Thinking of my muse today. Thank you, Cory.

Rachel found going about the rest of her Sunday morning difficult. She worked a little on homework, though found her mind wandering even as she tried to prepare for her schoolwork that week; turning to her planner to check on her schedule was no better, since she found herself thinking about her evenings, wondering if she should block off some time for a date with Finn. But she couldn't do anything of the kind until he asked, too presumptuous, so she put it aside and resolved to simply work ahead so she would have the time if – when – he wanted it. With an essay due Tuesday and a midterm later in the week, and several rehearsals on top of that, she didn't have much time at all.

She even looked over her scenes for that afternoon's rehearsal, not that she needed the revision on the text or music but to decide how she would play them. It would be harder than her audition, she realized; she had channelled her own situation before, into the unrequited love that Éponine had for Marius, and she now found herself having to remember. Poor Éponine, eating her heart out, having to watch the man she loved be with another.

It would kill me, she thought. To lose that chance, have to watch it die. Death had come for Éponine with a Monarchist gunshot, but there had been no other way out for her. To pine so... Rachel imagined it as even worse that she'd thought before, to have to watch Finn with another girl. She had rationalized it before as far out of her grasp, sexuality being innate. To have that chance and lose it... she flinched at the thought.

He was just down the hall. She wanted to throw caution to the winds and go be with him, have him close to her and the warmth of his eyes on her. Being with him would make her feel better. But she didn't want to get clingy, or burn their connection out.

It's not the same, she told herself. Éponine never had a chance, Marius was sympathetic but he wasn't really of her world.

Oh.

Rachel's attempt to shore up her confidence backfired.

I'm dating a football player. A football player. He's supposed to start at quarterback in two weeks.

Rachel had had years of oppression at the hands of jocks and cheerleaders, her schools' kings and queens who had jockeyed for position by showing off how mean they could be to people like her. The memories ran deep. "Nobody wants you here."

This isn't like that.

Santana, Karofsky, other mean girls among the cheerleaders, various other lowlifes among the jocks who'd harassed her, a lot of the petty back-and-forth she'd witnessed, not to mention the cheap hookups for powerplays or revenge... it was exactly like that. Even worse because they were all living together.

Finn isn't like that.

Would she think that even if everybody else wasn't so terrible? Was she cleaving to Finn as the one friendly face, and then doing what was expected?

Her panic rose. What am I doing? I'm not ready for this.

This wasn't theoretical, this was real. A real college boyfriend, who lived down the hall from her in the dorms. It was exciting... but also terrifying. And she'd basically already promised to sleep with him.

But I want to sleep with him. Don't I? I've been fantasizing about him since I met him.

The whole thing seemed so cliche, move into the college dorms and have a fling with the jock down the hall...

This isn't a fling. I didn't chase after him because I wanted a fling. He wasn't so upset thinking I'd been with someone else because he wanted a fling. It's not just attraction and pride and keeping going...

... is it?

A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts, and when she answered it, there he was. Finn. Clean and shaved, smiling down at her, and in that instant her doubts vanished. This, how she felt for this man, that was real.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi Finn." Her doubts in how she felt had disappeared, but that didn't mean her stomach wasn't still doing somersaults.

"So... I'm heading down to the gym to meet with the trainer."

"Um, okay." Did she need to know this? Did he need her to know this? They'd just started going out.

"I was wondering if we could get together for dinner later. The specials look pretty good."

"Oh, the cafeteria."

"Yeah." He smiled sheepishly. "Guess that's kind of boring."

"No, it's fine. Just – I have rehearsal this afternoon. And it's sort of open-ended, so I'm not sure when I'll be back." She was determined to give her all to the production, and to bonding with her castmates. To feel less adrift, finally getting a place in the world she'd always known she belonged in.

But the world she saw in front of her, that was attractive too. Enticing, as embodied in Finn, even though that world seemed so much like one that had rejected her over and over again.

Finn's forehead furrowed. "Are you okay?" he asked. "You're acting a little – I don't know, strange? Not bad, just different. Is something wrong?"

"Maybe a little," she admitted. No sense in hiding it. "I think I'm just overthinking things."

"Overthinking us?"

She nodded slowly, not daring to look at him. "It's just sudden. You know... since we were barely talking."

