Home Chapter 8: The Silurian and The Maid, a doctor who fanfic

For days and days after Vastra's slip up over breakfast the Silurian noticed that Jenny seemed to be avoiding her. The only time she saw the girl was when she woke her in the mornings and even then she would simply place the breakfast tray down, shake her mistress until she woke up, open the curtains and immediately turn and leave to carry on with the rest of her day, closing the door behind herself. She never said a single word and Vastra couldn't help but feel that she had ruined all of the progress that the pair had made towards becoming friends. Jenny had stopped sitting with Vastra in the evenings, instead choosing to shut herself up in her room where she knew her mistress wouldn't disturb her. She had even begun to lay Vastra's dinner out early to avoid the possibility of running into her as she made her way to the dining room. All of these things played on the Silurian's mind as she lay in bed one night about two weeks after her maid had begun to shut her out and she sighed as she stared into the flickering light of the fire to the right of her bed.

Everything had felt wrong in the past two weeks. Vastra had begun to feel as alone and afraid as she had done when the Doctor first brought her to Paternoster Row and it had begun to become very real to her how everyone and everything she had had was all of a sudden gone from her life. The Silurian sunk lower into the her pillows as the pain caused by the loss of her family began to wash over her again and she pulled the pile of blankets and quilts around her tightly. Why had she been woken from her hibernation? Why had her family been taken from her? Why had she been so stupid as to scare away the one person who had become like a family to her, the one person who had begun to heal the pain still aching in her cold blooded heart?

The winter nights were growing colder it seemed, although Vastra couldn't tell if the blankets and fire had stopped working or if it was the cold inside of her that she couldn't seem to shake off. Unable to get warm Vastra slid from her bed onto the floor and, dragging the bedding with her, she crawled closer to the fire, curling herself into a foetal position by its side. She wished she could undo what she had said to Jenny, she wished she could go back and stop her sleep-addled mind from speaking before it had thought things through properly, but she couldn't. Even if she asked the Doctor she was sure he would tell her the same. Crossing one's own timeline would never be a smart move. Slowly as Vastra lay there unable to cease her worries sleep took over her body and she fell from her consciousness into a pool of dreams full of her lost sisters and the maid who she feared would avoid her forever more.

~.~.~.~.~.~

As Jenny crept into Vastra's room the next morning she was surprised to find that her mistress' was not in her bed. She placed the breakfast tray down on the bedside table a little more heavily than normal, her eyes fixed on the spot where Vastra should have been and a frown painted on her features. Where was she? Vastra was never awake before her, and Jenny was almost certain from how her mistress was in the mornings that the woman wouldn't have been able to force herself out of bed without some prompting.

Jenny pressed a hand into the pile of bedding to make sure that she wasn't just imagining things but as her fingers sunk through the softness and only stopped when they reached the bed itself she began to panic a little. There was a tightness in her stomach that she couldn't explain and for a moment she had to grip the post at the foot of the bed to steady herself as she feared she may simply collapse. She didn't understand where Vastra could have gone so early but for some reason it unnerved her. For a few moments she stood there, trying to collect her thoughts, when she caught sight of something in the corner of her eye. There were a few sheets and pillows discarded on the floor by the fire and on one of the pillows a scrap of paper had been laid neatly, folded in half, with Jenny's name written in a delicate swirling font on the front. Bending down the girl picked up the note and took it over to Vastra's writing desk where she sat and unfolded it, very slowly attempting to read it though the font and her limited reading skills did make the task tricky.

Jenny,

I know you do not wish to speak to me at the moment but I have to explain that on the morning when I said... (the next bit was crossed out and underneath Vastra had corrected herself) when I suggested what I did I was not thinking properly. In my still dozing state my words seemed to be running ahead of my mind and I should have stopped myself. I am so sorry for making you uncomfortable Jenny, it was never my intention.

I have gone to meet the Doctor, I thought it best that I talk some things over with him to clear my mind and make some of my thoughts more clear.

I truly am sorry Jenny, these past weeks have been rather lonesome with you avoiding me and I hope that you will forgive this daft old reptile for being so empty headed. I need my friend back.

As Jenny read the note, the knot in her stomach tightened even further. She hadn't realised that her avoidance of Vastra would affect her to such an extent. For two weeks Jenny had been trying to figure out how best to handle this situation with her employer. On numerous occasions she had gone to Vastra's study, planning on sitting with the Silurian and trying to talk the matter through with her, to ask her what she had meant that morning, but no matter how often she went the maid could never find the courage to just knock on the door. Had Vastra been worrying about Jenny being angry or upset with her the entire time? From the tone of her note it seemed that she had been - these past weeks have been rather lonesome with you avoiding me. She had never meant to hurt Vastra, the last thing she wanted was to make her feel alone, she just hadn't known what to do.

