Note: Okay, I haven't updated in a whole 7 days and quite frankly I am appalled at myself! I am so sorry I have made you wait so long my loves. However, you will be pleased to know that I have finally finished my first year at University and I am now back home for the summer, so you can expect the frequency of my updates to increase again. YAY! On a totally unrelated note I am genuinely a little scared about how perceptive some of you are. Quite often I'm finding that when you review with ideas concerning the future of this fic some of you are scarily close to reading my mind and honestly that's a rather terrifying thought. Even so, I think there will still be some surprises to come so don't think you have me totally figured out just yet. I hope you enjoy the chapter and as always reviews would be lovely as your feedback really does mean the world to me!
Love always
Shadow of a Black Rose xxx
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It had only been a few weeks since Jenny had found out that she was pregnant and already it was making her life more difficult than it had to be. The girl was not happy about it. She never seemed to have enough energy to get up in the mornings anymore and once she had finally managed to wake herself up and start going about her daily business her motivation to do anything even remotely useful had all but disappeared. Jenny had taken a week off on Vastra's orders so that she could relax a bit but once the week was up she had found it ridiculously difficult to get back into the habit of working and although she tried to just get on with it her lack of motivation was making her grumpy. On several occasions Vastra had told Jenny that it didn't matter if she cleaned or not and that the housework could wait until she felt up to it but the girl just couldn't see it that way. Despite her lack of motivation the thought of a messy home made Jenny increasingly uncomfortable.
However, in the few weeks since the maid had gone back to her usual duties she had been avoiding the work more often than she would have liked and despite her wish to keep her home looking presentable Jenny simply didn't seem to be able to keep her mind on cleaning for long enough to make any real difference. Instead, she would often find herself being distracted by far less productive practices such as reading, shopping, knitting, sewing and quite frequently distracting Vastra from her own work with all sorts of questions about Silurian babies and how they differed from human babies (Jenny didn't want to take any risks considering how little they knew about a human and Silurian hybrid). Recently though, the girl's main distraction had been found in spending large amounts of time in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom where she had taken to scrutinising the size of her ever expanding stomach.
Each day when Vastra went out for her meetings with Scotland Yard Jenny would withdraw herself to the bedroom and strip down to her underwear, standing in front of the mirror and fixing her eyes on her rounded stomach that had been growing more rapidly than she had ever imagined it would. At first Jenny's choice to spend her time in front of the mirror had been entirely out of curiosity but as the days passed the girl found that her motives seemed to be changing. The bigger Jenny's belly grew the more she was beginning to wonder how others would judge her on seeing her around London and the thought of what the higher classes might think was beginning to worry her. Although Jenny had been hiding her pregnancy well since she had found out about the baby she was becoming increasingly aware when in public that her swelling stomach was becoming more and more noticeable and that her lack of a wedding ring or even something resembling a relationship would be overtly damaging to her reputation. More often than not Jenny was alone when she ventured out into the wider world and on the few occasions that she was accompanied by Vastra both women knew all too well that they could not openly show affection to one another. So where did that leave Jenny? The answer was simple - once the pregnancy became too obvious to the rest of the world she would appear to be the sort of girl that society would throw into the gutter in the hope that she and her bastard child would slowly wither and die. She would seem to be a single mother who had no hope of being accepted by society and the fear of it was becoming more real in Jenny's mind with every day that passed.
Standing in front of the mirror on day Jenny sighed to herself softly as she took one last look at her stomach then quickly redressed herself, knowing that Vastra could return home at any moment. The mistress of the house had said that she was only going out on an errand and Jenny didn't want to risk being caught. She knew Vastra would worry if she found her scrutinizing herself as she so often did. As it was Vastra had been worrying a lot about anything that could possibly concern the baby and Jenny didn't want to give the woman any more reason for concern.
Jenny had just finished dressing and was about to leave when she caught sight of herself in the mirror once more. She stopped for a second, her eyes frozen on the protruding bulge where her flat stomach had once been. It was strange to see herself like that. The bump was only small but until that point Jenny had never been able to make it out under her clothing before. She felt a lump in her throat and all of a sudden she was too afraid to even swallow.
