No matter how Sara looked at it, it was not a night to remember. They did try to sleep, but with the demons in their heads it was difficult, and in the end the night was punctuated by restlessness from most in the group.
Grissom was amongst these, and under their shared blanket he tossed and turned, his eyes open and looking frustrated. On his other side Catherine was cosied up against Warrick, but though they were still Sara could hear the two whispering to each other, offering solace in the darkness. And up the far end, most worryingly, it soon became apparent that something was wrong with Sofia, judging by Nick's low tones.
"It's okay now. Don't worry, all right? We're back with your mom now, everything's good …"
Sara ignored this politely until it became apparent that Nick was not helping the situation, and Sofia's resolute silence deepened into a tell-tale sniff.
"Hey now, it's okay," he said, and Sara heard shuffles of blankets as he drew her closer. "No need to get upset …"
His efforts were fruitless, and after another tell-tale sniff Sara eased her own blanket aside, and got to her feet. She found Sofia nestled against Nick on the far mattress near the window, and he had his hand in her hair, holding her against him. As usual she was virtually silent, and struggled to communicate the problem.
"Talk to me, c'mon," Nick urged, gently. "What's the matter?"
Silence responded, and Sara put a hand to Sofia's shoulder, crouching on the mattress.
"It's okay to be upset," she said. "Cry if you need to, it's all right."
"Sara's right," Warrick said, chipping in. "We've all been under a lot of stress for a long time. It's normal to feel exhausted – or at least that's what the psychologist said."
"Yeah, I got the same lecture," Sofia said, sounding fed up with it already.
Sara continued to rub her shoulder, and the only thing she could think to say was taken by Catherine.
"You want a tissue?" she asked. "A hanky?"
"No, I'm okay."
But she did not seem okay, and Catherine dug in her bag and passed over a tissue regardless, which was taken control of by Nick. As he dabbed at Sofia's tears Sara tried to read her body language, using intuition to guess at the true problem.
"I think we all feel a little overwhelmed right now," she offered. "So much has happened, there's so much to deal with, and it's easy to feel like it's insurmountable. But the truth is if we work together we'll find a way through. It may take a little time, a little effort, but we'll be okay. We just have to take it slowly."
Silence greeted this speech, but Sara saw that her tears had eased slightly, and Nick put the wet tissue aside.
"You want to talk to us?" he offered. "There isn't anything we won't understand, I'm sure we can help."
"Do you want some air?" Grissom asked, having sat up and now looking on. "We can get a drink, if you want …"
"No, I'm fine," Sofia responded, still not moving.
"You want your mom?" Sara asked.
"I can go get her if you want," Warrick said, offering a sympathetic squeeze to her arm. "You've been away nine months, if you want some time with her, without us there, that's fine."
"Nothing wrong with needing your family," Catherine said, firmly understanding this. "I'm sure she needs you just as badly."
"Yeah, and what the hell am I supposed to say to her?" Sofia asked, turning on them suddenly, with a viciousness that told them they had hit the nail on the head. "The truth?"
Something lurched in Sara's throat – a painful block, and every fibre in her body held still.
"Is that what you want to say?" she asked.
There was dead silence. Sofia did not move, but neither did anybody else. Suddenly there was a tension in the room.
In truth, Sara had known all day that it was going to come to this, had sensed the moment approaching ever since Grissom and Catherine had given their cover story at the hospital. She had known then that one of them was going to crack – she had just not expected it quite so soon.
"Tell us the truth," Sara said, gently. "We won't judge."
She gave the others a firm look just to make sure, and saw a faint fear in Catherine's eyes – fear that Sofia would pour her heart out.
"I don't want to tell them," Sofia said, with flat honesty. "I'm as aware as everyone here that we'll just look like crackpots. But she's going to ask, sooner or later. She's a cop."
"I think you give her too little credit," Nick said. "I'm mean, she's been with us most of the day and she hasn't asked. If she was going to force you to say something, it would've been at the hospital, soon as you got the all clear on your health."
In the back of Sara's mind she still wondered if that was what it was about, if Sofia was merely burnt out and drained after the events of the day. But she did not say so.
"She may be a cop but she's also your mom," Catherine said. "And right now that takes precedence. The hospital told them not to ask until we're ready to speak, and she loves you enough that she's clearly willing to wait, lest it should endanger your health."
