Vastra was beginning to worry about Jenny. She knew the girl hadn't been sleeping at night and, although she tried to hide it, it was clear she hadn't been eating either. She rarely spoke in the weeks after her visit home and when she did it was only to assure her love that she was okay. Vastra knew that she was lying. When she said it Jenny's voice was so flat and cold, the Silurian had never heard or seen her darling girl so lost or broken before and she couldn't help but feel guilty. She had pushed Jenny to visit her family. She had told her it was best that she should see them, and that perhaps she should be honest with them. Had she been wrong? The girl hadn't even told her what had happened that day. When she had returned home she had gone straight up to her old room in the top of the house and she hadn't come out for a few hours. Vastra had known what must have happened without having to be told. When Jenny had finally descended to the kitchen once more to prepare dinner she had had tear stains down her cheeks and her hands had been shaking slightly. It had almost torn Vastra apart to see it.
The one and only time that Jenny didn't seem to be as fragile as she appeared throughout the days was when Vastra could talk her into training. The first time she had managed to coax the girl into the basement where they had a training room set up Vastra had actually been a little afraid. In a split second the delicate little maid seemed to transform into a warrior and at one point, when she had Vastra pinned to the ground on her stomach with both arms bent behind her back, the Silurian had worried that Jenny would snap her wrists in two with the strength of her hold. Of course, once the girl realised what was happening she immediately let her mistress go, wrapping the woman in her arms once she had sat up and kissing her over and over in a silent attempt at an apology. After that Vastra had decided to avoid weapon training for a while, she dared not think of what would happen if Jenny were to lose control of her emotions with a katana in her hand. Despite the pain Jenny was clearly harbouring, however, one good thing had come from her family's rejection of her. Since it had happened Jenny's hand to hand combat technique had improved immensely and it had reached a stage where even Vastra was having to put all of her effort into each fight just to keep up with the girl. They were evenly matched. The lizard woman had never expected her sweet girl to learn such skill in such a short period of time but it seemed heartbreak could bring out other sides of humans, allowing them to develop different skills.
It was a few weeks after the day that had torn Jenny apart and the girl and her mistress were training in the basement late at night. As Jenny threw Vastra over her shoulder for the third time that day the Silurian's body hit the ground with a dull thud and the girl felt a sudden burst of pain in her heart. Unable to stop herself she backed up to the wall behind her slowly and slid down it until she was sat with her back pressed against its rough surface and her knees pulled up to her chest. Vastra realised that Jenny had stopped her attack and, in shock, she rolled onto her stomach to see where she had gone. Her eyes came to rest on the maid's tiny form curled by the wall and in a second she had crawled over to her side and protectively pulled her into her arms. This had been happening more and more often as of late. Although just after Jenny had been thrown out of her childhood home she had been too angry to allow herself to cry as time went on she was becoming consumed by emotion at the most unexpected times and Vastra found herself spending hours trying to calm the girl for long enough to allow her to talk about it.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry" Jenny whispered over and over, tears streaming over her cheeks and onto the shoulder of Vastra's dress as the Silurian held her darling girl close and rocked her back and forth like an infant. She didn't know why but for some reason the motion seemed to soothe Jenny. It took a short while but eventually the tears stopped and the girl just stayed wrapped in the arms of the woman she loved, not making a sound bar the sniffs and sighs as she tried to collect herself and recover from the burst of emotion she had just suffered.
"I know it does not seem likely my love, but everything really will be okay." Vastra rubbed Jenny's back softly as she spoke. She wasn't expecting her to reply. Every time this happened Vastra would say a similar thing trying to convince both Jenny and herself that it was true but every time the girl just sighed and clung onto her tighter. That night, however, things were different. Jenny shifted in the older woman's arms and looked up at her with deep, pain filled eyes.
"I know it will" she whispered. Her voice broke slightly from the tears but Vastra could tell that she was sure about what she was saying. At first the Silurian was a little taken aback. For weeks and weeks the girl had seemed convinced that her heart would never be whole again but now she looked into Vastra's eyes with such certainty that everything would be alright that the lizard woman was finding it hard to understand which of the two things Jenny actually believed. She tilted her head slightly to the side to get a better look at the girl and she noticed that for the first time in a long time there was a slight shade of pink in Jenny's cheeks and her eyes didn't seem so dead.
