Thanks to all of you that have been reviewing and reading my story :) Here's some more of our Dark! Doctor, though he's a bit kinder in this chapter!
Clara jerked awake in bed, coming to sit bolt upright. She was, at first, greeted with darkness and she sought the light of the nightlight on her nightstand to comfort her. It had been a great long time since she had needed a nightlight but she had found herself deeply in need of not being in the dark during the night. Night was when the nightmares came for her, when the evils of the day time were relived over and over again.
Clara couldn't remember a night in the past few weeks that her sleep was calm and this night was no exception. Her dreams had been so vivid, so terrible that her body was in turmoil. Her heart was racing, her pyjamas sticking to her from the sweat pouring off her body; she gasped for breath and she felt that desperate sense of impending doom that always came from her night terrors. Her room seemed dark and cold and as she pulled the covers up to her chest as she sat up in bed, she felt very small and alone. From the fear and fatigue, she began to sob in the quiet of her room.
This was not an uncommon occurrence; as much as she hated to admit the fact, she ended up crying alone in the middle of the night most nights these days. She expected this night to be the same as the others, to cry alone until she tired out and went to sleep again. She didn't expect what happened that was different this night. She didn't expect that tonight would be one of the good nights.
Clara was sobbing quietly, her face in her hands when she heard the door of her room squeak open. She put her hands down and looked to see the Doctor at her door. He peaked in, his face uncertain before walking into the room. The look on his face was not the one that she had come to fear, the one of power and anger. His brow furrowed in…..concern? It had been a while since she had seen that look on his face that it surprised her.
"Clara? Are you…..alright?" he asked. His voice was quiet, ringing through the almost deafening silence of the room.
Though he seemed to be in one of his good moods, Clara's first instinct was to pull back and hide her weakness. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked over to the Doctor, hiding her emotions. "I'm fine" she lied, pulling the covers up higher on her chest, looking down at her lap.
The Doctor surveyed Clara's actions; she was clearly lying. He'd been working on the TARDIS console when he had heard her screaming in her sleep. It had not been the first time that he had heard her in the throes of a nightmare. It had never been a problem until lately; now it seemed that she was screaming and crying every night. He was curious to find out what had changed. When he had opened the door and found her sobbing, he felt an unfamiliar twinge in his hearts. It was a feeling that he used to feel a lot but it was one that he had become unaccustomed to lately.
"You were shouting in your sleep…..and now you're crying. Clearly you are not alright" The Doctor said, crossing the room and sitting down on the edge of Clara's bed. Clara looked up at him, her eyes sad and flashing with a slight fear as he scooted closer to her. "You were having a nightmare"
Clara nodded. "Yeah…..yes, it's just a nightmare. Really…it's nothing" she said, trying to brush it off. The last thing she wanted was to have him ask her about her nightmare; she couldn't tell him she would dream of him, the fear he inspired in others these days or the fear he inspired in her when he would hit her or grab her too tightly. She didn't want to admit he had that sort of power over her, that he hurt long after he had touched her. Besides, he wasn't angry and she didn't want to send him over the edge.
Clara was surprised when the Doctor reached out and took her hand between both of his. She looked into his eyes, which pierced into hers as if he could see into her soul. He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it gently, then let it drop down between them, not letting go of it. "It's not nothing….anything that makes you scream like that is not nothing" he said, his voice gentle and kind. This was one of the times that made Clara believe in him still; sometimes he was still good. Sometimes he still cared and that was what gave her hope when things were not good.
"It's fine…..really, Doctor" Clara said, not wanting to have to describe the dream to him. She didn't want to tell him she had relived the making of the bruises she had on her arms, the ones that were fresh and still sore. She didn't want to tell him she could still see the anger in his eyes and feel his hands on her. Clara looked away so she didn't have to look into those piercing eyes.
The Doctor reached out and put his hand on her chin and made her look into his eyes. His face was calm and concerned "You've been having nightmares a lot" he said gently. "Is there something wrong? Can I do something?"
Clara bit her lip as she looked at him. She couldn't tell him that she had nightmares every night because of the horrible things she saw him do to others and because of how he so often hurt her. But she knew that by telling him that, she wasn't going to change his behavior; she'd begged him over and over again to change and it had done little to change his behavior. Mostly likely it would just cause a fight and that was the last thing she wanted when he was being so kind.
Clara gave him a small, sad smile as she squeezed his hand. "Can you stay with me? Just for a little while?" she asked hopefully, eager for the rare kind touch of the Doctor.
The Doctor gave her a wide, warm smile. "Sure…..of course I can" he said. Clara lay back down on the bed and felt the Doctor behind her. He slid under the covers, putting his arms around Clara and pulling her close to him, spooning her. Wrapped warm against the Doctor, his arms holding her, she could feel safe. It was not a feeling that she had often enough these days and Clara closed her eyes. Though it would normally have taken her a long time to go to sleep, she drifted often quickly with her Doctor next to her.
The Doctor could tell that Clara was hiding something from him; he could sense her fear and hesitancy. He thought about pushing the issue, making her talk. But she seemed so upset and fragile in that moment that he didn't want to press it. The Doctor watched Clara's chest rise and fall slowly as her breath evened out, signaling she had fallen asleep. He hugged her tighter to his chest, causing the straps on her nightgown to fall off of her shoulders and revealing the skin beneath. Her pale skin was dotted with dark purple and blue spots down up and down her arms. The Doctor let his fingertips drift over the terrible, beautiful marks; when had she gotten them? Something in the back of his mind whispered at him, told him that he had given her the marks but he didn't remember. He leaned down and let his lips touch the circles, getting the taste of her skin faintly on his tongue. Something about the marks were familiar; maybe he had made them. It created a weird sensation inside him; something uneasy churned. Guilt? Perhaps…it had been so long since he'd felt anything like that. But the marks were beautiful; they reminded him that she was his and that created a thrill so deep inside him he couldn't image leaving her without the marks. But for tonight, these would be enough. He pulled her sleeve back in place and lay down next to her, eventually feeling his own eyes drift off to sleep.