Chapter 11
The Calm
Seattle medical center
*Sharp intake of breath*
Waking from another nightmare Freddie shot up from his bed with his hands thrashing wildly around his bed as he searched for some form of solidity in the darkened room. A sharp pain caught Freddie from his side sending him down back into the bed gasping for breath, a steady hand laid on his chest with its owner telling him in soothing tones to calm down and relax. Marissa flipped the over head lights on sending light spilling over her and Freddie who had squeezed his eyes shut from the pain.
"Are you ok Freddie?" Marissa questioned Freddie; who was still groaning from the pain
"Mom?" Freddie called out as he slowly let his eyes open though squinting from the light
"I'm here sweetie, you need to calm down or you'll cause yourself more pain with the erratic breaths your taking"
Freddie shut his eyes and let out a grunt as a response to her words before letting himself calm down and take shallow and controlled breaths. Feeling more stable Freddie opened his eyes to find his mother hovering above him with a loving smile he hadn't seen in what felt like ages, looking about the room Freddie sighed remembering all the events that led to him being in the hospital.
"How do you feel" Marissa inquired as she stroked his hair
"Like shit" Freddie said unconsciously
"Fredward Benson!" Marissa exclaimed
"Sorry mom, I guess I'm just a little out of it from the pain meds"
"I should hope so" Marissa said with a frown before letting her smile return "god it feels like I haven't seen you in years, I've missed you so much"
"Missed you too mom, I just wish this mess would just go away"
"I know, this is all my fault…and it's hard to imagine why you're not angry at me"
"I-" Freddie wanted to speak but he found no words, he had been avoiding thinking about what he and his mother did to him, and so far he was doing just that but now having to talk to her about it, he couldn't bring himself to do it.
Freddie gripped his head in frustration and let out a groan, he couldn't bring himself to face it not after all he had done to try bury the memories that haunted his dreams every time he closed his eyes. He had lived it all but facing ones reality was something else, he didn't want to face it but rather forget it and then everything would go back to the way it was and even though there was a tiny voice at the back of his head telling him things would never be as they were; he could choose to ignore it. Forgetting would have to be his savior other than face the reality that your mother had molested you, which would lead him to question everything about his relationship with his mother; had all the extra loving care she showed him been her way of conveying her desires' and not her love for him and the underlying question which was did she even love him at all and if so then why would she have done what she had. No these thoughts were better not faced so he let them be forgotten.
"Are you ok Freddie?"
"I'm ok mom I just… can we not talk about it I …I'd rather we just forget it" Freddie said not meeting her gaze
"I'm sorry it must be difficult enough to be near me"
"Please mom lets just forget" Freddie pleaded still not meeting her eyes afraid of what he might see
"Oh Freddie" Marissa breathed out holding back a sob as she brushed away a few tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes "You should get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning ok?"
"Ok, goodnight mom"
"Goodnight Freddie"
"Mom?"
"Yes"
"I love you"
"And I love you Freddie and I'm so sorry" Marissa said emotionally before walking out
….
…
"Get well soon" that's what the card read; it was from Carly and Spencer, Freddie felt a pang of guilt as he placed the card at his side. He could only imagine what Spencer and Carly thought of him yet they had sent a card showing concern for his health. Looking about the clinical room Freddie could feel himself fading into a slight depression as was his occupation during most hours he was awake during the day and night. Freddie tore his gaze away from the rest of the room to stare at the door, it was twelve o'clock in the afternoon and his mother always checked in on him everyday at this time or stayed with him for most of the night when her shift was over. Their talks were small and limited as she knew his discomfort with discussing the situation they were in, Freddie knew that he was only putting off the inevitable but if it got him a few moments of peace he would take them.
