A/N: Hey guys. :D Here's a longer chapter for you. Hopefully it makes up for the shortness of the last one.
I actually had a lot of fun writing this one. :D Lots of angst, but also * gasps * some actual progress? I am surprised as you are, lol. Anyway, I don't want to give anything away, so I'll keep this short. Oh, and once again: this is unedited (by anyone but me), so please try not to be too horrified by any abuse of the english language, lol.
Thanks once again for all of your awesome reviews and I hope that you're all having a great summer so far!
Thanks so much for reading, and I hope that you guys like it! Reviews/favourites/slices of cake are very appreciated! :D
Chapter #8: Proximity
Natsuki slowly opened her eyes as the sound of movement pulled her out of her half-asleep state. Gradually, she became aware of her surroundings. The infirmary lights temporarily blinded her as her eyes struggled to adjust.
"Good-morning Kruger-san." Yohko smiled at the navy-haired agent as she walked over to examine the equipment that Natsuki was hooked up to.
"Morning," Natsuki replied – the word coming out more like a groan than a greeting. She lifted a hand up to rub her eyes sleepily. When her vision cleared, Natsuki slowly forced herself up into a half-seated position. A small grimace formed on her face when the pain in her side temporarily returned.
"Easy," Yohko called out warningly. The brown-haired woman quickly walked over and helped Natsuki readjust her position. "You know, if you let it, the bed will do that for you," she commented with a slight smile. Natsuki followed her gaze to the tilt controls on the side of her bed.
"Where's the fun in that?" Natsuki muttered – unwilling to admit that it was the first time that she had noticed them.
"Is there anything that I can get for you?" the doctor asked kindly. "Agent Zhang is grabbing something for you to eat, but if there's anything else..."
Natsuki raised an eyebrow.
"Don't worry," Yohko laughed, "I'll personally make sure that it's something edible."
"That would definitely be..." Natsuki began, then trailed off slowly as her gaze fell on the chair beside her bed. Finding her voice suddenly hoarse, Natsuki quickly cleared her throat and looked back up at Yohko. "...appreciated," she finished. Almost against her control, her gaze immediately fell back down to the padded chair.
Hearing the change in Natsuki's voice, Yohko followed the younger agent's gaze to the chair beside her bed. "Oh, did someone else come in to visit you last night?" she asked curiously.
"Hmm?" Natsuki asked. Her gaze remained fixed on the chair for just a second too long before shifting to the doctor. "...Oh," Natsuki spoke – her mind processing what had been said, "I um..." She lifted her left hand to absentmindedly rub the back of her right. The instant that she felt the sensation of fingers on her skin, she found herself staring down at her hands. "...I'm not sure," she finally replied. She continued to trace the skin on her hand in an effort to repeat the elusive pattern of sensation haunting the back of her mind. "I was probably just dreaming."
"Well, it was pretty late when I sent Viola-san home," Yohko offered. "I doubt anyone else would have made it in after that."
Natsuki's eyes snapped up the instant that Shizuru's name was mentioned. "V...Viola-san was here?" she asked – her voice suddenly shaky.
"Oh, you didn't get a chance to talk with her?" Yohko replied. "I'm sorry. You must have been pretty out of it." A small smile crossed the brown-haired woman's face. "I finally had to kick her out at around nine. The poor woman was exhausted."
Natsuki opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She glanced over at the chair once again, still just as unsure of what had been real what had simply been imagined. "But..." Natsuki began, "...but why wouldn't she wake me up?"
"Well, I would presume she knew that you need your rest," Yohko offered. She walked over to the cupboard across the room and grabbed a couple of magazines off the counter.
"Yeah, but..." Natsuki began, then trailed off when Yohko glanced back over her shoulder. "Y...yeah," Natsuki forced herself to say, "you're probably right." The doctor didn't need to know how cheated she felt.
"Anyway, these are to get you started," Yohko spoke as she walked back over to the bed. She handed the magazines over to Natsuki. Natsuki glanced down at the home decorating magazine in her hand and forcefully stopped herself from groaning.
"Arigato," Natsuki spoke reflexively. She flipped through a few pages before setting it down beside her on the bed. The restless feeling in her stomach grew.
"Alright then," Yohko glanced at her watch as she spoke, "let's get you rolled onto your side."
The brown-haired woman stepped closer and slowly helped tilt Natsuki's shoulders to the side. Using the little momentum that she had, Natsuki rolled onto her right side – careful not to rest her upper arm on the entry wound.
"Room service." A voice accompanied sudden footsteps at the door.
Natsuki didn't even have to glance over her shoulder to identify the speaker. "Don't you have a job, Agent Zhang?" Natsuki asked with just a hint of sarcasm.
"I'm sorry," Nao smirked, "did you think I came to visit you for fun?"
"There you go," Yohko laughed. "She should keep you entertained for a little while. I've got some things to take care of, but I'll check in on you later on." When the doctor had left the room, Nao placed the paper bag she had brought with her on the counter across the room. Still holding a small purse in her hand, Nao walked over and sat down beside the bed
"I guess I'll just eat later then," Natsuki sighed as she glanced over her shoulder at the bag of food on the counter.
"I was kinda hoping we'd get a couple things taken care of first," Nao replied as she adjusted her position in the chair.
"Starvation, huh?" Natsuki replied in an unimpressed tone. "That's supposed to get me to open up to you?"
Nao gave Natsuki an amused smile as she reached into the bag she had brought with her. Natsuki almost groaned when Nao pulled out a pen and a small notebook. As if sensing Natsuki's reaction, Nao glanced up and smirked as she flipped open the cover.
"Couldn't afford a clipboard?" Natsuki asked with a raised eyebrow.
"That's not really my style," Nao replied as she handed the small book to Natsuki. The navy-haired woman hesitated before taking it from her.
"Isn't writing things down your job?" Natsuki asked. She took the pen that Nao offered her suspiciously. "You are here to give me a psychological screening, right?"
"I have a better idea," Nao spoke with a small smirk. Stretching her arms out above her head, she leaned back lazily in her chair. "As you know, I want to walk through what happened in as much detail as you can give me. And I really can't stress enough how important it is that you are completely honest with me."
"...Okay," Natsuki replied hesitantly.
"That includes revealing very personal thoughts and feelings," Nao added.
Natsuki swallowed hard as she considered Nao's statement. There were some things she did not want anyone but herself to know about; what if Nao asked her a question about Shizuru? "I'll guess I can just edit some things as I go along," Natsuki decided.
"Now, we both know that much of what goes through your mind is probably too fragmented, inappropriate, or just plain bizarre to be verbally announced," Nao continued as if she had read Natsuki's thoughts. "And to be honest with you, I really don't want to know. So, I don't want you to actually answer me out-loud."
Natsuki chose to let confusion win out over the offence she knew she should probably be feeling, as she glanced down at the notebook in her hands. Did Nao seriously think it would be any easier to have someone else read her innermost thoughts?
"I want you to answer in there," Nao spoke with a small gesture to the book in Natsuki's hands, "with the knowledge that I will not be reading anything that you write." Natsuki's eyes snapped up to look at the other agent. "Does that sound easier for you?" Nao asked.
"Well... yeah," Natsuki admitted. "But how will you know that I've even answered your questions?" she asked skeptically. She briefly considered the red-haired woman going back on her word and ripping the book from her hands to read it, before dismissing the idea that Nao would outright lie to her.
"I won't," Nao replied with a shrug. "But I'm going to trust you. I know you're not stupid, and that you know you'll get out exactly as much as you put into this." She locked eyes with Natsuki as she spoke – the seriousness behind her statement showing on her face. After a few moments had passed, Natsuki nodded her head. "Good," Nao replied as she jumped up from her chair. "We're going to get started tomorrow then. I want you to talk to Viola-san before we begin."
"What...why?" Natsuki replied with a scowl.
"Here's your food," Nao called out from across the room – ignoring the younger agent's question entirely. "I've got to go profile a serial killer. Later, Kruger." She tossed the paper bag to Natsuki and walked out of the room before anything more could be said.
As the day had drifted by, Natsuki's restlessness seemed to grow exponentially. It felt like every hour another group of agents came in to commend Natsuki on her actions and give her their best wishes. Even the director had tried to stop by before being called away moments after entering the room. By the time dinner had rolled around, the navy-haired agent had completely exhausted her tolerance for introductions and forced flattery.
She wasn't sure what annoyed her more – the white walls that seemed to crawl if you stared at them for long enough or the ever-growing boredom. The laptop that Nao had lent her seemed to grow old in record time and Natsuki had finally resorted to opening one of the magazines that Yohko had given her earlier.
"I had no idea that you could do that with curtains," Natsuki caught herself thinking as she flipped through the pages. Her eyes scanned the room in the photograph with new-found respect.
"Interesting read?" The softly spoken words made Natsuki's heart skip a beat, before overcompensating with frantic, almost painful contractions. Shizuru.
