him, Elliot. I have to be able to prove to that judge that I can support Jack and I on my own. I can't do that with a $4 an hour waitressing job at the diner on the corner. That is the only promising response I have gotten and that guy stared at my chest through the entire interview and smacked me on the ass on the way out."
"You didn't tell me that."
"You gonna arrest him?" she said sarcastically. "Unfortunately, being a skeeze in New York City is not a crime. Besides, I probably won't get the job anyway."
"I thought he liked you?"
"He did. Until I kneed him in the balls and slammed him against the table, threatening to kick his ass if he ever touched me again."
Elliot laughed.
"That's my girl!"
"It is sweet of you to worry, but I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, El."
"I know. But I am your partner, it's my job to look out for you."
"You were my partner. I'm not a cop anymore."
"Partners for life, remember? I'll always have your back."
"You always have," she agreed.
"Everything here is brand new. While we are here we should decide what goes and what stays."
"What do you mean, what goes?"
"Well, you have a large amount of stuff in the storage unit. We can pull some of this stuff and store it, bring your own stuff back here. Make this place feel a little more like home."
"I'll need to clear out the smaller bedroom. The dresser can stay, but we'll have to take the bed down to bring in the crib."
"I can bring in the rest of your furniture, too."
"No, you know what…I kind of like all of this modern stuff. Change is good. I just need to do a little baby proofing and we're good."
"Alright," Elliot said with a nod. "Why don't we find a safe place for little man to play and maybe turn some cartoons on? I can order us some delivery and get started taking the bed apart."
"Feel like some Tai food?"
"I know it sounds silly, but we always ordered pizza our first night in a new place. It kind of became a tradition, like good luck."
"Pizza sounds good. And I wouldn't want to mess with tradition, I could use all the good luck I can get."
"Maybe on our way back with the crib we can stop and grab a six pack, Christen this place right."
Olivia laughed.
"I don't think there's a game on tonight."
"I'm sure we'll find something worth watching. Maybe one of those old movies you like."
"You really want to spend a Saturday night hanging out with me in my new place?"
"Unless you'd rather be alone."
"I have a bunch of boxes that will need unpacked, if you think I'm turning down free help you're crazy!"
"Free? Who do you think's buying the beer?" Elliot asked and they both laughed.
That night Olivia tucked a very tired Jackson into his crib in his new bedroom.
"He is wore out," she said returning to the living room and dropping beside Elliot on the sofa. "I am hoping that will be enough to get him to sleep through the night. Sometimes he has a little trouble with that in new places. Thank you," she said shifting her eyes to look at him and smiling softly.
"No problem. Besides, it's always good to make nice with new neighbors, you never know when you might need theme to help you out."
"I owe you, so much."
"That's not what I meant."
"I know. I just want you to understand how grateful I am….we are. This is good for us, both of us. I can feel it. Jack is already so much happier just in the couple of weeks we have been back in New York. I am sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that he is no longer exposed to the constant fighting, but he hasn't smiled this much in a long time."
"To your new life," Elliot said tapping his beer bottle against hers in a toast. "You both deserve to feel safe and happy, Olivia. Dean had no right to ever take that away from you."
"I learned a very important lesson a long time ago, Elliot. People can push you down, but they can't hold you there unless you let them. I've let that man bully me long enough. It is time that I stand up and take charge of my life again, show my son that just because things get bad sometimes does not mean that they have to stay that way. I want him to grow to be a strong adult, to know that it is okay to stand up for yourself and I don't want him to grow up thinking it is okay to spend your life continuously being pushed around and manipulated by other people. He isn't going to learn that from Dean. It is important to me that he learns that you can achieve anything you want in life if you work hard for it. And that he knows the importance of being honest and trust worthy and that there are better ways of solving your problems than yelling and raising your hands against other people."
"He is going to be just fine, Olivia. He has too much of his mama in him not to be good."
"I hope you are right. Now that I have the move out of the way, I just have to get out there and get this job situation taken care of. There has to be something I can do."
"You're an amazing cop."
"I know where you're going with this, El, but I can't."
"Cragen would welcome you back with open arms, you know that. And you are great with the victims."
"And I loved working there. It just isn't something I think is appropriate for a single mother with a toddler. It is just too risky and that judge would have a field day. I would lose custody of Jackson for sure."
"Dean is an FBI agent. He is never home."
"I know. But Dean has a family with a lot of money and money can make a lot of things happen that are not fair. Realistically if Dean got full custody, he wouldn't even be raising Jack. He'd be at Dean's mothers house with a nanny all of the time."