I should have stopped myself she had said. Did that mean that she had intended to be flirtatious? That in her semi-conscious mind Vastra had thought there would be no harm in a little suggestion? Was it possible she could even have meant it...? Jenny felt herself blushing and a small smile played on her lips at the thought of it. Somehow she had never considered Vastra as the sort to have an interest in any human, let alone another female, let alone Jenny herself. She knew that her mistress had learned to like her well enough but not in that way. The question was, how did she feel about Vastra?

Jenny knew what everyone thought of those who found the love that a man and woman should share with someone of the same gender as themselves. She knew that on the whole a girl would be wise to avoid angering anyone by doing such a thing. The problem she found was that, as of late, she had felt herself growing weary of pretending to be something that she wasn't all of the time. From a very young age Jenny had known that she was different to other girls. She had preferred play fighting with the boys to sitting and having tea parties with the other girls, she had never had an issue with playing rough or getting her dresses dirty, and when Johnny Moor had tried to kiss her when she was thirteen she had been so disgusted by the thought that she had punched him so hard that his nose bled for three hours solid. She had always seen men as her friends but never anything more. Women, on the other hand, were an entirely different matter. Jenny had had female friends all of her life the same as any little girl, but they were very few and often she would find that she seemed to care for the girls who she befriended far more than they cared for her. Lucy had been one of those girls. Pretty Lucy who had always understood Jenny and been there when she needed her. Lucy who had been wildly in love with the shop boy who lived two doors down from her and gave her a rose every day when he saw her on his way to work. The day she found Lucy dead every inch of her had gone numb, she hadn't talked to anyone for days after it happened and it wasn't until she heard that the police had arrested the shop boy that she began to feel again, finding herself filled with such pure hatred that she spent her days and nights dreaming about the most violent ways to kill the boy for what he'd done to her Lucy.

Vastra fascinated Jenny, there was no doubt about that. The way she spoke and acted was so different from any woman Jenny had ever known. Vastra didn't allow men to believe themselves better or smarter than her. She wasn't afraid to fight for herself or the people she cared for. Sometimes she seemed like the coldest, most hard hearted person on the planet; yet there was another side to her mistress that Jenny knew Vastra hid far too often. There was a side to the Silurian that almost cared too much. A side that was full of insecurities and vulnerability. The side that Jenny had seen every morning in the few minutes that she would watch her sleep and smile at the soft, vulnerable innocence in her delicately and precisely scaled face. Thinking about it, Jenny supposed that a part of her had developed feelings for her mistress. She had wondered before about Vastra and how she felt towards her, in the last two weeks since that morning in particular Jenny had even begun to see Vastra in a different light. She was a beautiful woman, and not just beautiful in the way that a friend would say you were beautiful if you were feeling low about yourself but beautiful in the way that Jenny would happily explore Vastra as though she were a new country that she had just discovered. She would probe her mind and knowledge and culture from her, she would take great pleasure in delving into the depths of her inside and out until she knew every inch of her mistress as well as she knew herself. Only thinking about it as she sat with Vastra's note in her lap did Jenny realise how much Vastra had come to mean to her. Only then did it occur to her that every minute she had watched the woman sleep, every time they had joked and teased one another, every moment that they had spent by the fire in the sitting room just talking for hours on end, all of that time Jenny had been falling for her mistress a little bit more. All of a sudden it all made sense. She even wondered if perhaps that was why she had so much difficulty getting up the courage to talk to Vastra about what had happened. Jenny had never been any good at talking about her feelings, maybe that was why she had been so nervous all of those times stood outside Vastra's office door, too afraid to knock and enter.

"Jenny?" the maid was pulled from her thoughts as the soft tones of Vastra's voice echoed in her mind and she slowly turned in the chair to find her mistress stood in the doorway, watching her as she sat, bent over the note in her hands.

~.~.~.~.~.~

Vastra paced back and forth across the TARDIS as the Doctor leaned against the console, watching his friend as she paced. How she had tracked him down the Doctor still hadn't managed to figure out but however she had done it he could see that she needed his help. When she had first knocked on the TARDIS door he had been delighted to see her, ushering her in as quickly as he could but since then she had spent ten minutes in the same state as she was in at that moment, just pacing back and forth with her head down and her arms forming exasperated patterns in the air around her. Several times he had asked if she was okay but to no avail, still, the Doctor was a determined man and as Vastra turned to pace back towards him he folded his arms and looked straight at her with a serious glint in his eyes.