"Your mom loves you a lot," Warrick said. "I wouldn't worry."
"Do you want to tell her?" Grissom asked, returning to Sara's original question.
"I've already told you I don't," Sofia said.
"But you're worried she'll get it out of you?" Warrick asked. "Find the weak spot?"
"She has been a cop a long time," Nick said. "Maybe it's time we talk about what we're going to say."
"Same thing we said at the hospital," Catherine said. "It's as good a cover story as we're going to get. It's close enough to the truth."
"My mom will pick that apart in two seconds," Sofia said. "You would too if you were hearing it."
Catherine gave a brief nod, conceding this point.
"I'm not sure we can prepare for it," Sara said. "But I would say that if it looks like you're going to get to the point where that happens, where you're thinking of telling her the truth, I'd ask that at least you try to make it in confidence. Tell her as your mom, but not as a cop. Make sure she keeps it to herself."
"About all we can do," Warrick said. "Keep it off the record. Because the second anyone in the outside world hears it, anyone in PD or the media, we'll all go down. It'll make headline news around the world, that six CSI scientists say they disappeared into a parallel universe. We'll go down in history as crackpots, not to mention the damage it'll do to everyone around us."
"And to Lindsey," Catherine said, to whom this was the primary concern. "I don't want her going through that, having to deal with the fame. As far as I'm concerned, as long as I live, she doesn't need to hear it."
"You'll probably only scare her," Grissom conceded. "It's terrifying for us, and we were there."
"We have to take into account that they may not believe us anyway," Nick said. "Even if we did tell them the truth."
"Depends on your relationship with your family," Warrick speculated. "I expect Dianne's seen enough lies in her time in PD that she knows a piece of honesty when she sees it – especially from her own daughter."
Sofia nodded, acknowledging this.
"Bottom line, if you feel like you're going to talk, come to us first," Sara told her. "Then at least we can stem the damage, work out a way. If you think your mom can keep quiet, to never tell a soul as long as she lives, I have no objection. So long as she's on our side."
She said this primarily because she already sensed that Sofia would not be able to hold out, and that the pain it would cost her to refuse her mother the truth was too great. If she refused permanently, it would bring her to mental ruin, and Sofia plainly needed to share it if the two of them were ever going to heal. On that point, a compromise in Sofia's case had always been inevitable.
Catherine, on the other hand, evidently had no intention of telling anyone, and nor did Grissom, who had already confessed to Sara that his mother would be scared to death by it. The only other people Sara sensed on the edges of the truth were Brass and Greg, but they were lesser priorities. And a question mark still remained over the Stokes clan, and how Nick would handle it.
"All right," Nick said. "Well I guess we can all agree on that, right? As a starting point?"
"Agreed," Catherine said, who had no issue.
"Yeah," Sofia said.
Thereafter Sofia was much calmer, though she did disappear for a while to talk to her mother. Sara learned later that the two had talked for a while in Dianne's bedroom, and that this had involved a much more private reunion than the one they had shared in the desert. Dianne however did not ask any unwelcome questions, and Sofia made it plain that she was not ready to talk about it. On this count Dianne had apparently been very supportive, much to Sara's relief. The only thing Dianne had pressed Sofia on, and which Sofia told Sara later in confidence, was reassurance that she had not been sexually assaulted, or forced to do anything, which Sofia freely gave. She had apparently admitted a sprinkling of the truth regarding the man who had stalked her in the desert several days prior, but left out the part of how Catherine had shot him, instead indicating that the four of them had struggled back to Grissom and Sara, who had nursed them back to health. Sara knew that Dianne had heard this much judging by the warm thank you hug she received from Dianne the next day, who had apparently received the impression that Sara had saved her daughter's life, and taken care of her. It was more or less the truth, though Sara played it down, but she was touched nevertheless by the depth of feeling in Dianne's hug.
The only other thing that happened that night was the many trips to the bathroom and kitchen, undertaken by her friends who were restless in sleep, and got up frequently as if they were unable to deal with the thoughts that occurred to them when lying down. Grissom went for several glasses of water, and Catherine, still on edge, got up several times. Once she went for a drink, once to check on Lindsey (who, it turned out, had been bedded down on the formal lounge in a separate room, and was fast asleep), and once more simply because she couldn't sleep, and ended up in Brass' arms.
