Epic Rap Battle of Fiction
THE GREEN LANTERN...
Floating in space, a constellation forming the words 'ERB' in the far distance, Hal Jordan smirks contently. His armor is a bright, shimmering green, in addition to a pitch black. His arm is raised, as he flips his opponent off, the famous Green Lantern ring positioned on his finger.
VERSUS...
PRINCE VEGETAAAAAAAAA!
Arms crossed, the Prince of the Saiyans and one of the few surviving members of his species glares at the other rapper. It takes all of his restraint not to jump up and punch Hal in the face. Vegeta stands in front of a tiny Japanese house, a sprawling field of hills behind him, the sun rising.
BEGIN!
Green Lantern:
Yo, it's the Green Lantern here!
This prissy prince is gonna get his ass kicked,
by the man without fear!
Back to back up,
my pal Superman,
to wreck an ammateur alien's ass again!
XXX
Time for another rap off...
DC beating another Super Saiyan jack off...
So back off,
before I blast off...
And when I'm in space,
I'll make a Green fist,
and smash in your little constipated face...
Blow the mind of Prince Vegeta's 'Master race'!
XXX
Face it Vegeta!
The Green lantern is Cooler than Frieza,
bigger than Majin Buu!
I'll whip up an imaginary green shoe,
and absolutely, mother fucking crush you!
The Saiyan prince raises an eyebrow toward Hal, a long pause occuring between the two. Finally, after registering Hal's speech, Vegeta crafts a response.
Vegeta:
...
You can't be serious.
Of all of Earth's champions,
I have to step up against YOU?!
You're Parallax's whore...
Your lines are a bore...
I'd rather stare at a DOOR for an hour and a half,
then watch your movie anymore!
XXX
Kame...
Hama...
HA!
You make me laugh.
Your weakness is wood?
How ironic is THAT?
With your boyfriend, Green Arrow,
always playing with his shaft...
Sure, sure, I can hear you contest.
'I'm Just-his friend!' you obsess,
That excuse is as flimsy,
as your puny ring's defense!
Hal Jordan simply chuckles, a smile on his face.
Green Lantern:
Bitch, please! You're so boring,
I might just take a nap-pa.
You call me gay?
Sure, ask my new bitch Bulma.
She hopped on my jet,
and kissed my green ring bling...
Took a ride on my rocket,
and, hey... you don't hear me complain.
XXX
I can create anything I want,
but I don't see a single scene,
where this genocidal punk ass,
can outrap thee!
I'm an intergalactic pimp,
man, I'm made out of green!
And despite what Kermit said,
it's kickass being me.
Hal's opponent crosses his arms, appearing completely disinterested in the lantern's verse. He crosses his arms, and begins his retort.
Vegeta:
You want to know how many Green Lantern asses I've kicked,
in the painfully-slow time you spit that rhyme?
I'll let the internet give you a hint...
IT'S OVER...
NINE...
THOUSAND!
XXX
Now that we've got that line out of the way,
I'm out! I'm done!
(... I need to get my pay...)
It's already clear that I've won.
But, to cement my victory...
I've got my magical homeboy to rap for me!
A long pause occurs. Vegeta's arms are still crossed, his eyes are shut, and a smirk has crept on his face, as if to say that he was sure victory was already in his gloved hands. Hal, who was previously preparing himself for an ambush, as the Justice League had a history with 'magic' foes. After the lengthy break, he ends the silence.
"Uh... Vegeta, buddy, I don't think your 'homeboy' is coming." He chuckles, looking down at the Prince.
Vegeta responds with a smirk, "You're right, he isn't coming..." he responds, "He's already here."
"Wait, wha-" Behind Hal, two stars transform into bright white eyes, and two large red lips appear under those eyes. Out of the pitch black oblivion of space, a being forms, a turban on his head and a red vest on his body. The heavenly being, Mr. Popo, bear hugs Hal from behind, and the two start crashing down on to the Earth.
They crash at the house behind Vegeta, destroying it, Hal taking almost all of the impact, Vegeta blocking himself from the debris. Mr. Popo stands up, and stares down at the fallen lantern.
Mr. Popo:
Oh, no,
It's Mr. Popo!
I'm here!
Hide your wives...
hide your kids...
or I'll feed off their delicious tears!
XXX
I'll elbow drop your ass down to hell...
and nuke your city.
You already did?
Hm, such a pity.
Your family, your friends, they've all been killed!
Now, I'll only kill you verbally...
Your soul will be a lot more tasty,
after revelling in misery!
XXX
Unfortunately, I must leave...
I'm in a hurry.
Billions more to slaughter,
to quench my thirst,
and cement my spot in history.
Don't worry, dear Hal...
I'll see you in your dreams...
while this rap may be over,
you'll never be rid of me...
BEHIND THE SCENES~
There's a number of behind the scenes things I want to talk about this episode! First, is a few pieces of 'What could have been'. Originally, Vegeta was going to rap against Akuma, the infamous Street Fighter. There were four reasons I set him up against good 'ol Hal instead. I know more about him, another, more iconic Street Fighter is set for an appearance, I feel he's better matched for Vegeta, (a cocky, space-based character... formerly a villain, now a hero. Involved in a casually racist series.) and, I'll get to the final reason later.
Akuma wasn't the only opponent that was originally going to show up in this battle. Originally, Vegeta's 'homeboy' was going to be Frieza! I decided against this, because Mr. Popo is more fun to write, and, Vegeta wasn't allied with Frieza for the majority of the series.
Thanks to Guest!Slenderman, for your review. Based off your suggestion, (Wei Shen of Sleeping Dogs, versus Roman of GTA.) that's an interesting idea, but I probably won't do it. While I recognize who Roman is, and I know a slight amount of Watch Dogs, I've never played a game from either series. I don't know, there's a possibility, but it's unlikely.
By the way, does anybody have any ideas for who Spider-Man could go up against? When I was first theorizing this series, he was going to go against Superman, but then he turned up in an actual ERB. There's a total overdose of Marvel heroes in this season, (I've started writing battles for two of them.) but, dammit, maybe he can get in season two.
Anyways, the last reason I pitted Vegeta against Hal. I'm trying to diversify my range of stories, and, that includes action/comedy stories. So, an upcoming project of mine will be... 'DC vs DBZ'. The DC Universe crosses over with the Dragon Ball Z universe, taking 'Superman vs Goku' to a logical extent. I promise that, if Vegeta and Hal meet, there will be a brawl. This story will probably come after the first season of this series... if you have any requests on what you want to see in this series, just put 'em in a review! (And, yes, Krillin vs Batman is going to happen.)
So, yeah, that was that, another rap battle. How about you drop a review, tell me how you liked this chapter, maybe suggest a future battle! :D