As if on cue Marissa entered wearing blue scrubs, which was her usual attire when she checked in on him during her work hours. Ellen had backed off quite a bit and neither of them knew why but Marissa assumed that maybe she had talked to doctor Silberman and he had convinced Ellen into letting her have a little leg room. Marissa walked in silently and pulled a chair to Freddie's bed side, with him being in a slightly seated position made by the adjusted bed. His ribs were still healing and they had told him no major movement, which meant the only time he really got to move about a bit was when he had to go to the toilet.
"Hey how are you feeling?"
"The pains gone but I'm pretty sure the boredom is killing me"
"I know it must get boring here by yourself but you're the one who doesn't want any visitors"
"Yeah I know…" Freddie said with a sigh before trailing off
"Carly's been harassing me for information on what happened to you, I get the feeling she's not buying the you feel down the stairs bit"
Freddie mumbled something under his breath not meeting his mothers' eyes and looking out the window. Seeing that Freddie wasn't going to respond Marissa continued.
"She and Spencer also want to know why they can't visit…I told them you needed your rest but I doubt that will be enough for them" Marissa again waited Freddie to respond but he continued to look out the window "I…we" Marissa wanted to say something but trailed off and decided to wait for Freddie to say something before approaching what was on her mind.
Freddie finally spoke breaking the silence "You can tell them I don't want to see them…but only if its necessary"
Marissa didn't respond right away gathering up her courage to approach what was on her mind since he had told them his story of how he got banged up. She had wanted to say something the very moment she heard the words come out of his mouth but she couldn't let herself fall back into her desires and decided to be his mother. She had been thinking about her relationship with Freddie and trying to come up with ways to make things alright again and found that maybe the only way to get through this was to try and forget all that happened as Freddie wanted. Marissa wanted to prove herself to Freddie, she wanted him to know she was his mother again and that they could forget and everything would be alright.
"So you and Carly finally got together huh" Marissa wasn't sure if it was her tone or the fact that Freddie hadn't realized he betrayed a secret but she saw Freddie's body tense and spoke fast to ease he's uneasiness "That's great" she said quickly "But I don't understand why you broke up I thought you liked her?...did she cheat on you because if she did I aught to-"
"Whoa easy mom, it was just a little misunderstanding that's all…I thought you'd be mad when you found out" Freddie admitted turning his gaze back to the window
"Mad? No I'm fine with it as long as you're happy ok?"
"I…yeah" Freddie said uncertainly as he looked at his mother
"Great…I just want you to know that we…" Marissa trailed of uncertain on how to put her thoughts into words "that I'm ok with you dating…with what's been happening lately I just want you to know that I'm happy if you're happy"
"Yeah?" Freddie asked his gaze still on the outside world
"Yeah" Marissa affirmed with a small smile
Shay Apartment
It had been two weeks with Freddie being in the hospital, two weeks since either Sam or Carly talked to him or each other, and two weeks since iCarly had been suspended. The tension and the avoiding of each other had finally got to Carly and she couldn't take it anymore so she invited Sam to her house saying they needed to talk about iCarly and Freddie as Sam wasn't talking to her otherwise. Carly left a long apology on Sam's phone for what she had said but Sam hadn't acknowledged her existence but only told her Freddie was in hospital and that was all she'd said to ever since. Concerned for Freddie Carly tried to get Sam to elaborate but Sam had avoided her pretty well and Carly had to resort to asking Mrs. Benson about it and got some details on what had happened but doubted they were the real story. Carly didn't know how to feel with Freddie being badly hurt and being in hospital but what she did feel she felt as though it was her fault he ended up there because of what she said to Sam, she wasn't sure of what really went on but knew some of it was probably her fault.
Sam had agreed to come over though seemed not happy about it, so here they were the three of them; Sam, Carly and Spencer all of whom seemed to have something on their mind as none looked at the other. Sam and Carly had arrived ten minutes ago and neither had said a word to the other since they left the school. Though Spencer wasn't deeply involved Carly could tell he felt some-what guilty for punching Freddie, him sending Freddie a get well soon card from him and her was proof of that but that didn't seem to soothe his guilt. They were not allowed to see him saying he didn't want any visitors, they tried to talk to his mother but she didn't help much saying Freddie needed his rest and would call to them if he wanted to see them but he hadn't called so they were left to let their minds wonder about his recovery.