"Yeah, I guess." He paused, and she felt his hand gently touch her hair. She looked up, and eased as she saw his smile. "This is way better."

"Yeah."

"Even though we're kinda barely saying anything now either."

Rachel giggled. "That's not the same."

"No."

"But it's still kind of odd, you know, with us living so close together."

"Girl next door."

"I'm not exactly a typical 'girl next door'."

"Would you want to be?"

"I just – I don't want us to be doing this because it's convenient. Or have being 'next door' make us go too fast."

"Hey, if you were the girl next door, I'd move."

"Really?" Rachel was puzzled. "Where would you move to?"

Finn grinned. "Next door."*

Rachel chuckled. "Is that you being smooth?"

"Trying."

"It doesn't suit you."

"Oh." His face fell a little. "Yeah, guess not."

"I just mean it's better that you're genuine. Cute joke though."

"Thanks." Finn exhaled. "Rachel... I need you to know, I don't just do this. Get together with girls down the hall. Okay I went a little nuts last fall when I first got here, and there's probably stories that may or may not be true, but I calmed down pretty fast. I haven't been like that for a long time and that was never really me anyway."

"Okay." His pause seemed to call for something. Rachel did her best not to think about what sort of 'stories' these would be.

"You're not convenient, or typical anything. You're special." And from the way he looked at her, his amber eyes intent on her face, she felt special.

Finn's check-in with the team trainer went very well. Some questions and a range-of motion test were followed by a carefully supervised workout, and Finn's back largely behaved itself.

"Weights for the next few days and a little on the treadmill," the man told him, handing him the details of the machines and reps to do. "Stay on the meds, work your core whenever you can, we'll evaluate you on Wednesday if nothing happens before then."

"Does that mean I can go back to practice then?" Finn was eager.

"Maybe. Don't jump the gun, the spasms seem to have stopped but they can come back easily. Stick with the plan."

Finn vowed to follow instructions. The rest seemed to have helped a lot, but he didn't want to have to go through that again, especially with his opportunity to start on the line. And while he privately credited Rachel with helping his recovery, and certainly with lowering his stress, he wanted to put himself squarely into 'boyfriend' status, not 'patient'. He liked her being sympathetic and helpful, but he didn't like needing it.

In early evening Finn lingered in the dorms, hoping Rachel would be back from rehearsal soon, but eventually his stomach insisted he get dinner. He had better luck on the way back up, however.

"Hold please!" Rachel's voice came as the elevator door started to close, and the girl standing by the buttons opened it again for her. "Thank you," she chirped, getting in quickly, not seeing Finn in the back corner behind several others.

"Hi there," Finn said. His smile broadened at the sudden happiness that flooded her face at the sound of his voice.

"Hi," she answered. "What did the trainer say?"

"Things are good," he answered, not wanting to get into details in a crowded elevator. They stayed like that, smiling at each other, until it stopped at 11 and they both exited (Finn with difficulty).

Rachel made a beeline for the chairs in the lounge, settling herself on the arm of one. Finn took the hint and sat in it. "So, tell me. What did the trainer say?"

Finn liked her persistence. He was glad to see her happy, as well – her rehearsal must have been good. "I'm back on workouts. Weights and some cardio, just in the gym, but he'll look at me again on Wednesday to see if I can go back to practice."

"That's wonderful, Finn! Did I help?"

He smiled. "Of course you helped. Great TLC. How was rehearsal?"

"It was really good. Long, though, we read through most of it. And then we went out for dinner, to get to know each other better. They're all good, I think it's going to be an excellent production. And B –" She shook her head. "Marius, I mean. The director, Ryan, he has this idea that we need to use the character names exclusively, for at least the first few rehearsals. So we get to know the characters first."

This seemed weird. "But you already know all the characters. You've seen the musical three times."

"So we identify our castmates with the characters. I know, it's strange, but Ryan is so emphatic, it must be some innovative approach." She sighed happily. "It's wonderful, being part of a real production at last. Anyway, Marius is very friendly and he was so helpful during my callback. I think we're going to get along well."

Her callback. Sure, there wasn't a Jesse but – this was the guy that had helped with her callback. This unnamed Marius guy.

"Are you free tomorrow night?" Finn asked suddenly.

"I have to catch up on my schoolwork, I didn't get much done this weekend," Rachel answered. "Why?"