"Is something wrong my dear?" Jenny's eyes snapped up to the door and she found Vastra stood just inside the threshold, watching her closely. The girl wished her mistress didn't have such a talent for sneaking around like that. It put her on edge how easily the Silurian could sneak up on her, not that she had anything to hide, she just liked her privacy at times and often Vastra didn't seem to understand that.
"No, nothin'" Jenny smiled softly and Vastra made her way over to the girl stood by the mirror. She didn't entirely believe that everything was okay; Jenny seemed to be becoming increasingly uncomfortable and the Silurian had a feeling that it had something to do with the pregnancy. Until that moment she had kept her fears to herself, knowing Jenny didn't like her to worry, but the look of terror on the girl's face as she watched her from the doorway was just too much for Vastra to handle.
"Are you sure? You are not feeling sick or weary? The baby is not causing you any discomfort?" She stood behind Jenny and gently wrapped her arms around her darling girl's waist, allowing her fingers to dance over her raised abdomen lightly. The maid laced her fingers between the other woman's and held their hands over her stomach as she leant back into Vastra's strong, cool form. The feeling eased her a little, being close to Vastra always seemed to have that effect on her.
"I'm feelin' a little sick an' tired, but that's only to be expected. It i'n't causin' me discomfort as such, just..." Jenny fixed her gaze on Vastra in the mirror. The Silurian was looking down at her with such love and desperation to protect her in her eyes that the girl knew she had to be honest with her, even if it would make her worry. "I'm not gonna be able to keep goin' out much longer." Vastra tilted her head in confusion and the maid sighed. Sometimes it was so difficult having to explain to her love why things couldn't be done in certain ways in Victorian society. It was one of the few things that put a strain on their relationship when Jenny just needed Vastra to understand simple parts of everyday life. "Vastra just think what people would say. I aint married, I 'aven't got an 'usband or even a partner as far as everyone out there in the world is concerned. It looks shameful to them now that the baby's startin' to show more."
"You have me." The Silurian's brow was furrowed and her grip around Jenny tightened slightly as though she feared the girl was about to push her away. "Whatever anyone else says, you know you have me."
"Yeah, I know that, but no one else does. No one else can know it Vastra." The girl turned in the Silurian's arms slightly and tilted her head to look up into the woman's soft cerulean eyes. "It's just 'ow society works my love, girls who aren't married an' 'ave a baby get looked down on. It's silly really, but that's 'ow the people around 'ere see it." Vastra seemed so innocent sometimes. Just her inability to understand the prejudices of those around them made the Silurian appear to be so naive. It made Jenny smile a little to know that, despite her infinite knowledge, there were still a few simple facts of life that Vastra couldn't quite grasp.
"Oh, my love" Vastra's eyes scanned over Jenny's face and the girl instinctively turned her gaze away. She knew the Silurian was going to argue; Vastra never had agreed with Victorian customs and beliefs, why should this be any different? Cool fingers tucked a stray strand of Jenny's hair behind her ear and the maid bit down on her bottom lip lightly. She could still feel Vastra's eyes observing her, almost as though the woman were attempting to probe her mind, and Jenny just wished she would say something rather than keeping them both stood there in silence. "Sit." Jenny turned her gaze back to Vastra and the other woman gently guided her to sit on the edge of their bed. Carefully Vastra lowered herself to kneel on the floor in front of the girl and she looked up into Jenny's eyes, trying to hold the girl's attention. "Jenny, you cannot let the society in which we live drive you to the point where you are considering hiding away in the house forever to avoid the talk of others. Surely you can see how ridiculous that would be."
"Well, when you put it like that yes, but..." Vastra pressed a finger to the girl's lips and shook her head. Apparently she hadn't finished.