"You do?" she queried, her confusion clear in both her voice and the question.
"O' course" Jenny attempted a smile but, finding that she wasn't quite ready for that just yet, settled for loosening the other woman's grip on her waist so that she could lace their fingers together and squeeze her hand softly. "I've got you 'aven't I? I may not be okay now, and it may take a while for me to be okay again, but as long as I got you I know I will be okay in time." Vastra's heart warmed at her sweet girl's words and she smiled, burying her face in Jenny's neck and breathing in her scent. It had been different lately, almost wrong, but in that moment she smelled like Jenny again. She smelled like home.
"You will always have me my love, I promise." It didn't need to be said, Jenny knew that Vastra would always be there for her, but still it was nice to hear the words. The Silurian seemed to hesitate and Jenny had a feeling there was something else she wanted to say. She stroked her thumb gently along her love's scaled hand to encourage her and it only took a short while for Vastra to finally lift her head from the girl's neck and ask, "are you ready to talk about it yet?" A part of her immediately regretted asking the question. She didn't want to push Jenny, she didn't want to make her relive those feelings if she wasn't ready, but she had wanted to know exactly what had caused all of this pain for her darling girl for so long and it was eating away at her inside. Jenny tried not to seem too upset. She understood why Vastra wanted to know what had happened. The woman saw it as her job to protect Jenny and how was she to do that if she didn't know what was causing the girl's pain? Jenny wasn't entirely sure herself if she could face talking about it just yet. She no longer wanted to jump from a tall building, which she supposed was a good sign, but that didn't mean it had stopped hurting.
"Vastra, I..."
"Forget it. Forget I asked my love, I am so very sorry. I should never have asked it of you, I know you will tell me when you are ready." Jenny almost laughed as Vastra was speaking and she pressed her finger to the woman's lips, silencing her immediately.
"You daft ol' lizard," she whispered "if you'd stop worryin' an' be quiet for two seconds you'd know that I was about to say that I'll tell you, you just need to be patient with me because I don't know 'ow well I'll cope." Vastra blushed slightly as she realised how quickly she'd cut the girl off and she nodded, looking down at Jenny curled up in her arms. Jenny didn't know where to start. She didn't want to spend too long talking about it but she also wanted to tell her love as much as she could. She hated keeping things from Vastra, it felt as though she had to handle her problems on her own and she knew that that wasn't true - not now that she had the lizard woman in her life.
"It was just as I thought it'd be really," she started, snuggling into Vastra as they sat curled on the floor, leaning against the wall "mother seemed 'appy to see me, if a little shocked considerin' it was a Tuesday, and it all seemed fine until she kept askin' questions. I knew I couldn't lie properly. I tried to twist the truth but it all sounded like somethin' that'd never be true and... well..." Jenny felt the tears welling in her eyes again and she desperately tried to bite them back. She would not cry. She wouldn't let herself cry again. "she guessed." Vastra looked uncertainly at the girl.
"She guessed?" A frown etched itself onto her scaled features and she regarded Jenny curiously. "I thought, from what you told me, that the concept of two women in a romantic relationship is very rarely heard of and never seen as acceptable in this era." What Jenny was saying didn't make sense. Why would a woman of a time period where such things were not common automatically jump to that conclusion? Jenny's eyes seemed to glaze over and Vastra realised that there must be more to it than the girl was telling her.
"You're right, but thing is, there was an incident a few years ago. I'd fallen in love with one o' my friends, a girl I'd known since I was a child." Vastra felt a pang of jealousy at the thought of Jenny loving anyone but her, but she forced the feeling away knowing she was being ridiculous and that the girl loved her and only her. "I'd wanted to tell 'er 'ow I felt for a long time, an' I'd been tryin' to write a letter to 'er to tell 'er, but it never sounded right so I gave up. Only, one day, my mother found one o' the notes. She pretended she'd never seen it but I know she 'ad. I caught 'er readin' it in my room when she thought I was out. I think when I said that you an' I were close somethin' must 'ave clicked in 'er 'ead an' reminded 'er." Jenny blinked a few times and shook her head. She had surprised herself with how well she was handling talking about it all. Perhaps she was beginning to get past it after all.