"I figure we're long overdue for an actual date. I want to take you out. Show you a good time and all those regular boyfriend-girlfriend things we've missed out on."

Rachel blushed. "Of course."

"So do you have time tomorrow?"

"I really don't... well not if you don't want me worrying about my essay while we're out. And I have rehearsal Tuesday, early evening."

Rehearsal. Sure Finn was happy she'd gotten the part and that things were going well, but... "How about I pick you up from rehearsal? If it's early evening, we can go out after that. Get a late dinner maybe?"

She smiled. "That would be lovely. I wouldn't want to eat before rehearsal anyway."

"Awesome. Maybe I can come a little early, get a chance to see what you're doing. Even hear you sing again."

"Well you can't really look in, Ryan's very particular about a closed set while we're rehearsing."

Of course he is.

"But if you came right after you could at least see the others."

"Great." Finn really liked the sound of that, getting to meet the rest of the cast. Especially this 'Marius' guy she'd been praising. "I could drive you there too, that way you don't need to worry about your car."

"Okay. It's from five-thirty to eight, meet you here at five?"

"Sure. It's a date."

She beamed, and he could see her excitement at those words. "It's a date." She leaned over and kissed him lightly, then gave him a last smile before returning to her room.

Okay, so he didn't intend that to be the end of talking to her right now, but she did have a lot of work. And so did he so – he congratulated himself on his progress, hoped for more soon, and returned to his room to study.

Later that night, Finn was trying to get to sleep without much success. It wasn't that late, which might have been part of it, but mostly his mind was full of Rachel. Specifically, of kissing Rachel.

He really wanted to kiss Rachel again. As soon as he lay down, letting his mind drift off, it went straight to that. Memories of it. Wanting it. He could practically taste her but this just made him want her more. And the light kiss she'd given him in the lounge definitely had not been enough.

Okay so she didn't want to go too fast, and was worried about them being too much in close quarters, and he understood that, their living situation was weirdly domestic. But he couldn't stop thinking about her. Why shouldn't he go see her? It's not like he'd force a kiss on her, but dammit, she was his girlfriend. She'd said herself she'd been thinking about kissing him almost since they met. If he wanted it, and she wanted it, and it wasn't anything they weren't doing yet, then why shouldn't they be doing it?

Why couldn't the fact that she lived down the hall be convenient? Not just convenience, of course, but it was something they had going for them, something that made the relationship easier. It was hard enough as it was, why give up one of the few advantages they had? Or worse, make it a disadvantage, and let some other guy – like that "friendly, helpful" costar of hers – get in the way?

Rachel's lips, plump, soft, inviting. The sweet memories from the night before of kissing her, and her kissing him. And more that morning. It seemed like so long ago.

Finn was sure he'd drive miles to see her if he had to. She'd gone to Cleveland for him. If it was at all convenient now, they'd earned it.

This is ridiculous.

A minute later he was at her door, knocking insistently, hoping she wasn't asleep yet, or that he'd have to deal with Santana. He was relieved when Rachel answered, alone and still dressed. She looked surprised to see him.

"This is dumb," Finn blurted. "I don't mean that you're being dumb, just – " he broke off. "I want to give you a goodnight kiss. And I don't see why we shouldn't, I mean, you're right down the hall from me and I want to kiss you, and you being down the hall should make it easier to kiss you not harder right?"

She looked back at him, blinking, lips parted but silent. Finn reddened, embarrassed at his outburst. He'd been arguing with himself, not her. He wondered if he should apologize but – he did mean every word he'd vomited out. He waited.

She wetted her lips. "So?"

"What?"

"Why don't you? You can kiss me if you want to."

"Oh," Finn breathed. "I want to." Hell yes. He leaned down, cupping her face in his hands, and glanced at her eyes briefly before moving in closer still. Her eyes fell closed, awaiting. And then his lips were on hers, feeling that intoxicating sensation as her mouth yielded under his. Nothing could ever be all that wrong with his world while he could do this.

And then she tugged at his lower lip, sucking it, and... God, Rachel.

Best goodnight kiss ever. Until their next one.

He ended the kiss reluctantly, but was gratified to see that glazed look of appreciation in her eyes. "Good night," he said softly, then went back to his room.

Finn slept soundly.

* 'girl next door' joke shamelessly swiped from Blake's 7: Sand, written by Tanith Lee.

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