3: Some Kind Of Hate
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Shepard was all too aware of the sharp click of Miranda's heels sounding consistently behind her. Every single one that sounded grated more and more on her nerves until she was just about ready to pull the shotgun off her back and make a large hole in Operative's pretty little face. It was times like this that she wondered what on earth she was thinking bringing Miranda on her team every time she went out. By now it was automatic, stopping by the Cerberus woman's door and telling her to gear up before she even thought about it.
The unfortunate fact was, they worked well together - at least when words weren't involved.
Shepard grumbled, restraining her hands and focusing on their run-down surroundings with great effort. In truth, if she were to be fair, she would admit that Miranda wasn't actually the fault for the current negativity of her mood. Ever since the group had left the Normandy, Victoria's thoughts had been clouded by the worry of leaving her friend behind on the ship without her, surrounded by strangers and confounded by delusion.
It was because of this, that she found herself grinding her teeth in irritation over just about every little thing that anyone did. Though mostly, her anger was directed at Miranda, and more specifically, the click, click, click of those infuriating heels.
"Who the hell wears heels on a mission anyway? How can you even fight in those?" She spat suddenly, though unable to take the other woman by surprise. Miranda simply arched one of her perfect brows and spouted what she undoubtedly thought was a perfectly logical argument about how somebody so perfect could fight in anything.
At least that was how it translated in Shepard's mind.
More accurately, she stated: "If you really must know, it happens that I am perfectly capable of fighting in my current attire and have done so my entire Cerberus career with no cause for concern. Just because you don't possess the same skill set is no reason to believe it's impossible Shepard."
As the other woman used the word 'perfectly', Shepard felt completely vindicated in her previous assessment of the Operative's reply, and continued to seethe.
"Well you look stupid." She muttered petulantly.
"Really? That's not the impression I got from the way your eyes always linger on my back." Miranda smiled haughtily.
"Oh that's mostly because I just can't believe anyone would wear that outfit into battle." Victoria smirked back.
"Mostly?"
And just like that, the Operative won, wearing a superior and arrogant smirk making Shepard snarl angrily.
Miranda just rolled her eyes and Shepard wanted to punch her. She hated losing, and though she was very aware she was just being childish, it didn't stop her from leaving her leg out for Miranda to trip over just seconds later. Upon receiving a viciously icy glare from the woman, Shepard simply feigned innocence and blamed it on the heels she'd warned her about.
The rest of the journey towards Okeer continued in stormy silence, with Garrus amused, but far too smart to actually voice it. He enjoyed his face arranged exactly the way it was, handsome and void of bullet holes. Thankfully however, Shepard's aggravation had eventually transferred from her XO to the screeching voice that continually sounded over loudspeaker and the tension between the group was lifted. Slightly.
Instead, they had to suffer Shepard's persistent outbursts of rage directed at thin air, cursing the woman and her stupid loudspeakers and vowing that she would personally rip the evil woman apart in the most painful way possible if it was the last thing she did. Suffice to say, the atmosphere wasn't all that much more comfortable regardless.
"There are three of them. Three! Anything can be killed if you do your damned job!"
"I'd like to see her say that to my face, the stupid- Ugh, I'm so gonna rip her heart out!" Shepard roared, standing to send a shockwave into the heart of the enemy group. A warp followed, and a few seconds later an area reave that enveloped the whole space in biotics, committed all as the redhead was angrily stomping towards her targets, jaw clenched tight.
"Shepard get the bloody hell back into cover now!"
Victoria ignored the Operatives scolding, barely hearing it over her own frustrated grumbling.
"Stupid loudspeakers. I'll show her doing your damned job."
Then she charged, and all hell broke loose.
"Damnit!" Both Miranda and Garrus raced forward, only to be knocked back by a large biotic explosion that enveloped their surroundings in a brilliant blue. It swirled brightly, with Shepard in its centre, before dissipating slowly to reveal the redhead with an impossible number of bodies by her feet as the last woman standing. The last man however, was in cover behind her, grasping his shotgun tightly.
