Sexsomnia

The conversation with Sam lay heavy on Freddie but he continuously shifted his thoughts preparing for his follow up meeting with Carly. He was nervous about the talk, and he feared Carly's ability to see through him. Still he wasn't going to run away, so here he stood waiting for Carly.

He heard footfalls on the stairs

The footfalls slowed as they reached the door, and Freddie stood motionless as he waited for Carly to enter. She didn't, she continued to stand behind the door.

Freddie could only wonder if she was as nervous as he was to have the conversation. The moment ticked by and just as Freddie was about to speak Carly stepped in. She closed the door behind her but remained where she was. Freddie noted how vulnerable she looked but couldn't shake how beautiful she looked at the same time. It would get awkward pretty fast if neither of them moved so Freddie broke the silence.

"Hey" he said walking and dropping on a bean bag.

"Hey" she returned tracking his movement but unmoving herself.

"Sam left?"

"Yeah, said she needed a little air"

"I don't think she'll be coming back" Freddie said

"Did you guys have another fight?" Carly asked biting her lip with worry

"No, we didn't. I just think she'll need a little space"

"So you guys are good now?"

"We're good. Are we good?" Freddie asked

Carly moved to a bean bag in front of him

"I should ask you that, I'm the one that's made everything such a mess" She said watching the floor.

"I'm pretty sure we can all split the blame down the middle" Freddie said trying to let a little humor crawl into his voice, but it didn't.

"I don't understand how things got this bad" Carly said in a low tone.

"If you did, I doubt we'd be here" Freddie said.

"So what now" Carly asked a little ashamed she didn't know what to say even though this was her arrangement.

"We don't have to have some big revelation or coming of age understanding Carly. We can just…forgive"

Freddie wasn't sure where the words came from, but with each word that passed he found that he actually believed them. He didn't want any more drawn out conversations that would lead to nothing but hurt. He didn't want to hurt Carly anymore, he didn't want to bring anymore pain to his friends.

"It can't be that simple" Carly said shaking her head still not meeting Freddie's eyes.

"It can be Carly. We don't have to keep bringing up hurtful conversations"

Carly was quiet and Freddie hoped she would let things go but he doubted it. It didn't seem logical how things seemed to unravel around him, but he was adjusting, and part of that adjustment had him know they were going to talk about everything.

"Was I your first?" Carly asked bringing her eyes to meet his for the first time.

Freddie paused before answering "Of course"

Carly's face twisted into a cross between shame and betrayal

"You're lying" Carly said, though more to herself than Freddie

Freddie sighed "I'm not"

"I know you are"

"You can't know that"

"I know you Freddie"

"Do you? Hell Carly I'm not sure even I know myself"

"I know when you're lying" Carly reaffirmed but Freddie could tell his words had shaken her.

"And if I am?" Freddie said feeling himself withdraw from the conversation. Freddie sighed before continuing "then what? More fighting? I don't understand what you want from me Carly"

Carly shook her head trying to organize her thoughts "No I don't want to fight, I just want to understand things a little clearer"

Freddie stayed his eyes on hers, keeping his face blank of the fear and self loathing running through him.

"There's nothing to understand in that, you were my first, okay?" Freddie said and put belief in his words, she was after all his first in a way.

Carly held his eyes for a moment waiting for him to falter in her gaze as he always had, but he didn't and Carly turned her eyes away. She wasn't sure what to believe anymore, and she wasn't sure what answer she wanted from him. Maybe Freddie was right, maybe it was best they just forgive each other and start anew.

That was easier said than done though with the sex lying between them. Carly gave an internal grown and cursed her teenage hormones. She couldn't get to the truth through confrontation. She would have to let things be for now, let their relationships build once more, then maybe Freddie will trust her enough to tell her the truth. Carly was shaken from her thoughts as Freddie let out a chuckle.

"What?" Carly asked with an uncertain smile.

"You're thinking too hard, I can see it play out on your face"

Carly had a small laugh of her own.

"So" Freddie said sobering up, letting the word hang between them.

"Okay" Carly said

"Okay what"

"Okay, we forgive" Carly said

Freddie watched her a moment. He hadn't expected her to agree, but then again he didn't want to look a gifted horse in the mouth.

"Okay" Freddie said with a smile before standing.

Carly followed suit and both stood in front of each other. They stood in awkwardness for a moment before Freddie stuck out his hand in a handshake gesture. Carly took his hand into hers and smiled at how silly it all felt. On impulse she turned their handshake into a hug but Freddie retuned her hug, letting his arms wrap around her and giving her an affectionate squeeze. Freddie was quick to the end their hug, fearing an erection might bloom from the tame contact.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I never meant any of it." Carly said as they broke apart

"I know, I never meant to hurt you either" Freddie returned.

"We're good?"

"We're good" Freddie answered

Benson Apartment

Freddie let himself relax in his own bed for the first time in what felt like years. The talk with Sam and Carly seemed to be the hardest part of his day, as coming home had things run reasonably well with his mother. She had been her old self, minus the overbearing behavior. It seemed the entire situation had killed some of his mothers concern and affection. Freddie wasn't sure if he was sad or glad for that. The feeling that he was losing something he so dearly missed was prominent in the things he didn't want to think about. But think about everything he did.

Thinking about all the situations he had come through to end up where he was brought a reaction Freddie didn't expect.

He laughed.

As soon as the laugh came Freddie sobered up and stopped the laughter. He had laughed because he had pretended all the crap which he went through was funny…but it wasn't. All the crap that he went through was not a bad day he could laugh off like life was funny that way. Freddie turned away from the ceiling and buried his head into his pillow. He needed to sleep and stop the tears that threatened his regained normality.

