Walkin' around like a vagabond
Troubles are on your back
Lookin' for money, lookin' for friends
And you don't know who to ask
If you want it, God's got it

Rick was coming down the hallway when Daryl walked out of Macyn's room with a bag over his shoulder.

"Where are you goin'?" Rick frowned.

"Just back to my room," Daryl answered.

"You two fighting?"

"No," Daryl said, shaking his head. "I'd say we're pretty agreeable at this point."

He continued down the hall, so Rick continued on to Macyn's room. Her door was open, and she was rearranging some things in her room. He knocked on the doorframe and she looked up with a smile.

"Hey, Rick. Lori okay?"

"Seems to be for the time being," Rick answered. "I was actually going to ask you about Daryl. He's going back to his room, said you two aren't fighting."

"No, we're not."

Lord Almighty, this was like pulling teeth. "How about we skip this beating around the bush business then and you just tell me what's going on?"

"It got to be too much, for both of us," Macyn sighed, sitting on the bed. "We're products of our past lives, Rick. We know we need each other now, need people, but wanting people – that's the part that's too much. I don't want to have think about what he wants me to do if something happens to him. I don't want to have to figure out what I'd want him to do. It's not like we don't care about each other or we're not going to worry what happens when the other one goes out of the shelter but … it's just easier this way."

"Is it?" Rick countered. "Easier to care but not to have every moment together possible if something should happen?"

Macyn rolled her eyes. "That matters for you, Rick. It matters for Lori, and Glenn and Maggie. It's different."

"How so?"

She made for the door. "Shit, Rick, why does this matter so much to you?"

"You and Daryl are part of my family now. Why shouldn't I care?"

She snorted as she retreated back into the room, pushed into her boots, and grabbed her gun. "That right there tells me that you don't get it, and I don't know how to explain it to you. I appreciate all you and the others do, more than I can say. I love having all you as my family but Daryl – he's just going to be part of that family from down the hall now. That's all there is to it."

Rick watched her walk down the hallway and grab her crossbow before heading up the stairs. He called for Carl, who came out from visiting his mother right away.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Go out with Macyn, will you? I think she needs some company."

Carl frowned momentarily, then shrugged. "Okay. I'll get my gun."

Rick let out a deep breath. He wasn't sure where Macyn was headed, but figured with Carl in tow, she would be sure to stay out of trouble.

.&.

Lori's pregnancy reached six months. Then seven. Finally, the date they believed her to be eight months along came. Slowly, Macyn told her she could get out of the bed, as long as she took it easy. By the time that eight month mark came around, it was late January, and Lori was safely doing light housework.

The winter had not been so harsh as they expected, thankfully. They made it through on a mostly vegetarian diet, with the occasional squirrel or rabbit brought home by some hunting combination of Macyn, Daryl, and Merle.

When the winter months came, Merle stopped talking about leaving. They all figured once the weather warmed up, so would his desire to leave, but for now, everyone seemed content to be at the shelter. Woodbury had even left them alone, more than likely to concerned with their own well-being through the winter.

Daryl and Macyn interacted easily, but with still some shred of tension. It was always there, always palpable, but none of them had any choice but to live around it.

Six weeks before her expected due date, Lori started contracting again. Macyn examined her and knew that, this time, there was no stopping the contractions. The baby seemed healthy enough from inside the womb; all she could do was hope for a steady delivery and a healthy baby outside of the womb, also.

"Rick, Carl, you can stay with her until we start to deliver. Where's Carol?"

"She and Beth both woke up with temperatures," Hershel announced. "They can't be around the baby."

Macyn ran a hand over her face. "You've been tending to them?"

"I've been exposed, yes."

"All right," Macyn said, taking a deep breath. "Rick can help me until it's time to push, and then I can take it from there."

"I'll help," Daryl offered. "Just tell me what I gotta do."

Macyn looked at Rick who nodded. "All right. Come with me to the supply cabinet. I'll give you a crash course in labor and delivery."

Daryl followed her, trying to watch carefully the medications she loaded onto the cart. Most of them were names he couldn't even fathom pronouncing in his head, let alone out loud.

"Between now and when she has to push, it's mostly going to be trying to manage her pain and keep the baby from dying during the delivery. These bottles right here are going to be what I need if she starts bleeding too much." Macyn pushed a group to the corner before sectioning out several more groups. "These are for pain, and these are going to be for Lori after the baby is born. These things that I'm putting on the second shelf are going to be things I may need after the baby is born."

That made much more sense. She still knew him well; knew how to break things down so that he understood.

"I gotta tell ya, Macyn, I'm nervous as hell."

She looked at him, and her own nerves slowed for a moment. Against her better judgment, Macyn did something she had been aching to do for months now. She reached out her hands and laced her fingers through his.

"I'm not saying at all that it could be easy, and it could very well go on for hours. If it gets to be too much for you, Daryl, you tell me and we'll figure something else out. But I … I need you to do this with me. I'm nervous, too. Only done this once before and that was before everything, so I had a lot more resources."

He let go of one of her hands and reached up to caress her cheek. "You're going to do just fine, Macyn Ballard. God didn't give you all them smarts for nothin'."

She smiled up at him, his hand still on her cheek. "Thank you."

Daryl nodded and dropped both his hand from his face and his fingers from hers. If he wasn't careful, he'd go on spouting all sorts of shit, like how much he missed her and how he wanted her back. He'd tell her that he made a mistake and if nothing else, he'd volunteered to help her deliver Lori's baby because it was a chance to be close to her – to do something meaningful with her.

Clearing her throat, Macyn nodded. "All right. Let's do this."

.&.