"V...Viola-san," Natsuki stuttered. The magazine almost slid out of her hands before she caught herself. Her eyes snapped up to meet those of the brown-haired woman standing in the entrance. Shizuru quickly looked away – shifting her attention to the medical equipment beside the bed, as she took a few steps into the room.
"Agent Kruger," Shizuru replied in greeting as she kept her voice as steady as possible. Natsuki studied the way that Shizuru's gaze shifted around the room; the other woman's attention seemed to be focused on almost everything but her.
"I didn't hear you walk up," Natsuki quietly admitted. That seemed to recapture Shizuru's interest.
Red eyes regarded Natsuki silently. Shizuru wasn't about about to admit that she had been standing outside of the room for almost ten minutes as she tried to come up with something to say. Something... adequate for everything that had happened. But there were no words to describe her feelings or what had transpired. No greeting card expression could eloquently relay everything that needed to be said.
"Well, I..." Shizuru began reflexively. It wasn't until she had already started the sentence that she realized she had no way to complete it.
Natsuki studied the look of hesitation that crossed the other woman's face – just for a second – before it was hidden behind her usual confident smile. "She's nervous," Natsuki decided. The realization made her own heart beat faster.
"Do you want to sit down?" Natsuki quickly blurted out. She gestured to the chair beside her bed.
Shizuru's gaze flickered from the chair to Natsuki. She could feel the blood rushing through her veins as her heart frantically pumped. Sitting down seemed much more intimate. By standing a few feet away from the bed, it was far easier to fake composure. Not that I'm doing a particularly good job of it. She could turn and walk out the door with a simple excuse any time that she wished.
It would be so easy to thank the younger woman for saving her and leave before anything more could be said.
Her mind had already starting turning out excuses, and Shizuru opened her mouth to speak. She forced herself to meet Natsuki's questioning gaze, but the moment that she did the realization hit her.
"No," she corrected, "it would be so cowardly."
Shizuru had never enjoyed keeping everyone at a distance. But she had become almost desensitized to the queasy feeling that came over her every time that she pushed someone away with a distant smile; the alternative was somehow too terrifying to consider. Over time, it had become so reflexive that she could almost pretend that - as most people accepted and even admired – personal detachment was really just a part of who she was.
And yet Shizuru had never been so truly disgusted with herself.
She forced herself to meet Natsuki's gaze – to really meet her gaze – and refused to allow herself the comfort of looking away. For the first time since she could remember, she ignored the way that the ever-present voice in the back of her mind screamed, "you're forgetting to smile."
Shizuru could see the look of concern cross Natsuki's face, as the younger agent detected the sudden change in atmosphere. "I..." Shizuru began – her voice uncharacteristically hoarse, "...I don't..." she trailed off as frustration slammed into her like a brick wall.
"Y...you don't have to or anything," Natsuki quickly filled the awkward silence. "I'm sure you probably wanted to go home and get some rest," she offered. "The past few days have been pretty brutal."
With those words, Natsuki had essentially given Shizuru permission to leave. She'd even readily supplied an excuse. All that Shizuru would have to do was agree.
"Please," Shizuru softly spoke, "don't try to make this easy for me. I don't think I could bear it." Her gaze softened as she regarded the stunned look on Natsuki's face. "You deserve to know that I have no idea what to say to you," Shizuru admitted with courage she had believed she didn't have. As soon as the words left her mouth, she was hit with an exhilarating rush. "It's pitiful, don't you think?" she whispered bitterly. "You almost died saving my life and I can't even work up the courage to thank you because I know.... I know how painfully... inadequate I am at expressing myself. And then for you to just lie there and let me..." Shizuru trailed off and inhaled a long, shaky breath.
"Viola-san," Natsuki began – her mouth suddenly dry. Her mind work desperately to memorize everything about the moment - the sharp inhale of Shizuru's breathing, the way that the light glistened off of the older woman's hair, even the frantic beeps coming from the machine beside her.
"There are no words to describe what you did for me," Shizuru continued – pausing for a second as her gaze shifted down to Natsuki's side. "...What you almost lost for me," she added quietly. "I have never been so grateful," she whispered as unrestrained tears started to form in her eyes. "Or so terrified," she continued - her face hardening as soon as the words left her mouth. "Or so completely furious," she finished with a defiant glare that softened as a tear rolled slowly down her cheek. "Kanin na," she whispered, "but I just don't know how anything I could possibly say could ever make... this," she gestured to the medical equipment hooked up to Natsuki in a frustrated movement, "okay."
"Shizuru." Natsuki seemed to almost exhale the word. Her expression slowly changed from shock to hold more softness than Shizuru had known could be relayed with one glance.
"Kanin na," Shizuru repeated – her voice quivering uncontrollably.
"You know what makes all of this alright?" Natsuki asked quietly. Shizuru wordlessly shook her head in response. "What could have happened if I hadn't done what I did," Natsuki finished. She left the words 'I could have lost you' unspoken. "Okay?" she asked quietly – her eyes searching Shizuru's.
Shizuru shook her head more emphatically. "If I had just been faster..." she began shakily.
"Okay?" Natsuki cut Shizuru off by repeating the word louder. There was a sudden ferocity in her gaze that hadn't been there before.
Shizuru inhaled a long, deep breath. She held Natsuki's gaze for what seemed like an eternity. There was something about the way that the younger agent looked at her – the way her gaze manged to be equally pleading and demanding - that told Shizuru this was one argument she was not going to win. "Okay," Shizuru whispered with a nod.
Natsuki cleared her throat suddenly, and her gaze dropped down to the DVD case in Shizuru's hand. "What's that?" she asked curiously.
Shizuru's eyes widened slightly, as she suddenly remembered what she had brought with her. "Oh," she stated simply - glancing down at her hands. "Agent Zhang suggested that I pick up a movie for you to watch. A small smile crossed her face as she held up the DVD case for Natsuki to see. "As she so eloquently put it 'Agent Kruger looks so bored I think she's going to try to flatten her skull with the automated bed'. "
Natsuki couldn't help but laugh. She was relieved to notice the mischievous sparkle return to Shizuru's eyes when she did. "She certainly does have a way with words," Natsuki commented with a grin. "So, what movie did you get me?"
"Well, I wasn't sure what genre you usually watch," Shizuru began. "I really just walked down the new release aisle until I found something that appeared suitable." She handed over the DVD without any further explanation.
Natsuki flipped the case around so that she could look at the front. She raised her eyebrows a little as she examined the cover, then slowly lowered the DVD to look at Shizuru. "Do I really strike you as a romantic comedy type of woman?" The look on her face suggested that Natsuki was very unimpressed, but Shizuru could tell from the sparkle in her eyes that she was mostly just amused.
"Kanin na, Kruger-san," Shizuru replied as her lips turned up into the smallest of smiles, "but all of the adult movies were out."
"Baka!" Natsuki laughed – her cheeks flushing a little. "You know what? That's it," she declared without saying anything else. Shizuru raised an eyebrow, but didn't respond. When the younger agent looked up at her expectantly after a few seconds, the older woman finally caved.
"Yes, Kruger-san?" Shizuru asked with a small smile.
"If you expect me to sit through this, you're going to have to watch it with me," Natsuki stated as if what she was saying was both obvious and inevitable.
The smile on Shizuru's face widened almost imperceptibly as she slowly shook her head. "I really would love to," she quickly replied, "but unfortunately, I wanted to go home and get some rest. You see Kruger-san, the past few days have been pretty brutal," she added playfully – quoting Natsuki's previous comment almost word for word.
"Nice," Natsuki replied sarcastically, though the grin on her face didn't match the tone at all.
"I thought so as well," Shizuru agreed.
"Sit down," Natsuki ordered the other woman in a voice that tried – and failed in what Shizuru could only determine to be the most adorable way possible – to be intimidating. The younger woman patted the bed beside her for emphasis. Shizuru's gaze followed Natsuki's hand, than shifted to meet the younger woman's eyes questioningly. "There's plenty of room," Natsuki stated. She inched over as best as she could without putting any strain on her side and looked at Shizuru expectantly.
Shizuru hesitated for only a moment, before giving in and walking around to the other side of the bed. Carefully, she sat down on the edge and leaned her back against the vacant half of Natsuki's pillow. "Alright," Natsuki spoke as she reached for the laptop on the dresser beside her. She was unable to suppress a grimace as the motion caused pain to flare up in her side.
Shizuru caught the look on the younger agent's face immediately. "Here," Shizuru tried to reach across Natsuki to get the laptop for her, "allow me." Natsuki swallowed hard and decided to lie back down when Shizuru's arm grazed across her chest by accident. When Shizuru realized that she couldn't quite reach it from the position she was in, she carefully swung her right leg over the younger agent – placing her left arm beside Natsuki's head for balance as she reached out for the laptop again.
