Note: Hello my lovelies, so new chapter for you and this one made me incredibly happy to write. I just wanted to thank you all again for your continued support and feedback, it really does mean the world to me. Also, after reading over the last chapter I noticed that I made a few small errors in dialect and grammar towards the end. Chances are a lot of you won't have noticed but for those of you who did I do apologise. In my defence I was writing it at about 2am and by the time I'd finished I was just too tired to read it over and I just wanted to get it posted for you all to read. Hopefully I won't make mistakes like that too often but if I do chances are it's because of late night/early morning writing and this is me apologising in advance. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please keep the feedback coming, I love to know what you're all thinking of it.
Love always
Shadow of a Black Rose xxx
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For days Jenny sat by Vastra's side as she slept, only leaving when she absolutely had to and returning as quickly as she possibly could, finding it worried her too much to leave the woman alone. In the time since the night of the attack Vastra had been so weak and ill that Jenny dared not leave her for too long in fear that things could get worse and her mistress may need her for some reason. She knew that she was being silly, that really she only need be there for meals or when she needed to change the Silurian's bandages and check that the stab wound was healing properly, but still she couldn't bring herself to leave her love's side.
Jenny hadn't slept properly since the night of the attack. Every time she would lay down and close her eyes her dreams would be filled with blood and pain and the terror she had felt at the prospect of losing her mistress and before ten minutes had passed she would wake, hyperventilating and with tears rolling down her cheeks. Some nights she had found herself in such distress that she had somehow even managed to wake Vastra from her seemingly endless slumber and in all honesty she resented herself for disrupting the rest that her love so clearly needed if she were ever to recover. Vastra, however, never complained. On nights when she would be woken by the pained noises reverberating from her darling Jenny next to her she would simply pull the girl close to her and wrap her arms securely around her waist. She never asked what was wrong. She didn't have to. Vastra knew Jenny was scared. She could vaguely remember returning home that night and the look on her maid's face at the sight of her had nearly broken her heart. The Silurian had never seen anyone look more terrified in all of her life, something almost unheard of considering who and what she was. Words were never shared in those times late at night while Vastra comforted Jenny. There was nothing she could say that would make things better, all she could do was hold the maid close and hope that it would comfort Jenny enough to let her sleep for at least a little longer.
Usually Vastra spent most of her time asleep. She would wake when Jenny needed her to eat or insisted on checking the wound but as soon as the girl had finished with her the Silurian would bury herself amongst the pillows once more and allow herself to be consumed by sleep. It was strange to Jenny. She had treated friends with injuries similar to Vastra's before but never had she seen anyone in such need of constant sleep as her mistress afterwards. She wondered if perhaps the Silurian body would take longer to heal than a human's. Of course, Jenny still knew very little about the biology of how Vastra's body worked and since the woman was rarely awake long enough for her to ask she had to content herself with her own theories on the matter.
It wasn't until a week and a half had passed that Vastra properly awoke for the first time since the attack. It was late at night as the Silurian's eyes flicked open and for a moment she wondered if she had heard Jenny crying again and that it was that which had woken her. She looked to the bed beside her but Jenny wasn't there. It seemed odd that the maid had gone, it had been a rare occurrence in that past week for Vastra to wake without the girl there holding her hand and she began to worry about where Jenny could be. Slowly she pulled herself up slightly to lean her back against the pillows, a dull pain throbbing in her side where the stab wound was still healing. It took a little effort but eventually she managed to adjust herself into a comfortable position from which she could survey the room. The door was closed. Jenny never closed the door when she left. When Vastra had asked why during the few minutes it took for the girl to change her bandages a few days before Jenny had been hesitant to answer but eventually the girl had admitted that she was worried that if the door was closed and Vastra called for her she wouldn't be able to hear her. It did occur to the Silurian that perhaps Jenny had not expected her to be awake so late at night, but then again, she had rarely been awake at all as of late and that hadn't stopped the girl from leaving the door open every time she left to do some small task. Her eyes scanned the rest of the room and as they landed on the window to the side of the bed it suddenly made sense to Vastra why the door was closed - Jenny hadn't actually gone anywhere.