Sara knew this much from a confession from Catherine the next day, and it was evident from Brass' free affection toward her, fatherly in nature, that he was happy to play this role. Other than that Nick also got up once or twice, restless until Sofia returned, and Sara, though she felt relaxed enough, got up for health reasons, and ended up being assessed by the nurse in a private bedroom.
The nurse turned out to be a very capable woman, and was compassionate enough that she lessened the pain, though Sara still felt drained by it. She admitted to the nurse that she was still in pain, and felt weak, but the nurse surmised this was normal, and did not appear alarmed. She did insist however on monitoring Sara's blood pressure, and took records at regular intervals, and also monitored Sara's intake of medication, which she still took regularly. Sara was gone so long in the end that Warrick got up to search for her, Grissom having finally fallen asleep, and it was one of the more touching moments in Warrick's friendship that he helped her back to bed, and even enquired after her health 'down there' – a question he usually left to Catherine.
On top of that Sara also received a night-time hug from Brass, who, it transpired, had hung around for the night, both as a representative of PD, and a close friend of Dianne, who needed his support. He, too, though, asked no questions, and turned out to be a great help. He ensured they had 'a couple of uniforms' down on the front gate outside, protecting them from the wayward public and the media, and also embarked on a night time trip to the grocery store, stocking up Dianne's kitchen so they would all have something to eat in the morning.
No, all in all, it was a rough night, tempered by the compassion from their key family members, and they were all so exhausted that they ended up sleeping through to past midday, when Sara drifted awake to see the sun shining through the closed curtain, the room now bright with a cool winter light.
"Hey," Grissom said, eyeing her from the pillow next to Sara's, and looking wide awake.
"Hey," she replied.
He was resting with one hand behind his head, looking as casual as he had on a thousand previous Sunday mornings, when they had been in more pleasant circumstances, but Sara could tell from experience that he had been awake for a while, and had probably been watching her sleep. Feeling dead, and all her muscles sore from everything the day before, she lingered for a moment with her eyes half open before she fully came-to.
"What time is it?" she murmured.
They had not asked the time in over nine months, it having no relevance in their alternate world, but she slipped back into the routine effortlessly.
"It's after midday," he replied. "They let us sleep in."
Sara felt grateful for that – she felt a wreck – and she could barely lift her head from the pillow as she sensed an already familiar stirring of discomfort in her stomach. She knew the miscarriage had been made much worse by her health at the time – on the brink of starvation – and already the painkillers seemed to be wearing off.
She moaned.
"You okay there?" Nick asked, sounding amused, and misreading her moan.
Sara sighed, and pushed the covers aside.
"I'll be back in a minute."
"I'll get the nurse," Catherine said.
By the time Sara had used the bathroom, and awkwardly examined her back bruising in the mirror, she emerged to find Catherine waiting with the nurse, and she was led off for another check-up. She took another painkiller, and was then allowed back to bed, where the others were waiting for her.
"You all right?" Grissom asked.
"My back hurts," she murmured, and gratefully lay back down.
All the others however were awake, Sara apparently being the last to rouse, and as Sara closed her eyes and hoped for another rest she sensed Catherine already shifting over to look, worried.
"Let us see," Grissom said.
Sara tilted her position to allow him a look, and he did not hesitate to pull her shirt up, even though Sara was already half returning to sleep.
"It's come up overnight," he reported.
"It looks painful," Catherine added, with an audible wince.
"Let me see," Sofia said.
Apparently they were all very wide awake, as they all hurried over for a look, and Sara, satisfied that her boobs were covered, let them.
"Looks similar to yours," Nick said, evidently referring to Sofia. "Same kind of pattern."
"Sofia's was a lot worse," Grissom said, quite truthfully. Sara's bruising was only in patches along her spine, and Sofia's whole body had been covered.
"I guess we'll never know what caused it," Nick said.
"Hitting the ground when she fainted would've been enough," Warrick said. "The ground was rocky, too many sharp edges."
"Well I guess it doesn't matter now," Catherine said.
"Did they give you a painkiller?" Grissom asked.
