Aria wasn't really listening to Spencer. Rather, she was curious about the image she had seen in the backyard. As much as she knew it could have been just a figment of her imagination, as it was something that did happen here and there; at the Brew, him sitting at his favorite table, marking with a red pen, or outside of his apartment building when Aria would drive by, something told her that it was different this time. Something in her gut told her to turn from Spencer and go sprinting into the brush in the backyard, but even if it was Ezra, what did it matter? She had asked him not to come back to town for a reason, and who knew what seeing him again would do to her after she had planned to never see him again? Her healing process, though slow, had begun, or so she would like to think so. She wasn't sure if loosing a soul mate was something that someone came back from, but she was going to try. He wasn't hers anymore. And with that, came the heartbreaking realization that since he wasn't her present, he couldn't be her future either any longer.
"Aria?" Spencer asked, beginning to get inpatient with Aria's lack of attention. Aria snapped out of her thoughts.
"Sorry Spence, I just thought I saw…. Um. One sec…" Aria hurried down the stairs, leaving Spencer standing worried on the deck.
"Aria that dress is worth thousands of dollars. Mrs. D is going to kill you if you get it dirty" Spencer yelled after her.
Aria decided she didn't care, and just kept running through the bush until she reached a small area of long grass, up to her hips. She smacked her hands against her thighs, frustrated that the dress had slowed her down, although she had made it around the house to across the street.
She sighed audibly. "I swear, Ezra, if that was really-" a ruffling in the bushes cut off Aria. Aria turned, jumping around quickly to see a man emerge, a man she knew would know forever as Ezra.
"Ezra?" She still questioned, or maybe she was questioning his presence in Rosewood rather than his identity. Ezra's face was full of shame, and something else? His eyes looked sad, and deep dark circles under his eyes made Aria question what he had been going through since the last time that they had talked.
"Aria." Ezra sighed before quickly continuing. "I know I shouldn't be in Rosewood, and I sure as hell shouldn't be here, but, well, I-I, just didn't feel right about leaving Rosewood forever." Aria looked at him quizzically, recalling their conversation ending in the agreement that Ezra wasn't to come back to Rosewood. Ezra stared back, trying to avoid every part of her that wasn't her face, trying to avoid the wedding dress that she was in.
"What?" Aria asked, realizing his gaze was rather odd, and she looked down realizing what she was wearing, and suddenly felt even more self-conscious.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I…" Aria trailed off, pointing back to the way she had thought she had come. Ezra shook his head, clearing his throat.
"You shouldn't be sorry for anything. You haven't done anything wrong." Ezra looked down, trying to control his emotions. "I-I know I shouldn't have come back Aria. But I just really needed to see you one last time. I wondered if seeing you knowing you didn't want me in town or me, ever again, would help me leave for good. But something in Rosewood feels like home," Ezra looked up, meeting Aria's gaze and smiled softly, causing a blush from Aria, that she quickly sought refuge from and forced her face back into a scowl.
"Nothing you are going to say is going to make me feel any different about what has happened, or me asking you to leave," Aria said, standing up a little bit straighter. Ezra took a step towards Aria, and she let him, not backing up herself.
"You came after me though," Ezra pointed out.
"I came after you to confirm I wasn't crazy. You know how paranoid I must be. You must be able to understand that, in the least?" Aria snapped back, trying not to let Ezra's sweet tone of voice persuade her. Ezra took a step towards her, and once again, Aria let him. They were closer now, only a foot or so between them.
"This isn't how I expected to see you in a wedding dress," Ezra whispered, somewhat embarrassed of the truth he was telling. Aria looked back down at herself in the dress, and realized that she too had had the thought that one day he would see her in her wedding dress. One that she would wear walking towards him, down the aisle. A dress that could be a symbol of the day they decided to say "I do". There hadn't been many times before Ezra's betrayal that Aria had doubted they would end up together in the long run. She had always known that they were soul mates, and would always find one another. "No." She thought to herself. Sure, that's how she used to look at things. Before she knew how they had met. Before Ezra's feelings were questioned in her eyes like they never had been before. Before his betrayal, Aria had maybe wondered from time to time the deepness of his feelings, and had felt for a while that he would never be able to love her as much as she did him. Now, she knew that she couldn't believe any really ever existed.
"How did you plan that one out?" Aria snapped. Ezra's face showed shock at her tone and Aria could see the hurt in his eyes deepen.
"I didn't. I've told you before. The way we met may not have been fate, but anything I ever said concerning my feelings for you were- are- always true. It scared me how much I loved you. It scares me how much I still love you," Ezra confessed, looking at Aria's face. Aria didn't know what to say. She knew forgiving Ezra was rather out of the question. She was still angry. But his sweet words healed bits of her broken heart here and there, and she couldn't ignore the feeling of comfort in his words of affection.
"Ezra, I," Aria trailed off again, her words not eloquently flowing as they usually did.
"Aria," Ezra said, taking one more step, and with it, filling the small space between them. He put his hand on her face, stroking her cheek softly, before pulling away, realizing his action was fairly inappropriate.
