A/N: Okay, so. There has been an accusation of irresponsibility, which I take very, very seriously. I often write fics BECAUSE other people have been so irresponsible with the topic, and I try very hard to be both truthful and responsible. Please feel free to move past the bold into the story.

The DSM (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual that psychiatrists and psychologists use to diagnose people with psychological disorders and illnesses) lists two different kinds of disorders in relation to drug use. There is drug abuse and drug addiction. Drug abuse is a symptom and yes, it is a choice. A very irresponsible choice (though I will say it is NOT a choice made in a vacuum. When you are in so much pain you would do anything to escape it, you make choices "normal" people wouldn't. I'm under no delusions. If I had had access to drugs as a teen, I would have been an alcoholic or drug addict. I know this).

Drug ADDICTION is a disease and it is not a choice. This is not something you can argue with me about. There is PHYSICAL evidence. If you take a scan of a healthy brain and compare it to an addicted brain, you will SEE the difference. It CHANGES your brain. Physically. More specifically, it changes the PRIORITIZING part of your brain, changes your priorities. Addiction is no more a choice than my diagnosis of manic depression.

However, the fact Jasper has a disease is NOT an EXCUSE. At no point in my story have I attempted to excuse any addict's actions. Jasper doesn't ask to be excused or forgiven. Maria didn't ask to be excused in her diatribe. Because addiction, like manic depression, can be managed. You CAN get better. You CAN get help. The CHOICE here is to make the decision to get better, to face the consequences of the things you did under the influence of your disease. Even as a manic depressive, I had to make that choice. It is a HARD HARD HARD choice to make. It's a lot of work, but I'll admit, I get frustrated with the people who refuse to do it.

My characters DO NOT seek to be excused nor forgiven. They DO seek to be UNDERSTOOD. Because, to me, there is a HUGE difference between a man who abandons his injured girlfriend and newborn because he's a dick and one who does it because he is very, very sick. He still has to face the consequences. Not even his parents, who DO understand him, are protecting him from that.

A quote from a site I found: Addicts aren't bad people trying to get good. They're sick people trying to get well.

There is such a thing as having compassion for people without condoning the wrong they've done (which is what Carlisle and Esme represent in this story).

~10 Months Post Accident, Five Minutes Post First Kiss~

The adult thing to do would have been to talk about what was going on between them, but Edward's mouth was far too busy for such things.

Over the years Edward had known Bella, he'd had his share of inane fantasies and passing curiosity. Bits and pieces stuck out in his memory.

He remembered sitting in the kitchen of his parents' home with his schoolwork spread out around him. Bella was waiting for Jasper to get home, and had started to help Esme make some kind of fancy dessert for a bake sale. Bella's soft voice and the sound of her laughter as she chopped and mixed made for a soothing background to his constant study.

He looked up and froze where he sat. He'd caught caught Bella in the act of cleaning her fingers by way of her tongue. It wasn't that it struck him as erotic. That particular moment, he remembered wondering how long the sugar sweetness would last in her mouth.

Today was the answer to that long held question. It frustrated Bella to no end that she had to work so hard to learn to walk again. To stop herself from gritting her teeth when she did her exercises, she'd taken to rolling a jawbreaker around her mouth. As a result, the lingering taste, as his tongue stroked hers, was a mix of sweet and sour. Lemon warhead. His lips puckered against hers.

A flurry of other memories came to him, and Edward's heart sped, his head spun, his fingers itched with want. She hadn't said, of course, but he felt they were on the same page. She was touchable now, and he had dreamed of so many ways he wanted to touch her.

Of course, that was when he remembered the baby in the arm that wasn't wrapped around Bella. He pulled back, blinking as he tried to gather his wits about him. Kaylee still had her head on his shoulder, her fingers in her mouth, but her expression was more curious than sullen now, as though she couldn't quite figure out what her two favorite people were doing.

Edward glanced at Bella and smiled when he saw she looked just as out of sorts as he felt. Her lips were parted, her shoulders rising and falling with her pants. She glanced at Kaylee and back at Edward. They both laughed, a little titter of abashed giddiness.

He still didn't have the right words. He wasn't done using his mouth for other things. Silent, he stood and took a few hurried steps to where the majority of Kaylee's toys were set out. He tried to put her down on the blanket, but she wasn't having it. She took her fingers out of her mouth so she could wrap her arms around his neck, growling her displeasure in that way that only very small children could. He tried again with the same result. Kaylee only clung tighter.