"The nurse gave me one," Sara said. "It's okay."
"Go to sleep if you want," Catherine said. "It'll probably have a sedative effect."
Catherine bundled her back up in the blanket, tucking her in, and Sara happily dozed for another full hour before the door cracked open, and Dianne appeared. She had evidently had a long sleep in herself, as she was in flannel pyjamas with her hair still slightly mussed, but she checked everyone was okay and gave them a big good morning greeting before heading off to the kitchen, checking on the wider affairs of the house.
One by one they got up, some of them getting dressed and others staying in their pyjamas, and Sara was among the group who merely put a robe on over their PJs before venturing to the kitchen, where she found most of their extended family members were up.
Lindsey was sitting at the table, also in her nightwear, and there too were Lily Flynn, Brass, Grissom's mother, and the Stokes clan, who had apparently already driven over from their hotel room, which they had taken for the night.
Sara wasted no time in greeting Brass, who she felt closer to now more than ever, and she also spared a thought for Lindsey, knowing what she must be going through, and gave her a hug. The afternoon proceeded thereafter with a relatively calm predictability, most of the group going for showers in the bathroom and getting dressed, and all of the group being treated to a healthy breakfast, which was supervised by the nurse, who had to monitor their food intake after their near starvation states.
After that Sara had her blood pressure checked again, and it was about an hour later that they were asked by Brass to step into the formal lounge, where he then closed the doors off, and waved them to sit down before taking a seat himself with Dianne, looking characteristically business-like.
"Don't ask us what happened," Sofia said, a threat in every syllable.
"We're not going to," Dianne said, and she put a hand on her daughter's leg, soothing. "It's just a few matters of business, we needed to have a talk."
"About what?" Sara asked, suspicious.
"Just about the plans for today," Brass said. "Nothing to worry about. But I know some of you don't like talking about certain things in front of your families, so we thought we'd have a quick word in here."
"Go on," Sara said.
"We just wanted to let you know a few things," Dianne said. "First of all, you know we have uniforms on the front gate outside, and they'll be there at least for today. They'll be monitoring everyone coming into the property, so you're in no danger. They'll also keep the media out. So I want you all to know that you're quite safe, and if you're ever in doubt about that at any time, I want you to feel quite free to come to me. Jim and I are both armed, and the cops outside are there for your protection."
"They won't be coming inside the fence?" Catherine asked, looking concerned about their proximity.
"No, they'll be staying down the front," Brass assured. "You have nothing to worry about."
He threw her a placating look which Sara understood to mean he knew all about Catherine's feelings of being unsafe. He must have come across it at some stage during the night.
"Secondly," Dianne went on, "there's a psychologist coming this afternoon. He'll be spending some time here. Now you're under no pressure to have a session, if you're not comfortable yet that's fine, but he'll be here and available. I'd encourage you to try and talk to him if you feel able – especially if there are things you can't tell anyone else."
"Thank you," Grissom said.
Sara could tell from the looks on Catherine and Nick's faces that they had no intention of meeting with any shrink, any more than they had already been forced to at the hospital, but they did not voice their displeasure.
"Thirdly, and similar to my last point, I'd like you all to have a check-up with the nurse this afternoon. We'll be keeping a nurse here for another day or two yet, and they're here to help with your physical recovery. Most of you are very thin, and we want to make sure we're keeping you on the right track, with what you're eating and any injuries and soreness you have – I want you to report it all to her. That part's not negotiable, okay?"
"That's fine," Sofia said, answering for all of them. Most of them had submitted to the nurse's care already.
"And just a few more things – while you're staying here I'd prefer you stay away from the front of the property. As we've indicated we've attracted a contingent of the media down at the front gate, and I think it's in your own best interests to stay away from them. Your story's already headlines, but I don't think we need to give them any photo opps or interviews."
"What are they reporting?" Warrick asked.
"Just that you've returned," Brass admitted. "Right now they don't have much to go on. PD released a statement saying that you were all okay, asking for privacy, but the media have picked up on the fact that you're staying here, and that you were released AMA from the hospital last night. But they haven't been given any answers."
"Unfortunately it was a pretty big story," Dianne said, and Sara had the impression that she was saying it reluctantly. "It's had very wide coverage; it was the main story on the news for a long time."
