Clara was, at first, content; she felt warm and detached. There was no pain, so sadness. It was bright and she felt cheerful. Above her, she saw her mum's smiling face and she didn't know if she should cry or smile. This had to be a dream, it had to be; only, it felt like it wasn't. Her mum's face was so clear, so much clearer and real than it had ever been in her dreams.

"Bunny, what's wrong?" Her mum asked in the haze of this dream, her brow in concern.

Clara felt tears of happiness and sadness mix at the pet name, one she hadn't heard in years. "You're not real….I want you to be real" she said, looking up into her mum's eyes.

Her mum reached out to her and Clara reached her hands to her. When her fingers touched her mum's they felt real, not like a ghost, not like a dream. She moved closer into an embrace; she felt her mum's arms wrap around her and she felt safe, calm. She felt like she had when she was child and she had woken from a nightmare and her mum had comforted her. "I miss you…..I want to stay here" Clara said even though she knew what staying here would mean.

"You can stay here" her mum assured her, running a hand through her hand. "There's nothing wrong with choosing to stay here"

Clara felt a sudden pain in her chest, one that ripped through her whole being. She gasped for air, feeling the pain and wanting it to go away. "I can't" she said. She knew there was something important, some reason she couldn't stay here but she couldn't remember it.

"Clara, it's all your choice" her mum assured her. "You can stay here or you can leave. I'll be happy no matter what you choose"

Clara felt the pain in her chest again and the gasping for air; she already knew the choice was going to make. She soaked in everything that she could about her mum; how warm and soft she felt, how gentle her hug was, the way her hand smoothed her hair. Then, gathering as much strength as she could, she pushed toward the pain instead of away from it.

"Oh God, Clara, please wake up" a mournful voice said, a wail in its throat.

Clara was only aware of pain, so much pain. Every inch of her body ached and she felt a terrible chill along every inch of skin. She felt something hard pressing against her chest before she felt something against her lips.

"Oh Clara…what did I do?"

Clara could hear the sound of soft crying and she was now at least of aware of who that voice belonged to. The Doctor; he was talking, he was upset. She must still be gone because she knew the Doctor was gone. Mr. Clever had taken his place.

The pressing on Clara's chest hurt deeply and she wanted to tell him to stop but she couldn't find her voice. She felt his lips, normally cool but warm now compared to hers, press against hers and she felt breath in her mouth. Her chest shuddered and she gasped as air came into her lungs. She began to cough, water spewing from her mouth.

"Clara! Oh Clara!" the Doctor said, his sorrowful voice now hopeful. Clara dared to open her eyes and found the Doctor smiling down at her. He put his arms around her and pulled her into his lap. Clara was able to cough better and get the water out of her lungs this way and he felt a small measure of relief when she felt air begin to go in and out of her lungs. Her chest still hurt terribly, but then again the whole of her body did.

"Oh, I'm so glad that you woke up…..I thought I lost you" the Doctor said gently. Clara gazed up at him, into his smiling, trusting face, tears still streaming down his cheeks. But suddenly that wasn't what she was seeing. She was seeing this same face as he had towered over her, his hands beating her senseless. She could see his face smiling as she had begged him to stop. She had seen her hands bloody as she attempted to push him away. She could feel the cool, harsh metal of a knife against her skin, could feel him between her legs and she screamed.

Clara attempted to push him away, batting at him as much as she could which really wasn't much. Everything ached and she wasn't strong at all. But she was filled with a desperate sense to get away as fast as she could. The more the breathed, the more oxygen got to her brain the more that she could remember; once the memories came to her they were like an avalanche seeking to overtake her. Her wet, naked body trembled with cold and fear and she tried to push him away but her muscles and skin ached on every inch and she couldn't.

"It's me! Clara!" the Doctor was saying as loudly as he could. "It's just me, it's not him"

But Clara wasn't listening; she was screaming because fighting was too hard but she had to do something. It wasn't him; he was gone. It was Mr. Clever, the man who hurt her, tried to kill her; it couldn't be the man she loved, the one who had taken her to so many amazing places in his time machine. He was gone forever.

