Chapter 3: The Seven Chibis
In which Feliks is grossed out, Antonio rides a bull and Lovino ends up with the seven chibis.
~o~
Toris stood before Feliks. "The deed is done, your majesty."
"Wonderful!" Feliks exclaimed happily.
"I have cut out his heart to prove to you that he is dead," Toris continued.
He hadn't actually done this, but knowing Feliks the guy would never figure that out. And indeed, at hearing this, the blond stared at him with a look of disgust on his face.
"Eeeeeeewwww, why on earth would you do that? That's like, totally major gross! Get rid of it right now!"
"As you wish sir."
Toris smiled to himself as he turned around and exited the room. Fooling Feliks was as easy as stealing candy from a baby.
~o~
Antonio was riding his trustworthy bull while playing on his guitar and singing a song about his new-found love.
"He has such beautiful eyes!" the Spaniard sang happily. "I want to caress the curl on his head and make him mine!"
The bull rolled his eyes and kept walking.
"I love the way he calls me a tomato bastard!"
Antonio had it bad. He was in love with a guy wearing a dress and with the foulest mouth humanly possible. Antonio and his noble steed merrily continued their journey along the river, having nothing but loving thoughts for the Italian.
~o~
Lovino was getting sick of walking through the woods. His dress had been torn apart by all the branches and his feet were hurting pretty badly.
"Damn that potato bastard…I have no idea where I am right now…"
He jumped at a sudden noise. Startled, he decided to pick up the pace. There had to be someone around here who could give him some directions…
Suddenly, the brunette reached an open area. In the middle of some beautiful sunflowers stood a small house. Lovino thankfully pushed the flowers out of his way and went towards the house. Finally!
He knocked, but got no response. He was too tired of it all to be ignored, dammit! Angrily, he pushed against the wood. To his surprise, the door easily gave away. He stepped inside and looked around.
"Is somebody there?" he called out.
When he got no response, Lovino looked around in the kitchen. He found some bread and meat, and made himself a sandwich. It was no pasta or tomatoes, but at least he could finally get some food into his system. After the meal, he was so tired he almost couldn't stand anymore. His legs dragged him up the stairs and into the first room he could find. There were seven little beds in the room. He threw himself across four of the beds, too tired to do anything else. He would thank the owners for letting him stay here whenever they showed up, he thought before sinking away in a dreamless slumber.
~o~
Seven tiny people were on their way home after a long day of hard work. Well, most of them had worked hard. The little Feliciano had spent most of his time cooking pasta, while Gilbert had bragged about his awesomeness. Alfred stretched his body and let out a big yawn.
"Man, the hero did a good job today!"
The others ignored him and continued on their way home. Suddenly, Kiku, who was at the front of the line, stopped walking. Alfred, who wasn't paying attention, walked right into him.
"Hey, what did you stop for?" Alfred asked, spread out over the ground and now searching for his glasses.
"There is somebody in our house," Kiku simply said.
"How do you know?" Feliciano asked him.
"My ninja senses are tingling," Kiku explained.
Little Ivan noticed some of his precious sunflowers bent over, and a really creepy smile crept upon his face. "Someone will pay for this," he said, hands tightening around his faucet.
All seven of them cautiously walked up to their home.
"We mustn't go through the front door! What if they expect us to do so?" a voice said wisely.
All of them were wondering who had said this, but the voice did have a point.
"I'll get in through the chimney! Those assholes will never think of a surprise attack like that! Don't worry, the hero will save you all!" Alfred said proudly.
"Let me take care of it instead, my awesomeness will frighten them away in a second!" Gilbert cried out.
"Maybe I could go first, and give them a lovely welcome!" Francis opted, an excited grin gracing his features.
Before they could argue with each other, Ivan had opened the door and wandered inside. The other six quietly awaited some sort of struggle or screaming, but nothing came.
"You can come in!" the little Russian called from inside.
The others crept in, checking their surroundings. Nobody.
"Hey Kiku, you should work on those ninja senses of yours!" Gilbert cackled.
"I think it's a shame nobody's here. What if it were a beautiful girl?" little Francis sighed.
"At least it's nobody scary!" Feliciano said, shivering.