"What's going on Vastra?" he asked this time, hoping that maybe a more open question would get a better response from her. Vastra stopped in her pacing and looked up at him for the first time since she had entered the blue box.

"What's going on?" she repeated, her eyes misty and distracted, "what's going on, Doctor, is that you insisted on me taking that girl in as my maid and I have now made the most elementary error one could ever think of making."

"You've eaten her?" The Doctor asked, frowning a little as he realised that for once he actually had no idea what was going on or how to fix it.

"No I haven't eaten her," Vastra replied in an exasperated tone, remembering for a moment the first morning Jenny had woken her covered in blood and for a second she had thought she would devour the poor little thing whole she had simply looked so delicious, "this is much worse Doctor, so much worse..." as it all began to build and become too much again Vastra found herself recommencing her pacing, back and forth, back and forth until the Doctor coughed and she realised that she still hadn't explained her matter entirely. Slowly the reptilian woman allowed herself to slump to the floor, curling her legs under herself and glancing up at the Doctor with big blue eyes, looking so innocent and lost that he felt the need to crouch down by her side for fear of intimidating her.

"What is it?" he asked softly, looking at Vastra as reassuringly as he could. "What's happened?"

"I... I'm not sure, but... I think I may have begun to develop feelings for the girl."

"For Jenny?" The Doctor almost jumped up in surprise, both of his eyebrows raised high enough for his hair to flop right over them and hide them from view as he continued to regard his friend slumped on the floor in amazement. "Vastra, only a few months ago you were swearing to murder every human on this planet for revenge and now..."

"I know, I know. I am as surprised as you are my friend, believe me when I tell you that. But I've made a mistake. The other morning I said something that I shouldn't have without thinking and she's not spoken to me since. The thought that I may have lost the one person who I have in this time..." The Doctor coughed as if to bring the attention to himself and Vastra lifted her gaze, glaring at him and muttering, "you know what I mean! The one constant person who doesn't run off and leave me all of the time. The thought that I have lost her over this... it's tearing me apart Doctor."

"What did you say that could have been so bad?"

"I made a suggestion..." she hinted, hoping he wouldn't make her elaborate. She was embarrassed enough already without having to admit that she had practically told Jenny that she wouldn't mind her getting her out of bed if there were some sort of sexual act involved. Unfortunately though the Doctor didn't seem to understand her meaning and she sighed in exasperation at his childishness when it came to matters of the heart. "I made a suggestion that may have been mildly sexual... I don't believe she took it as well as I had hoped but in my defence I had only just woken up at the time and I wasn't entirely seeing sense."

"Oh Vastra," the Doctor chuckled, swinging his legs as he transferred all of his weight onto the bar he had been leaning on, "you naughty girl! I should introduce you to my friend River, you two would get on like a house on fire!" Vastra was blushing a deep shade of green as the Doctor laughed, she just wished he would stop and change the subject. She needed him to help her figure out what to do, not just to stand there and laugh at her.

"Yes, I know, I'm terrible," she sighed, rolling her eyes "but Doctor, I don't know what to do. I can't bear her shutting me out, but if I am right about my feelings what am I supposed to do about it?" Vastra was shaking slightly as she spoke and The Doctor was beginning to worry about how much Jenny was affecting her. Just a few weeks without speaking to the girl and Vastra seemed to be falling apart at the seams.

"I'm not good with all of this love and relationship stuff Vastra, I don't know what you're supposed to do. Talk to her? See how she feels about you?"

"And if she won't talk to me?"

"Then maybe you forget it." Vastra sighed and lifted herself from the floor. To some extent she didn't want to leave, at least in the TARDIS she didn't have to face her own feelings, but she knew that if she didn't go then she may never get up the courage to go back to the house again. So, she said goodbye to the Doctor and headed home, hoping that Jenny wouldn't be hiding away somewhere that she wouldn't be able to find her once she had returned.

~.~.~.~.~.~

Vastra hadn't expected to find Jenny in her room. In fact, if anything she had expecting her maid to be off cleaning a room as far away from the parts of the house that she inhabited as possible. Glancing around the room she noticed that it was still in the state she had left it in over an hour ago, with the exception of the breakfast tray that had appeared on the bedside table and the maid herself who was sat at the writing desk with the note clutched in her hands. She wondered how long Jenny had been sat there alone. If she had been there since bringing the breakfast in then Vastra was sure the girl must have been there for over half an hour, but what had she been doing? Waiting for Vastra to return? No, it was probably more likely that she had been waiting to inform her mistress that she couldn't live like they had been and that she was going home.