Natsuki inhaled sharply as the older agent leaned forward slightly so her arm could reach further. Natsuki studied the way the Shizuru's knees lined either side of her and felt her face start to heat up. "Calm down," Natsuki mentally ordered herself. Her left hand curled around the side of the bed as her right clamped down on the sheets she was lying on.
Suddenly, a buzzing noise cut through the silence as the bed seemed to almost give out from under them. The sudden downward motion made Shizuru's elbow buckle. The awkward angle at which she was positioned made it impossible for her to catch herself in time. Shizuru collapsed on top of Natsuki; the younger agent let out a soft 'oof' as she did so.
Shizuru's heart pounded, as she slowly turned her head to face Natsuki. Her cheek brushed smoothly against the other agent's as she did so. Suddenly finding it very hard to breathe, Shizuru tipped her head back a little so that she could look down at Natsuki; she was afraid if she made a sudden movement to get off it would put even more pressure on her wound. The heat emanating from the woman beneath her made her tremble – the motion causing her nose to graze Natsuki's gently before Shizuru sharply pulled her head back.
"Am I hurting you?" Shizuru seemed to almost exhale the words. Natsuki shook her head; she didn't trust herself to speak. She tried desperately to ignore the way the she could feel Shizuru's chest rise and fall against her - gently pushing her down against the bed.
Shizuru mentally screamed at herself to get up, but for a long moment her body seemed unresponsive. When her limbs finally remembered how to move, Shizuru shifted her hands so that they were equally positioned on either side of Natsuki and slowly pushed herself upwards – careful to equally distribute her weight as she did so.
Soft brown hair grazed Natsuki's cheek as Shizuru got up. Natsuki tilted her head away; she was trying desperately to ignore the intoxicating scent surrounding her. Shizuru quickly reached out, picked up the laptop and placed it down beside them. She returned to a lying position beside Natsuki.
Both women stared at the ceiling for a moment as they got their breathing back under control - each one equally unaware that the other was doing the same. "Well, that was..." Natsuki began, then trailed off.
Shizuru gestured to the far railing of the bed with a forced laugh. "At least you've figured out how to work the controls."
A confused look crossed Natsuki's face before she followed Shizuru's gaze to the railing beside her. Her fist was curled around the bed's positioning controls so tightly that her knuckles were white. "O..Oh," Natsuki stuttered as she quickly released the railing. The colour immediately returned to her hand. "S...Sorry! I didn't mean..." She hadn't even had time to wonder what had happened.
"Please Agent Kruger," Shizuru grinned, "I think we both know that was no accident."
"Wh..what?" Natsuki quickly replied. Her eyes involuntarily widened at the accusation.
"Though I would prefer you experiment with head-compression sometime when I am not around to witness it," Shizuru finished - keeping her tone completely serious.
"B...Baka!" Natsuki laughed. She was more than a little relieved Shizuru hadn't been trying to imply anything else.
"That really does seem to be your favourite thing to call me," Shizuru commented. "And with such conviction in your voice too. I should probably be offended, Kruger-san," she added with a small smile. "There are also, of course, many synonyms that you could..."
"...Natsuki," the younger woman cut her off hesitantly. Shizuru turned her head a little to look at the agent beside her with a slightly confused expression on her face. "You can call me Natsuki," Natsuki clarified for her quietly.
Shizuru couldn't stop a smile from forming on her face as soon as the words left the younger agent's mouth. "Ara," she mused. "I refer to you as 'Natsuki', and you refer to me as 'baka'?" Shizuru replied – imitating the defensive tone the younger agent always spoke the word in with surprising accuracy. "That hardly seems fair." Natsuki raised an eyebrow as she tried to look as unimpressed as possible. It was only a short moment before both women caved into a fit of laughter.
"No," the navy-haired agent replied softly as her laughter faded to a small smile. "You call me 'Natsuki' and I'll call you 'Shizuru'."
Shizuru savoured the distinct way that her name rolled off the younger woman's tongue. Natsuki always sounded so breathless when she spoke it. "That does seem more reasonable," Shizuru agreed with a nod. She leaned her head back onto the pillow, before turning to face the woman beside her. "Well then Natsuki," she spoke with a smile that fully reached her eyes, "we have a DVD to watch."
Natsuki's eyes widened a little, as she suddenly remembered why she had asked Shizuru to lie down beside her. "Right," she stated while grabbing the laptop at her side. She flipped open the computer and slid the disc into the DVD drive on the side.
"Ugh," Natsuki exclaimed in what Shizuru could only describe as utter frustration. "What an imbecile!" She gestured to the screen emphatically as the words left her mouth. "Now you're going to miss the train, you moron," she spoke angrily – her eyes never leaving the screen.
There was a small beep as the entire screen suddenly went black. Both women gaped at the screen for a few moments, before a small smile crept onto Shizuru's face. Natsuki blinked a couple of times before speaking. "Are you kidding me?" she demanded – pushing the laptop's power button a couple of times in the attempt to revive it.
"Ara," Shizuru spoke with a small laugh. "I think the battery may have died."
"Agent Zhang didn't give me the adaptor," Natsuki exclaimed. She tried the power button once more before leaning her head back with a small groan.
Shizuru was unable to suppress a laugh from escaping her lips. Natsuki pried her eyes away from the screen to look at her. "What?" Natsuki asked – Shizuru's smile seeming to contagiously spread onto her own face as she did so.
"I just never expected to see you so... invested in a movie," Shizuru replied. "And in a romantic comedy no less," she couldn't help but add teasingly.
"...What?" Natsuki demanded – her face going a little red when she realized that she had literally been screaming at a fictional character to get his act together. "I'm not invested," she added defensively. Shizuru raised an eyebrow, but didn't respond. Natsuki studied the faint smirk on the older woman's face before adding for good measure, "I couldn't care less if he gets to her time. In fact, I would much rather have him get physically hit by the train. At least then the movie might actually end sometime soon. "
"Natsuki!" Shizuru scolded the younger woman with a laugh.
"I'm just saying," Natsuki shrugged. "He doesn't deserve her anyway."
"No?" Shizuru asked with genuine interest. "What makes you say that?"
"She was obviously trying to tell him that she's in love with him. And he's stupid enough to believe that she talking about her boyfriend? Really? Can he read body language?" Natsuki asked rhetorically.
"He did seem to particularly bad at that," Shizuru agreed with a nod. "Especially when she gave him that flower for his mother's garden," she added.
"I know!" Natsuki exclaimed with widening eyes. "And that thing with the baby? What the hell was that about?" She was about to continue when she noticed that Shizuru was about to burst into a fit laughter. "Oh, nice," Natsuki sarcastically commented when she realized that Shizuru was just egging her on for her own amusement.
"Kanin na," Shizuru laughed. "I couldn't help myself." Natsuki gave her a disapproving scowl before turning back to stare at the dead laptop. Shizuru nestled down into the pillow behind her a little more with a content smile on her face. "I like seeing you like this," she commented quietly.
Natsuki turned to face the woman beside her once more. "Like what?" she asked with a small laugh. "Drugged up on painkillers?"
"No," Shizuru smiled softly. "...Without the pressure of a major case weighing you down," she explained – choosing her words carefully. "I've just never seen you laugh this freely before," she added thoughtfully. She could feel her cheeks heat up a little when she realized how honest she had just been with Natsuki. She forcefully stopped herself from continuing.
"So basically you like seeing me drugged up on painkillers," Natsuki replied with a grin.
Shizuru couldn't help but laugh. "Perhaps," she admitted. "You just seem more ... like yourself," she spoke softly.
Natsuki turned her head on the pillow so that she could meet the other woman's gaze. She studied the hesitant, calculating look in Shizuru's eyes. "You don't even know me," Natsuki whispered as her smile faded. The hurt look that formed on Shizuru's face made her instantly regret speaking.
"Kanin na," Shizuru quickly spoke. "I didn't mean to assume..." Her stomach clenched painfully, as she spoke.
"I mean," Natsuki quickly cut in as she tried to take back what she had said, "there's just..." she trailed off a little - turning to stare up at the ceiling so that Shizuru couldn't see her face. She hesitated for a long moment. "...there's a lot that I haven't told you... about me," she finished finally. Her mouth suddenly felt more dry than it had when she had first woken up in the infirmary.
Shizuru opened her mouth to reply, but found herself unsure of what to say. She hesitated for a moment; what was Natsuki talking about?"You can tell me what ever you want to, Natsuki," she replied softly.
Just for a moment, Natsuki let herself believe the other woman wholeheartedly. She pictured herself telling Shizuru that she was so attracted to the older woman it caught her off-guard.
For one dangerous instant, she allowed herself to pretend that Shizuru would understand.
But reality set in a few seconds later. Natsuki forced herself to replay what Shizuru had said to Tomoe in the washroom – effectively snapping herself out of it. "It's nothing in particular," she lied. "I just feel like we've never really talked before now." She turned her head back to face the other agent with false sincerity.