Garrus and Miranda clambered to their feet, but not before the blast rang out.
Silence followed, Shepard still standing perfectly motionless, as if the shot hadn't been fired at all. Her back was still to the man, who was beginning to shake in fear. His hands fumbled with his gun, attempting to fire again but only an empty clicking replied.
Slowly, Shepard turned, giving the man the iciest of looks that even Miranda herself was impressed by, and his panic truly begun.
He trembled, hastily attempting to reload the gun but it was out of his hands before he could even eject his thermal clip. Her charge had been instantaneous, one second she was metres away, the next the impact had knocked all the oxygen from his lungs and her hand had been wrapped around his throat.
"Oh God." He croaked, his feet dangling above the ground as she walked him towards the edge of the platform, and for a second, as he hung hundreds of feet above thin air he thought to beg for his life. A second later, her grip loosened, and he thought nothing at all.
Garrus approached, a mandible twitching as he peered over the precipice with a low whistle.
"Damn Shepard, you really don't like loudspeakers do you? Remind me to warn Joker when we get back to the Normandy." He eyed Shepard, her lithe form shaking, chest heaving deep breaths. Whether from the expenditure of energy or the adrenaline he wasn't sure, but he was relieved all the same when she cracked her trademark smirk.
It disappeared however when Miranda reached them, with her own trademark scowl.
"What the hell where you thinking? I did not spend two years rebuilding you just for you to go and get yourself killed doing something so stupid as throwing a tantrum on the battlefield."
"It wasn't a tantrum, it was a mild sulk. Besides, it got the job done didn't it?"
Miranda continued to glare.
"Oh relax would you, the impact was absorbed by my barriers." Her words may well have been convincing if it weren't for the wince that followed as she stretched to look at her back.
"Well, most of it anyway." She grumbled, making Miranda huff out an exasperated breath before storming off ahead. And with that, the uncomfortable silence returned, made even worse by the occasional stifled gasp of pain from Victoria as she half limped behind the Operative. All the while, she muttered to herself under her breath bitterly about overly sensitive Cerberus Operatives and insubordination.
Garrus' eyes flickered between the two silently, observing the mechanics of their working relationship with a certain awe. Briefly, he tried to recall whether he had ever seen two people hate each other so vehemently while respecting the other's abilities so deeply. They had to, to continue working together, but it was a tense situation at the least. They were complete opposites in many ways, with Shepard's long, fiery red hair reflecting her nature perfectly, and dark, heavy lashes seductively welcoming. Miranda in contrast was elegantly flawless, with eyes like ice and a temperament to match.
And when they came together…
The old adage of an unstoppable force against an immovable object had never been more accurate in describing the way those two women collided.
Garrus hoped he'd be there – at a considerably safe distance away – to see the day they really went head to head. He'd bring Turian candy for the show… And possibly a riot shield. Either way, he'd put his credits on Shepard every time.
Although, as she walked then, still mumbling avidly to herself, the Turian had to consider that perhaps Miranda wasn't such a crazy bet after all. He did concede however that the redhead had a great deal on her mind recently. A great deal that had left him completely clueless.
"So, that girl… she's not all that fond of Turians I take it?" He queried quietly, falling in beside Shepard and snapping her from her rambling.
"Alex? Nah she loves Turians, it was your ugly face that scared her."
"Please, you're just jealous that I get all the attention from women."
Shepard chuckled. "If that's the kind of attention you get, I'm fine without it."
An easy atmosphere washed over them as they fell into their familiar and comfortable routine as if they had never been apart, their banter continuing even overtop the sounds of battle and gunfire.
The two of them were like family, albeit a strange and diverse kind of family, but family all the same. Though it hadn't always been that way; upon first meeting, Shepard had been less than cordial with most of her alien crew members - never particularly hostile or xenophobic, but never trusting, and certainly never kind. She tolerated them, but always kept a watchful eye. After a childhood in the Reds and never much contact with aliens even in her time with the Alliance, it was a miracle that she had warmed up to her crewmates at all, let alone coming to see them as family.
