The Second Garden

Chapter Twelve: Fragile

"Tell me about your vessel."

When Dean offered a room to Addison, Gadreel jumped on the chance to get her out of the infirmary. However, out of the all the questions that she could up with after witnessing what she had, this is not the question he is prepared to answer. "I'm sorry?"

She sits down the bed, the only comfortable place to sit in the room which is slightly smaller than he remembers Sam's room being. "I want to know about your vessel."

There is an extra desk chair sitting in the corner so he moves that next to the bed, sits down and braces himself for the worst. "What would you like to know?"

"How about a name?"

"Joseph Sullivan. He prefers Joe, though." Just speaking his name raises Joseph from his slumber. Like the other times, he merely sits there and observes the situation. Though his desire to draw closer to Addy transfers to Gadreel and the angel finds himself moving the chair nearer to the bed.

"Is he still in there?"

Gadreel nods.

Addy crosses her arms and frowns. "Is he…happy?"

An odd warmth spreads through Gadreel and he realizes it is Joseph's emotions, not his, that he's feeling. It leaves Gadreel uneasy, uncomfortable. "He is content for the majority of the time. He is," he searches the correct word, "pleased that you show concern for him."

It must have been the proper choice because the same feeling washes over him again and Addy seems to relax a bit. "Why did he say yes to being a vessel?"

At that question, Joseph retreats somewhat and Gadreel is left with the all too familiar aftertaste of shame and failure. But Gadreel had seen the inside of this man's mind and soul. There was no reason for him to feel those things and he hopes that one day Joseph will be able to realize that.

"Because he's a brave man. He was a soldier, he fought in a war and did things that he had to though he didn't want to do them. He…struggled after he returned home."

"Did he have PTSD?"

"I believe that is what you call it, yes."

"And he doesn't have it now?"

"I've healed the portions of his brain that were faulty and working incorrectly. I've also sealed off the most disturbing of the images in his memories. He should suffer no more from this condition."

Addy laughs nervously. "You make it sound like you're going to leave him."

"Eventually, yes, I will. He deserves to live out the rest of his life in peace and health."

"And what will happen to you?"

"I'll go back home, to Heaven." At least, he hopes that will be what happens, that his reputation will be restored and he will be welcomed back into his family.

"I see." Addy stands up. "I think I'll go check on Jael."

Joseph comes raging back with such force it almost knocks Gadreel off balance. Gone is the shame he feels at the emotional trauma he had difficulty coping with, gone is the warm contentment he felt when Addy showed concern for him. He is angry now but Gadreel can't figure out where the anger is directed. "Addy?"

"I'll be back," she answers as she slips out the door.

Gadreel lurches after her, still trying to make sense of why Joseph is so upset and how to properly calm him, but by the time he steps into the hallway, she's gone.

Jael thought the fall from Heaven was jarring but it is nothing compared to how she feels now. She's cold, tired and sore but when she reaches for her grace there's nothing there now. It's like a phantom limb, gone but very much not forgotten. She had been an angel for longer than the Earth had spun on its axis. Never had she given thought to being a human, to walk on the ground among them. Her job wasn't to care for humans but rather treat wounded angels. The fall had opened her eyes to this new world and the creations that lived in it. She had been confused but adapted. Now she is just lost with no tools to help her find her way.

She paces around the infirmary, trying to assess the new feelings and the lack of the old ones. She can't hear angel radio, not even a whisper. She knows there are three angels in the bunker but she can't feel them. When she looked at them as they left her alone, all she could see was the face of their vessels. She couldn't see Castiel's flickering grace, Michael's dimmed brilliance or Gadreel's scars. She comes to stand in front of a small mirror over a sink and she doesn't even recognize her own face.

"Here," Sam presses a water bottle into her hand. "You should probably drink something."

She had never had to think of these things before. Eating, drinking, sleeping. They had been technicalities that she had to observe with Sam but only in appearance. A flash of annoyance comes over her as she opens the bottle and takes a drink. The taste is not what she had expected and she's gone through half the bottle before she stops drinking. She can't even tell if she likes it or not.

"You alright?"

She nods her head. It's the sixth time Sam has asked her that but that she can't bring herself to be angry with him. He and Dean both feel responsible for her current condition and have promised to help her. She's grateful to them for that and it's that gratefulness that allows her to keep her tongue in check. Dean comes back into the infirmary at the same time the lights come back flicker back on again.

"Look at that," Dean says, "Cas can fix a fuse box."

"Where's everyone else?" Sam asks.

"Addison and her bodyguard are currently arguing in one of the extra bedrooms, Cas was fixing the lights and Michael is destroying the first blade."

"What are they arguing about?" It is a mundane detail that Jael can focus on instead of dealing with the sensations that are overloading her at the moment.

"I didn't exactly stand outside their door and listen."

"That doesn't sound like you," Sam quips.

Dean shrugs. "Something about vessels. That's all I got, I swear."

Vessels. She had promised Sam that she would see to it that her vessel was well taken care of when it was time to return to Heaven. Now, the poor woman is stuck in the veil with the rest of the human souls locked out of Heaven. She needs a purpose, a problem on which to focus. Heaven needs to be reopened. Metatron wants a meeting. They need to work on that. She'll learn how to be human while helping them accomplish this goal.

"Metatron," she says, "when is our meeting with him?"

"Hold on," Sam tells her. "How about we work through getting you comfortable first."

Comfort is a completely foreign concept to her. "I don't understand."