"Let's go up to the studio we can talk there" Carly said softly breaking the silence of the room
Sam didn't give any response but followed behind her as she walked up the stairs. Sam wasn't mad at Carly but wanted some space and knew once she reconciled with Carly she would want to know what happened with Freddie and she didn't think she could face that just yet. Guilt was eating away at her and she didn't need Carly judging her to make her feel any worse and depressed than she already was. Entering the iCarly studio Sam sighed feeling her depression sink in as this place which held so many good memories made her feel worse about herself and what she did. Sam had been avoiding Carly and the rest of humanity like a plague but she knew she couldn't do it anymore; she needed her best friend and knew Carly needed her as well; they had been friends since as far she could remember and doubted one could exist without the other.
"So what did you want to discuss about iCarly?" Sam asked as she sat herself down
"I don't want to talk about iCarly; I just needed to talk to you" Carly said looking down at the street below as she stood by the window
"Surprise there" Sam said quietly but Carly heard her
"I need you to know that I'm sorry Sam, you haven't taken my calls, you're not talking to me and I don't know what else to do, I just want my best friends back"
"I know"
"No you don't know-"
"Yes I do okay, I… I'm not mad at you I never was; I just needed some time alone for a little while" Sam said in an exasperated voice feeling her emotions tugging at her heart
"Sam what's going on, because I don't know what's going on between all of us" Carly said turning to face Sam
"I don't know Carls, but I want to fix it…let things go back to the way they used to be you know"
"Yeah I know….Friends?" Carly asked looking up to Sam hopefully
"Friends" Sam agreed standing up from the bean bag to give Carly a hug
The hug was nice but both girls were tense knowing it couldn't stay that way for long as they now had to explain both sides of their stories of what happened with Freddie and them. Breaking from their hug they looked into each others eyes wondering how they would go about asking the other what happened. Deciding to end the awkward silence Sam decided to face her actions and hope Carly didn't judge her too harshly.
"I'll go first" Sam announced earning a slight nod from Carly before they both found their seats and prepared themselves for what they knew would be an exhausting talk.
...
…..
"Jesus Sam you could have killed him" Carly said in a low voice
"I know, and I feel like shit for what I did so don't judge me because I've been kicking myself for it since it happened"
"I- I'm sorry I know you must feel awful…it's my fault really, If I hadn't said all that shit to you, you wouldn't have lost it like that"
"You didn't say anything that wasn't true" Sam admitted out loud her gaze trained to the floor
"I screwed up really though-" Carly said watching Sam shift in her seat uncomfortably "I knew you liked Freddie that way even if you never said it out loud, but I don't know what happened I just started craving him after some stupid dream"
"Craving him?" Sam questioned with an eye brow and small smile
"Yeah *chuckle* I know it's messed up but in a way I had an itch that only he could scratch"
"So you only went out with him for the sex?" Sam asked incredulously
"When you put it that way it sounds worse than it is-"
"And how exactly would you put it" Sam asked her voice raised slightly
"I know how it looks but it wasn't all like that…I mean when we were together I think I actually feel in love with him"
"Oh you think so do you?"
"You could try to be a little more understanding you know"
"I'm sorry but that's a bit hard for me at the moment" Sam said getting up and walking over to the window and looking down to the street below as had the police had when the staking out the video shop.
A long silence fell between the two before being broken by Sam's sigh before she spoke.
"So you love him do you?" Sam asked meeting Carly's eyes
"I …yeah"
"Balls in your court now"
"What?"
"Now that I've told you what happened with me it's your turn"
"*SIGH* right" Carly said quietly.
…..
….
..
A silence descended over the two once more as Carly finished relaying what happened between her and Freddie from the confrontation at the groovy smoothie and how it end with Spencer tossing him out with a bloody lip. Sam gave out a light chuckle which made Carly give her a bewildered look.