The curtains had been pulled back so that moonlight flooded into the room and silhouetted against the ethereal glow Vastra could see the girl curled in the window seat. Jenny's knees were pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them as though in an attempt to protect herself from the night. The white fabric of her nightdress had bunched up slightly so that her legs were on show from just above the knee and the pale flesh was illuminated by the light of the moon. Jenny seemed to be transfixed by the great pale orb in the sky, her forehead rested lightly against the glass of the window, her hair rolling in a waterfall down her back, and her eyes stared up at the sky, the moon and the stars keeping the girl company in the quiet hours of the night. Vastra sighed softly at the sight of it. She knew that Jenny had stopped attempting to sleep in the past few nights, she had seen how tired the girl looked during the day as she cared for her, but she hadn't imagined that this had been how she had been spending her time. She wandered what she was thinking. Jenny had never seemed the religious type but a part of Vastra wondered if maybe the girl prayed when she was really hurting or afraid. She certainly looked angelic by the light of the moon, but perhaps the Silurian was biased in thinking so.
"Jenny...?" The girl's head flicked around abruptly at the sound of her name rolling from the tip of her mistress' tongue. She hadn't thought Vastra would wake while she was sat there, she hadn't woken of her own accord in so long that Jenny had almost forgotten that the Silurian was even capable of doing so.
"Ma'am?" she started, her voice breaking slightly. It was the first time she'd properly spoken in a while and the strain made it hard for her to find the right pitch for her voice. "What are you doin' awake? You don't need to be up for a fair few hours yet."
"I could say the same to you..." Vastra hated seeing Jenny so worried because of her, she wished with all of her heart that she had been more alert that night and that she had never gotten hurt, but she knew wishing would fix nothing. She had to find a way to help Jenny to feel comfortable again, not sleeping would make her ill and that was the last thing Vastra wanted.
"I 'aven't been sleepin' well, you know that." Jenny's eyes seemed sad and she looked exhausted. As the girl lifted herself from the window seat and made her way back over to the bed Vastra watched her every move. The maid kept her hands clutched in front of her body, her fingers fidgeting tirelessly, a nervous habit that Vastra had noticed the girl had developed since she had been injured. As Jenny lowered herself onto the bed and sat by Vastra's side the Silurian pulled her hands apart, holding one hand in each of her own.
"Why is it that you cannot sleep my dear? I know you've been having nightmares but you never tell me what they are about." Vastra tried so hard to hold Jenny's gaze but the girl had been finding it difficult to look at her mistress as of late without the dreams and memories being brought to the forefront of her mind. Her eyes wondered down to rest on their hands clasped between them and she sighed, feeling tears brimming in her eyes.
"Just bad things ma'am" she whispered. She didn't want Vastra to blame herself. She knew what the Silurian could be like. She always blamed herself when Jenny was upset or hurting even if it had nothing to do with her. She would claim that it was her job to protect Jenny and keep her happy, and if the girl wasn't happy then she had failed in her job as her partner. Vastra shook her head at the maid's response and Jenny could just see the look of hurt on her mistress' face out of the corner of her eye. She knew she couldn't lie to Vastra, the woman knew her too well and Jenny knew it hurt her when she tried to hide the truth from her. Sighing, the girl closed her eyes letting a tear roll down her cheek, "it 'urts to think about it..."
"It's my fault, isn't it" the Silurian murmured, "it's because of all of this."
"No." Jenny looked Vastra directly in the eye, trying to hold back the tears still seeping out and rolling over her cheeks. "Stop it. I won't 'ave you blamin' yourself for this. This is not your fault, none of it. Okay?"
"But it is what the nightmares are about..." Jenny nodded. The images were creeping to the forefront of her mind once more and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to black them out. It didn't work. It wasn't until she felt Vastra pull her closer, still grasping her hands, and press a kiss gently to her forehead that she let herself open her eyes again.