"How could he possibly think that would be better than Jackson living here with his mother?"
"I don't know that he does. It's more about the power. Knowing he has something I want more than anything and a way to control me even after the divorce is final. He knows if he wins this court case….I will never give up fighting to get my son."
"It's his sick twisted way of keeping you in his life."
"Or trying to destroy mine."
"Oh, I was talking to Kathy last night when I dropped off the kids. She heard something about a job opening…."
"The sales position at the makeup counter in Macys. I already checked into it, but it is only for about twenty hours a week and I don't think I was quite what they had in mind."
"No, this was at the hospital where she works."
"I'm not a nurse like she is, El."
"You don't have to be. This position was for an admitting person for the ER. Full time hours, benefits, data entry mostly. You get patient information when they arrive and give them the forms to fill out, then show them back to the room to wait for a doctor. She said they would provide training for anything you might need to know. The position is new, it just opened up a couple of days ago."
"I haven't seen it in the paper."
"They haven't listed it yet. Kathy told them she thought she knew someone who would be perfect for the position and they gave her the weekend to find out if you wanted it. I just have to let her know if you are interested."
"It was really sweet of her to think of me. Yea, I mean it is worth checking into. I just don't know how Emergency Room hours are going to work out with a baby at home."
"It's days, a set shift. The woman who is there now is retiring and they are looking for someone to replace her while she still has time to train them. It is six blocks from here and they have a daycare on site."
"Sounds like my dream job just fell from the sky."
"I didn't know data entry at a hospital was your dream job."
"Any job that pays bills and allows me to keep custody of my child is a dream job," she replied with a smile. "Once again, a Stabler saved my ass."
Elliot smiled as he looked down at his phone.
"I texted Kathy and told her that you are interested. She says for you to go in and fill out an application, put her down as a reference and they should call you in a day or so for an interview."
"This is exciting!" Olivia squealed. "Thank her for me."
Elliot laughed.
"She says you can thank her yourself with a cup of coffee from the cafeteria after you get your first pay check. You have a lot of catching up to do and she would love to see you."
Olivia smiled as she pulled the phone from his hands to read the text.
Thanks, Kath-Liv she typed, then handed it back to Elliot.
"It's after ten and it sounds like you've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow. I'd better get out of here and let you get some rest."
"Thanks again, El."
Olivia stepped forward and hugged him tight.
"No problem. And remember, if you ever need anything….someone to check under the bed for monsters, a shoulder to cry on or just to borrow a cup of sugar…." He paused and they both laughed a little. "I am right upstairs."
"Sugar?" she laughed. "That reminds me I need to buy groceries."
The next morning, Olivia fixed her hair and makeup then put on her most professional looking outfit. She fed Jackson breakfast and fixed herself a cup of coffee as she scribbled on a napkin. On one side was her to do list for the day and her grocery list was on the other. She raised her head and laid her pen down on the counter as someone began to knock at the door.
"Just a second," she called out. "Let's get your face wiped off," she said with a smile and a quick swipe of a wash cloth over the little boys face as she pulled him from his booster seat and placed him on her hip. "You got oatmeal all over you," she said and Jackson smiled, leaning forward to place his forehead against hers.
Olivia kissed his little forehead as he stared at her adoringly.
"Who is it?" she whispered as Jackson pointed a chubby little finger at the door.
"Bye," he cooed.
Olivia laughed and hugged the toddler as she looked through the peek hole at the figure standing on the other side of her door.
"Hey," she said with a big smile opening the door to invite her guest inside. "I'm sorry for the mess, we weren't really expecting any company."
"I should have called," the girl replied pointing toward the door. "Dad mentioned that you might need a babysitter for a couple of hours today. I was picking up a few books for a class and thought I would drop by and see if I could help out."
"That is really sweet of you, Maureen. Come on in, we just finished breakfast. Would you like a cup of coffee?"
"Thanks," she said with a smile, dropping her book bag beside the front door. "Nice place," she said looking around the large living room.
"Your dad found it for us. We actually just moved in last night, so things are kind of a mess right now. So how have you been? I have not seen you in so long. What has it been about three years?"
"Probably closer to four," Maureen laughed. "He's adorable."
"I'm sorry. Where are my manors? Maureen, this is my son, Jackson."
"Hi buddy," she whispered as Jackson smiled and reached for her.
"Oh, okay," Olivia said a bit surprised. "He doesn't normally take so quickly to new people."
"Is it okay?" Maureen asked with a smile.