"In all that I have said I can't find anything remotely funny, so please enlighten me on what you find so funny" Carly asked with a frown
"I'm not laughing really, if I was the type of person to cry in a fucked up situation then that's what I would do but I'm not so I'll settle for this little laugh" Sam said meeting Carly's eyes with a sad smile.
"Oh…" Carly said quietly never in their friendship had she seen Sam this way.
"I'll never understand how things got this way, I feel like there is something we are missing here…Freddie changed….why?" Sam said as she stood from the bean bag and made her way over to the window.
"Maybe it's got to do with his mother…"
"Why do you think that?"
"When…*deep breath* when we, me and Freddie were arguing I said something awful about him and his mom and he lost it, then again I could be wrong he is close t her and might have felt a need to defend her" Carly said looking down a her hands
"What exactly did you say?" Sam asked slightly amused
"I asked him if mommy giving him fuck lessons just like everything else; and that one has to wonder what happens during all those tick baths" Carly relayed in a small voice.
"Jesum Christ Carls that was har-" Sam caught herself as she remembered all the things she and Freddie spat at it each other during their argument.
"What is it?" Carly asked as she watched Sam seemed in a daze
"I…I'm not sure but I think we need to talk to Freddie"
"Spencer and I tried to go see him but his mother said he doesn't want any visitors and they won't let anyone through at the hospital"
"Things like that have never stopped me before and I doubt they can stop me now" Sam said with a slightly grim face.
"Do you have a plan?" Carly asked with a small smile
"Yep, were going to need ketchup, a Spencer, a Gibby, a car and a bat" Sam said with a smirk feeling some what good for the first time in ages
XXX
XX
X
"I'm all for being spontaneous and all but would anyone care to tell what we are doing" Spencer asked as he drove towards Seattle medical center
"Were going to a little chat with Fredward" Sam said as she polished a bat
"Uhm your words and the sight of you polishing that bat are not exactly encouraging Sam" Carly said smiling at Spencer's bewildered look
Sam was grinning loving how the bat felt in her arms but her grin fell to a sheepish smile as she looked at Gibby and Spencer's strange looks. With a sigh Sam decided to let them in some what into them plan before Spencer turned them around.
"Okay so here is the plan, when we get to the hospital Spencer and Gibby are going to be a distraction while me and Carly sneak in and see Freddie"
"That doesn't explain the bat and ketchup" Gibby quipped in.
"All in due time Gibby my good man"
"I have a bad feeling about this" Spencer said giving Sam a look through the rear view mirror
The rest of the trip was shared in a silence as they all silently wondered if all would be well when they shut their eyes to sleep tonight, but their thoughts were interrupted as Spencer signaled and pulled into the hospital parking. Under Sam's instructions Spencer circled the parking lot on the look out for Mrs. Benson's car and when they saw it Spencer parked in the row of cars behind it a safe distance away form it.
"Ok what now" Spencer asked as he raised the hand break
"Now we wait Sam said laying back into her seat"
"Whatever you're up to better be over quick, it's already eight thirty and my folks are expecting me home by ten" Gibby said as he sank into his seat getting comfortable.
"What are we waiting for exactly anyway?"Spencer asked feeling a yawn creeping up
"For Freddie's mother, if she's here you can bet your sweet jerky she's in there" Carly said as she looked out through her window
"Sweet jerky?" Sam asked with a snort
"Shut up" Carly said with a slight nervous chuckle feeling her heart quicken
(Inside)Seattle Medical center
"So I better get going I'll be back in early tomorrow" Marissa said as she ran her hand through Freddie's hair
"Sure mom drive safely" Freddie said pulling his eyes off the laptop for what felt the first time in ages
"I'm starting to regret bringing you that thing" Marissa said with a small smile
"Regret it or not thank you for bringing it, it helps me stay out of my head"
"I'll be able to bring you home in a couple of days, you'll still have to stay in bed but I'll be there to take care of you"
"That sounds great" Freddie said with a slight frown as he thought of the inevitability of facing his friends
"Are you okay with coming home *pause* because if you still need time I-"
"I want to come home mom"
"Great *pause* well I'll see you tomorrow goodnight Freddie"
"Good night mom" Freddie said as he watched her leave before turning back to his laptop.
