Hawkeye couldn't have been too troubled because he fell asleep as he lay there pondering this latest development in his messed-up life. He jolted awake at one point, and realized he had never finished getting undressed; he was lying on top of the bedsheets in his jeans. He rolled over to look at the clock on the nightstand. Quarter after two in the morning.
Still not bothering to get out of his clothes, he turned onto his side, all set to fall back asleep… except that's when his brain kicked into overdrive. His eyes snapped open.
Did B.J. and I actually kiss? Did that really happen?
It sure did. But meanwhile, B.J. was right this minute in the bedroom down the hall, curled up in the arms of his loving wife. (Wait, not so loving anymore… maybe.) Hawkeye felt his face heat up. Am I actually getting jealous that my best friend is in bed with his wife?
He wondered if he should cut his visit short. Were things going to get uncomfortable between him and Beej now? Was B.J. going to confess their indiscretion to Peg?
Unbidden, the kiss came back to him in all its heart-stopping glory, and he sighed at the sensory memory. The moistness of B.J.'s lips, the weight of his tongue. By God, it'd been delicious. Hawkeye had never kissed a man before, had never even thought about it. It was a very different taste and texture from a woman's kiss. It was musky and strong and coarse, but in a good way. It was B.J.
They'd been together through the worst horror of their lives, had seen each other at their best and at their absolute lowest points. They were forever locked together as best friends, colleagues, partners in crime. They would get over a simple little kiss.
Or two.
Having almost convinced himself that there was no reason to be tossing and turning at 2 a.m., he began to drift off, until a nagging part of his mind spoke up: Here's the thing, though… I want to kiss him again.
Out on the links the next afternoon, they still hadn't talked about it. But fortunately, there was no awkwardness between them… it was if nothing unusual had happened at all. They joked, they talked, they played golf.
Hawkeye found his eyes drawn repeatedly to B.J.'s wedding band. He couldn't stop looking at it.
What is it you want, Pierce? What the hell is going on?
He'd come out to the Bay Area in a state of loneliness and confusion, and what he had found was even more confusion, of a different kind.
B.J. had said something to him. "Sorry, Beej, what?"
"I was just wondering if you wanted to go see a movie tonight," B.J. repeated as he addressed his ball. "Maybe find a family picture so Peg and Erin could come along."
"Yeah, sure. That sounds nice."
But the mention of Peg's name stung a little. Why, he didn't know; it wasn't as if B.J. had magically lost a wife in the last few hours since they left the house. It made Hawkeye take stock of his feelings, believing now that the kiss had meant nothing to B.J., nothing at all.
Get over it, Pierce. Nothing good can come from the thoughts you've been having, so just move on.
It was very good advice, and his brain was completely on board, but he wasn't so sure about the rest of his body. He watched B.J. swinging his golf club and his eyes traveled over the man's form appreciatively… long legs, cute ass, strong upper body. B.J. sent his golf ball sailing through the air and then turned, catching Hawkeye staring at him. Hawkeye felt unnerved, as if B.J. could read his thoughts. But B.J. only smiled warmly.
"Your turn, Hawk."
He was so preoccupied and out of sorts, his golf game was horrendous. B.J. beat him with ease. Hawkeye felt like a different person, wearing a mask to cover his bewilderment and… what word did he want? Lust? Desire?
Craziness.
All of a sudden he was anxious for his visit to the Hunnicutts' to come to an end.