Garrus had asked her about it once during card night. She simply replied that she didn't actually like them at all, but spending time with a bunch of aliens was at least better than listening to Ashley's poems.
If Williams had been there to hear the insult, she would have undoubtedly thrown a card or two at Shepard's face and they all would have laughed as Victoria grinned devilishly at the woman, leaning in and planting kisses on the playfully reluctant marine as she half-heartedly pushed her away. As it was, Ashley had been awaiting Shepard in her cabin, so the redhead was free to insult her girlfriend as often as she pleased.
Garrus noticed that it was a habit of Shepard's to offend the people she liked, and for a second his gaze flickered to the Cerberus Operative who was busy biotically slamming a mercenary grunt in front of them. Then he shook his head, and passed the thought off as ridiculous.
Finally, they broke through the latest line of defenders with impressive biotic teamwork between Shepard and Miranda, teamwork that seemed impossible anywhere but the battlefield. Garrus brought the last grunt down with a concise sniper bullet to the head.
"Go team badass!" Victoria fist pumped the air, leaving it out for Garrus to bump with his own. Miranda simply rolled her eyes.
"You know, if you keep doing that your eyes are gonna end up stuck that way." Shepard offered helpfully in a sing-song voice as the door before them slid open. Miranda's biting reply however was cut off by a shrill pleading directed at Shepard.
"Shepard, don't shoot! You know me!" An Asari woman slowly raised from her crouching position with her hands up defensively
Shepard scrutinised her closely.
"Lana? No that's not right. It's close though… Shana, Banana…"
"Rana Thanoptis. You let me go when-"
Shepard cut her off dismissively with a wave of the hand.
"Yeah I know - when I blew up Saren's lab. I'd kinda been hoping that you would've gotten caught up in that boom to be honest, but since you didn't… What the hell are you doing here?" Her query was edged with a certain menace, and Rana was under no doubt that the wrong answer could result in her head being blown off, or being blown up of course, in some sort of fated and ironic tragedy.
"Don't worry. I'm not wasting the second chance you gave me. My work here - strictly beneficial. Not for the mercs. Jedore's on a standard power trip. But Okeer is trying to do something good, I can tell. Even if his methods are a little extreme."
Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh.
"God, you sound like Miranda…"
Though the Operative in question shot the Commander a by now all too familiar glare, Rana continued as if she hadn't heard.
"Everyone deserves a second chance. Right? And sometimes giving one pays off. I take care of my debts."
"A second chance maybe, but a third? I'm not so sure. You being here with these mercs and a bunch of dead bodies surrounding you isn't doing anything to stay my itchy trigger finger." She twitched the hand that was holding her pistol for emphasis, and it had the instant desired effect.
"Oh God please, I haven't done anything wrong! I was trying to help!"
"I suggest you go help somewhere else, and soon. I can't keep my hand still forever…"
Rana Thanoptis had been out of the door before Shepard had even completed the sentence, a horrified expression on her face. Victoria just chuckled heartily.
"Ah, you'd think that would get old."
"You know Shepard, you enjoy these things far too much." Her Turian brother added with a shake of the head, unable to hide his amusement. The Commander nodded in agreement with another laugh, before unlocking the door to the next room.
A weathered looking Krogan stood by a terminal, wearing a thoughtful expression that Shepard had never seen on one of his species before.
"Here you are! I've watched your progress." He announced, without turning.
"Okeer I presume? Aren't you supposed to be in need of rescuing?"
"The formerly deceased Commander Shepard has not been in the habit of rescuing Krogan in the past, or need I remind you of the events on Virmire."
"Oh here we go with the bomb thing again. You'd think people would stop being so sore about that already." Shepard sighed. Virmire hadn't been the highlight of her life. Losing Kaidan had hit her hard, already tired of abandoning the people she cared about. Until that point, she had been so sure that she had become better than that, better than she was on Earth, better than she was on Akuze. But when it had come down to it, she had still chosen to leave a friend to die.