Shizuru studied Natsuki's face for a moment – undecided as to whether she believed her or not - before an idea hit her. She allowed a small smile to creep onto her face. "Alright then, Natsuki," she replied. "Tell me about yourself."
Natsuki couldn't help but grin at the mischievous look on the other woman's face. "What is this, a job interview?" she asked skeptically.
"Was that a not-so-subtle refusal?" Shizuru countered questioningly.
"N...no," Natsuki replied quickly. "I just... What do you want to know?" she asked curiously.
"Hmmm," Shizuru hummed to herself thoughtfully. She tilted her head a little as she thought about the question.
Natsuki raised an eyebrow as she waited for a response. "Why do I suddenly feel uneasy?" she muttered to herself.
"Alright," Shizuru spoke decisively after a moment. "Tell me about..." she trailed off once more before her lips turned up into a small smile. "Your first kiss," she finished finally.
"What?" Natsuki demanded.
Shizuru couldn't help but laugh at the sudden outrage in the other woman's voice. "Tell me about your first kiss," she repeated.
"I'm not telling you about that," Natsuki spoke with a blush forming on her face. "That's so embarrassing."
"Oh, so it was embarrassing?" Shizuru replied innocently.
"No!" Natsuki replied defensively. Shizuru raised an eyebrow at the younger woman. Natsuki mimicked the look and held Shizuru's gaze defiantly.
"Alright," Shizuru finally gave in, "tell me in a word."
"In a word?" Natsuki repeated slowly – as if processing what the other woman had said.
"Just one," Shizuru agreed with a nod. "Does that not make it easier for you?"
Natsuki scowled at the other woman for a moment. She studied the way that Shizuru's eyes sparkled eagerly. After a few moments, she caved. "Fine," she huffed. She hesitated for a moment before finally speaking. "...Wet."
Shizuru blinked for a moment – her gaze locked with Natsuki's – before the corner's of her mouth started to twitch uncontrollably. Natsuki felt her face heat up as Shizuru's melodic laughter filled the infirmary.
"Wet," Shizuru repeated with a muted grin. She pursed her lips thoughtfully as she considered it for a moment.
"Stop it," Natsuki laughed as she nudged Shizuru's side with her arm. "Look, it wasn't my fault, okay? I wasn't even expecting it. The guy just went for it and I didn't know know what was happening until it was over."
Shizuru studied the adorable blush on Natsuki's face and nodded in understanding. She turned her head to stare up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Wet," she repeated again – this time as if she was testing the word out for the first time.
"Really wet," Natsuki agreed as she burst into laughter. "Seriously, if anything's going to turn you off of gu..." She almost choked when she realized what she had been about to say. "K...kissing," she quickly corrected herself. "It'll be having the kid who you hit on the head with a hockey stick for staring at you in gym class shove his tongue down your throat when you least expect it."
"I see," Shizuru replied – too lost in her own imagination to notice the slip up. The image of a younger Natsuki scowling at every guy who looked at her filled her mind, and she couldn't help but smile. "Alright then," she added after a moment, "what do you consider to be your greatest fear?" She chose one of the standard questions people seemed to ask in games like this one.
"Woah," Natsuki turned to face Shizuru directly. She raised an eyebrow at the older woman. "Did you really think that was how this was going to work?" she asked – disbelief evident in her voice.
A confused look crossed Shizuru's face. "...I afraid I don't understand," she spoke after a moment.
"First kiss," Natsuki replied simply. The look on Shizuru's face slowly turned to one of startled realization. The other woman opened her mouth to object, but Natsuki cut her off with a wave of her hand. "First kiss," Natsuki repeated expectantly.
Shizuru sighed. "...Tentative," she spoke finally.
Natsuki nodded, then waited for the other woman to continue. When Shizuru said nothing, Natsuki shot an unamused look in her direction. "That's it?" she asked. When Shizuru gave her an innocently confused look, Natsuki rolled her eyes. "Come on," she urged the other woman. "Who was it? Who started it? Who..." she was just about to continue when Shizuru cut her off.
"That was one word, Natsuki," she replied simply - her eyes glistening mischievously.
The corners of Natsuki's mouth turned up into a small smile before she could stop them. "Fine," she spoke – the word coming out as more of a sigh. It took her a moment to recall Shizuru's second question. "My greatest fear is..."
Natsuki paused to think about it for a moment. Her eyes scanned the room as if the answer was written on one of the walls. "Don't you think it's strange that whenever you ask someone that, they usually don't really have an answer for you?" she asked after a moment. "They'll say that they have arachnophobia, or they have a fear of heights, or they're terrified of clowns. It's kind of like... the moment that you realize you're not invincible." Natsuki's eyes sparkled as she struggled to find the words she was looking for. She glanced down at her side before she could stop herself and swallowed hard. "It just... it just doesn't really hit you until..." she trailed off once more – cursing the way that her voice cracked against her will. Her eyes scanned the white ceiling aimlessly; she didn't want Shizuru to see the way her eyes were watering against her will.
Shizuru studied the angry blush on the younger agent's face and felt her heart sink in her chest. She turned her head to face the ceiling as well, as if honouring the other agent's wish not to be seen.
"I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not really sure," Natsuki finally spoke with a forced laugh. The words were spoken so softly that Shizuru almost didn't hear them. "All I know is that..." Natsuki began, then paused to inhale shakily, "all I know is that there was this moment when... I looked down and the only thing I could see was blood." She swallowed hard as the scene played out in her mind. "And I knew, logically, that I had been shot. But... it just, it wasn't until you were bending over me that it really..." Natsuki's voice cracked as she struggled to get the words out. "You had this... incredible look in your eyes, Shizuru," she whispered. "And then it was like everything just... disappeared. The only thing I could hear was your voice telling me I had to open my eyes," she continued as tears slowly trailed down her face. "And I tried... I tried to so desperately, but I just... I..." Natsuki held back a sob as the overpowering feeling of helplessness resurfaced before she could suppress it.
Shizuru could feel the bed shake as the younger agent tried to regain her composure. It took Shizuru a moment to recover from the winded feeling that had suddenly come over her. Without any hesitation, she shifted her body to fully face Natsuki. The younger agent turned away in embarrassment. Gently, Shizuru used her hand to turn Natsuki's head back towards her.
"I...I'm sorry," Natsuki started – her embarrassment evident in her expression. She moved to wipe the tears from her face, but Shizuru caught her hand before she could.
"Natsuki." Shizuru breathed the word out. Her fingers intertwined with the navy-haired agent's as she gently forced Natsuki's hand back down. Shizuru's free hand smoothy curved around Natsuki's cheek as she carefully wiped the tears staining her skin away.
Intelligent green eyes searched Shizuru's as she did so. There was a pause as the two agents looked at each other – their faces no more than a few inches apart. "...I was so scared." Natsuki confessed.
Shizuru nodded in response - a small grimace on her face as she tried to stop her own eyes from watering. "Me too," she replied quietly. With a soft sigh, she leaned in to rest her head against the other woman's shoulder. Both women studied the ceiling as they lost themselves in thought.
Natsuki was the first to break the silence. "Can't we try to stay away from the really heavy questions?" she asked with a small grin.
Shizuru turned her head a little to laugh into Natsuki's shoulder. "Of course."
"Morning," Natsuki called out the moment that Yohko walked into the infirmary.
Yohko was a little startled to hear the other agent's voice; it was only around six so she figured that Natsuki would still be asleep. She looked up to see the other agent smiling at her from across the room. The doctor smiled back as she walked over to Natsuki's bed. "Someone seems to be in a good mood," she commented. A quick check of the medical equipment confirmed that everything was still running smoothly.
"I'm just glad that you lowered the painkiller dosage," Natsuki replied. "I have a new-found awareness of my surroundings."
Yohko grinned as she walked over to the counter to grab a new set of bandages. "Well, when we try to get you moving around a bit I need you to be able to tell me if I'm pushing you too hard," she replied. "That's not going to work too well if you can't feel anything below your neck."
"Got it," Natsuki nodded in understanding.
Yohko walked over and sat down in the chair beside the large bed. "As I'm sure you've noticed your main problem is going to be getting from a sitting position to a standing one. That's where my concern about needing someone to look after you for a while comes into play. But on that note, I have some good news for you. I found the toilet extender I mentioned to you earlier. It just has handles on the sides so that you'll be able to sit and stand up a bit easier by yourself. That way who ever takes you in won't have to install a bar like we have here."
"That's great news," Natsuki murmured – the sarcasm in her voice shining through just enough to make Yohko laugh. Natsukipursed her lips in though; she still needed to find someone who would agree to live with her for a few days. She watched silently as Yohko started to rip open the packaging on the bandage in her hands.
"Natsuki!" A loud voice and frantic footsteps broke the silence. All that Natsuki could make out was a flash of red hair before she was forced back against her bed in a careful embrace.
"Mai?" Natsuki stated in disbelief. She glanced over at the IV drip settings to make sure there was no way that she was hallucinating.