Jenny was looking at Vastra with a strange expression on her face that the Silurian couldn't quite place. It wasn't anger or upset so perhaps she wasn't planning on leaving after all. Was it confusion? Maybe a little but there was something else there too...

"Ma'am, can we talk about this?" Jenny held the note up and Vastra was sure she felt her heart drop into her stomach. She was glad that Jenny wanted to talk, it meant that she herself didn't have to suggest that they do so, but there were so many ways that a conversation of that sort could end and Vastra wasn't sure if she was ready to know how it would end just yet. Nevertheless she nodded and slowly made her way around to the other side of her bed, perching herself on the edge so that she was facing Jenny. It seemed an age that they sat in silence like that, neither of them really wanting to start but both knowing they had to talk about it eventually. "I 'aven't been avoidin' you on purpose ma'am" Jenny finally muttered. She just wanted the silence between them to stop. The suspense was worse than she feared the actual discussion would be. Vastra raised an eyebrow in mild surprise, wondering where Jenny was planning on going with this train of thought. "Well... I 'ave, but I don't think it's for the same reason you've convinced yourself it is."

"What are you trying to say Jenny?" Vastra was becoming more confused by Jenny's attempts to explain herself than she had been when the girl was refusing to speak to her. Why could humans not simply say what they meant instead of confusing everything further?

"In this," she indicated the note again "you said you were sorry you'd made me uncomfortable, but that's not what 'appened at all..."

"Oh?" Vastra wasn't sure whether to feel hurt or not. From what Jenny said it almost sounded to her as though she had been avoiding the two of them coming into contact for no apparent reason, however, somewhere in the back of her mind the Silurian felt there must be more to it than that. Surely there was something that had made Jenny stay away from her for so long. "Then, may I ask why you have been keeping your distance for the past two weeks?" At this Jenny's eye line dropped slightly and she had to fight the blush that was threatening to alter her face to a shade of red that was unbecoming on any girl. It took her a few minutes but eventually she pulled herself together enough to form a proper answer.

"Honestly," She started, steeling her nerves enough to look into her mistress's face even though she was not quite comfortable enough to meet those pretty blue eyes of hers "I wasn't sure 'ow I felt about it... what you suggested" Her cheeks were burning and Jenny was sure that she must have turned a deep shade of pink as Vastra regarded her with a cool countenance. How did she stay so calm while discussing something like this? Jenny wondered if Vastra had had a lot of experience with handling issues of this nature. She seemed so serene while Jenny was falling apart and the maid suspected that it wasn't just because her mistress' society placed differing importance on relationships and issues of the sort. Although Jenny had been in relationships with men before, to her each relationship had only been for show as a way of keeping her parents happy. She had never been in a real relationship. No woman had even shown an interest in her before that morning two weeks ago and everything had seemed to become so real in such a short space of time that Jenny was finding it hard to keep track of her emotions and her mind.

"And now?"

"Now..." Jenny murmured, biting her lip slightly as she gazed into Vastra's face, "now, I've had time to think it through." She could feel her heart pounding fast in her chest, the heat in her face never subsiding. Her hands fidgeted restlessly with the note she still held and she could feel the paper moistening as her palms began to sweat. "Now, I don't think I mind the suggestion all that much," a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she spoke and she giggled slightly as she added "Or the flirtin'."

Vastra didn't speak for a moment but Jenny could see in her eyes that she hadn't been expecting the response she had received. The shining crystal pools of blue were searching Jenny's face for any hint of uncertainty but no matter how deeply she looked she couldn't find a single flicker to suggest that Jenny wasn't entirely sure about what she was saying. She parted her lips to speak but no words came out and Jenny turned her eyes to the ground, smiling at how she had managed to render Madame Vastra, who always seemed to have something to say, entirely speechless.

"So, what now?" Vastra asked, allowing her eyes to finally capture Jenny's own eyes of deep brown. She seemed to lose herself there for a short while and it wasn't until the maid had stood and walked over to her that she managed to pull herself from her trance, smiling softly up at the girl who stood over her.

"Now you let me do my job ma'am" She smirked and indicated for Vastra to get up from the bed. As the Silurian rose to her feet she took a mental note of how close Jenny seemed to be. It wasn't until she was standing that she noticed how only an inch or so of air separated them and for a second Vastra wanted nothing more than to take the girl in her arms and kiss her, but she knew better than that. As she stepped away she could have sworn she felt Jenny's fingers brush against her own but turning back at the door to get her breakfast tray the girl seemed to be entirely absorbed in making the bed. It wasn't until she looked up at Vastra with a mischievous glint in her eye that the Silurian felt herself blush and with a last smile to her maid she removed herself from the room to take her breakfast in the dining room for a change.