Marissa was already dressed in her civilian clothes as she walked over to the nurse's station to bid her work mates? A good night, as she neared she saw a couple of nurses chatting each other up and Ellen idly flipping a pen around her fingers as she stared off into nothing seeming deep in thought. Ellen so deep in thought didn't see Marissa coming but only snapped out of her days when Marissa's words caught her and the other nurses' attention.
"Goodnight" Marissa said to no one in particular but her gaze fixed on Ellen
All the nurses' returned her farewell with the exception of Ellen who only turned lazily to look at her, Ellen's eyes seemingly a light shade of grey as if asking her what she expected to see in her eyes now, Marissa hadn't noticed but her progress towards the door had ceased as she had stopped as if trapped by Ellen's eyes. It was only when Ellen frowned slightly that Marissa broke out of her trance and began walking towards the front exit but had a startled stop before once again making her way out of the hospital. "Good night" she hadn't seen who had said but she was pretty sure it was Ellen or maybe that was her mind playing tricks on her as she hadn't spoke to her former friend outside of hospital related commands, but even through all this reasoning she was pretty sure it was Ellen. What had it meant? Had it even meant anything? Marissa wasn't sure. Marissa shook these thoughts out of her head as she dug into her pockets for her car keys, finally finding them as she reached her car she unlocked her car and was about to get in when a faint sensation of being watched wafted through her making her give her surroundings a quick glance but nothing out of the ordinary could be seen in her bleak surrounding. Shrugging the feeling off she got into her car and prepared to leave.
Xxx
"Duck!" Carly hissed urgently causing all the cars occupants to drop lower into their seats
"She's got some instincts doesn't she?" Gibby admired
"Just watch her leave so we can get a move on" Sam said feeling for the ketchup bottles around her feet.
They had been waiting for over an hour and were about to take a rain check when Mrs. Benson had come out digging around her pockets. Gibby and Carly had been watching her and had dropped when she gave the parking lot a once over.
"So you ready to reveal the rest of the plan now?" Spencer said as he walked out of the car giving out a long yawn and stretching his limbs.
"Ok so you guys-" Carly said gesturing to Spencer and Gibby "-Will be the distraction, were going to move to the entrance of the parking lot and wait there while you guys go over to the corner before you turn into the hospital which is going to be where the accident took place, th-"
"What accident?" Gibby asked cutting Carly off.
"The one were going to stage" Sam said walking up to them with the bat and Ketchup.
"Anyways as I was saying, the "accident" will be consist of you Gibby lying on the concrete pavement floor withering in pain and covered in blood aka the ketchup, and you Spencer will go into the hospital in hysterics saying your fat friend has been mugged and badly hurt-"
"Hey who you calling fat?" Gibby defended
"We know your not fat pork chops its just part of the plan" Sam said looking out to the end of the lot seeming either bored or deep in thought.
"Oh-"
"Anyway the nurses will come out, if there's more than one, they'll all come out to carry in your "fat" friend if someone stays you emphasize on the word fat, make sure to get the security to come with you just incase *pause* sounds simple enough right?" Carly asked with a smile.
"Raaaight, so what do we do when the jig is up?" Spencer asked as he stretched in a girly manner making them all grin.
"Get the hell out of there, get to the car and wait for us down the street" Sam said with a smirk
"So are we all clear on the plan?" Carly asked
"Yup" Gibby said getting pumped
"Do you guys know what you're going to say to Freddie?" Spencer asked looking slightly wary
"Not really but we got to see him you know *pause* get the team back together again"
"You tell him from me I'm sorry for what happened, once I get into big brother mode its hard to get out" Spencer said as the four of them made their way down the parking lot.