"You baka, Natsuki!" Mai replied angrily - the worry clearly etched on her face. "It took what... two weeks to get yourself almost killed? Seriously Natsuki? Two weeks?"
Natsuki's reply was cut off by Yohko tactfully clearing her throat. "Oh," Natsuki blurted. "Sorry Mai, but she just has to change the..." She gestured at the way her shirt bulged from the bandages underneath.
"Oh, sorry," Mai began when she realized there was someone else in the room. She quickly took a step back and smiled at the doctor. "I'm Mai, Mai Tokiha. I'm a fourth-class agent at the Fuuka District, where Natsuki used to work. That's how I got the clearance," she added with a gesture to her visitor's pass.
"Yohko Helene, also fourth class," Yohko replied. She reached out to clasp the red-head's outstretched hand. " It's nice to meet you, Tokiha-san."
"Likewise," Mai replied with a pleasant smile. When she glanced down at Natsuki, the red-haired agent was met with an expectant look. "Oh, don't mind me," Mai spoke – taking a step back to make room for the doctor. "It's nothing I haven't seen before," she added with a shrug. Natsuki rolled her eyes at the red-head, then nodded for the doctor to continue.
Natsuki lifted up her shirt to reveal the large bandage on her side. With careful hands, Yohko peeled it back to have a look.
"Forty-five, huh?" Mai murmured as she examined the size of the bullet wound. "Wow," she commented, "that's an ugly bruise."
"Mai!" Natsuki replied defensively.
"So how did you manage to get here this early?" Natsuki asked as Mai settled down into the chair beside her. "And on a weekday?" Her eyes widened a little then narrowed into a wince. "You didn't get fired, did you?" she asked cautiously.
"No," Mai laughed. "It was actually really weird. I mean, word gets around when someone goes into full-on hero mode while simultaneously solving a massively publicized case. So I first heard about your little adventure yesterday while I was at work. Which – by the way – getting shot is just one of those things you do wake your friend up at four in the morning to tell them about. You know?" Mai demanded – anger suddenly surfacing. "Finding out in the break room and almost going into cardiac arrest was not exactly one of my finest moments."
Natsuki winced. "I didn't want you to freak," she admitted. "I didn't think that anyone outside of Garderrobe would even hear about it."
"Huh," Mai huffed with an unimpressed look on her face. She glared at Natsuki for a few moment's before her gaze finally softened. "Speaking of freaking out, did you tell your mother about this?"
"Woah," Natsuki raised her hands up emphatically. "She can not hear about this, Mai. Ever."
"I'm inclined to agree with you," Mai admitted. "Even though it's kinda horrible not to tell your mother that you almost died."
"Well, I'm fine now," Natsuki rationalized. Mai nodded, then sighed after a moment. Natsuki's mouth turned down into a small frown; she could see the exhaustion on her friend's face easily.
"Anyway, I went straight to Agent Toshio and asked him for some personal time so that I could visit you," Mai continued.
"Toshio let you visit me?" Natsuki replied – disbelief evident in her voice.
"No," Mai smirked. "That bastard. But just as I was in the process of devising a rather spectacular escape plan, I got given clearance."
"From who?" Natsuki frowned. Toshio was Mai's direct supervisor. No one below him would be authorized to give Mai time off.
"The director," Mai replied – her eyes sparkling as she spoke.
"Wh..what?" Natsuki replied. She was more shocked than she would have been if Toshio had given Mai the day off. "First of all, he hates me," Natsuki began – recalling her conversation with him on her last day at Fuuka. "Secondly, he's a complete jerk. And I thought he didn't even know you existed," she commented. "No offence," she added as an afterthought.
"None taken," Mai shrugged. "And I would have agreed with all of those yesterday morning. But he actually seemed to be genuinely concerned about you. He gave me today off, so I spent half the night driving up. He even told me to give you this," Mai added. She reached into the black purse she had with her and pulled out a small, white envelope.
Cautiously, Natsuki took it from her. "Is it rigged to explode?" she asked skeptically.
"Nope," Mai laughed. "I ran it through the scanner just in case."
Natsuki's brow furrowed as she flipped open the top and pulled out a small card. "Get well soon," she read off of the front. Flipping it open, she read the generic hallmark message before her eyes scanned the hastily scribbled signature below. "Is this supposed to be a joke?" she asked Mai with raised eyebrows.
"I have no idea," Mai replied with a grin. "I found it just as disconcerting." With a quick movement, she grabbed the card from Natsuki's hand and read the inside for herself. "Hmm," she hummed thoughtfully. She flipped the card closed to scan the front once more. "It's kind of an unattractive card, huh?" she commented.
"It really is," Natsuki laughed.
With a grin, Mai carefully placed the card beside the others on the small table to her left. "You must be loved," she said with a gesture to the various assortments of flowers on the table. She picked up the cup of water that Natsuki had been using and took a small drink.
"Most of those were from people I had never met before," Natsuki replied. " I think they were more of a 'thank you for not letting Agent Viola get killed' gift. She's like a local celebrity or something."
Mai practically choked on the water she'd been swallowing. "Hold on," Mai ordered as she slammed the cup of water back on the table. The liquid inside came dangerously close to splashing over the edge. "That was who you saved? The hot one?" she demanded – a wild smile crossing her face.
Natsuki mentally kicked herself for mentioning Shizuru's name. "Don't objectify her," she scowled. Mai raised her eyebrows at the younger woman. After a few moments, Natsuki finally caved, "...Yes."
"This is so perfect!" Mai exclaimed. "Do you know what this means?" she demanded.
"That Viola-san is still breathing?" Natsuki offered – her voice very monotone. "And in exchange I have a hole in my side?"
Mai gave her a look before continuing. "You saved her life, Natsuki," she spoke emphatically. "That's like... instant access."
"Access to what?" Natsuki frowned.
"She's probably already madly in love with you," Mai explained as if it were obvious.
Natsuki blinked for a moment, before a large scowl crossed her face. "Oh, come on," she groaned. "That's not the way it works, Mai."
"Actually, it kind of is," Mai countered. "Do you not watch TV? And if a man who was as attractive for a man as you are for a woman saved my life and was as awesome as you are, I'd be all over him in a heart beat."
"I legitimately have no idea what you just said," Natsuki replied.
Mai let out a frustrated groan. "Fine," she spoke with a dramatic flare of her arms. "I'll be back in a moment." With that, she got up from her chair and started to head for the infirmary exit.
"What? Where are you going?" Natsuki called out after her – a little insulted that she would just walk away so soon after arriving.
"I broke into your hotel room and grabbed some of your stuff for you," Mai called out over her shoulder. "I'm just going to go grab the box from my car."
"Oh," Natsuki replied. Her eyes widened dramatically when she ran through what Mai had said a second time. "Mai?" she demanded – halting the redhead in her tracks. "You do know that I moved all of my stuff moved to an apartment... right?"
Mai slowly turned around with a slight wince on her face. "...That explains a lot," she replied.
"Mai!" Natsuki exclaimed.
It only took a few seconds for Mai to burst out into laughter. "Give me some credit, Kruger," she replied. "I am a fourth-class agent, you know."
Natsuki couldn't help but grin, as Mai left the infirmary.
Mai yawned as she leaned her head back against the pillow behind her. Natsuki's brow furrowed in concentration as she reached out to tap the small touch screen in her hand.
"No, it's not that one," Mai mumbled. Natsuki's hand stopped just short of touching the surface. "That one," she declared – pointing her hand toward the other side of the screen.
"This game sucks," Natsuki grumbled. "What else do you have on here?"
Mai smirked a little as she pried the tablet from her friend's hands. "You know, I didn't just come here to watch you play games," she spoke.
Natsuki turned to look at her. "I did actually know that," she replied. "I'm just trying to stave off the interrogation for as long as possible."
"Yeah, well, it's almost seven," Mai replied. "So it's now or never, Natsuki."
Natsuki raised an eyebrow. "Do I get to choose?" she asked hopefully.
"Nice try," Mai replied. The grin on her face faded to a sad smile as she glanced down at the IV sticking out of Natsuki's arm. "How did this happen to you?" she asked quietly. "I know that Garderrobe is probably quite different than Fuuka, and in our line of work things can get dangerous... but I just never thought that..." she trailed off quietly.
"Mai," Natsuki replied quietly. When she saw the look of concern on her friend's face, she briefly gave Mai's arm a reassuring squeeze. "I'm alright." The look on Mai's face turned into one of disbelief. "Seriously," Natsuki laughed.
"What was going through your head?" Mai asked. Her voice was laced with hints of anger. "Let's stand in front of the gun and see what happens?" Natsuki hesitated for a moment before opening her mouth to reply. "And I know..." Mai cut her off before she could speak, "I know that you were saving a woman's life. And I cannot imagine the courage that must have taken. I know that that is something to be commended, and I want you to know that I'm so proud of you, Natsuki," Mai continued – her voice cracking dangerously. "And I know that it probably makes me a selfish, petty person," she continued. Natsuki studied the way that Mai's eyes were starting to water, and felt her stomach tighten painfully. "But I don't even know the woman you almost died for, Natsuki," Mai exclaimed. "I just... if I had to choose between you or..."