She needed no-one to remind her of Virmire – it hung in her mind every day.
"On the contrary Shepard, I approve. Saren's pale horde were not true Krogan. Not like the legacy I have created here: a pure soldier. Perfect."
Miranda brow twitched at the Krogan's words. They reminded her too much of her father, so ready to discard anything he viewed as a failure in search of perfection, in search of a legacy. The rest of his words only served to sicken her further – the more he talked, the more she heard her father's voice ringing in her ears until the words jumbled together and all she could hear was Henry Lawson, barking at her to be better, to push harder.
She was broken from her thoughts when a gentle hand was placed on her shoulder. Glancing up, Shepard looked back at her with an unfathomable expression on her face. The shining green of her eyes conveying a kindness and caring that the other woman had never directed anywhere close to her before.
Taken aback, she opened her mouth but no words came, no thanks or appreciation. Just staring, dumbfounded at this complete stranger before her.
She was saved from the moment by the sound of a loud but familiar voice booming through the room, making Shepard's hand instantly tense on the Operative's shoulder.
"Attention! I have traced the Krogan release. Okeer of course."
Shepard moved instantly toward the window to get a closer look at the woman she personally deemed her Arch Nemesis for at least the day.
"That's the loudspeaker woman?" Her voice was filled with venom.
Okeer nodded.
"I'm calling a 'blank slate' on this project. Gas these commandos and start over from Okeer's data. Flush the tanks!" The woman looked up, meeting Shepard's eye as the room began to fill with gas. Victoria didn't flinch at all.
"Commander, you must stop her, my-"
Shepard held up a hand to cut off the Krogan without ever looking up from the gaze of the woman below. Her eyes narrowed perceptively.
"Oh don't worry, she is so going to die."
XIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXI
"Ugh, I feel like I'm gonna die." The blonde mumbled, allowing herself a sigh of relief when she finally made it to the chair, slumping down into it unceremoniously. All the while, Kelly just smiled her understanding smile, watching the woman with kind eyes.
"I can imagine that this is all very trying for you. You didn't come in here in the best shape, but any friend of Shepard's has got to be tough enough to make it through. You're a very strong woman." The redhead consoled. Alex however looked back at her uneasily. Everyone here was a stranger. Even Tori. In a time and place where she couldn't even trust herself, she certainly couldn't trust anyone else.
Still, she conceded, if she was stuck here – wherever here was, she would have to make the most of it.
"Do we have to do this?" Her grey eyes wandered about the room nervously. She still hadn't even made it out of the med bay, simply having moved into the chairs on the other side of the room with this new woman who refused to stop smiling at her.
"I'm afraid it's the Commander's orders. It won't be so bad. We're just going to be talking. I promise I don't bite." She giggled.
"Fine. Then let's get this over with."
Kelly shuffled the papers in her hands formally, before placing them at her side and crossing her hands over her lap with another friendly beam.
"Why don't you start by telling me a little about yourself?"
"Like?"
"Anything you feel comfortable with sharing. Where you grew up maybe, or how you met Shepard." Her smile never faltered.
Alex hesitated, feeling that all of this was rather pointless, but from the determined kindness in the other woman's eyes, she felt expressing that opinion would be equally ineffectual.
"I grew up with Tori. I've known her for as long as I can remember."
"And where do you live?"
"We share an apartment." She said cautiously, half afraid of her own answers. She felt the need to differentiate between the Victoria Shepard she knew, and the woman that these people she had met called Commander. Doing so however, felt far too strange. She couldn't wrap her head around any of it, so resolved to not even trying. She would say what she knew, nothing more and nothing less.
"Where was the apartment?"
"Boston."
The redhead frowned, Alex's answer obviously having displeased her in some way that the blonde didn't understand. What was wrong with Boston?
"What?"