Before anyone could react, they heard a noise coming from upstairs.
"A burglar!" Feliciano shrieked.
"I was right!" Kiku huffed.
"The hero will defend you!" were Alfred's heroic words.
"I will take care of it, da?" Ivan said with the same creepy smile.
"Maybe it's a lady!" Francis drooled.
"The awesome me will lead the attack!" Gilbert exclaimed.
"Wait!" the strange voice shouted. All of them looked around to see a strange boy sitting in the middle of the room, a plush polar bear in his arms.
"Who are you, you intruder!" Alfred yelled at him.
"I'm Matthew, your brother…" the boy sighed.
"Nonsense! We would know something if Alfred had a brother!" Francis said angrily.
"But I am…"
They were interrupted by a new noise from upstairs. It sounded like…snoring?
"Forget about him, the intruder is our biggest worry right now!" Gilbert said.
"Let's go kick him out!" they yelled, before running up the stairs. They made their way into the bedroom, where they saw a sleeping figure spread over four of their beds.
"On three, we'll attack him!" Alfred whispered.
They agreed and readied their weapon. Feliciano held out a white flag, Kiku drew his katana, Gilbert swung his sword, Alfred had his fists, Ivan had his faucet, Francis would attack with the power of love, and Matthew wisely chose not to participate in the assault.
"One…two…thr—" Before Alfred could finish, Francis had laid a hand across his mouth.
"What are you doing?" he hissed, but the blond climbed on top of the bed.
"It IS a lady! Ohnhonhonhonhon, and what a pretty one indeed! We should not attack her, there are much better things that can be done with this beautiful creature!"
While Francis was rehearsing a round of "Be My Guest", temporarily forgetting that this was a different fairy tale,, Lovino awoke from his slumber.
"Look, it's awake! Attack!" Alfred yelled, but Ivan gave him a little tap of the head to shut him up. Result: Alfred was now knocked out.
"What the—" Lovino sat up abruptly, staring at the seven boys surrounding him. "Who the hell are you bastards?" he asked rather rudely, considering this was their house after all.
"We could ask the same of you! Breaking into other people's houses is so un-awesome!" Gilbert growled, an angry look on his face.
"I didn't break in, the door was open! It's your damn fault for leaving the house unprotected!" Lovino snapped while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
Francis pulled a perfectly conserved rose out of his pocket and gave it to the girl/guy in his bed, ignoring his outburst. "Excuse my rude colleagues, and allow me to welcome you in our home!"
Lovino awkwardly accepted the rose, but pulled away when Francis tried to kiss his hand. "Don't touch me, you little wine bastard!" How did he keep coming up with such fitting nicknames?
"You look like you could use some food! I'm Feliciano, and I shall be cooking your dinner tonight!"
"But first you must pay for my sunflowers!"
"Sneaking in is still un-awesome!"
They all started shouting, giving Lovino a headache.
"Does nobody want to hear my opinion?" a small voice asked.
All of them looked around confused. Suddenly, Francis yelled: "Wait a minute, there is one too many of us! Who is this intruder?!"
Matthew face-palmed.
"…I guess I should be going now," Lovino said, growing tired of their shouting.
"Wait!" Francis yelled. "Everyone, gather round!"
The seven made a circle and began whispering, so that Lovino couldn't overhear their conversation.
"We should keep her!" Francis said.
"Yeah, she could do all our chores for us!" Prussia added.
"As long as she stays away from my sunflowers, a new friend would be nice," Ivan said dreamily.
"And it wouldn't be friendly to just send her away!" Feliciano added, thinking that maybe he'd found somebody to share his love for cooking with.
"All right, let's do it!" Alfred proclaimed excitedly, now fully recovered from being unconscious.
Matthew was ignored, as expected. They all turned around, and Gilbert stepped forward. "Right, from today on you're our slave! Err, I mean our guest!"
"We would be happy to have you here," Kiku said with a short bow.
"Please stay!" Feliciano asked with the biggest puppy eyes he could muster.
Lovino looked at him and sighed. Somehow, the little guy looked familiar, and he just couldn't refuse his offer. "Fine, I'll stay."
"Yahoo!" They all were happy, knowing they had someone to do all of their work for them.
What a mistake, right?