"Mai," Natsuki cut her friend off softly. "I understand," she spoke with a small smile. "And I know if you were in my position, I would probably feel the same way," she admitted. She thought about it for a moment before continuing. "You should know that I had no idea I was actually going to get hit. I tried to knock Agent Viola out of the way, but I wasn't fast enough. Okay?" she asked with a reassuring smile. "It's not like it was a conscious choice between the two of us."
Mai shot Natsuki a discerning look before nodding slightly. "That does make me feel better," she admitted, then thought about it for a moment. "God, I'm a horrible person," she commented with a sigh.
Natsuki couldn't help but smile. "You're just honest," she replied.
Mai rested her head back down against Natsuki's pillow. Her hands payed with the bottom of her shirt, as she seemed to get almost lost in thought. "Who would you have chosen?" she asked suddenly – before considering that she might not want to know.
Natsuki's gaze shot up from her bed to the wall across from her. "...What do you mean?" she asked hesitantly – refusing to meet Mai's eyes.
"You know what I mean." Mai replied softly. She turned to face the navy-haired agent beside her.
Natsuki swallowed hard as her mind attempted to process what Mai had asked her. "That's not a fair question," was her soft reply. Mai opened her mouth to respond, but hesitated for a moment.
"Agent Kruger," a call from the door startled both women. "Oh," Nao's came to a halt in the doorway when her gaze fell on Mai. "Sorry, I didn't realize you had... friends?" she added questioningly.
Natsuki rolled her eyes before waving Nao into the room lazily. "Agent Zhang, this is Mai Tokiha. Mai, this is Nao Zhang."
"Nice to meet you," Mai leaned over the bed to shake Nao's hand briefly.
Nao smiled at her before slowly turning to face Natsuki. "I just thought I'd give you the heads-up. Agent Viola's almost here." Nao's gaze fell on Mai just in time to see the other red-head's face light up in acknowledgement. "Oh, you've heard of her?" Nao asked Mai with a grin.
Natsuki barely had time to groan before Mai replied. "Yeah," Mai answered – a similar grin forming on her face. "Have you heard of...? I mean... Has Natsuki..." she attempted to correct herself, then settled for turning to Natsuki with a hesitant expression on her face.
"Did you mean has Natsuki told me that she's a lesbian?" Nao offered. "Technically, no," she commented thoughtfully after the fact.
Mai turned to face Nao as soon as the words had left her mouth. Her expression quickly changed from mild shock to a mischievous grin. "See? I told you you'd make friends, Natsuki," Mai exclaimed happily.
"Thanks mom," Natsuki replied sarcastically. "And for the record, we," she gestured between Nao and herself, "are not friends."
Nao placed her hand on her chest in a wounded gesture. "Why do you refuse to let me get close to you?" she demanded with an exaggerated look of dismay.
"Cause you'd shove a knife between my ribs?" Natsuki offered with raised eyebrows.
Mai's gaze flipped between the two of them, as the corners of her mouth turned into a small smile. "So Viola-san's coming to visit her?" she asked Nao. Natsuki scowled at Mai for bringing Shizuru up once again.
"Yeah," Nao replied with a nod. "So... what exactly did Agent Kruger tell you about her?" she asked curiously.
"Nao," Natsuki spoke warningly. Nao turned to stare down Natsuki's glare with an amused expression on her face. She opened her mouth to speak, then suddenly stopped. She turned her head towards the imfirmary door as the faint clicking of high heels grew louder.
Natsuki's eyes widened dramatically. Nao took one look at the panic on the navy-haired woman's face and smirked. "You have to go," Natsuki whispered in a hushed voice to a very confused Mai.
"What?" Mai whispered back. "Why?" The redhead followed Natsuki's gaze to the infirmary door.
A few seconds later, the door opened. Mai could see Natsuki tense up in her peripheral vision. It was almost a little anticlimactic when a woman walked stepped through the entrance and closed the door quietly behind her.
When Shizuru turned around, all three agents were staring at her from across the room. "That was certainly unexpected," Shizuru couldn't help but think. Natsuki was the only one who noticed the flash of hesitation on the brown-haired woman's face before she calmly walked over to join them.
"Ara, I seem to have arrived during peak visiting hours," Shizuru commented with a calm smile. She consciously chose to ignore that smirk that Nao made no effort to hide and turned to face Mai directly. "I don't believe we've been introduced," she spoke.
"Oh...um..." Mai seemed to come up blank as she raised her hand up to shake Shizuru's.
"This is Mai Tokiha." Nao cut in helpfully. "She's heard absolutely nothing about you," she added with an emphatic shake of her head. When she turned to wink at Natsuki, the glare the navy-haired agent pulled off was nothing short of impressive.
"...I see," Shizuru replied with an amused smile. "Did I interrupt something?" she wondered to herself.
"P...Pleased to meet you," Mai stuttered as she shook Shizuru's hand. She's gorgeous.
"Shizuru Viola," Shizuru replied smoothly, "and the pleasure is mine."
Natsuki watched Mai visibly swallow hard when she heard Shizuru's name. Natsuki winced when Mai turned to look directly in her direction with a small grin on her face. Shizuru tactfully ignored the exchange and turned to face Natsuki as well. Natsuki forced a small smile, which Shizuru returned with an almost questioning look in her eyes.
"Are you a friend of Kruger-san's?" Shizuru asked as she turned back to Mai.
"Yes," Mai replied – seeming to have recovered from the initial shock fairly well. "I'm an agent at Fuuka, Natsuki's old district."
Shizuru nodded in understanding. "Since you came all this way, perhaps Agent Zhang and I should return a bit later," she spoke with a smile. She turned to Nao for support.
"Actually," Mai cut in, "I was just leaving. I have to go into work early tomorrow," she explained. She walked around the side of the bed so that she could get close enough to embrace Natsuki in a half hug. As she wrapped her arms around the navy-haired woman's neck, she bent down so that Natsuki could hear her whisper. "Oh my God," she spoke in a voice that was too quiet for anyone but Natsuki to hear, "she is hot. Like, I would go gay for her," she whispered excitedly.
Shizuru watched the red-haired agent embrace Natsuki tightly and felt – despite her best efforts and rationalizations – an increasingly familiar sting of jealousy.
"No you wouldn't," Natsuki scoffed a little too loudly. Shizuru was unable to stop herself from shooting Nao a questioning glance, which the other agent returned with a shrug.
"Probably not," Mai agreed with a laugh. "But it's a close call." She released Natsuki from the death grip she had her in and took a step back from the bed. "Take care of yourself, Natsuki," Mai added – her tone changing from playful to serious. "And remember, you need to talk to someone about living with you for a few days while you heal." A small smile crossed Mai's face when she saw Shizuru visibly react to the comment from the corner of her eye.
"Did Helene-san suggest that you needed someone to assist you?" Shizuru asked. "If you would allow me, I would be more than willing to help."
Natsuki's eyes widened, as the words left Shizuru's mouth. Her gaze shifted from the concerned look on Shizuru's face to the small smirk on Mai's lips. Natsuki shot the red-head a quick glare before turning back to Shizuru. Her heart pounded as she considered what it would be like to live with Shizuru, even if the arrangement would be temporary. She was so attracted to the other woman, it would be a miracle if Shizuru didn't pick up on it. That was - by far - the last thing that she needed.
"A...actually," Natsuki stuttered, "I think Agent Zhang said that I could live with her for a couple days." She subtly gave Nao a pleading glance.
Nao grinned while she shook her head in response. "Sorry Kruger," she replied, "but I can't."
"What?" Natsuki demanded. "Why?" Her expression hardened into a threatening glare.
"What would my husband say?" Nao asked with a raised eyebrow. "He doesn't even know you. It would be more than a little weird for you both."
Natsuki gaped openly the instant the words left Nao's mouth. "H...husband?" she mouthed – too shocked to actually say the word out loud. She turned to look at Shizuru's reaction, but the brown-haired woman just gave her a small nod. Natsuki turned back to Nao with the same aghast expression.
"What?" Nao asked with a shrug. "I can't have layers?"
"That's perfectly understandable," Mai jumped in. "You can stay with Viola-san then, Natsuki." She countered the desperate look on Natsuki's face with a grin, and discreetly mouthed the words 'you're welcome'.
Shizuru studied the way that Natsuki hesitated and felt her heart sink. It was clear that the younger agent felt uncomfortable at the idea. "Unless of course, you had other plans," Shizuru spoke quietly. She studied the floor as she waited for Natsuki to voice her agreement. When no one spoke, Shizuru glanced up to see Natsuki staring at her silently.