"Do you want something to eat? Something else to drink? Are you tired?"

Dean asks the questions and Jael isn't sure how to answer any of them. What did hunger feel like? She already drank some water, how much more did she need to drink? And sleep, the loss of consciousness, frightened her immensely. How would she protect herself? What if they were attacked, how would she know?

"Easy," Sam took her arm and sat her down on the side of one of the hospital beds. "Deep breaths."

She hadn't been aware that her breathing had sped up to the point where she had been gasping for air. It only took a few seconds for her to regain control over her breathing and her heart returned to its normal pace. Heartbeats, time, breathing. Being a human is so much more complicated than she even imagined.

Dean gives her an apologetic look. "Too many questions, sorry."

"Kitchen," Sam says as he stands up. "We'll go to the kitchen and start there."

"Okay," Jael nods and follows Sam and Dean out of the infirmary. But on their way through the bunker, they run into Gadreel.

"Is Addison not with you?"

All three of them shake their head and Jael has a feeling their trek to the kitchen is about to experience a very large detour.

Addy needs some time to herself and finds slipping out of the bunker and into her mother's SUV to be much easier than it should be. She remembers the town of Lebanon being relatively close and starts towards it. It's only eleven p.m. so the chance of finding a bar open is very strong.

She's only a mile away from the bunker when the realization that she is alone finally hits her. She hasn't been alone since she woke up from the coma. The idea settles and it feels good. She had been surrounded by well meaning friends in Denver and then she had met Gadreel and ever since then, they'd been inseparable.

But then she realizes something else: even though she's enjoying her new found freedom, she doesn't want it to last. She likes having Gadreel near by. She likes watching him learn and understand humans things that she has always taken for granted. She likes the fierce and gentle way he protects her.

And that is what hurts the most in this whole situation. She's fallen for the angel and it is the stupidest thing that she has ever done in her entire life. An angel, of all things. Micah must be laughing his ass off in Heaven. Of course Gadreel would choose to return to Heaven. She's known from the start that his ultimate goal is to restore his reputation and be reunited with his family. She was foolish to believe he would give all that up for a life on the ground.

She parks the car in front of a decent looking bar and heads inside. The patrons seem to be a quiet group, mostly businessmen watching the game or women catching up with their friends at the end of the week. She sits at the bar, orders a beer and starts a firm talking to herself about how she needs to help Gadreel attain his goal and wish him the best when he reaches it. She has to let him go. She's halfway through her beer when someone finally approaches her.

"Is this seat taken?"

She turns to tell them she's not in the mood to talk but stops short when she sees who it is. Gadreel smiles at her, a smile she's never seen before. In fact, the way he's standing is different too. He looks more relaxed, softer around the edges. His smile is easier, his eyes not as haunted. It's as if he's a completely different person and it suddenly hits her. "Joseph?"

His smile grows into a full fledged grin. "It is very nice to finally meet you, Addison."

"What happened to-"

"Oh he's still in here," Joseph assures her as he takes the seat next to her. "He thought perhaps you were angry at him and you would prefer to speak with me."

This is so surreal for her it makes her head hurt. This stranger is smiling at her, making conversation with her but he's wearing her friend's face. "I'm not angry with him."

"He's relieved to hear that. So who are you angry with?"

"I'm not up for having this conversation with you. No offense, you're probably a really nice guy but I would rather talk to Gadreel."

Joseph raised his hands. "I understand that. And I will give the reins over to him in a moment, after I tell you something you need to know."

"And that is?"

"We find ourselves in a strange predicament. You're in love with him, or at least heading in that direction. But angels, they weren't suppose to have this range of emotions. They were created to do a job and that's it. Then, some of them started choosing free will and developed the ability to feel something other than duty. And some of these emotions are very tightly bound to their vessel's emotions."

"So what are you saying? He doesn't know how to love?"

"He's learning." Joseph smiles. "He's learning what the feeling is like and how to express it."

Addy frowns. "Let me guess, he's learning with your help."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because, Addison Weaver, I have fallen in love with you."

"That is just beautiful."

Addy didn't have time to even see who interrupted them as Gadreel immediately took control once more. Instantly, he had a hold of Addy's arm and put himself between her and the stranger. She peeked around his arm to get a look at the man. He looked very unassuming, dressed simply and an average looking man. But Gadreel is practically vibrating with tension.

"Hello, Gadreel," he smiles but there's an edge to it. "It's been a...long time."

Addy wonders why no one in the bar has reacted to this confrontation. Gadreel has his angel blade out and she's cowering behind him but no one has stepped in to break it up. She glances around the bar to find everyone frozen, still. It is only the three of them that are in motion.

The man moves around them, walking behind the bar and pouring himself a glass of scotch. "After all these years, you don't have anything to say to me, old friend?"

"I am not your friend," Gadreel spits out. Addy has never heard so much venom in his voice before.

The man feigns a look of hurt and recoils slightly. "Ouch."

"You lied to me."

"And I ended up being put in a cage for it. Twice, actually."

"I was imprisoned when Eden's gates were closed. I was left at the hands of Thaddeus for a millennia. All because you lied to me about our Father's orders."

The man holds up his hands. "I really didn't think Michael would be that vindictive considering you two were such bffs at the time. My bad."

And suddenly Addy realizes who this is and the name escapes her mouth before she can stop it. "Lucifer."

His eyes zero in on her. He smiles slowly and waves at her. "Hello, Addison."