Edward sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. He glanced at Bella. "Dinner?"

She swallowed hard and nodded. "Dinner."

Even after their decision Edward was reluctant to move. There was a peculiar sense of foreboding in the room, as if he would die if he had to be as far away as the kitchen from Bella. But she must have been on the same page because she lunged for her crutches. Edward went to her side, offering his free arm so she she could pull herself up.

Rather than move immediately as she usually did, when she found herself so close to him, she lingered. Her eyes darted down to his lips, and that was all it took. He circled her waist to bring her up against him again, and her crutches clattered to the floor. She tilted her head up as he tilted his head down.

Kaylee must have decided she thought they were hilarious because she started to giggle. She patted Bella's face as Edward straightened up again. "Ma," she said, leaning forward, trying to wrap her arms around Bella's neck.

"Whoa, sugar. Hold on," Edward said, angling his body so he was still supporting Bella but Kaylee was further away from her. "Mommy can't carry you yet."

It took another minute, but they made their way together to the kitchen. Edward settled Kaylee in her highchair with a toy to distract her. He turned back to Bella. She gasped when he lifted her up onto the counter, crutches and all. Her shock turned into a grin, and she set aside her crutches so she could pull him toward her for another kiss. Kaylee babbled at them, not at all pleased to be missing out on this new game.

Breathless, Edward pulled away but not very far. He stroked her cheek. "Three fifty?"

Bella blinked at him. "What?"

Edward closed his eyes a moment and laughed at his own ridiculousness. His thoughts were zipping around his head at a mile a minute, each of them clamoring for attention while he simultaneously wanted to lose himself in Bella. Somewhere in all of that, it occurred to him they had not had dinner. Kaylee, at the very least, needed to be fed and played with. Bella should be studying. Then the baby had to be put to bed. "Scalloped potatoes, just the box kind, to go with your chicken piccata. You set the oven to three fifty."

She licked her lips and glanced to Kaylee and back, catching up to him. "Oh. Yeah. I think so."

Reluctant, he took her hands in his and brought them to his lips for a lingering kiss. Then he helped her off the counter, supporting her weight while they hobbled the few steps to the kitchen table.

It was surreal how quickly everything could go back to business as usual when his entire world had changed. The last many months of his life had been exactly like this: him finishing up dinner while Bella studied or played with Kaylee.

In the disquieting normalcy that settled over them, Edward began to worry. They hadn't said more than two words to each other since that first kiss, and while he knew what he wanted, he couldn't be sure what she was thinking. The possibility they were on the same page filled him with a hope he'd never known, but if he was misreading her…

Time passed slowly, but though they went about their usual routine, there was a marked difference. They touched whenever they could. They were small touches-he drew his fingers across her back as he went by, she brushed his hand with hers when she passed the salt.

Those innocent touches were incendiary. Desire mounted by the minute, and it was all Edward could do to keep himself from pulling her to him and pressing her up against the nearest surface. Was that moving too fast? She obviously wanted to kiss him, but did she want more?

Edward wanted everything.

Even though they'd had time over dinner and as they were getting Kaylee ready for bed, they still didn't talk. They chatted with Kaylee and exchanged necessary information, but they didn't talk about why their gazes lingered, why her foot stroked up his leg as they ate.

"She's asleep," Bella said when Edward emerged from the kitchen after putting the dishes in the dishwasher.

Kaylee indeed had passed out cold on her playmat, her hand in a fist up by her head. Edward smiled as he padded over to her. He squatted down and brushed a strand of hair away from her pretty face. His baby was precious.

His baby.

How little it took to let himself dream.

Careful to jostle her as little as possible, Edward gathered Kaylee up unto his arms, rubbing her back when she whimpered. When he turned, Bella grabbed his elbow and turned him back. He was caught by the flicker of uncertainty and something else, something feral in her eyes. "Come back for me," she said.

Lightning went down Edward's spine striking him in his cock. The look on her face, the way she licked her lips after she spoke… he didn't think there was another way to read her words. Normally she was stubborn enough to insist on getting up the stairs herself, but that was a slow, laborious process. If she wanted him to carry her up, she was in a bigger rush than all that.

Edward swallowed hard and nodded. He headed up the stairs, forcing himself to keep an even gait. If he woke Kaylee now, he was going to regret it. He laid her in her crib in Bella's room and rubbed her tummy until she settled again. When he was satisfied she would stay asleep, he hurried back downstairs.