Natsuki mentally kicked herself for being so insistent that Nao stay with her. Almost anyone could have picked up on her hesitation to live with Shizuru, much less a highly-trained agent. But anyone studying Shizuru's body language would have thought that the brown-haired agent was completely oblivious.
It was the hurt look in her eyes that told Natsuki otherwise.
"No," Natsuki spoke softly. "I would really like that." She was startled when she realized just how true her statement had been. Despite how terrified the thought of living with Shizuru made her, she couldn't deny that she wanted to desperately. Her days spent in the infirmary seemed to already be measured in the time between the older woman's visits. When Shizuru's features betrayed a hint of disbelief, Natsuki forced herself to let the desire briefly show on her face.
Shizuru's eyes searched Natsuki's from across the room. She looked desperately for any sign contradicting Natsuki's words – almost as if she didn't want to allow herself to believe that Natsuki was telling the truth. It was small, fleeting moments like this that made it impossibly hard not to construct elaborate fantasies - fantasies that shattered as painfully as they were precisely manufactured.
There was no telltale waver in Natsuki's smile to suggest dishonesty. "A...alright," Shizuru replied in an equally quiet voice.
"That's settled then," Mai declared with a satisfied look on her face. Placing her arm comfortably on Nao's shoulder, she took a few steps towards the infirmary door. "I'll call you tomorrow Natsuki," she called out over her shoulder.
"See you, Kruger," Nao added as she allowed herself to be led out of the room by Mai. Shizuru and Natsuki turned to face each other. Both women felt themselves relax a little when they realized that they were alone with each other.
Shizuru sat down comfortably in the chair beside Natsuki's bed - her gaze falling on the cardboard box that was on the ground beside it. "Did your friend bring this in?" she asked curiously. She gestured to the box when Natsuki gave her a questioning look.
"Oh," Natsuki replied, "yeah, she did. Apparently, that's some stuff from my apartment." She had completely forgotten about the box until Shizuru had pointed it out.
"That was kind of her," Shizuru replied. Carefully, she picked up the box and set it down on her lap. "May I?" she asked as she placed her hand on one of the folds.
"Yeah, sure," Natsuki replied with a shrug. She watched as the brown-haired woman peeled back the flaps and reached inside. "I still haven't opened it, so..." She trailed off as Shizuru slowly raised her hand back out of the box.
Dangled on the end of Shizuru's index finger was a pair of silky white underwear lined with black lace. "Ara," Shizuru commented with a raised eyebrow. She glanced up at Natsuki with a playfully questioning look.
"T...that's..." Natsuki stuttered as her face turned a bright shade of red. When no explanation came to her, she settled for an angry groan. "You know you're close when your friend breaks into your apartment and rifles through your underwear drawer," she muttered to herself sarcastically.
Shizuru's lips curled into a subtle smile as she placed the garment carefully back inside the box, before setting the whole thing back on the floor. It took considerable discipline to ignore the images of Natsuki that were currently running through her mind. Shizuru felt her cheeks start to burn before she could stop them. "Perhaps I should let you go through this," she commented playfully.
"I'm going to kill her," Natsuki spoke through gritted teeth.
"There's no need to be embarrassed," Shizuru replied playfully. "It's not as if you don't have impeccable taste. As I'm sure your boyfriend would agree," she added with a forced smile.
Natsuki's face flushed a bright red. "A...actually," she stuttered, "I um... don't have one." She swallowed as the brown-haired woman looked up at her.
"No?" Shizuru asked. She inwardly winced when she realized how much her own surprise - and even maybe a little bit of hope - had come through in her voice.
Natsuki shook her head silently. Her heart raced as her mind scrolled through various options. It almost seemed like the perfect time to casually work in her sexuality. If she was going to be living with Shizuru, the other woman deserved to know about it. Natsuki gulped when she once again replayed what she had overheard in the bathroom. "I have to tell her," Natsuki chanted to herself. "Especially if the idea might make her so uncomfortable." If she went ahead and stayed with Shizuru and then it came out that she was a lesbian, who knew how Shizuru would react.
Natsuki pictured the shocked look on Shizuru's face before she could stop herself. There was a sharp pain in her side, as her stomach clenched tightly. "This is stupid," Natsuki angrily thought to herself. "It's not like I haven't had people react like that before." Her left hand curled around her right as she rubbed her hands together with increasing force. Why was everything so different when Shizuru entered the equation?
"Natsuki?" Shizuru's soft voice broke through Natsuki's thoughts. Shizuru studied the way that Natsuki was clenching her hands together and regretted saying anything. "She's probably been through a bad break-up recently," Shizuru realized as her heart sank. "I...I'm sorry if I brought up something painful for you," she offered hesitantly.
"No, it's..." Natsuki took a deep breath before continuing, "It's not that."
Shizuru nodded in understanding, but didn't say anything more. She waited to see if Natsuki would continue – not wanting to push the younger woman into telling her anything that she didn't want to. A minute or so passed in silence. Each woman contemplated their next move as carefully as if they were living out a chess games.
"Would you like something to drink?" Shizuru offered suddenly. "I think I'll make a quick trip down to the break room."
"Sure," Natsuki nodded. "Some tea would be great."
"Perfect," Shizuru replied with a smile. Her heels clacked against the floor melodically as she walked out of the room.
The moment that she was gone, Natsuki let her head fall down against the pillow behind her. "Oh my God," she groaned quietly. "Why is this so damn difficult?" The heart rate monitor beeped noisily as she lost the careful focus she'd employed to maintain a relaxed appearance. "Oh, shut up," Natsuki hissed at the machine.
"Shizuru, there's something I have to tell you," Natsuki mentally rehearsed. "And it's not a big deal or anything. Well, hopefully it won't be a big deal," she added before hitting her head against her pillow in frustration. "That sounds so lame," she groaned. And obviously it's going to be a big deal. I mean the last woman who told Shizuru she was gay, Shizuru had transferred. "Oh my God," Natsuki spoke softly in realization. "She had her transferred. Who... Who does that? That's just..." she fumed to herself. "I shouldn't even be talking to her much less..."
Natsuki's angry rant was cut off by the sound of the infirmary door opening once again. Natsuki made a small effort to conceal the anger she knew was displayed on her face, while Shizuru walked over.
"I hope this is prepared to your liking," Shizuru spoke as she passed Natsuki the mug in her right hand. As Shizuru reclaimed her seat, Natsuki set her tea down dismissively on the table beside her.
"I need to tell you something," Natsuki blurted out before she lost her courage.
Sensing the seriousness in Natsuki's voice, Shizuru slowly lowered the mug from her mouth. "Yes?" she replied softly.
"And I don't want you to get the wrong idea," Natsuki continued. "I know that a lot of people are uncomfortable with the idea of being around someone who's... you know," she blurted out. Natsuki hesitated a moment as she processed what she had just said. "Why am I trying to excuse her homophobia?" she asked herself – feeling more than a little conflicted. Natsuki herself had heard the conversation that Shizuru had had with Tomoe, but it was still so hard to imagine the brown-haired woman ever saying something hateful without reason.
Shizuru ran what Natsuki had said over a couple times before allowing a small frown to cross her face. "Kanin na, but I'm not sure what you..."
"Gay people," Natsuki blurted – anxiety and anger making the words sound more harsh than she had intended. "Okay? A lot of people are uncomfortable around gay people."
Shizuru slowly lowered her tea down to her lap. A slight tremble ran through her hands as she did so. Natsuki watched as all traces of emotion seemed to disappear from her face. "I see," Shizuru replied coolly. "This is why she seemed so uncomfortable with the idea of living with me," she realized bitterly. Natsuki must have sensed the intense attraction she felt to her.
"And I get it, okay?" Natsuki offered aggressively – the angry tone in her voice contradicting the statement. "It's... different, or whatever," she said with a roll of her eyes. "And people just don't understand different." Natsuki swallowed hard as she stared down at her hands.
"I..." Shizuru started, but found herself at a loss for words. "I appreciate your honesty," was the only thing she could come up with. The look of unrestrained anger on Natsuki's face made it feel as if all of the air had suddenly left the room; Shizuru could feel herself unravelling.
Natsuki nodded. "Yeah, I figured," she replied hoarsely. "So, let's just say I really don't think it would be a good idea for us to stay together."
Shizuru ignored the feeling that her lungs were caving in. "Alright," she stated simply. If Natsuki had gathered up the courage to look Shizuru in the eyes, she would have been startled by the ferocity they contained. "Perhaps I should leave now," Shizuru added – allowing just a little bitterness to seep into the words.
"I think that would be best," Natsuki angrily replied. She had imagined this very moment many times before. "You knew this would happen," her mind screamed loudly. But even the most intricate of manufactured scenarios had not prepared her for the overwhelming feeling of betrayal.