"Oh, Clara" the Doctor's voice came out full of regret and the sound of tears. "I hurt you worse than I thought….."

Clara chest was hurting so badly as she began to cry that she almost wished that she could stop breathing again. She saw her mum's face in her mind and she was sure that she had made the wrong decision; why had she chose this life over the calm reality that she could have had?

"Clara…..I swear that it is me" The Doctor said, tears flowing freely down his face. Clara had long given up her futile attempts to fight and he cradled her to him. "I know he hurt you so bad…..I hurt you…..but I promise it's not him this time"

Clara couldn't believe, didn't want to believe that it was him. Mr. Clever had said that the Doctor was gone forever. If she trusted him now, he could turn at any moment and hurt her again. The memories were flooding into her head, rushing so fast she struggled to keep up with them. Mr. Clever had tried to kill her; the man with the face in front of her had actually tried to end her life. Doubt was in the back of her mind, telling her that it wasn't just Mr. Clever's doing; it was partially the Doctor's desire as well.

"But….he…..is…..you" Clara gasped out, her voice hoarse and barely recognizable through her tears and near drowning.

"He's in me…but he isn't me" The Doctor said through his own tears. "I've been suppressing him for months. I know he's gotten out…..made me do terrible things. I didn't realize…not until recently. There was nothing I could do to make him get out…..I just held him back as much as possible"

Anger bubbled up in Clara like she had never felt before in her life; had she been in any state she would have launched herself at the Doctor in her fury. "Held…..back?" Clara gasped out raspy. "You call…..what…..you've been doing…holding….back? Beating me…forcing…yourself…..on me….killing people….that's holding…back?" Clara felt as if the last part of her self-control and understanding were stripped away. He couldn't have possibly been holding back; the amount of abuse she had suffered, the abuse others had felt at his hands couldn't possibly be considered holding back. Mr. Clever's words echoed inside her head and though she didn't want to listen to him, she felt as if the Doctor was responsible for all the evil that had been happening. She had been so patient, so understanding but what she had faced this night had used up what was left of her fragile reserves. Mr. Clever's attempts to kill her after the violent abuse that had nearly done her in, her own desperation to end it all which was how she and the Doctor had ended up at the bottom of the pool, her thoughts that it would be better that they both die rather than let Mr. Clever run free…it had broken her.

Anguish such that Clara had never seen crossed the Doctor's face as he continued to weep openly. "I'm so sorry…I know I can never make it up to you" he said in sorrow. "When this is over, I'll take you home"

Clara's vision turned white at the edges and she couldn't tell if it was from anger or loss of oxygen. "When…..this is…..over?" she asked in fury. "This…will…..never ….be over…you…..tried to kill me!"

"It was him…not me!" The Doctor said, his voice cracking.

Clara had heard enough; her mind was cloudy and it felt heavy. She couldn't determine what was real and what wasn't. She couldn't think about whether he was safe or not; she couldn't listen to his words. Right now, all she could see was the man who had beat her, toturchered her, raped her, who had finally done his best to kill her.

Clara pushed up from the Doctor's grasp, her head swaying as soon as she stood. Every inch of her body was on fire but she willed herself to get away. She had to get away….it wasn't safe…..he wasn't safe.

"Clara….sit down…..you're not well" the Doctor urged behind her. Yes, she wasn't well and he was the reason; for that Clara was all the more determined to leave. She forced her legs to move forward but the longer that she was standing, the more difficult it became to keep standing. Her body was on fire, her vision blackening at the edges.

"Please Clara…..come here!" the Doctor urged.

Clara couldn't see any more from the dizziness but she wouldn't turn around. Keep going…keep going or he will win…..you will die…Clara thought. Suddenly though, she felt her body free falling down ward, the feel of air on her skin before everything went silent.