Bella reached for him as he reached for her. If nothing else, they seemed to be on the same page that talking was for chumps. He hooked one arm at the crook of her legs and lifted her, fusing their mouths the instant it was possible.

How he made it up the stairs without killing them both, he wasn't sure. Somehow, though, they were in his room and Bella on his bed. Edward crawled over her in the next heartbeat, holding himself up on one arm as their kisses quickly escalated in urgency.

Some small, unwelcome voice in his head began to whisper. This wasn't how it was done. They weren't supposed to go from first kisses hours ago to horizontal in his bed without so much as a word of explanation. Their situation wasn't simple. And anyway, why did he assume this was what she wanted? This was his long-held fantasy. Bella was appreciative. She cared for him, certainly. Maybe she was lonely, and all of those were not the right reasons for this to happen.

But she was willing, wanting. Her hips bucked up to meet his. Her hands tangled in his hair, tugging him closer.

With a groan he let his arm collapse so his body pinned hers to the bed. She hooked her good leg up around his waist, and he thought he was going to die of pure pleasure of it.

Still, he couldn't assume. He shouldn't. "Tell me to stop," he murmured against the skin of her neck. Christ, she smelled delicious. He wanted to taste-

"Stop."

He stopped instantly though he was sure he must have heard wrong. He pulled back. "What?"

She groaned and covered her face with her hands. "Oh, God. We don't…" She swallowed and sighed, dropping her hands to his shoulders. "Condom," she said. "We don't have condoms."

Though she was speaking plain English her meaning didn't sink in to Edward's thick skull for a few more seconds. When it did, he started. Guilt permeated the haze of desire. It was something he should have thought of.

He opened his mouth to apologize, but something about the irritation and dismay written all over her face stopped him. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to resist the urge to laugh. It was just such a ridiculous, surreal situation. This morning she had been his best friend, his niece's mother, the woman he'd wanted for years but never dared to think he could have. Now she was pressed against him, pouting because she wanted him and yet…

They had to be responsible. If they weren't going to talk first, and it didn't seem like either of them was in the mood for that, Bella getting knocked up accidentally-again-wasn't going to make anything less complicated.

She just looked so perturbed about it.

Unable to help himself any longer, Edward ducked his head to bury his titter into her hair. He almost felt bad except then she began to giggle with him. The way her body shook beneath his did nothing to alleviate his craving for her which only made him laugh harder, which got her going as well.

It was minutes before their giggles tapered off. By then, Edward had rolled to the side, bringing Bella with him. He stroked her cheek, running the pads of his fingers over her flushed skin. Her hands were gentle along his back. They needed to talk.

He pressed his thumb to the underside of her chin and tilted her head up.

But not yet.

He kissed her soundly. His fingers stroked a line down her neck. He shifted so she was on her back and he on his side leaning over her. He brought his hand to cup her breast, and she gasped, pulling out of his kiss. "Edward, we-"

"Shhhh." He kissed her again. "Do you trust me?" He brushed his thumb over her nipple, stimulating the sensitive flesh through the cloth that covered her.

Her breath shuddered hot against his face. "Yes."

He straightened up onto his knees, pulling her into a sitting position long enough to pull her shirt up over her head. His fingers played at the front clasp of her bra. Her eyes were dark with want, but he asked anyway. "Do you want me?"

"Yes," she said and leaned forward to nip at his lips as he freed her from the confines of her bra.

It was all Edward needed to hear. His lips made a beeline for her breasts lingering only long enough to pay the barest homage to her neck and collarbone. He flicked the tip of her tit with the tip of his tongue and traced his thumb along the curve of her breast. He lapped and licked and occasionally nipped until she was squirming. She tugged at his shirt, and he stopped only long enough to pull it off. He made muffled whimpers of contentment as her fingers pressed along his bare skin.

After a minute he let his hand drift down her body. He ran a fingertip around her belly button, grinning when she writhed and gasped at the light touch. He let his hand dip lower still and unbuttoned her jeans, slipping his hand into her panties.

The result was immediate. Bella moaned and pushed up against his hand. In his life, Edward had encountered nothing as erotic as the noise of Bella's pleasure. There was a harmonic range of it, he quickly discovered, and he was eager to find its extent.

To that end, he made a wet trail down her torso and lapped around her bellybutton-how he loved the the little squeal she made and the way her body jolted-as he worked to get her jeans off.

