A/N: I finally got a chance to update this story. I hope you like the new chapter and that you agree that it belongs in the recovery story line. I am trying to plan out the rest of this story, who's POV we need, how fast to skip through time. I hope to me a little more active on this story and update sooner over the rest of the summer. Any suggestions and critics are welcome. Thank you for sticking with this story. Disclaimer: I do not own GLEE or any of its characters.

My prayers go out to Cory and his friends and family.

Chapter 20:

The room's walls were a dark burgundy, the couches mud brown leather, the desk a mahogany, all in all the room was borderline depressing, at least it seemed so to Quinn. A man in his forties with thick black glasses on the end of his nose sat across from her in the mud brown wingback, his slate grey eyes waiting patiently for her to say something, anything really. Quinn squirmed, contrary to popular belief she hated attention.

"Quinn can you tell me why you are here?" The man finally said.

Quinn shrugged, "My mom thought it was a good idea." That was true. Somehow she'd managed to avoid going to a therapist despite all that she had been through but her mom finally didn't except no for an answer.

"Do you want to be here?"

"No." She didn't. Sure she had her problems, big ones but she was handling it, like she always did. In the back of her mind the image of her punked-out self crept in. Okay so she hadn't dealt with her pain in the most productive ways in the past but she was growing up and she knew where she had gone wrong in the past.

Dr. Roberts just smiled before shifting and pulling a cane from behind his chair. Quinn watched in awe as he struggled to push himself up into a standing position, and then gingerly moved towards the window. "I felt like you once." He stated. He tapped one leg and then the other and Quinn heard the distinct sound of metal contacting metal. "Car accident when I was your age. I was lucky, my best friend, she died on impact."

Quinn bit her lip. What did she say to that? Sorry for your lose. Well at least you got new legs you can walk on? No that was mean.

"Let's get out of here." Dr. Roberts smiled, "This room is depressing don't you think?" Quinn raised an eyebrow at him, this was his office right?

"I just moved in her this week, took over the practice for my mentor. He was a great therapist but old school. My new furniture and stuff will be here tomorrow. I've closing the office right after you to get the painting started."

Quinn blindly followed the man out of the office and to the elevators. She was silent the whole ride down and outside. There was a park across from the building and Dr. Roberts led them there. It was a beautiful spring day out. The breeze was cool causing Quinn to get a little chilly, she pulled her cardigan closer.

"You get cold easily?" Dr. Roberts inquired.

"Yes, always have even as a child." Quinn admitted. Dr. Roberts removed his jacket and placed it over her legs. She smiled kindly at him. She may not be able to feel how cold her legs were but that didn't mean that she didn't know they were. It was something she had to be conscious of, the tempeture around her and how it affect her due to her condition. Keeping her legs warm was important to her recovery apparently.

"So lets try this again." Dr. Roberts turned to her and held out a hand, "Hello I am Austen it's nice to meet you."

Quinn was shocked at his casualness but she kind of like it, she felt more comfortable than she had in the office. "Quinn."

"You know Quinn I may look like stuff old man," He winked at her, "but I am a great listener. I know you don't want to be here. I know your mom forced you to come. I'm not going to force you to talk to me. Therapy only works when the client is 100% committed to it. I will let you know that I am here to listen whenever you are ready. If you'd rather I just listen a silent confident than I will do that for you. If you want me to be a therapist then I will do that. Whatever you need you let me know."

Quinn bit her lip, a quiet confident would be nice, but could she trust him to do that. Rachel had told her about her therapy sessions and it sounded horrible, all the probing questions and reverse psychology. Quinn didn't want to be psycho analyses, she knew she was messed up and she had accepted that.

Deciding to test him she sat quietly for the rest of the session. Amazingly Austen said nothing. When time was up he rose and reached his hand out to her. "It was nice sitting with you Quinn, perhaps we can do this again, same place and time next week."

"Sure." Quinn accepted quietly. Her mom was in the waiting room when they arrived back. She looked shocked to see them coming from outside but said nothing.

The following week Quinn spotted Austen sitting in the park as her mom dropped her off for her appointment. Quinn crossed the street and pulled up next to him. "Hey Quinn." He smiled at her. His slate grey eyes warmer than she remember.

"Hi Austen." Further testing him she remained quiet as they watched the children playing on the playground. Quinn's heart ached as she watched a blonde toddler swinging. Even though she saw Beth on a regular basis now it still ached to know that she'd never be Beth's mother. She'd only ever be Quinn. Even if they planned to be honest with Beth when she was old enough to understand, Shelby would always be Beth's mother.

"I have a daughter, I gave her away." Quinn whispered. Austen nodded silently encouraging her to continue.