"Big brother mode? Really?" Sam asked with a snort
"What's wrong with that?"
Sam only laughed and waved him off as she and Carly jogged up so they could get ready for their chance once the diversion took action. Spencer and Gibby watched as their forms faded from view, and continued on their way to begin setting up for the first part of the plan.
"Okay Gibbs, down on the floor shirt off" Spencer motioned as they reached their position.
Front desk/Nurses station Seattle Medical center
It was a slow night and what little thoughts that were moving through her mind Ellen didn't bother to look into, these past weeks she had found that thinking too much would lead her to looking into problems that shouldn't be her own. She wasn't sure what had happened some minutes ago when Marissa left for the night and she didn't want to look into it, she had talked to Dr Silberman and he said to back off and that's all there had to be to it, it wasn't her problem anymore or so she kept telling herself. Keeping her mind blank with little thoughts of her children's wellbeing Ellen filed her nails lazily but her progress was halted as a tall distraught young man entered through the door and went down on his knees and screamed with bloodied hands for help. For just a moment Ellen thought she would laugh at this but instinct took over overriding the urge to roll around on the floor and have a cackle at that. The three nurses that were also there with Ellen quickly moved towards Spencer with Ellen in front but before they could reach him he sprung to his feet a bit too dramatically making some of the nurses stop their progress and shrink back as if he were about to whip out a gun. The news were a buzz a few months ago about a guy with a gun going on a rampage at Seattle Grace Hospital and killing everyone he came across because his wife died or something, it may have been months ago but if you work in a hospital its still fresh in your mind.
"Please Help me!, my fat friend he got mugged and there's blood everywhere, I managed to drag him twenty blocks but he's just too fat and I can't do it anymore" Spencer shrieked and mock cried at his last words as if a man on the edge.
"Alright where is your friend?" Ellen asked calmly feeling somewhat curious feeling as if she'd seen this young man before.
"At the corner before you turn into the hospital please let's hurry, and bring everyone because he is really big I don't know how I kept it up for this long"
Spencer led the small posse of nurses and a security guard that was unfortunately around to get caught up in this. The guard let huff as he thought he would have to get his hands dirty lifting some dead bloody guy who had been dragged twenty blocks through the streets, 'disgusting'. Turning the corner at the entrance into the hospital the group saw a collapsed chubby kid looking bloody but what the group failed to see was two girls enter the hospital building. The nurses and guard rushed ahead of Spencer towards Gibby who at hearing the sound of nearing foot steps got up and ran the opposite direction from them. Looking bewildered they all turned to Spencer but as they looked around they found themselves alone and the young man long gone.
"Ah! It's a trap their going to ambush us and kill us in the streets" One nurse screamed and made a break for the hospital
Ellen sighed as she watched the nurse the called paranoid Mandy have a run back to the hospital. The rest of the group made their way back to the hospital thinking this was some sort of prank.
Xxx
Freddie lay the laptop to his side as it emitted some music he selected, feeling tired from both the pills they had him taking and his tedious day, switching off the lights in the room Freddie got into his bed and slowly found a comfortable position to sleep in and finally let his eyes shut. Freddie was about to doze when his eyelids were lit with a stream of light but as his eyes snapped open the room was as dark as he had last seen when he closed his eyes and the only sound that could be heard was the music from his laptop but he could feel it something or someone was there looking in his general direction. Here he was in the dark with the unknown and feeling his throat go extremely dry as all the stories and movies of hospitals and all that bleeds in the nights when no one is looking came to mind. The lights snapped on and Freddie felt his heart jump before it relaxed as he saw who had interrupted his slumber but his heart sped up as he truly acknowledged their presence and the fact that Sam had a bat.
"Hey" Carly said uncertainly
T.B.C
A.N: Reviews are always welcome, and for any mistakes let me know and I'll fix em right up.
3ohE