Same night 2:30am

Lying on her side in the darkness of her room, Marissa felt her eye lids become heavy. She was grateful for that. Sleep had eluded her all night, with thoughts of Freddie plaguing her mind. Had things ended well tonight? She wasn't sure. Freddie had looked non committal the entire evening so she wasn't sure if she had done any wrong. Still tommorow would be another test and she had to sleep. She yawned lazily as her eye lids fluttered closed, bringing her vision and thoughts to darkness and haze.

She had the floating sensation come over her, but her peace was just as soon disturbed. She heard sounds, sounds she ignored. But then there was a shift in her balance and she broke out of her slight slumber. Groggy and almost drooling Marissa woke to take a concerned look about her room. The darkness was too thick for her to see, but there was no need to look around as she felt the source of her waking.

She felt his breath on her neck before she felt the protruding member between her buttocks. She stiffened with a start, feeling her mouth go dry. Marissa craned her neck back to get a glimpse behind her. It was too dark to see clearly but she could make out Freddie's features in the dark.

"Fre-freddie?" Marissa stammered.

She got no answer but felt his hand graze the side of her belly as he hooked his thumb into her pajama bottoms and panties. He then began to pull them almost gently down her thighs. Marissa tensed and shook knowing she should stop him but couldn't bring herself to. His breath came again hot on her neck making her shudder. He followed up and licked her neck, his tongue warm, wet, and sloppy.

"Freddie you have to stop" she said her voice shaky but her body already responding to his touch.

He didn't respond but continued to pull down her bottoms and panties while his other hand burrowed under her side. She felt her panties clear her butt as his penis immediately made contact with her ass crack. She jumped a little at the contact but still didn't move or change her position. The hand that made its way under her emerged below her and began working itself under her top, feeling for her breast. She moaned a little but kept still hoping he would stop if she didn't respond to him. Freddie began to thrust at her bare bottom and with each thrust she felt her ass and crack wet with Freddie's pre-cum.

She didn't know how long Freddie had been thrusting at her but she felt his breathing coming out hotter and faster. There was a wetness building between her thighs as well and Marissa wasn't sure if it was a run from Freddie's cum or her own growing horniness. Marissa gave a small yelp as one of Freddie's miss aimed thrusts went in-between her thighs and grazed her pussy. Marissa had to bite down on her lip to keep the groaning moan from escaping her. She didn't know when she did but she found herself retuning each thrust Freddie took. She wanted him inside her but felt the remaining fear and uncertainty stop her from making any moves in return. The thrusting quickened and then she felt Freddie stiffen and grunt behind her. Hot and wet Marissa felt spray catch her thighs, panties and bed sheet.

The breathing on her neck slowed and the thrusts stopped after a few moments. Marissa wasn't sure what would happen next but felt a small disappointment that it was over. She kept still and felt Freddie relax behind her before he slowly disentangled himself from her. Marissa expected Freddie to say something but she got no words, only snoring. She didn't understand what was happening for a moment then slowly she turned to look into the darkness that held Freddie. He was turned away from her asleep. She was stunned a moment, then she was not. Sleep walking. Was he sleep walking? Marissa wondered. Was it even possible to perform sexual acts while half conscious? Probably. Marissa recalled a few incidents of the nature on the news times ago, but she always believed they were bullshit. Men trying to escape prison after being caught fondling their babysitters.

Marissa turned to lie on her back as she let what just happened sink in, and what she would do about it. Was there anything to do about it? Freddie probably wouldn't remember any way. Still that wasn't the point. She had vowed not to hurt Freddie anymore, could this have been a side effect of their acts together?. Who was she kidding, it probably was. Marissa sighed feeling her self-loathing return once more. She turned her back on Freddie to lie on her side, she needed to sleep and forget for the moment, just a few moments of peace.

Marissa let her eyes close but still her consciousness didn't dull, and even more prominent was her need to pleasure herself. Freddie's touch had left her in want. She hated herself for it but she couldn't help her thoughts returning to the feel of Freddie's penis rubbing against her.

She didn't notice when thought turned into action but found her hand drifting down in-between her legs. She was already wet so she was quick with the in out, in out. At first a finger was enough but as she replayed Freddie's touches on her moments ago she had a second and third inside herself. Marissa wasn't conscious of her actions anymore, she was just a haze of want and incestuous thoughts.

Marisa rolled onto her back, forgetting about the son at her side or the promises made in earnest hours and days ago. She spread her legs to allow better access for her fingers, and soon couldn't help the moans escaping her. She bit on her lip to quiet herself but her semi humping motions might have woken Freddie beside her. This went unnoticed by Marissa as the pleasure overtook her and brought shudders and euphoria to her.

A few more minutes of pleasuring herself was as long as Marissa could hold out and soon came hard. When the moment of bliss hit she felt her vision whiteout and lost her consciousness to a complete state of euphoria.

Marissa's eyes were on the ceiling above her but she saw nothing of it, she was still high off the dying pleasure. Still her vision and thinking returned as the orgasm's effect passed, and with them came the unavoidable feeling of self-loathing. Depression settled in with her, and as her breathing returned to normal Marissa turned on her side as if to shield herself from her own thoughts. Staring blankly at the wall ahead Marissa felt doubt sink into her resolution. Sleep eventually came for her, but her slumber was not a peaceful one.

….

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A.N: Hi there, I've had this...chapter a while and I didn't want to publish it because I wasn't sure I'll continue this fic. I'm still not sure but here it is.