"A lot of people were involved," Brass said. "FBI, politicians, everyone stretching out a hand to help with the investigation. But you don't need to worry about that now, that's our problem."
"Good," Nick said, bluntly.
"Essentially I'd recommend that you don't turn on the TV," Brass said. "And if you do, avoid the news breaks. You don't want to see them."
"And other than that," Dianne said, moving straight on, "I just wanted to let you know that we're getting all your ID reprinted. If you give me an authority I'll have it delivered here, so that's at least one less thing you'll have to worry about."
"What about our money?" Sara asked. "Our assets?"
"They've been in the hands of the courts," Brass said. "A messenger will be sent out to talk to you about those things, do a handover, as soon as you're ready."
"That's probably a task for tomorrow," Grissom said. "Not today."
"Absolutely, just rest for today," Dianne said. "Anything you need come to us. We can always send someone out. We have plenty of help here."
That was the end of most of the discussion, other than Sofia asking her mother when she was due back at work, and Dianne indicating that she was taking leave for a while, and that they would see how things went. Brass also indicated that he was hanging around at least for another day, and though the cynical side to Sara suspected this might be to dig for clues, given it was such a high profile case, she also accepted that he was there as a friend, and that was much appreciated.
Thereafter they whiled away most of the afternoon inside the house, hanging around with family, but after a few hours Sara sensed several members of the group were becoming claustrophobic, and strained with the small talk. She knew it wasn't coincidence that Sofia then offered them a tour of the property, and some welcome fresh air. As per Dianne's request they stayed away from the road, but Sofia showed them around the stables and outdoor terrace, and they spent some time lingering with the horses, feeding them hay, and that was perhaps the most relaxing part of the day.
It all went downhill from there. When they returned it was to find Brass down the hallway, having a private phone conversation with Sara's mother, and Sara, remembering that she had promised to call, was guilted into speaking with her. It was not an enjoyable talk, and she spent much of it declining to answer questions, and no real progress was made until Grissom kindly took the phone from her, and proceeded to speak on her behalf, sparing her the pain of dealing with it.
Sara left him to it, happy to be spared of that burden, but when she returned to the living room it was to find thick confusion marring the faces of her friends – who had heard about the conversation.
"You said you didn't have any family," Nick said, looking lost and deceived. "That your mom on the phone?"
"She's not coming?" Catherine asked, looking scandalised.
"No, she's not," Sara said.
She looked into their eyes and knew they needed to know the truth, but still she felt unable to give it. With a sigh she went to get herself a drink instead, and soon found Dianne's arm around her shoulders, her eyes understanding.
"You don't need to talk about it," she said. "Jim and I will talk to your mom, we'll handle it. Talk to her if and when you're ready. She just wants to know you're okay."
"Thanks," Sara said, and she meant it.
To get a break from the others, and their questions, she then dawdled her way through another bathroom break, and a visit to the bedroom, and then had a convenient visit from the nurse, who wanted to check on her. When she returned to the living room it was to find that Brass and Grissom's phone call was over, and that judging from the reassurance emanating from Grissom's eyes, it had all gone relatively well. The only thing that was off was the look of sudden bleeding sympathy from the others, all of them teary and staring at her, and she knew then that the threshold of knowledge had finally been breached.
"They know," Grissom said, unsurprisingly.
Sara nodded; she did not mind, but felt numb.
"You don't have to say anything," Nick said. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But we're here for you, okay? You're part of our family now, you always will be."
"Thanks," she said.
It was the one thing Nick could have said to make her feel better, and feeling suddenly teary herself she walked into his arms, and shared a long hug with him, pecking him on the cheek. When she was done she received similar treatment from Catherine and Sofia, and though they must have had a thousand questions for her, they voiced none, respectful of her wishes. Now, of all times, Sara did not want to discuss it; and could not bear to.
She was relieved that they did not push her, and though she knew at some point they would get the information they wanted from Grissom, or from Dianne or Brass, she was glad that at least she was not forced to face it that evening, and that after a few minutes of stilted awkwardness things returned to normal, and the Stokes clan deliberately changed the conversation.
The next awkward thing happened when Dianne received another phone call, and after a hushed conversation, turned to address them with a look of soothing diplomacy.