It took eleven long hours, but, finally, a healthy baby girl screamed her way into the world. Macyn had had time during the labor to tell Daryl what to do to suction her mouth and nose, so he handed the fragile infant over to Daryl's not-so-sure hands, and finished with Lori.

"Is she okay?" Lori asked. "She's breathing?"

Macyn smiled. "Lori, you hear all that screamin'? No way she could make that noise without air passin' through her lungs."

Lori looked relieved. "Rick and Carl. Let them in."

"Let me make sure you're both squared away. We'll get the little one cleaned up and let you hold her, then we'll send the boys in."

The looks on Rick's and Carl's faces when they saw the new addition to their family in Lori's arms was priceless. Macyn finished cleaning up her supplies so that the place once again looked like a home and not a hospital room. She watched the happy family, unaware momentarily of Daryl's arm around her shoulders.

"Nice to see some life and happiness for once," Daryl said.

She nodded and leaned into him, out of habit. Quickly catching her actions, she pulled away, mumbling something about getting rid of the trash from the delivery.

"We'll have to burn it out back," Daryl said, following her into the hallway. "Bag it up, I'll take care of it."

"Thanks."

Macyn was grateful that he walked away then. If he hadn't, she might not have been able to stop herself from telling him how much she missed him, that she still cried herself to sleep sometimes without him, and that maybe the real mistake had not been trying to be together, but not trying hard enough to be together.

.&.

Lori and the baby, who they had decided to name Judith, were holding out healthy. Macyn was in for a long few days, checking on them every hour on the hour, but so far things were looking good.

She had just come out of the shower, ready for bed, when Merle stopped her in the hallway. For the first time in their acquaintance, Macyn noted a panicked expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" she frowned.

"Daryl's gone," he said. "Went out back to burn that trash and never came back in – thought maybe he was poutin' again, but he ain't there. There's truck tracks, but ours is still back there. Looks like he dug his heels in and maybe there was a struggle."

Macyn was stuck there in the hallway. This was it; the moment she had dreaded. Daryl was gone and –

"Come to it, girl," Merle growled, gripping her upper arms. "I've got a strong inclination it was Woodbury."

"We have to go after him."

"Now we're getting on the same page. I'll gear up."

"Right, let me get dressed and tell Rick. Hershel, too, he's going to have to watch the baby."

"Macyn," Merle called. "If you need to stay here …"

"No," she replied adamantly. "Maggie is here, too. It'll be enough for us to at least scout the area."

She briefed everyone as best and quickly as she could, and geared up with Merle. Rick had offered to go, but Macyn told him this time it was better if he didn't. He needed to be there with his family, and too many of them would tip off Woodbury.

Merle got behind the wheel of the truck; they had decided they would drive as close as possible to Woodbury, then walk the rest of the way. It was after dark, so the less they had to walk the better. On the way, a thought crossed Macyn's mind.

"You're not throwing me to the lions, are you?"

Merle frowned. "The hell you talkin' about?"

Macyn let out a somewhat embarrassed sigh. "I mean, when we get to this place, you're not gonna just throw me through the gates and let them have their way with me, right?"

"Macyn Ballard," Merle chuckled. "If I was gonna throw you to the wolves or lions or whatever beast you wanna call it, I'd a-done it already. 'Specially after you broke my brother's soft-ass heart."

"I didn't break his heart," Macyn replied softly. "We both thought it'd be better if we – I don't know, backed off, I guess."

"Well, never heard him talk to me about a girl so much as he's talked about you after y'all broke it off. Ole Merle ain't much for heart-to-hearts, but Daryl's my brother. Guess being there is makin' me soft, too."

Macyn weighed her next comment and decided to ask. "What did you tell him?"

Merle pursed his lips, carefully avoiding a herd of walkers on the road. Just when Macyn thought he wasn't going to answer, he proved her wrong.

"Told him at first to forget you. Told him we'd stay long enough to let him detach from you, then we'd go and he'd never have to think about you again. Told Daryl that over and over, but never seemed to get through. So, finally, I told my brother what he needed to hear. That he should do whatever he had to do to get you back, if he really loves you that much. Ain't easy for men like us to find a woman, but when ya find one, ya gotta hold on to her."

Macyn kept quiet. She was afraid to say something and ruin the moment. She thought over what Merle had said as they neared the Woodbury gates and wondered how even hard-hearted Merle was moved enough by whatever was between Daryl and Macyn to talk about it – and how was that not enough to keep them together?

"For whatever it's worth," Merle added as he pulled the truck to the side of the road, locked it and pocketed the keys. "I believe what I told Daryl. About keeping you around and all. Never should have tried to convince him otherwise."

Macyn didn't say anything to this either, but she did smile a little bit to herself. Maybe for once and for all, she had won over Merle Dixon.

It was a good twenty-minute walk to the gates of Woodbury. They crouch out of sight, trying to size up who they would have to take in order to get in the door.

"We need to go in the back way," Merle told her. "It's how Willy and I got out. If they are holding Daryl, it'll be not too far from there."

Macyn nodded and followed him. They had to carefully navigate around the town's walls, but finally they came to a weak spot. Merle explained that the guards only came through every fifteen minutes. Macyn nodded, and asked if he had a plan of what to do once they got in.

"Well, I swear still I'm not throwing you out to the lions, but we might need to use you as bait."

Macyn raised her brow while he explained and, actually, he had a legitimate plan. It made her a little nervous, going in blind, but she had faith that Merle wouldn't risk his brother's rescue on a poorly-strategized plan.

Let this work, she pleaded with God in her head. If this works, I swear, I'll tell Daryl that I was wrong – that he was wrong – we both were wrong. I'll find a way to make it work and I won't let him go again.

She wrapped up her prayer just as Merle signaled her to move.