When he straightened up to pull them all the way down her legs, he was momentarily distracted by the scars that littered her skin from thigh to ankle. Scars from surgery and from shrapnel. All Edward's thoughts, fears, and anger about the accident came back to him along with the most unwelcomed thoughts of his brother.

He knew the accident wasn't Jasper's fault, but he was still angry. It had been Jasper's job to take care of her, and he'd failed in every respect.

But he didn't want to think about Jasper then. He didn't want to rehash his fury and confusion. How could his brother not see the precious gift Bella and Kaylee were? How could he have mistreated them so badly? And yet, if Jasper had taken care of his girls the way he was supposed to, Edward wouldn't be here in this bed with this woman.

Bella touched his cheek. "Edward?" the word was small and uncertain. When he looked up, he was horrified to see shame and uncertainty in her eyes. Of course. She couldn't have any idea what he was thinking as he stared at her disfigured leg. "You don't-"

He silenced her with a thorough kiss, working her panties down as he slid his tongue along hers. When he felt the tension go out of her, he released her lips with a wet smack and returned his attention further down her body. He kissed each of the scars he could before he licked his way along her inner thigh.

Her breath was heavy, her fingers curled around his neck, playing with his hair. Her good leg rested over his shoulder, her heel rubbing his back. The occasional word fell from her lips. "Please," when his tongue teased her clit and licked the moisture from her slit. "Oh," when his tongue parted her lips. "More," when his laps were too slow. "Oh, yes. Yes," when he added his fingers so he could play with her clit or slip inside her.

"Edward," when she came, her fingers tangling in his hair with a grip that might have been painful if Edward wasn't so lost in her pleasure.

He sat back on his haunches, knowing full well the smirk on his face had to be smug. He said nothing but gazed at her unabashedly, watching the way her body moved as she caught her breath. Her eyelashes fluttered as she looked up at him, her eyes unfocused at first. When she saw him watching her, her lips turned up. "Come here," she said, her voice gravel-rough and sexy.

Not about to disobey an order like that, Edward lowered himself back down. She curled against him so they were both on their sides and kissed him, licking her own taste off his tongue. As she did, she worked her hands between them, releasing him from where he strained against the confines of his jeans. She kept his lips busy with hers as she wrapped her hand around his cock.

It had been a long time since he'd had anyone in his bed, and this was Bella. Bella whom he'd touched and tasted and whose moans and mewls were all the foreplay he would ever need. He was already worked up. It was only a minute, two at most, before he spilled into her hand, drowning his ecstasy in her mouth.

They lingered even after they'd both caught their breaths and the heat had receded from the atmosphere. Edward was sorely tempted to wrap her up in his arms and fall asleep. He'd often imagined ending his days that way.

But it was better to clear the line between fantasy and reality sooner than later. Edward's throat tightened. If he got out of this bed, they would have to talk. The way she kissed him, the way she was looking at him then with open adoration, Edward doubted he was alone in what he felt for her. Still, it didn't mean they could untangle the mess they were about to make with their already complex relationship.

Edward pressed a long kiss against Bella's forehead before he rolled out of bed. "I'll be right back."

He wet a washcloth and returned to bed to clean them both off. He paid specific detail to each of her fingers, stalling.

In the end, for all his stumbling and over-thinking, it was simple. Bella cupped his cheek and called his name quietly. He looked up, his heart pounding, knowing this woman was about to change his life forever one way or another.

She took a deep breath. "Do you want us?"

His heart skipped a beat. Did she mean them, him and her as a unit, or them, her and Kaylee, he wondered. Either way, the answer was the same. "Yes."

Her eyes were intense on his, steady, and he could see hope tinged around the edges with uncertainty. She pressed her lips together. "You know what that means, right? Whatever you feel for me, whatever our relationship becomes, if you're Kaylee's daddy…"

He squeezed her hands in his and pulled them to his heart. "I've wanted her to be mine since the moment I saw her. She knows me. All this time, you've been getting better, and I'm glad, but I've also been dreading the day I don't get to see her first thing in the morning." He raised her hands to his lips. "And you. Bella. I… I love you. Both of you."

A smile spread wide across her face and she flung herself forward, her arms around his neck. "I love you." She pulled back and kissed him once, twice, and grinned at him. "I think I'll keep you."

She pulled him down with her back onto the bed again, and they lost themselves to soft touch and fervent kisses.

A/N: I think we get one more flashback chappie… the chappie after next. We'll see what the kids do for me.

Many thanks to my girls, jfka06, barburella, and songster!