"What?" Sofia asked, sensing her mother's change in demeanour.
"CSI are just coming in for a minute," she said. "They've just passed through the front gate. They want a word with me and Jim."
"About the case?" Grissom asked, astutely.
"I'm not sure," Dianne replied, though Sara thought she was lying. "Just be polite. Try to be pleasant. I'll take them through to another room, you may not need to speak with them."
Sara thought she was hoping for a miracle, there, and had far more realistic expectations, but she nevertheless did not argue as Dianne went off to answer the door, and before they knew it the two CSIs had already entered – DB Russell and Finlay.
"We're sorry to intrude," DB Russell said, with touching pleasantness. "I know we're probably the last people you wished to see today –"
"Then why are you here?" Sofia demanded, all too bluntly.
Sara seized her wrist, stopping her from talking further, and making things worse for themselves, but thankfully DB Russell acted as if he hadn't even heard, and smiled in a friendly manner.
"We just wanted a word with your mom," he said. "We come in peace."
To prove his point he unholstered his weapon, just as has been asked of him the night before, and he set it aside with a soothing look to Catherine, before motioning for his subordinate to do the same. Evidently he had not forgotten about Catherine's discomfort the night before, when they had been examined, but with a glance to Catherine Sara saw that she did not look half as uncomfortable at this as by the imminent arrival of some kind of unpleasant information, and she seemed to be en guard.
"You can keep it on," she said, resigned. "It's fine."
"Yeah, you never know when you'll need that," Nick said, looking particularly worried for Finlay, who he seemed to like. "It's not a safe world out there, you should keep it on you at all times."
Finlay looked uncertain for a moment before she decided to keep it on her, and then smiled pleasantly before holding out a pie, covered in tin foil.
"It's a present from Doc Robbins," she said. "He asked us to pass it on. He sends his love and best wishes."
"Thanks," Catherine said, brightening considerably. "That's kind. It looks delicious."
"How is Doc?" Warrick asked. "He okay?"
"He's fine," DB Russell said. "You know, nothing ever changes much down there. He's a bit worried about you, though."
"You can tell him we're fine," Sara said, letting go of Sofia's wrist as she seemed to calm down. "We'll be okay."
"We're just going to rest for a while," Grissom said. "Take some down time."
"That's probably a good idea," DB Russell said, wisely. "You certainly don't have to think about work for a while. Take all the time you need."
"How's Greg?" Sara asked, noticing his absence.
"We sent him home," Finlay said, smiling slightly. "He was exhausted."
"Fell asleep at his desk an hour ago," DB Russell confessed. "I packed him off home with an order to sleep for a while. I don't think he's had much for the last few days."
"I had the impression last night that this has all been hard on him," Grissom said, concerned.
"It probably has. His entire team went missing, and he had a lot of affection for you all. It drove him crazy wondering what had happened. I think it hit everyone in the lab hard."
"Not that you need to worry," Finlay added, as if not wanting them to fret. "He's very well taken care of."
"As is everyone," DB Russell said, catching on. "You just take care of yourselves, I have the lab covered. You're not to worry."
"Thanks," Catherine said.
Sara had an inkling of what had probably happened, and could imagine how hard everyone in the lab would have taken it, how she would have felt herself if she had been there. Everyone had probably come together, and even Ecklie had probably been disposed to be sympathetic. Counselling would have been inevitable for anyone facing trouble, and Finlay and DB Russell had probably been brought in to bring some objectivity back to the lab, not to mention filling the gaps in the night shift.
"Well," DB Russell said, looking to Dianne and Brass. "Shall we?"
"Sure," Dianne said. "Come through."
They disappeared behind closed doors, and once they were gone, Sofia sighed, looking as if she had been a hair's breadth from ripping into them. Seeing this Sara rubbed her back, but little more of interest happened for another fifteen minutes until the door cracked back open, and Dianne appeared, looking gravely concerned.
"Sara," she said, "can we have a word?"
"About what?" Catherine asked, immediately defensive.
"We just need to talk," Dianne said.
She held out an arm, singling out Sara, and Sara had little choice but to follow. And just like that, the nightmare began.
This story is edging closer toward the finish now, little by little. Hope you guys are still with me. Please let me know what you think...