"Sure. Hey, he's the boss," Olivia replied as Jack practically leapt from her arms to Maureen's.
"So you are still in school?" Olivia asked wiping the table free of oatmeal bits and toast crumbs.
"Yea, I just started law school."
"That's great. Four years was long enough for me. I don't know if I could have handled law school."
"Well, I only started last week. But it keeps me busy."
"Are you thinking of going into Criminal Law?" Olivia asked sitting a cup of coffee in front of the girl.
"I think so. But I haven't really decided yet. Dad thinks I should become a corporate lawyer and go to work for some big company. He says that is where the money is," she laughed. "But I haven't completely ruled our family law either. I wouldn't mind maybe overseeing adoptions and helping kids find good homes."
"Well, you seem to be good with kids. You are smart and you're a fast learner so I am sure you will excel at whatever you decide to go with. I'm surprised your dad isn't pushing you toward a career as a prosecutor, I could see him trying to steer you more toward criminal justice….sort of following in his footsteps."
"I think he worries that it might be too dangerous. Every time I bring it up, he has some horror story of something that happened to a judge or attorney he knows from work. He worries way too much."
"He can't help it. I know it can often seem like he is trying to run your life, but really it is just a parental thing. You are his baby….an adult, but you will always be his child. So he will always worry. I never really understood it either until I had him. As a parent your every concern is in some way related to your children. But I know how proud he is of you."
"Did he say that?"
"He says it all the time. He is proud of all of you. And he loves you guys more than anything in the world. He worries, Maureen, but it is only because he has seen so many bad things out there. But I am sure he will fully support you in anything you decide."
"I know. Dad has always been a worrier, but he has always been there for us even if we are doing something he doesn't necessarily agree with. How have you been? Are you gonna go back to work with dad now that you are back?"
"No. I loved my days at the SVU, but I think it is time I found a more child friendly career. That is probably actually why he called you. I am supposed to drop by the hospital where your mom works and apply for a job there. She was kind enough to put in a good word for me when a position opened up and I think it would be a really great opportunity for me and for him."
"That's great."
"I was actually debating on taking him with me until you showed up at my door."
"I would be glad to watch him for you. He seems like such a sweet baby."
"Don't let him fool you. He can be quite the handful sometimes. Now that he is starting to walk he gets into everything."
"You do realize I have four brothers and sisters, right? I have done my share of babysitting. I am sure everything will be fine."
"I shouldn't be too long. Just there and right back, an hour maybe. Unless they want me to speak to someone, then I am not really sure how long."
"Take your time. I will find us some cartoons and some toys. We will have lots of fun, won't we pal?"
Jackson grinned and batted his long dark eyelashes at Maureen.
"I think he is flirting with you," Olivia laughed. "He usually takes a nap in about half an hour, so hopefully he won't be too much trouble. I do have his crib set up so if you just give him a bottle of milk he should lay right down for you. He likes nap time. There isn't much here as far as food….um," Olivia opened the nearly empty refrigerator and stared inside. "Looks like Diet Coke and bottled water. Juicy Juice," she said with a laugh, "and a bag of Doritos in the cabinet. There is some cash on my dresser if you want to order take out, there isn't much to choose from. I still have to do the shopping."
"I'm fine, really. We will be fine. Go to your interview and you'll be great. And try not to stress out or worry. Especially about him."
Maureen picked up her cell phone and sent a text to Olivia.
"That's my number. Dad gave me yours and I already have it saved in my phone. Call and check on him as often as you'd like. I'll probably try to get a little studying done while he is napping, so take your time. Run your errands or grab a quiet moment alone for yourself. He is fine."
"You're good at this," Olivia said with a nervous smile.
"I get the feeling you don't leave him with a sitter very often."
"Not really. I have been a stay at home mom since he was born. So it is pretty much just me and him most of the time. But I trust you. And he loves you. Knowing that makes it a little easier to leave him for a little while. If you need anything or if there is an emergency…."
"I have your number. And dad is right upstairs watching the ball game. We will be fine, I promise."
"Thank you," Olivia said with a smile as she picked up her little boy once more. "Jack, mommy is only going to be gone for a little while. You be a good boy for Maureen, okay."
"A ma ma ma," Jackson replied placing his little hand against her mouth.
"Mommy loves you so much," Olivia whispered hugging him as she smoothed her hand over his back and kissed the side of his head . "Wish me luck."
She handed the toddler back to Maureen and picked up her purse and keys from the table beside the door.
"Here goes nothing," she said nervously, trying to think positive.