Chapter 2: Woe Is Me

In which Feliks has a major freak-out and Ludwig thinks Lovino is pitiable.

~o~

Lovino and Feliks were having breakfast. That is, Feliks was doing his hair and Lovino was eating. The Italian couldn't concentrate however, the meeting of the day before still haunting his thoughts. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw that smiling face floating across his inner eye. He didn't want to admit it, but that guy…he had something, that's for sure.

"Today I want you to clean up the castle. But keep your filthy self out of my closet, okay?"

Lovino nodded, not exactly paying attention.

A little later, Lovino was standing in front of Feliks' closet. He vaguely remembered something being said about the damn thing. Was it "go in and do your work as my maid", or "go in and you'll never see the daylight again"? He shrugged and opened the door.

Feliks' closet was bigger than his own room. There were rows and rows of shoes, all of his clothes ordered by brand, and a special rack in the back of the room with his own dresses. Lovino smiled when he recognized all of the Italian brands.

"Well, here goes nothing!"

Feliks was abruptly awoken from his beauty slumber by a loud crashing noise and a lot of cursing. He hurried over to the source, eyes growing wide when he approached the door to his closet. He burst into the room, and was astonished at what he saw there. His charge was standing in the middle of the room, and he was surrounded by fallen racks and clothes spread all over the floor. Feliks' eye twitched, something he normally didn't do because it made his face look ugly. But now, the guy had gone too far.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" he shrieked.

"It was an accident," Lovino mumbled. This stuff always happened! The one time he actually tried to clean like he was told, he made a mess. Feliks should know this by now. But right now, the man could not be reasoned with.

"GET OUT!" he yelled, big soppy tears rolling down his cheeks. "AND DON'T EVER SET FOOT IN MY PRECIOUS CLOSET AGAIN!"

~o~

After having had his room cleaned, and taking a lot of pills to calm him down and a long, relaxing bath, Feliks could talk without freaking out again. It was time to pay a visit to his precious mirror to calm his nerves. The blond made his way down, while thinking about his ponies for a soothing effect.

"Mirror, I need you like right now!"

Feliks was too stressed to use his normal way of addressing the magic mirror. Still, Elizabeta appeared. "Yes master? I must say, you look a little out of it darling."

"Yes, yes, I know! Please tell me I'm still the most fabulous of them all!"

Elizabeta went silent. After about a minute had passed, Feliks looked at her.

"What? Hurry up, I need my daily dose of compliments! All this stress is bad for the skin, you know."

Elizabeta looked away awkwardly, playing with her hair.

"Speak up!" he yelled, once again losing his cool.

"Lovino is absolutely stunning!" the woman spat out.

He stared at her, not even able to blink. "…What?"

"He's like, super cute! He wears dresses all the time, and he has gorgeous big eyes, and now that he's fallen in love he just lights up, you know?"

Feliks was shocked.

"Fallen in love?" was the only question he could ask right now, his mind not able to comprehend what was going on.

"Oh yes, with prince Antonio! They just make the cutest couple! I so want to go to their wedding, Lovino is the cutest thing ever when he blushes!"

Elizabeta stopped rambling when she saw the look on her master's face.

"OH MY GOD! ARE YOU LIKE, ABSOLUTELY SERIOUS! YOU TRAITOR!"

She tried to calm him down, but it was too late. The second mental breakdown in one day pushed him over the edge. Ruining his clothes was one thing, but stealing his spot as the most beautiful guy of them all? Lovino had to pay.

~o~

Feliks sat on his throne, fingers ticking nervously against his cheek. His servants had done everything they could think of to try and cool him down, but it was all in vain. Now, he had called for his BFF to come and make an end to the source of all his problems.

"You called, sir?" Toris asked.

"Yes, darling! I'm like, in big pain right now, and you're the only one who can help me!"

Toris raised an eyebrow, but nodded. What was the guy up to this time? Seriously, if he wasn't the king, Toris would've told the guy he was crazy a long time ago. Still, he cared for his friend, so he continued to listen.

"I want you to get rid of Lovino."

The room was filled with silence.

"…Could you repeat that?" Toris asked, not sure if he'd heard right.

"You have to get rid of Lovino! I'm not doing it, I don't want to ruin my nails! That guy has gone too far this time, he's like, totally ruining my stunning looks!"

Still, the other did not get ready to leave.

"Like, what are you waiting for? Go now, so I can try to get some rest!"

The guards guided Toris out of the castle, and shut the door behind him. The man blinked a few times, before putting his head in his hands.

"Dear God, what did I do to deserve this?"

~o~

Lovino had been sent out to pick some mushrooms. He was seriously mad right now. "Not my fault his room is so fucking stuffed with clothes…anyone would've knocked something over…didn't have to freak out that much…stupid bastard…" he mumbled to himself.

He didn't notice a figure approaching him from behind. It was Ludwig, the prime hunter around these parts. Toris had hired him to do all the dirty work. He wasn't planning to kill anyone, no siree! The sturdy blond stealthily made his way to the kneeling man (woman in his eyes), his gun loaded in his hands. He wasn't exactly fond of killing the innocent, but he had to follow his orders. He did find it peculiar that a girl was sitting at the edge of the woods all by herself. The girl was saying something, but he couldn't quite make out what it was. But that didn't matter, in a few moments time she would be forcibly shut up. Ludwig readied himself to end this all, but at that moment Lovino had noticed him.

"FUCKING—what the fuck are you doing?!"

Ludwig paused. The look of utter horror on her face made him doubt his actions. She was breathing heavily, and the curl on her head looked just as frightened as she was herself, trembling heavily. Ludwig grunted and lowered his gun. He couldn't do it. It was his duty to protect little girls, not to kill them.

"Dammit! I cannot kill you after all!"

Lovino blinked a few times. "What the fuck, you potato bastard!" Somehow, the name felt just about right.

"You must run away and never return! I was sent to kill you, but I can't!"

Lovino tried to say something, but the German lifted him up and pushed him into the forest. Lovino tripped and started rolling down the hill.

"Damn you bastaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!" were his last words before disappearing out of hearing-range.

Ludwig smiled. Somehow, the girl had reminded him of someone that looked quite familiar. But that didn't matter. He had done his good deed of the day, and had saved this girl from a certain death! Now to report back to Toris…