"I thought I was goin' to lose you..." The words were barely audible and Jenny's heart felt as though it was shattering at just the memory of those feelings. "When I opened the door an' saw you there, you couldn't stand on your own an' your skin was so pale it was almost grey, all I could think was 'ow the 'ell I was supposed to cope if I lost you... an' I realised that I don't think I could. I think if I lost you I'd fall to pieces." Vastra slid one of her hand's from Jenny's grip and ever so carefully caressed the delicate skin of her cheek. The girl's skin was so warm and soft and beautiful, even with the tear tracks marring their flawless surface Vastra couldn't help but marvel at how lovely she was. It both touched her and broke her heart to think that without her this sweet girl wouldn't know how to carry on. While the love she held for Jenny swelled deep in her heart at the thought of it a small part of her had to remind the Silurian that her work was dangerous. The stab wound on her side was proof that she could be taken from life at any moment and to think that that would mean taking her from Jenny was almost too much for Vastra to bear.
"You didn't lose me though" Vastra whispered, trying to reassure herself as much as she wanted to reassure Jenny.
"But I could 'ave. I nearly did. Vastra, I don't know if I can just keep sittin' 'ere waitin' for you to come 'ome night after night. I've seen what can 'appen to you out there. I don't want to 'ave to do this again if there's any other way I could stop you gettin' 'urt." Vastra frowned, not understanding what Jenny meant. There was no way for her to protect her. More than anything Vastra wished that there was a way for her to stay safe for her darling girl but there just wasn't.
"Jenny, my work is dangerous, I warned you of that when you came to work for me."
"I know. An' that's why I want you to teach me." Vastra froze, eyes fixed on Jenny and filled with curiosity. Surely she wasn't suggesting what Vastra thought she was.
"You want me to teach you?"
"Yes. Everythin' you know about fightin' an' weapons, I want to know everythin' an' I want to be able to fight." There was such certainty in Jenny's expression and voice that Vastra couldn't avoid the truth in the girl's seriousness.
"But why?" Vastra knew the answer before she'd even heard it. Jenny had said that she couldn't keep sitting around and waiting for her to return from work so her solution was to join her.
"I can't let you keep goin' out there on your own, you need someone to look after you an' I sure as 'ell don't trust anyone else to do it properly." Vastra looked as though she was about to protest, to tell Jenny that she wouldn't let her get involved in something so dangerous. Jenny was sure the Silurian was as scared of losing her as she had been of losing Vastra but she just couldn't carry on the way they were. Letting Vastra go out alone every night into the dangerous streets of London was almost killing her with worry. At least if she was there with her they could protect each other. There was no doubt in Jenny's mind that this was what she wanted and she was not going to let her mistress say no.
Vastra's mind was racing. How could the girl be serious about this. She admired Jenny's courage and her determination to help but it was far more dangerous for her to be out on those streets than it was for Vastra herself. The Silurian had been trained to fight since she was hatched. It was second nature to her to fight. And her scales were like an armour in comparison to Jenny's perfect and yet weak human skin. She couldn't possibly expect Vastra to agree to it. Surely she knew that the Silurian cared for her far too much to let her put herself in danger like that. Vastra opened her mouth to speak but Jenny pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her immediately.
"No arguments," she whispered, sliding over so that she was sat facing her mistress, leaning over her so that one hand supported her weight on the other side of Vastra's legs and her face was in line with that of the Silurian's. "Please Vastra, no argument. If you don't teach me then I will find a way to teach myself. I mean it. I can't bear the waitin' and not knowin' if you're okay or not any longer." She leaned in and kissed Vastra's cheek lightly, making sure that she kept very little distance between them as, for the first time, she let three little words pass her lips. "I love you."
For a moment Vastra thought she had misheard what Jenny had said. She stared into the girl's eyes, so close to her own that she could see every shade of brown and hazel and gold that made up the pools that she often lost herself in. For so long she had wanted to say those words herself and had avoided it for fear of it being too soon or the girl not reciprocating her feelings but in that moment when she could say it without fear she was frozen. She willed her lips to move but they wouldn't. Her voice was stopped in shock. A small smile tugged at the corners of Jenny's mouth and all of a sudden Vastra couldn't control herself. She reached out and wrapped her hand gently around the back of Jenny's neck, pulling the girl across the last little gap that separated them until their lips were locked in a fierce battle. Every ounce of love that they felt for each other was pushed into that kiss and Vastra began to feel a little dizzy from the pure emotion running through her body, filling her up and bursting out into the searing kiss the two women shared.
"I love you" she whispered between kisses, her fingers tangling in the girl's soft, dark hair to pull her closer. "I love you with all of my heart Jenny, and I always will."