"You know I have never understood why you let the opinions of others dictate what you can and cannot do. What does it matter what the apes think?" Jenny scowled at Vastra's use of the term but the Silurian ignored her. She was trying to make a point. "What I am trying to say, my love, is that you cannot just lock yourself away in our home until the child is born merely because some people may think badly of you. It would not be good for anyone but those who place their egos over the wellbeing and happiness of those around them. I understand that this is how you were raised and I know the trouble that any other woman would face in your position, but you are not alone my love. You are not cast out by everyone you love because you have me." Vastra took hold of one of Jenny's hands and guided it to her own cheek. She nuzzled her face against the soft, warm skin and looked up into the girl's eyes as she kissed the ends of each finger in turn. "Please my love, I only ask that you try not to allow the opinions of others to impact how you live your life. It is not fair on you and it will not be fair on our child once it is born."
Jenny didn't know what to say. For all of the eloquence and knowledge with which the Silurian had been speaking the maid had somehow managed to miss most of the words. The point that Vastra had been making, however, had not been made in vain. As always she was right. What good would it do Jenny to shut herself away? She would only become restless and unhappy as she knew all too well. The maid never had been much good at spending all of her time in one place, she needed change or the monotony would drive her mad. But in the back of her mind Jenny still had a niggling fear that allowing herself out into the world as she was would cause problems. She could almost imagine the feeling of all of the eyes following her as she walked through the streets and the fear of it made her feel even more nauseous than she already was.
"I don't know... I don't know if I can..." Jenny wanted to explain her fears to Vastra; she wanted to make her love see why she felt safer within the walls of their home. Somehow though, she feared that the Silurian would never be able to understand it.
"Perhaps we could try," Vastra knelt up so that her eye line levelled with Jenny's. She held both of the girl's hands in her own and she lent up to press a light kiss to the girl's lips. "We'll go for a short walk, you can accompany me on my visit to Scotland Yard for the day."
"Vastra, I..."
"Jenny please. Just try, for me... for the baby. I don't want our child to grow up thinking it should be afraid of the world. I want him or her to be a brave little warrior. Please, my love." Vastra lent down and kissed Jenny's stomach as though she were attempting to kiss the baby itself. The woman lay her forehead against the swell of the girl's abdomen and Jenny finally gave in, moving a hand to caress the back of her love's neck. How much harm could going for a short walk do anyway?
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Under normal circumstances Jenny would never have dreamed of touching Vastra in public but as they walked up the steps of Scotland Yard's base her nerves got the better of her and the girl discretely slipped her hand into that of the other woman. The act must have taken Vastra by surprise because just as they were about to reach the door she stopped for a moment and looked at the girl curiously before she allowed her grip to tighten on the delicate hand in her own. Jenny knew that it seemed hypocritical for her to be showing any sort of public affection to another woman considering that she was already terrified of what others would think of her for being pregnant out of wedlock but she just needed her love's support at that moment. They stepped through the door hand in hand and the instant it had swung shut behind them a young officer seemed to appear out of nowhere.
"Ah, Madame Vastra, I believe the inspector's waitin' for you in 'is office..." his voice trailed off as he noticed Jenny by the veiled woman's side and he frowned slightly at the sight of her.
"Is something wrong?" Vastra's voice was sharp as she called the boy's attention back to her and even behind her veil her cool blue eyes fixed on the officer's face with one scaled eyebrow raised.
"No. No, o' course not ma'am. Jus', I don't think the inspector was expectin' you to 'ave company in your meetin'. Would you like me to inform 'im in advance so that..."
"I do not believe that will be necessary. I have discussed the matter of Jenny's assisting me with the inspector before, I thought it about time that he met her. That will not be a problem, will it?" Vastra's eyes remained locked on the officer as he shook his head, then she pushed past him brusquely, pulling Jenny with her as she headed down a side corridor and away from the young officer. As they rounded a corner the Silurian chuckled to herself softly and Jenny looked up at the woman by her side. "I shouldn't admit it," Vastra murmured, "but I do enjoy intimidating the younger ones when I get the chance. The stunned looks they give you are priceless, it's like going out hunting without actually having to kill anything."