Wordlessly, Shizuru stood up and began to walk towards the exit. Her knees trembled uncharacteristically, as she tried to make the motion appear smooth. The sound of loud heartbeats filled her ears when she realized that Natsuki would never look at her the same way again. Closing her eyes as she inhaled a slow breath, Shizuru slowed her steps to a halt.
Natsuki glanced up to see the brown-haired woman turn around. There was a look of determination on her face that Natsuki had never seen before. "I am not ashamed of what I feel," Shizuru spoke fiercely. Fire burned in her gaze as she locked eyes with the younger agent.
Natsuki felt adrenalin rush through her veins as anger consumed her. "Really?" she demanded angrily. "Cause you know what? You should be ashamed," she sneered. "I am sick of the ignorance in this world. And the sad thing is that you would never guess, just talking to you," she continued, "you'd never guess what a homophobic jerk you can be."
Shizuru's eyes widened as soon as she processed what Natsuki had said. W...was that a mistake?
"Yes, you may be an incredibly beautiful woman," Natsuki continued - letting her anger fuel her. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to like... stare at you whenever you get out of the shower or what ever. Seriously. Grow up," she snapped.
The adrenalin made it incredibly hard to concentrate; it took Shizuru twice as long as it should have to work through what Natsuki had said. She replayed the words Natsuki had used multiple times before the surprise fully took form on her features. "Natsuki, are you telling me that... you're gay?" Shizuru asked bluntly.
At first Natsuki thought that Shizuru was mocking her, but the shock on the other woman's face looked surprisingly genuine. "Wh...what did you think I was telling you?" Natsuki replied in a similarly confused tone.
Shizuru raised a hand to her temple as she replayed everything that had been said – at the same time paying close attention to what hadn't actually been said. A confused smile crossed her lips.
Natsuki studied the way that Shizuru's eyes sparkled – almost as if she was playfully amused by something – and felt her anger instantly dissipate. "W...what?" Natsuki asked. She cursed the way she was unable to maintain the angry tone in her voice.
"For the purpose of clarification," Shizuru began as the concentration on her face relaxed a little, "are you or are you not aware that I'm a lesbian?"
Natsuki gaped as she stared at the other woman. "...What?" She managed to get out before her lungs seemed to stop working entirely. "No you're not," she stated in disbelief. The words almost sounded a little petty. Her face burned when Shizuru allowed a small smile to play across her lips.
"Natsuki," Shizuru shook her head a little as she walked back over to the bed. She hesitated only for a moment before sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Why didn't you just tell me?" she asked – sounding more than a little bewildered.
"I...I did," Natsuki replied in a similar tone. "But why did you react so... weirdly then?"
"You looked so upset with me," Shizuru replied with a small laugh. "And then you used the fact that a significant percentage of the world's population is homophobic to rationalize that we shouldn't stay together. I must confess that I... misunderstood your main point." she added with a small smile.
"I..." Natsuki trailed off as she suddenly realized what Shizuru had thought she had been trying to say. "Wow," she stated simply after a moment. "I don't suppose we could just pretend that that never happened." The relief and embarrassment washing over her combined to give her voice a telltale quiver.
"Natsuki," Shizuru spoke with a sympathetic smile. Her gaze dropped down to Natsuki's arms. "You're shaking," she spoke soothingly. Concern crossed her face as she moved to lie down beside the younger woman. Gently, she pried Natsuki's hands free of each other and interlocked the fingers on Natsuki's right hand with her own. Natsuki's face seemed to flush a little in embarrassment as she curled her fingers around Shizuru's hand. "Was that...was that the first time you've told someone?" Shizuru asked quietly.
She was startled when Natsuki burst into a fit of laughter. A confused smile formed on her face as she waited for Natsuki to respond. "No," Natsuki replied as her laughter faded to a smile. The whole situation was almost a little too much for her. "I know you probably won't believe me after that little episode, but I normally have no problem telling people I like women if they ask."
Shizuru's smile widened a little when she saw how amused Natsuki was by the situation. But when she thought about it for a moment, her smile faded back to a serious frown. "Did you really think I wouldn't understand?"
"I overheard you getting into a fight with that teal-haired agent," Natsuki replied. A confused look formed on her face when she realized there was now no way to explain what she had heard. "You told her she had to switch districts because she was gay."
Shizuru's eyes widened a little. "Ara," she spoke after a minute of thought. "I can see how that may have mislead you."
"What do you mean?" Natsuki asked.
"I asked Marguerite-san to have herself transferred because she was too... insistent for my liking."
Natsuki eyes widened as she mentally translated what Shizuru had said. "She stalked you?" she asked with sudden interest. "Seriously?"
"It was beginning to distract me from my work," Shizuru replied – choosing her words carefully. "I simply thought it would be better if she... removed herself from temptation."
Natsuki nodded quietly, before a slow wince crossed her face. "Look, I'm really sorry that I kind of...freaked out on you."
Shizuru smiled as she slowly shook her head. "Given the circumstances, I suppose I'll just have to forgive you." She hesitated as she studied Natsuki's face carefully. Does my opinion really mean that much to her? "Does this mean you will agree to let me help you for a few days?" Shizuru asked curiously. "I would of course promise not to... what was it?" she asked as a grin formed on her face, "...Watch you as you got out of the shower?"
Natsuki groaned, though she couldn't help but laugh. "Can we please just pretend that that conversation never happened?" she asked pleadingly. She placed a hand over her heart as she inhaled a slow breath. "I think that seriously almost sent me into cardiac arrest."
Shizuru smiled as she knocked Natsuki's hand away so that she could see for herself. She rolled onto her side as she gently placed her hand on the top portion of Natsuki's ribcage. Her face flushed a little when she realized how warm Natsuki's body felt to the touch. It was intoxicating. "I don't feel any palpitations," she commented with just a hint of playfulness in her voice.
Natsuki swallowed hard as she tried to focus solely on her heart rate. It wasn't an easy feat, considering Shizuru's hand was effectively on her chest. "Geez," Natsuki commented as she slowly exhaled. "I told you I was a lesbian two minutes ago and already you're trying to discreetly feel me up." She forced a laugh as Shizuru smiled mischievously.
Shizuru leaned towards Natsuki's ear in a motion that was so slow, Natsuki almost didn't sense it until she felt the other woman's hot breath on her ear. "Trust me, Kruger-san," Shizuru drawled slowly, "if I was making a move on you, you would be very aware."
Natsuki inhaled so sharply it sounded dangerously like a gasp. Her face flushed an ever deeper shade of red when Shizuru made no effort to move back. "She's going to know you're practically all over her," Natsuki mentally screamed to herself. "Just because she's a lesbian, doesn't mean she's into you." Mustering up the remaining courage that she head, Natsuki sharply turned her head to face Shizuru – finding her face no more than a few centimetres away. She could see the surprise in Shizuru's eyes, though the other woman made no move to pull back. "That's funny," Natsuki whispered in a voice that made Shizuru's toes curl, "I could say the same thing."
Shizuru felt her face heat up uncontrollably. Her body was screaming for her to close the gap between them, but her mind was telling her otherwise. "She's just playing around," Shizuru reminded herself repeatedly as she forced an amused smile onto her face. She pulled back and readjusted her position. Natsuki did the same a moment later. "Well, now that we've determined there is in fact no need for a defibrillator, what do you say about finishing that movie?" Shizuru asked – ignoring the way that her voice was cracking.
"Sounds good," Natsuki replied eagerly. She focused carefully on her breathing as Shizuru got up off of the bed. When she heard the infirmary door close, Natsuki ran a hand through her hair anxiously. "Shizuru's gay," her mind chanted over and over again triumphantly. "And a coworker," came a less joyful afterthought. "Not to mention completely out of your league,"Natsuki grumbled. She had never even really considered that Shizuru might be interested in women. But now that Natsuki knew she was, had anything even really changed between them?
Shizuru was so lost in though that she almost walked right passed the conference room. She opened the door quickly – her gaze falling on the laptop on the table. "Natsuki is a lesbian," Shizuru mentally repeated to herself for what seemed like the hundredth time. Her mind tried desperately to replay what had happened in the infirmary; Shizuru had been too consumed by the moment to gauge Natsuki's reaction. The other woman certainly didn't seem to be intimidated by her, like so many others were. Shizuru's stomach cramped a little when she ran through the way that Natsuki had teasingly spoken right back to her.
"Ara," Shizuru mused to herself as her cheeks flushed lightly, "I've never been beaten at my own game before."
A/N: So I really hope that you guys enjoyed that! :D
Lol, I actually toyed around with the idea of having Natsuki stay with Nao instead of Shizuru for a while. I figured it would be less predicatble, plus I could write them driving each other insane. In the end though, I decided that I did kind of want Shizuru and Natsuki to be living in the same place for a while (I have plans for them... muahahaha). Lol, and then the idea to make Nao married just sort of came to me. I figured it would totally be the sort of thing that Nao would just forget to tell everyone about, then casually slip it into conversation and proceed to walk away. :D Maybe it's just me, lol.