"I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I know I put us in a situation where you can't trust me, and where you must be questioning everything, and I am so sorry for that. I wish I could go back. I wish I could go back and not write the book. I would take everything back if it meant being with you. I can't imagine my life without you, to be perfectly dramatic. I think that's why I came back to Rosewood. Being somewhere else meant not being home, in so many different ways. But home is where your heart is, right? And my heart will be with you forever." Ezra stopped to look at Aria, and realized she had tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Love is the only thing I will take from that book," Ezra said. "It's gone, I burnt it, and kept only the things I hope I can help you with from it.
"You can't just say things like that Ezra. What you did hurt. Broke me. And a monologue that sounds like its straight from a movie is not going to heal me, its not going to fix this. You broke us, Ezra. I love you, or at least I thought I did, but love is not what you did," Aria said, wiping the tears from her eyes and turning to leave.
Ezra grabbed her hand, pulling her back to him, their lips only inches from one another. Aria could feel his breath on her face, and she felt home. Ezra, seeing Aria had become more comfortable, took her hands in his face and began to close the gap between their lips, and Aria, surprising herself, let him do so.
"Aria?!" Spencer yelled, running through the bushes and into the small clearing that Aria and Ezra stood in. "What the hell?" Spencer gasped, realizing it was Ezra, and also realizing, per her friend's request, he should be long out of Rosewood. The couple snapped apart, and Aria stumbled backwards away from Ezra, into Spencer. Spencer just caught her, and Aria regained her balance.
"What the hell is going on here?" Spencer snapped, knowing her friend had had a serious lapse in judgment.
"We, I, Spence," Aria said, before her thoughts cleared and she was able to assemble them.
"Honestly, I don't know." Aria said, feeling a sense of shame wash over her that she wished she didn't feel.
"Spencer, I don't think she needs to explain anything to you-" Ezra interjected. Spencer whipped around.
"Sorry what?" She snapped.
"Spencer!" Aria said. Spencer looked back at Aria, and the look on her face only made Spencer angrier. But she regained some of her frustration and turned back to Ezra.
"Maybe Aria doesn't need to explain things to me. But I know you might. You don't realize the pain you put her through do you? It's in our nature now to assume, and our minds run wild, and we feel wildly unprotected even when our doors are locked and our families are home. But we all try to find our safe places. And you were Aria's. And for a while, I thought you were a fairly decent guy, you made her happy and feel safe and that's what was important. But the second you made her distrust you, you starting hurting her," Spencer huffed. Ezra was rendered speechless. He knew Aria's friends were people who would stick up for her, and at one point, even him. They were very loyal people, especially Spencer.
Aria was crying once again.
"Spencer, thanks but, I need to deal with this," Aria explained, her eyes avoiding the two of them, feeling rather childish. "Go back to the house."
"Aria, at least come and change?" Spencer asked. "Mrs. D is going nuts, and I don't know about you, but I don't really want her angry at me." Aria nodded her head.
"I'll meet you back there, two minutes, Spence," Aria said. Spencer gave her a worried look, but obliged. As she walked off, Aria willed herself to look at Ezra, still embarrassed.
"I'm sorry," Aria said.
"No, I, I deserve it. I shouldn't have kissed you, either," Ezra said.
"Probably not," Aria said, no louder than a whisper.
"I'm sorry," Ezra whispered back, taking a step towards Aria. Aria took a step back. Ezra stopped, taken aback by Aria's blatant movement.
"Spencer's right. I just caused more pain in your life. I was supposed to be your safety, and all I ended up doing was scaring you more." Ezra dug his heels into the dirt. "I won't be back. This is the last time you'll see me. This time, I will respect your wishes."
Aria opened her mouth as if to say something, and then shut it again. She wrapped her hands around herself, shivering a little bit.
"You just got back. You called Rosewood home," Aria stated, struggling to keep her voice flat.
"Yes, well, that was before," Ezra trailed off.
"Before what?" Aria asked, her patience waning.
"Before I realized, today, maybe even right now, that I actually, 100 percent, f'ed up. That there is no chance I can be right for you because of what I did. I ruined your trust, I ruined any trust I had in myself."
"You didn't kiss me against my will, Ezra," Aria pointed out. "I kissed you back."
Ezra looked at her. She may not have noticed, but in her simple sentence she had provided him with a sliver of hope. His stomach jumped with this realization.
"Look. I have to go, Spencer's worried, and I am in this dress," Aria said, pulling at the fabric of the skirt. "But I don't think now is the time for you to up and leave again. Not with what happened tonight, not with, well with what we need to sort through in order for either of us to have some closure."
"Okay," Ezra said slowly, keeping his tone even. Ezra and Aria's eyes met, and Aria shared a small smile. Ezra tried to understand the look in her eyes. It was different, like nothing he had seen before, and the unfamiliarity of it shook him. She used to be easy to read.
Aria turned to leave, not saying anything. Ezra watched her go, and just before he was sure she was out of earshot, he spoke.
"See you soon," Ezra called. Aria didn't turn, she just kept walking, back to the house where the lights would feel too bright and the presence of so many would still make her feel alone.