CHAPTER 1 - Humdrum life style

As we were sitting at a table in the darkness of the cabin brightened by only the flame of a candle, I was looking at him still drinking that damn liquor. I was frustrated, all this was enough.

"Daryl, you have to understand that we can't stay here. The others, they may be still alive and even if they aren't, we can't spend the rest of our lives here, waiting for… what, death? No, we only have one life and we gotta live it until the end, now isn't the end so we've gotta keep going. Don't you want to know what happened to them? Don't you want to ever get to see them again? What if they're looking for you and we'd keep hiding in this forsakened cabin, how would they find us – well you?"

"They dead."

"Perhaps they're not. How could you know?"

"Saw it."

"You didn't see anything; you ran away."

"Clem, I know they dead."

"You know it? Are you fucking kidding me? If I made it alone outside, why couldn't they? Who are you to say such things anyway?"

"Guy that came back after he ran away." His piercing blue eyes looked deep into mine.

I sighed. "I've been looking for you guys, get it?"

"You left us."

"YOU left me! For so long, maybe a year? a year and a half? I've kept searching. I thought you were all dead but still I kept on going. And I found you. You gotta believe, Daryl, to make things happen."

"Ain't nothin's gonn' happen." He took the cigarette out of his mouth to take a swig of his drink and, again, his eyes were fixing that damn window behind me.

I eyed the bottle, pissed off. "So you're just gonna stay here, getting shitfaced drunk all day long?" He didn't answer which pissed me even more but I tried to stay calm. "Alright, it's cool. I'm packing my stuff tomorrow morning, sure as hell I'm not staying with someone that refuses to have a little faith." For a second, I thought what I had said had affected him somehow like, by miracle, he had had some sort of reaction to something I said. I think he flinched or something… what, because I spoked about faith? Right after the illusion, I stared at him to see if he'd react again but he didn't – of course –, didn't even make an eye contact with me. That's when I knew I had lost.

By the window at my right, I could hear the rain falling and I could see the full moon enlightening the dark sky. I was missing the fresh air of a rainy night, I was missing the fresh air; it smelled dead animal, booze and cigarette in here. I couldn't stay in this atmosphere one more minute.

I turned back my gaze on him. "Finally, I'll probably go tonight, yes." I stood up and took my backpack, making sure everything was in it. I shouldered it and stood up. "You're coming?" He didn't reply. I chuckled in disbelief "That's what I thought." I put on my dirty baseball cap and made my way to the door. I opened it and turned to him, pronouncing the words "I was happy to see you, Daryl" before stepping in the wilderness that is the world.

At first, I was still mad at him. That was sort of being selfish, refusing to look out for his friends. Then, I was getting cold, the raindrops falling on my hair were making their way down my back and under my shirt.

After, I got a bit scared. I had spent the last couple of days in a safe place – well safe… safer than the timber! – and, for the first time in so long, I had company. I thought about going back but I couldn't stand that damn cabin, especially its smell but also the man hidden inside it. Daryl had changed so much since the last time I saw him; he used to be very nice to me, he was probably my best friend. Now, he's all pissed off and he doesn't care about nothing else than smoking, drinking, pissing all over the place and being such a dumbass.

After a while, I climbed up a tree and spent the night in it, waking up every so often of something I couldn't even call sleep. Already back to that humdrum life style: barely sleeping, barely eating, kill, run, repeat.

It was still to early when I found myself walking on a small muddy path. The sun was still rising and the birds just started singing but I couldn't stay it that tree any longer. After a while, a train track crossed my path. Should I follow it? Why not… East or West? I decided to head East for no particular reasons.