Jenny smiled a little uncertainly and continued to allow Vastra to guide her through doors and down hallways until finally they reached a heavy looking dark wood door at the end of a passage. Vastra rapped three times on the door and, without waiting for a response, proceeded to allow herself entrance to the small office that the doorway led into. Sat at a desk in the back corner of the room a slightly balding man in a moderately nice suit looked up to ascertain the identity of his new arrivals and, on seeing Vastra, he placed the file which he had been studying down on his desk and stood, checking his pocket watch as he did so.
"Right on time as always Madame Vastra, I'm glad to see some things never change." Vastra inclined her head in acknowledgement of the inspector's greeting but his attentions had already been pulled away from the Silurian. His eyes wondered over to Jenny who was stood just behind Vastra and he couldn't help but frown as he noticed how the women's hands were locked together, albeit partially hidden by the skirts of their dresses. "I see you have brought a friend with you?"
"I suppose you could say that," Vastra turned her gaze on Jenny and squeezed her hand reassuringly as she spoke. She could sense how unsure the girl was about being there but she just wanted Jenny to see that she didn't have to hide away just because she may get judged. "This is Jenny," she continued, turning her attention back to the inspector, "the girl I mentioned who helped on that odd case where the victims were killed by a freezing of the heart."
"Ah, yes, Miss Flint isn't it?" The inspector held out his hand to her and Jenny hesitantly removed her hand from her mistress' in order to allow the inspector to make her acquaintance.
As she stepped forward and took hold of the man's hand Jenny was aware of how the inspector's eyes which had at first locked on their joined hands had wondered over to her stomach. That had been what she was dreading. She shook the man's hand as quickly as she could, attempting to avoid eye contact, before stepping back and immediately placing herself close by Vastra's side with her arms covering her belly. The girl could see in the inspector's eyes that he was already forming his own judgements about her. All she could do was prey that Vastra would distract him before he asked any questions.
"So..." The inspector was about to speak but, as she always did, Vastra found a way to cut him off.
"Down to business I think." Without being invited, the Silurian sat herself down in front of the desk and looked to the seat next to her as an indication for Jenny to do the same. As the girl took her seat the inspector made his way back around to the other side of his desk and pulled a stack of files towards him.
"There's only one case which we think will need your specialist attention today as far as I'm aware." he shuffled through the stack of files for a minute and eventually extracted a rather clean one with a scrawl of handwritten notes on the cover. Vastra extended her hand and the inspector passed the file to her, watching as the woman took a quick glance before handing the file to Jenny and turning her attention back to him. "We received a complaint late last night about the most monstrous metallic noises coming from a supposedly abandoned home in the East end of the city. The woman who came to us about it seemed to be convinced that there was something, shall we say peculiar, about it. I am aware of how well you handle the more abstract cases so we thought it best that we hand this one over to you for further investigation." Vastra nodded her understanding but, rather than responding, turned to Jenny who was busily scanning through the notes within the case file.
"What do you think my dear?" Jenny looked at the Silurian in shock for a moment. She hadn't expected the address to be quite so intimate in a public area and it took the girl a minute or two to realise that Vastra had actually asked her a question. Blinking a few times and refocusing her mind Jenny closed the file once more and caught Vastra's eyes in her own gaze.
"It does all sound a bit fishy. I think it'd be best to 'ave a look an' see what comes of it. Wouldn't want to leave anythin' dangerous goin' on near a place of 'abitation would we?" Vastra smiled at the girl's response. It was the first time Jenny had seemed herself since the pair had left the house and it was comforting to the Silurian to see her darling girl feeling more comfortable outside of their home.
"Well, if that is what you think best then we should..."
"Pardon me Madame Vastra, I know it's probably not my place to say but do you really think Miss Flint here should be assisting you with potentially dangerous cases in her... well," the inspector looked down at the papers on his desk a little awkwardly and paused for a moment, "in her condition?" Jenny tensed in her seat and she immediately lifted the file from her lap to cover her stomach. She had known leaving the house was a bad idea. If the inspector who Vastra worked for was already commenting on her pregnancy how long would it be before judgements of it started coming to light. She wanted to leave the room that second and never return but just as she was about to excuse herself Vastra's clear voice cut through the silence with a slight hint of indignation in each crisp note.