"Is it possible to regret something some much it hurts but at the same time not regret it at all?"

"Absolutely."

"I was sixteen, I had no home, there was no way I could have been a good mother to her. I couldn't have provided her with all the things she needed, she deserved. All I had was my love."

"Love is very important."

"The most important," Quinn sighed, "but so is a stable home, money, shelter, clothes, food…" Quinn trailed off.

"That is true. We provide those things because we love our children."

"Do you have children?"

He responded by pulling out his wallet and handing her two pictures one of a red haired teen about fourteen and the other of a brunette boy about twelve. "Addy and Thomas. They are my pride and joy."

Quinn nodded and handed him the pictures back before reaching into her own pocket and pulling out a picture of Beth from her second birthday. She handed it to Austen. "She's gorgeous, looks so much like you." He commented.

"She's my pride and joy."

"So do you get to see her?"

"I do now. I…I messed up big in the beginning of the year. I tried to get her back by framing her mom as a bad parent." Quinn shook her head, "I was just so lonely and so numb. No matter what I did I wasn't happy. I was always sad and then the sadness turned into a complete lack of feeling. How can it ache so much but still feel as if your emotions were swallowed by a black hole? Then Shelby returned and offered me a chance to be in Beth's life, and instead of being grateful for what I was being offered I went crazy. I thought if I got her back it would fill the void in my heart. That the numbness I felt would finally go away. Shelby forbade me from seeing Beth when she found out what I planned to do." Quinn sighed. Though it was only six months or so ago it felt like it was yesterday. That girl seemed like someone totally different, a stranger. "I'm so lucky Shelby forgave me and is giving me a second chance."

"Do you still feel numb?" Austen passed Beth's picture over.

"All the time, but I've learned to live with it." Quinn admitted. It was true, her family and friends thought she was getting better but Quinn knew the truth, she was just as lost as she was at the beginning of the year but now she learned to deal with it. She just assumed that it was her fate to feel this way.

"Does the numbness ever leave or lessen?" Quinn thought a moment about the question. Did she ever feel a little happy? Did she ever feel joy or giddiness as she had once when she was child?

"Yes, it lessens sometimes."

"When?"

Quinn rubbed her face, "When I sing and dance in glee, when Shelby lets Noah and I babysit Beth alone, when Beth laughs, when Noah sings to me."

Austen turned to her and bent down so they were eye level, "Can I assume that these are all things you love, people you love?"

Quinn nodded it. She wasn't stupid enough to deny that she loved Noah. She loved him more than words could explain. She felt safest in his arms. She felt at peace in his presences. She loved him and he could break her even more than she already was.

"Noah is Beth's father?"

"Yes."

"Are you two together?"

"No."

"Why?"

Quinn bristled, "What happened to silent listener? What happened to no questions? What happened to waiting?" She growled.

Austen threw up his hands, "Your right I am sorry. You don't have to talk about Noah until you are ready. I do want to talk more about this numbness you mentioned Quinn, can we do that?"

Quinn's chest heaved, she felt erratic and panicked. She focused on her breathing as her respiratory therapist had taught her. She reached around her chair and pulled her inhaler from the side pocket of her school back and took the medicine. By the time the medicine worked Austen was standing looking at her with concern. "Our time is up, but I'd like to continue with our sessions Quinn. I'd also like you to get this filled."

He handed her a prescription that he must have written while she was calming down. "It's a mild anti-depressant. It shouldn't react with your other medications. I've only written the script for a month's worth of pills. It's a trial run, to see if it can help with the numbness."

"You think I am depressed?" Quinn chocked. She'd never thought of that. Her father hadn't been a fan of therapy and he said that people who were on medication of depression were weak minded. Quinn didn't want to be weak.

"I do, I think you have been for quiet sometime, but I won't know how long until we talk more. I really think this will help you. It'll lift some of that weight you feel."

"I'm not weak." She croaked.

"Oh Quinn, having depression doesn't make you weak or unstable or crazy or any of the things you think or have been told. It is a chemical in balance, a real illness. You get aspirin for cold, shots for the flu, chemo for cancer; why not take something for depression?'

Austen made sense but Quinn was still scared. "Will I have to take them forever?"

"I can't answer that, but most people don't. Once we have it managed there is a good chance you can go off the medication."

Quinn bit her lip and nodded. Austen helped her over to her mom when Quinn reached Judy she handed her the prescription right before bursting into tears. Her body hurt so much but the underlying numbness she felt remained. Judy wrapped her in an embrace and let her cry. She cried and cried until her body was warn and she felt herself falling asleep. As consciousness left her and she felt her mom lift her into the car she prayed that Austen could help her, she was tired of feeling like this, empty.

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