Epic Rap Battles of Fiction
RONALD MCDONALD...
The white, red, and yellow symbol and spokesperson of the McDonalds corporation sits in front of one of his thousands of locations. A grin plastered on his face, he lays on a bench, one leg up on it. Two girls, having their faces made up like Ronald, and wearing the same apparel, have Ronald's arms wrapped around them.
VERSUS...
PENNYWIIIIIIISE!
All that can be seen of Pennywise is his head, as he looks up through a storm drain. However, this is all you need to see to be utterly horrified... at first glance, he appears to look like a regular clown. But, when he smiles, his razor sharp, rotted teeth come into view...
BEGIN!
Ronald McDonald:
I represent America's trademark pasttime...
Eating!
You represent what my food looks like the next day...
HEY!
Now you, Pennywise,
should be ashamed.
A spider,
Who got offed by a slingshot?
Insane!
You're like a lame boss
from one of those Zelda games!
So, hurry,
Mr. Curry,
get out of my way!
I'll crush your sweet transevstite ass...
And sprinkle it on some fat kid's shake!
Pennywise, breathing deeply, still smiling menacingly, motions for Ronald to come closer with his gloved, red-stained hand.
Pennywise:
C'mon Ronny,
take a step into the street...
Take a look into my eyes...
Take a look at these teeth...
I don't float...
I'm fly...
Step to me, clown...
And you will die...
I'm the Maine man...
Created by the King, man...
I'm the face of terror...
In the hearts of thousands...
You're the face of attacks...
In the hearts of billions...
You're more of a sellout than Krusty the Klown...
Worse jokes than him too...
Why don't you stop clowning around...
And ride your slaughter cows out of MY FUCKING TOWN?!
Showing no effort, Pennywise bends the bars of the storm drain back enough for him to exit the storm drain. He slinks out, and steps on to the street. Ronald doesn't show any change in emotion, instead just laughing in his usual manner.
Ronald McDonald:
Pfft, my customers,
they eat your kind for BREAKFAST!
Ya got shot down by a slut,
a fat fuck,
and Seth Green!
A million lawsuits couldn't put a stop to me!
You think you ruin kid's lives?
I spread diabetes like my burger's special sauce!
You spread bullshit to all the kids on the block!
All you got in your arsenal is balloons!
I've got a deadly Grimace...
And a Hamburglar, too!
My posse gets more pussy
than my cookery!
You wanna mouth off to Mr. McDonald?
Fuck off, Jack-off!
You're just a lazy Joker-lovecraft knockoff!
So go jump off
a Castle Rock!
The Monster Clown twitches slightly, and a hand shoots out of his stomach, jetting toward Ronald. It grabs one of the girls, and drags her over to the street. Pennywise grabs her by the shoulders, and digs his teeth into her.
Pennywise:
HAW HAW HAW!
VERY FUNNY, FUCK!
Y'know, Ronald...
You're really pushin' your luck...
I'll rip your ass up,
like I did to that kid Wendy...
Tear you to pieces...
like I do to my Kid's meals!
HAW HAW!
Am I scaring you now?
You poor excuse for a clown...
I eat battery acid!
So, yeah, I've got a pop at your restraunt!
I'm always in the ball pit...
Never let your guard down...
Cause if you do...
PENNYWISE IS GONNA BE A FULL CLOWN!
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
Behind the Scenes~
Hey! Whipped up a new chapter. Not the biggest fan of this battle, but, hey, it was fun to write. Originally, Ronald was going to be a lot scarier... Pennywise was going to be TERRIFIED of him!
This is the first of three planned 'horror' battles... or, at least, supernatural. Jinkies, gang. Jinkies and sparkles, oh my.
Thank you to Triforce P, Misty Rain the Female Warrior, and Chap2845 for favoriting and following this fic!
'Yo dawg, imma let you finish, but Deadpool is gonna be the best rapper of all time! Of all time!' - The Merc With a Mouth