"You are right inspector, it is not your place to say." Jenny looked up at the other woman and was rather unsurprised to find that, even behind the veil, she could see how the inspector's comment had irritated Vastra. The girl had to focus to stop herself from smiling in gratitude and even lifted her hand to cover her mouth as the corners of her mouth twitched up slightly. "However," the Silurian continued, careful to keep her voice even, "I can assure you I would not place Jenny or the child in harm's way, she is currently only assisting me with the more informative stages of my investigations and will continue to do so until the child is born." The inspector regarded the veiled detective closely for a few moments; Jenny wondered what exactly it was that he was attempting to see. Most likely he was attempting to catch a glimpse of Vastra's expression to gauge her feelings on the matter but, finding that he couldn't see past the veil, the inspector simply nodded and muttered something inaudible to himself.
"Ma'am, we really must be gettin' back" Jenny hinted. She had sensed the break in conversation and taken her opportunity. At that moment she wanted nothing more than to just get back home and shut herself away before anyone else could comment on her pregnancy. The Silurian nodded and both women lifted themselves from their seats. As they were about to leave, however, the inspector coughed to pull the attention back to himself.
"I must say, Madame Vastra," he started and Vastra turned back to face him, "I never had you down as the sort to involve yourself in the workings of a rescue society."
"I beg your pardon?" The Silurian's head tilted to the side slightly as she observed the man before her. She had only heard small amounts about the rescue societies that some of the more upper class women had set up in order to save 'fallen women' from themselves but she knew enough to understand what the inspector was insinuating. How dare that ape make such suggestions about her Jenny? Yes, Vastra knew that Jenny had been forced to allow men to violate her in the past just so that she could eat but that did not give anyone the right to suggest that the girl was a whore!
"I... I'm sorry. I saw no ring on the girl's finger and she is working for you... I just assumed..."
"Well you should not make such assumptions!" Vastra had clenched her fists to stop herself from lashing out at the inspector. She could barely believe that anyone would make such an assumption. Her mind was spinning and she wanted to teach the man before her a lesson. More than anything she wanted to make him regret ever opening his mouth and letting those words pass his lips. It wasn't until she felt a warm hand on her shoulder that she remembered that Jenny was still there and that she was still desperate to just go home.
"Ma'am... please, let's just go."
"Miss Flint, I cannot apologise enough. Your mistress is right, I should not have assumed that you were..." The inspector stood from his desk and stepped towards the maid but Jenny held up a hand to silence him.
"Whatever it is you're plannin' to say inspector, I don't want to 'ear it. You see a pregnant girl without a ring on 'er finger who's not quite as well spoken as you an' you just assume she's a whore. I'll 'ave you know sir I am in an entirely committed relationship an' I could not be more in love with my baby's other parent. We just 'aven't married yet." The girl shook her head slowly, she wished that she didn't have to say any of this and that people would just keep their opinions to themselves. "I may not be what you an' the rest of the middle class consider a worthy parent or even a worthy 'uman bein' but with all due respect sir, I aint the one passin' judgement on people I know nothin' about." With that Jenny took hold of Vastra's hand and pulled the Silurian out of the inspector's office.
They had got half way home before Vastra finally found her voice once more. She had been so shocked by Jenny putting the inspector in his place that she had almost entirely lost the ability to speak but as they were walking past Hyde park she stopped Jenny and looked at her, her head tilted ever so slightly as she surveyed her darling girl's face. Jenny's cheeks were still a little flushed and her eyes had that sparkle in them that they only seemed to develop when the maid did something that would usually be against her nature. It was almost like her own form of rebellion.
"I am so proud of you" Vastra murmured. She had all but entirely forgotten where they were and as one of her hands strayed to the girl's hip Jenny gently smacked the Silurian's gloved fingers away. The two stared at each other for a moment before bursting into a subdued fit of giggles. Jenny knew that the judgement would only get worse as her pregnancy continued but it was comforting to both her and her love that she had found her voice and her capability to stand up for herself against those judgements.