Kelly was, for once, very speechless. How do you tell someone that everything they believe in is a fantasy? She knew it was dangerous to interfere with a delusion such as this, but Shepard had been quite clear on her job. Figure out what Alex thought was going on and explain the situation to her. If only it was that easy.
"The city of Boston was integrated into the larger city of New Sylan after the Great War. Do you remember that? New Sylan?"
It was then Alex's turn to frown. The Great War? New Sylan? None of it made any sense. She was pretty sure she that knew better than this stranger where she lived, and it certainly wasn't any place called New Sylan.
Kelly watched her closely, distressed to find the lack of recognition on the blonde's face.
"What about when you were younger? What do you remember about your childhood?"
"I don't know. It was good. Tori and I were friends then too." She shrugged.
"What about your parents?"
"They were fine. My childhood was fine. Geez, what is this, twenty questions?" Alex stood, tense and frustrated. She didn't want to be doing this. She didn't want to be here at all.
"You're right. I'm sorry. This must be very difficult for you. But this is all to help understand what's going on-"
"In my head you mean. You all think I'm crazy don't you? Yeah well don't bother, I've considered it myself already." Alex cut her off angrily. She wanted to storm out, but that would mean facing even more people she didn't know in an environment she didn't understand. It all looked so… strange.
"And…"
Alex sighed. "And I'm still not sure." She sat back down , deflated.
"If it helps, I don't think you're crazy. I think you're confused right now, which is understandable. Hopefully if we ask the right questions, we can jog your memory and get you as good as new." Her smile was honest, but Alex knew it was a lie. She had to think she was crazy, at least a little. She let it go though, on account of the other woman trying so hard to comfort her.
"So, my childhood?"
Kelly nodded.
"I remember a big house. White picket fence kinda deal, with a dog and a swing outside. Tori was there all the time. We'd play in the yard, cops and robbers mostly. I was the cop. We've always been close."
"And what do you remember about your parents?" the redhead queried softly.
Alex's brow furrowed.
"They… They were good people. Good parents."
"Do you remember what they looked like?"
The blonde's breathing increased perceptively as she thought harder, her brow scrunched tight as she tried to recall their faces, but everything was blurry. She could see smiles, and grey eyes like hers…
Kelly sensed her distress.
"Do you know if they're still around? When did you move out?"
"I… they were…"
Her frustration was evident, tinged with a growing worry that had wrapped itself around her heart and begun clenching it in a vice-like grip. Her parents were still alive. Right? Suddenly she wasn't so sure. How could she not be sure about that? She remembered her childhood home, and she remembered where she lived now. But there was no transition. No moving out, or her parents coming to visit. They had to have, surely. She must have visited them.
"Alex, what were your parents' names?"
And there it was. The gap in her memory that had never been evident up until that very moment. It was as if her parents had never been there at all. Everything felt like it was unravelling and she had no control over any of it.
"I… I don't know. I can't remember."
Kelly looked as if she had expected the answer, but took no joy from being right. She wore a sorrowful expression as she took the papers she had set down earlier into her hands once again. She looked hesitant, gulping slightly from the hesitation.
"Shepard wanted me to give you these when I thought the time was right. This is every bit of information we could dig up on you. It was hard to track down, but Miranda managed to gather some files. She's good with files."
Alex hardly heard a word she had said. All her attention was focused on the lines of text that filled the pages the redhead had in her hands. She needed to know what they said more than anything in the word, but was so paralysed with fear that she couldn't reach her hand out to take them.
In the end, she didn't have to, with Kelly placing them lightly on her lap.
She glanced at the first page tentatively, allowing her eyes to wander no further than the picture of her own face staring back at her - more weathered and hollow than she remembered – and the first line of writing.
'Name: Alexandria Keane'. That much she knew. That much she was comfortable with. The pages of text that followed however, turned out to be a great deal more unnerving.
And reading through it all, Alex had never been more certain that she was undoubtedly and impossibly insane.