"I'm sorry my love, I know how hard that must have been"
"Don't be. I expected my mother's reaction. I knew 'ow she'd be once she'd realised. I was angry at 'er at first, but I understand. I'm past the 'urt that she caused now. It was my father's reaction that 'urt me the most." Suddenly tears welled in the girl's eyes again and Vastra squeezed her hand to reassure her. Jenny knew it would only get harder from that point. She could still see the broken look on her father's face when he realised why her mother was so angry. She could still hear him saying goodbye to her in her mind. She had played the last things he had said to her over and over again in her head since that day. I'll always love you lass, even if I don' approve o' your choices. It hurt, but it was a strange almost comforting hurt.
After an agonisingly long pause Jenny finally mustered the courage to speak again. She bit back her tears as she did so, desperate to get to the end of recounting that day before she broke down once more. "My father was so 'appy to see me when 'e got in from work. I've told you 'ow close me an' 'im were." Vastra nodded, pressing a kiss to Jenny's temple to try and soften the internal agony she knew her darling girl must be suffering. "Mother was the one who told 'im. She was so angry at me she just blurted it out. I've never seen my father look as 'urt an' broken as 'e did when 'e realised what my mother was sayin'. 'e even asked me to tell 'im she was lyin'... but I couldn't." Jenny's lips were beginning to shake with the effort of holding back tears and she had to take a few deep breaths to calm herself once more. "I don't know 'ow but 'e said 'e'd always known I was different. 'e'd known all along and 'e never told me." She could barely conceal her tears at the thought of it and Vastra whispered in her ear for her to slow down. Jenny nodded. Her beautiful lizard woman was so clever, she always knew how best to handle overwhelming situations. After a short pause Jenny continued, "I tried to explain, to tell 'im that I loved you an' I couldn't apologise for that. I guess 'e must 'ave understood at least a bit. Once mother 'ad thrown me out 'e came out after me, 'e 'ugged me an' said 'e loved me even though 'e didn't agree with me lovin' you. But 'e still went back into the 'ouse an' shut the door. 'e still turned me away. I'd 'oped that 'e'd be the one to stand up for me like 'e always 'as done my whole life... but 'e didn't." as the last syllable left her lips Jenny heard her voice break and she felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. She buried her face in Vastra's chest and felt as cool, scaled hands caressed the soft flesh on the back of her neck.
"I imagine being a parent must be one of the most challenging roles an individual can take on" Vastra's voice was soft and steady as she spoke. Hearing about Jenny's ordeal had of course broken her heart just as the girl's own heart had been broken, but Vastra knew that her sweet little human needed her to stay strong and be her rock. "I do not agree with how either of your parents handled this predicament I must say, however I do admire your father for what he did. I know he still turned his back on you my love but, as he understood your love for me, you must understand his love for your mother and his need to support her and stand by her as you did me." Jenny's tear stained face lifted for a second, looking up at Vastra in curiosity. She had to admit, she hadn't thought of it in that way before. "He still treated you with love and respect. I do not believe he will ever turn away from you entirely darling. You seem very much like your father from what you have told me about him. Both kind hearted and loving. Both ready to accept anyone, no matter what. Both fiercely loyal to the one you love." A small smile graced Vastra's lips and she tucked a loose strand of hair behind Jenny's ear. "And you both love one another unconditionally, even if you cannot always show it as he cannot now if he is to support your mother in her beliefs." She sighed and pressed a light kiss to Jenny's forehead. As always, Jenny knew that Vastra was right. She had never considered it before but perhaps her father was just supporting his wife as Jenny had supported Vastra when she refused to apologise for falling in love with her. She could forgive him for that.
"Do you think it's about time I tried to move on from this?" The girl asked her love, looking up into shining blue eyes. Her own dark eyes seemed more hopeful to Vastra and the Silurian felt relief wash over her. She hated to see Jenny hurting. She hated knowing that she was in pain. But when she saw that pain lift it filled her heart with such warmth and happiness to know that everything was okay again.
"Perhaps 'move on' is not the right way to phrase it. I think maybe it is time we accepted the situation for what it is and we carry on our lives until such a time that I hope the situation may change." Jenny was doubtful that the situation would change but she appreciated Vastra's optimism. She'd grieved the loss of her family for long enough. If they ever did change their minds then she knew she would embrace them and love them as she always had. But, until such a time came, Jenny was more than content with her life with Vastra. The Silurian was her family now, Jenny felt that she had been since their very first kiss. She was safe with Vastra, she was loved, and god help anyone who tried to take that from her.